Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, this story contains spoilers, blah blah blah. Hardcore Star Wars fans, do not be offended; I just wanted to have a little fun. Enjoy!
Not so long ago in a movie theater near you…
(Cue music- "Star Wars Main Theme")
Things never seem to get any better, do they? In a strategy so obvious that only our bumbling friends on the Jedi Council couldn't see it coming, "Chancellor" Palpatine continues to grab more and more power for himself. One might think he wanted to become Emperor or something…
Desperate to save their own skins, the Jedi look to their "Chosen One," talented-but-cocky Anakin Skywalker (who has never been more gorgeous), to spy on Palpatine and rescue them from certain doom. We now join your regularly scheduled program, already in progress…
Anakin took a deep breath as he entered Chancellor Palpatine's private box in the Coruscant Galaxy Cinema, where a Technicolor laser light show was currently being staged.
"What's goin' on?" he asked the Chancellor, taking a seat.
"Nothin' much," said Palpatine. "What's up with you?"
The pressure was too much for Anakin. "Fine, I'll tell you!" he conceded. "Padmé and I got secretly married, and now she's knocked up."
Palpatine nodded sagely. "Sweet."
There was a pause as they both turned their attention to the show.
"These lights sure are pretty," Anakin remarked.
"Yeah," the Chancellor agreed.
They continued their conversation later in Palpatine's private chambers.
"Sometimes I have scary dreams that wake me up in the middle of the night," Anakin confessed. "How do I make it stop?"
"I am the Sith Lord!" Palpatine replied.
Realization slowly dawned on Anakin. "Wait a minute," he said, "you're the Sith Lord!"
"Really, Anakin," Palpatine scoffed. "You're not the brightest lightsaber in the drawer, are you?"
"So you're not the Sith Lord?" wondered Anakin, now utterly confused. Palpatine cackled evilly, which was proof enough for Anakin of Palpatine's Sith-ness. He drew his lightsaber.
"Are you going to kill me?" asked Palpatine.
Anakin thought for a moment. "Yes." In the blink of an eye, he brought down his lightsaber and sliced the Sith Lord neatly in two.
As he saw the neon blue lightsaber arcing towards him, Palpatine spoke his last words: "Oh, crap."
So, you may have noticed that the plot is slightly alternate universe-ish and the dialogue is not exactly Star Wars quality, both of which were intentional. I went to see Revenge of the Sith and noticed that all of the actors could have been replaced with cardboard stand-ups and produced basically the same result, which made me wonder what it would have been like if they had acted like actual people. And then, well, this story happened. Future chapters will be longer; this was really just a teaser. Please review! -Luna