The key to my survival

Was never in much doubt

The question was how I could keep sane

Trying to find a way out

Things were never easy for me

Peace of mind was hard to find

And I needed a place where I could hide

Somewhere I could call mine

He sat me down to talk to me

He looked me straight in the eyes

He said:

You're no son, no son of mine

You're no son, no son of mine

You walked out, you left us behind

And you're no son, no son of mine

Genesis

Note by the author:

This is another story about Haruka and Michiru. It was a sunny day, the birds were singing and I suddenly asked myself: What would happen if Uranus would have never awake at all. Well, here comes my answer.

Disclaimer: Haruka, Michiru and the rest of the Sailor Team belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. The story is mine.

The lines above are from the song No son of mine from Genesis. Hell, I love this song so much (and for over 7 years now, unbelievable!). It's the saddest song Genesis ever wrote and for the most of the fans it's the most favourite song (as I got to know during a concert in 1998, this song was the first they sung and the audience couldn't stop to yell, to sing and to applaud).

The song Love Town mentioned in chapter 3 is owned by Peter Gabriel. While writing the story I listened to the soundtrack of Philadelphia and suddenly the lines I listened to fitted perfectly.

If you want to tell me what you thought about the story, write to aprileaglefreenet.de . I'll answer, I promise.

No child of mine

( By April Eagle )

Prologue: Sleep tight

"DEEP SUBMERGE!"

The small planet evolved in her hands and she threw it with all her powers. But at the same moment she knew that she was too weak to defeat the youma. It jumped aside and laughed rudely as the planet missed it's deformed body and crashed into the huge wall of the building that used to be Mugen Gakkuen, the best and most expensive school of Tokyo. Her former home.

"Shit!" she swore and gasped hard for breathe. She was exhausted, tired and very sad.

I am not able to defeat him. Not alone. Not without the other one...

Tears shimmered in her blue eyes while she stumbled towards the youma. Her uniform was torn and her legs hurt. Wounds and scratches covered her now dirty skin and her long sea green hairs were messed.

"I will reign over this planet. Over the whole universe!" screamed a tall woman with long black hairs. Her dark eyes shone victorious while she pointed at a girl in another uniform laying down on the dirty ground.

"And you won't hinder me, Sailor Moon!" screamed the woman who used to be Tomoe Hotaru, daughter of Mugen Gakkuen's founder. His body laid somewhere in the building, too, but there was no time to search for him. To look if he was okay or if he was another victim of Mistress 9.

"Neptune!"

She swirled around and looked into another pale face. The sceptre of time seemed to be too heavy and Sailor Pluto reeled as she stumbled towards the other outer senshi.

"We need her. Now! Otherwise the Holy Grail will never appear and Sailor Moon won't be able to save the world!" She grabbed Neptune's arms and shook her hard. "We have to end our mission, Neptune! Now!" Suddenly tears were running down her cheeks and Neptune looked shocked at a crying Pluto. She had never seen her crying. Not during the whole mission. Not when they discovered that they owned the talismans. Not even when Mistress 9 hurt Chibiusa and the little girl fell into a deep coma she would probably never awake out again.

"I searched for her, Sets." Declared Neptune with a shaky voice and didn't think of their secret identity anymore. Why should she hide herself behind a uniform when the whole world was going to end? When they all were going to die?

"I searched for my partner for over three years now. But she's not here. She's not in Japan and I am sure that she's not on this Earth. It's hard to believe, Sets, but the third one wasn't reborn and with her the third talisman is lost." Neptune swallowed hard and looked down at the mirror in her trembling hands. "I searched for her the whole year I was on tour through the whole world but there was no sign of her..." she started quietly to sob and shook her head. Tears were running down her pale face leaving white traces in the dirt. "I simply couldn't find my soul mate. As if she was never be born. As if she's already dead..."

"I'll be the ruler of this world!" Mistress 9 laughed madly and Sailor Moon tried hard to get on her feet again. But she couldn't. She was simply too weak to.

The woman lowered her head and aimed at the future Queen of Crystal Tokyo.

"You'll never cross my way again, Sailor Moon. This is your end!" Mistress 9 laughed again and lights were flying from her hands.

"NO!" Neptune raised her mirror and jumped between the enemy and the future Queen. Pain flashed through her body and she was thrown through the whole room. She crashed against the wall and couldn't move as she hit the ground.

No...

Tears were still running down her cheeks and the pain seemed to fill her whole world. She opened her eyes and her look was blurred. She could see the shadow of Mistress 9 stepping over to Sailor Moon. To kill her. To destroy this planet. To delete the lives of millions of people.

No...

Neptune wanted to get on her feet again, but her body didn't obey. Her right arm hurt so much and she was suddenly sure that it was broken.

Please, where ever you are, awake! We need you here!

Neptune sobbed and gasped hard for breathe. The whole world spun around her and darkness waited at the rim of her eyes. But she fought against it. She didn't want to give in her dizzy feelings. Nor did she want to faint before the whole battle was over. Before they really lost the war.

I need you...

Mistress 9 raised her arms again but there was suddenly another light that filled the dark room. It was golden and the enemy forgot suddenly that she wanted to attack the injured Sailor Moon. She turned around and stared at the person floating inside the golden light. She wore a similar uniform as all senshi. A blade blinked as she raised her sword and pointed over to the demon.

You won't hurt them anymore. She declared and another planet, a golden one, formed in her free hand. Earth shaking!

It hit Mistress 9 who stumbled some steps back and looked suddenly very exhausted. She hadn't expected another senshi with so many powers left.

"The third talisman!"

Pluto stepped next to the golden light and took it from the appearance. Then she stretched her arms towards the laying senshi of the wide ocean and the mirror floated into her arms.

"At last we're able to full fill our mission." She declared and stepped over to Sailor Moon who was on her knees and gasped hard for breathe. Her blonde hairs fell over her shoulders and her face showed that she was in pain, too. In more pain than she could bare.

"Are.. are you Sailor Uranus?" whispered Neptune and opened her eyes again.

I am so tired.

A thin smile appeared on the other one's face but Neptune couldn't see any details. She saw a tall woman in a senshi uniform with short hairs. What colours did they have? Blonde? Red? Blue? She couldn't define. There was a golden light around her but Neptune was too exhausted to hold her eyes open. So she closed them, feeling how the other one kneeled next to her, taking her into her strong arms.

But at the same time I am so happy.

Everything will be fine. She heard a soft voice in her head. In her mind. There was no voice coming from the other senshi but she simply knew the words Sailor Uranus wanted to tell her. Now Sailor Moon will be able to rescue the world.

"I missed you so much, Uranus." Whispered Neptune and more tears ran down her cheeks. Soft hands wiped them carefully away.

Gomen, Neptune, but there was no way... The senshi of the wide ocean felt suddenly soft lips on her own. It was a short kiss, but it was the most tender touch the smaller woman had ever experienced. She didn't want it to be over but it was gone before she could reply it.

I don't know if I'll see you again.

"No, please, don't say such words. I need you, Uranus. You're my soul mate. You can't leave... can't leave me... now. I... I love you..."

There was no reply. Only a soft huge then the other one let her go. Neptune sobbed but was too tired to open her eyes again. She stretched her arm and her hand touched for a last moment Uranus's one.

"I'll wait for you..." she whispered before her voice broke. "As... as long as... I live..."

There were screams in the background and the underground started to tremble. The whole world seemed to shake and Neptune knew that the Holy Grail appeared, at last. And that Sailor Moon used it to rescue the Earth, the people living in it and - surely - Tomoe Hotaru, too.

Gomen nasai... answered the taller senshi in a low, sad voice. Then she was gone. Neptune simply knew it. She felt the hole left in her soul.

Please, stay! How shall I live without you?

But there was no answer.

Please, I don't want to live alone!

Neptune took a deep breathe and let the darkness fell over her body. Over her mind. Over her soul. She could hear the final shouting of Sailor Moon. Then there was a child's scream of birth.

Then there was silence.

She felt the pain flashing through her body. Her head was going to explode and her arms felt as if they were ripped open. Although she wanted to open her eyes, she let them closed pretending as if she was still asleep. Still unconscious.

Why didn't they let me go?

She took a deep breathe and winced as the pain filled her lungs as well.

Why shall I stay in this dirt? In this hell? In this nightmare?

Slowly she moved her head and swallowed hard as she felt the hoses connected to her neck. Connected to her arms. She wanted to move them, too, but she couldn't. Slowly she clenched her fists and recognized that she was bond to the bed she was laying in.

I don't want it anymore...

Tears burned behind her lashes but she wasn't willingly to let them fall. Somewhere there were strange noises, high beeps and she heard a low groan. It took her some seconds before she realized that it was her own voice. It sounded strange in her ears.

The door was pushed open and several persons stepped loudly into the room. But she didn't open her eyes. She didn't want to see him anymore. The world she was still living in. The nightmare that would haunt her down if she didn't get another chance to escape.

"She's your daughter, isn't she, Mister Miller?" asked someone, surely the doctor. She could feel how someone touched her right arm and moved it slightly. The pain was almost more than she could bare but she didn't react.

"It was right in time. She will be okay in about two weeks and then..."

Then I'll be sent back into that institution...

She didn't listen to the conversation any longer. She heard too many of them. She knew that she couldn't change his opinions. She knew she couldn't change her own mind. And she knew too well that she couldn't change time. The past was over and there was no way of healing old wounds...

"She used to be." Answered another voice. A voice she used to love. When she was a small child. When her father still hold her tight. When he supported her with all his forces. When he loved his wife's child.

"Now she's no child of mine anymore!" His voice was so cold she had hardly heard it before. Not even during all those nights he came home. Reeling, shouting. Beating. She heard footsteps going fast towards the exit. A door was closed loudly and the doctor sighed.

"I wish I could do more for you." He whispered and she felt how someone ran a soft hand through her messed hairs. "But I am only a doctor, I can't fulfil miracles." The calming touch stopped and she swallowed hard. Suddenly she felt very alone. So alone she had never been in her whole life before. "Sleep tight, girl. Tomorrow everything will be different. I hope..."

The door was closed for the second time, now a little bit quieter.

"Sure..." she answered but knew that no one could hear her. That there was no one around who still cared about her. That she was really alone. And lost...

She pressed her eyelids hard together and a memory crept into her mind. The memory of a beautiful woman laying on a dirty ground. She had been hurt - because of her. Because she couldn't escape her personal hell. Because she wasn't simply able to help her.

She felt again those soft lips on her own, heard the whisper in her ears: I love you.

Is it real? Is there still someone out there who likes me? Who needs me? Who doesn't turn away from me?

She didn't know. And as the medicine started to do it's job again the memory vanished out of her mind. As if it had never been there.

The young woman in the bed fell asleep again. She didn't open her eyes to see her bandaged arms. To see the hospital room she was laying in. To see the cruel world around her.

So she didn't see the figure standing in the corner. A golden light surrounded her. She was wearing a strange uniform and a sword shimmered light in her strong hands. Tears shone in dark green eyes but she knew that she couldn't help. Not yet. Maybe never.

The appearance stepped closer to the bed and watched the sleeping woman with a sad expression on her face. Then she laid down next to her on the bed and embraced her carefully. With a deep sigh she disappeared into nothing.

Gomen nasai...

She walked through the long white corridors with determined steps. Her long green hairs were swirling around the long robe she was wearing. The ends of her long night shirt could be seen as she walked upstairs. It was late in the night and she looked a little bit sleepy. The car keys jiggled in her ice cold hands. But there were no other visitors. All the patients slept deep and tight in their rooms and the corridors were almost empty.

"It's been a stroke."

"It was so suddenly."

"We couldn't do anything for him."

"It was over before we could help."

"Gomen nasai, Meio-san."

She heard the voices of the doctors in her head again.

"You're the only one we could call."

"He had no other friends nor other relatives."

"The little girl's an orphan now."

"Gomen nasai, Meio-san."

She heard the voices of the nurses in her head again.

"Sleep tight my baby..."

Setsuna stopped at the door and looked at the young woman sitting on a chair. There was a cradle beside her but it was empty. As the senshi of time stepped closer she could see the sleeping girl in her friend's arms. Rocking her gently. Singing a tender lullaby. The voice was very shaky and as the younger woman raised her head Setsuna could see the tears running down a very pale face.

"Michiru?"

"She's my daughter now." Declared the smaller woman with a quiet sob in her voice and squeezed the sleeping girl a little bit harder. The baby made a disturbed face but didn't awake. It was too nice in her new mother's arms. She felt too safe and too secure to leave the nice dream land.

"I know." Setsuna swallowed hard as she looked into determined blue eyes. Sad eyes. Frightened eyes.

I will raise her and give her all my love.

Michiru looked into her daughter's face again and gave her a careful kiss on the cheek.

"I know." Repeated the senshi of wind and swallowed hard.

They both knew how hard it would get. Especially for Michiru. The other one wasn't awoke yet and even Sailor Moon doubted that she would ever awake at all. They defeated Mistress 9, the danger was over now. There was no need for the last senshi to be reborn.

Guess in this life there won't be a Sailor Uranus.

Setsuna stepped behind Michiru and carefully touched her shaking shoulders with her hands. To hold her. To comfort her. To show her that she still had friend who would help her.

But we can't replace her soul mate.