Sire and Childe: A love story

'Geez, Buffy', Xander said around a mouthful of potato chips, 'did you have to beat on the bleached menace so hard? He looks like he's going to drop dead any second. Well, drop deader anyway.'

'Of course I had to beat him up!' Buffy indignantly exclaimed. 'I caught him hugging astick that he'd soaked in vanilla essence. He was declaring undying love to it while calling it my name! I mean, ewwwww!'

Angel burst through the door, having sensed that his Childe was in danger. The Sire and Childe bond was a strong one and it meant that Angel would always be there. Except when he wasn't.

He clutched his swaying Childe to his manly chest as Spike threatened to collapse. 'What's the matter, Spike? Do you need to drink some of my blood in order to heal?'

'No…Am…English.' Spike weakly gasped, 'Need…Tea.' He paused to drag in one more gasp of unneeded breath, 'Cor Blimey, pit pony down the mine!' And with that he collapsed into a puddle of black coat and bleached hair.

Angel clenched his hands into his gel-encrusted hair as he gazed down in anguish. 'Noooo! My Childe! My one true Precious Childe that I have loved above all others!' A solitary blood tear trickled down his cheek.

Angel whipped around at the sound of Buffy pointedly clearing her throat. 'How could you, Buffy. How could you treat my beloved Childe so?'

Buffy stamped her little vanilla foot on the floor and pouted her pouty, lip-gloss, lips. Blonde hair whipped about dramatically and Xander quickly backed away clutching his eye in pain. 'Oh, Angel, I'm bored of talking about Spike; he's just a dumb, stupid patooty vampire. Lets make out over his unconscious body and then I'll stake him!'

Angel was furious at this and let Angelus out to play. One day Angel hoped to own a multi-corporation business where he could afford the best therapy that money could buy in order to sort out his severe multiple-personality disorder. One day. But right now, Angelus was outraged at the treatment of his Childe, and busy trying to tug his hands out of his gel drenched hair. He finally managed to wrench a hand free which flung out, catching Buffy on the side of the face and sending her crashing to the floor.

Buffy lay dazed and blinking on the ground, because she was a girl and weak.

Angel(us) towered over her shaking form, 'Never come'th betwixt me and my Precious Childe again or there shalt be vengeance true!' The small part of his sanity that was left mentally added more on the therapy bill.

The dark glowering mass of angry vampire strode over and picked Spike up into his arms. The blond weakly opened his blue, blue eyes. 'Angel…sire. I've always loved you, you poofy, uptight, Irish potato shagger, you.'

Rivers of blood gushed from Angel's eyes in sheer happiness. 'Oh baby, I too have always loved you. I know! Lets get married!'

So Angel and Spike pranced out of the room past a sobbing Buffy and went to San Francisco where they got married and adopted poodles and lived happily ever after for eternity.