A/N The intention was that this was a one shot. I should know by now that what I intend to write and what actually happens are two different things. Next update on this will probably not be before the first of June. Hope you enjoy it.

My life didn't turn out as planned. Freshman year of college my knee went out during a match. It happened quickly. One second I had the guy pinned on the mat and the ref was counting. One...two...and then SNAP! It was over, the match, my wrestling, my ride. Needless to say I lost the match. My old man probably would have handled it better had I hung on till the ref said, "three". Then I would have won. I would have gone out in style, winning the last championship bout of my first college year.

When the E.R doctor asked me what happened I could see the shame on my father's face. He didn't even stay in the room during the examination. Part of me was glad of that. I don't think I could have handled him telling me what a disgrace I was. None of my teammates joined me either. I could only assume they were just as upset as I was. Had I won I would have taken them to the number one. Instead they were just number two. What was it my old man used to say, "No point in being number two, Andy? Number two is shit." I certainly felt like that in the hospital that day, shit.

I found out as soon as school was out for the year that my financial aid had been cut. I wasn't getting much but it got me by, that and a side job. Once I blew my wrestling scholarship I wasn't sure how I was going to finish. My family sure as hell wasn't going to help. I didn't even bother asking. There are no free rides in the Clark family. My mom told me that I could start working in the family business and that my old man would take me on but was too proud to tell me. Me working in the family hardware store selling screws with my dad behind me the whole time telling me how I fucked up my life and missed my chance because I wasn't a winner. I couldn't do that. It would kill me to hear that every day so instead I did what many a college student does, I worked two jobs. I lived 20 hours a day and condensed sleeping down to four hours a night in order to get by.

Surprisingly, or maybe not, once the wrestling stopped and I stopped living for my father my grades went up. I changed my major from teaching and athletics to pre-law. It was always something that I was interested in but never would have done with my old man breathing down my neck. Every time I went home I could see the disappointment in his eyes. He wouldn't even talk to me except to grunt, "Pass the gravy". I missed having a father but that was something I was missing for a long time. The man who pushed me at wrestling was no more a father than John Bender's was.

Whoa! That is a name I haven't thought of in ages. So anyway I graduated pre-law suma cum laude my dad didn't attend the ceremony. My mom and brother Jeff were there to cheer me on. "Your father is really proud of you," mom said with tears in her eyes. "Yeah, then why isn't he here to tell me himself?" "You know how proud and arrogant your father can be." I didn't respond. I just asked her if she was going to take the time to come visit me when I started Northwest University School of Law in the fall. She told me she would try to make it and bring my dad.

I graduated top of my class at NWU too and not once did my parents come up to the north suburbs. And not once did my dad come to that graduation ceremony either. I passed the bar exam with flying colors. Andrew Clarke Attorney at Law. The night I passed the exam I was out with my buddies partying. When I got home there was a frantic call on my answering machine. It was my mom. My dad had a heart attack and was in critical condition. The doctors were going to do an emergency bypass but his chances were pretty slim. Actually if someone had asked me in college if I would be upset by the news I would have told them, "Let him die". Cruel? Maybe but I had lots of pent up anger and resentment towards him then, but now being older, when I heard the news I knew I couldn't let him go without saying good-bye. I couldn't let him go with out him knowing I still loved him despite all the shit he put me through, and I him, through the years.

Too late. What is it people say about telling people you care about them before it was too late? I'm not sure. Probably just to do it. Well I didn't and my dad will never know that I did care about him. I tried to be what he wanted me to be. Everything I did in high school I did for him. Do you guys know what I did to get in here? I taped Larry Lester's buns together. ... And the bizarre thing is I did it for my old man. I tortured this poor kid because I wanted him to think that I was cool.

There I was standing at his graveside. My mom next to me, my brother, his wife and their two kids, friends of the family, all of us standing there peering into this hole with a wooden box in it. Jeff as the oldest threw the first shovel of dirt on to it, not a tear falling from his eyes. Then again Jeff was the tough one of us Clark boys. My dad held me up to Jeff almost as often as he held me up to himself. "Your brother is a winner. You are winner too Andrew." "Your brother wouldn't let that injury get him down. He would be right there training, ignoring the pain for the sake of winning." Of course even now he was gone I was still the weak Clark boy. At his grave I couldn't shovel the dirt in without thinking about all the years we missed out on having a real father son relationship and crying over the loss. A few of his friends whispered. I know they were talking about me but I didn't care. Turning I handed the shovel to my mom and headed to my car.

I drove for a couple hours. Drove out towards Downers Grove, Naperville, and Aurora, stopped and had a cup of coffee. Never drank coffee until my sophomore year. My dad had this weird thing about me drinking caffeine. Was afraid it would throw off my game. Then I headed back home. Now wasn't the time to be thinking of myself. My mom needed me. Because of the kids Jeff and Elaine wouldn't be staying very long then she would be alone in the big empty house.

"Andy is that you?" She called as I came in the door.
"Yeah mom."
"Thank goodness you're home I was worried about you." As she hugged me I could smell the perfume she had always worn. It was a sweet comforting smell. "I forgot to pick up yams from the grocery store. Mrs. Miller brought a roasted turkey of all things and I thought yams would be nice to go with it but with all that has happened..." She drifted off.
"No problem I'll just go down to the store. Canned or fresh?"
"Canned are fine."

The store wasn't very crowded. A few people here and there. I glanced at my watch, four o'clock. Still pretty early it just felt later with the funeral and the overcast day. A couple high school kids wearing Shermer letterman jackets ran to the snack food aisle. A wave of nostalgia washed over me. It wasn't that long ago but it felt like an eternity since I was one of them. As I turned into the canned food aisle and tried to locate the yams I heard, "Do you still wear tights?"

A smile formed on my lips. I recognized that voice even after all the years. Without turning around I answered,"No, I haven't worn the required uniform for about six years now." Grabbing a can off the shelf I stood and turned to see John Bender. He pulled me into an embrace and slapped me on the back. "I thought that was you. Then I heard those sports in the snack food aisle talking and was sure."

"They recognized me?" I asked surprised. I didn't think anyone would remember me, one jock from eight years earlier championship or not. Why would they?

"Guess so."

"What are you up to man?"

"Managing this fabulous gourmet shop," he said with a hint of sarcasm. "And you?"

"Buying yams." We laughed. Then in all seriousness, "I'm only here visiting. My dad's funeral was today."

"Sorry to hear that." He did sound truly sorry too. The John Bender from school would have made some snide remark. "My old man kicked the bucket a few years back."
I wasn't sure if I should offer condolences to him as well knowing what his dad was like.
I didn't have to he changed the subject. "So how long will you be in town."

"Just this weekend. I have a couple interviews in the city this week."

"What kind of job are you looking for?"

"I'm a lawyer. I passed the bar exam just this past Monday."

"A lawyer. I'm impressed. Would have thought you would be a coach." Then he looked around and said, "Want to come into my office. It's not much but we can sit and catch up a bit."

"Actually I can't I need to get these home," I said showing him the can. "My mom is waiting and she isn't doing very well after today. How did your mom take your dad's passing?"

"Not bad. I think she felt relieved. Too bad that she went right out and got herself a new one just as bad as the old."

"Sorry."

"Don't be I'm not. I figured if she wanted to blow it then all the more power to her."

"Well I need to go."

"Hey Andy man, don't be a stranger."

"I won't". Although we both said that I had little doubt it would be different than it was that Monday. We would say we would be friends, get together, and then no one would speak to the others. As far as I knew the only ones who talked to each other after that day were Brian and Allison. They had nothing to lose. I wonder what happened to them and Claire too.