AN- the quote "I know why the caged bird sings" is not my own, nor have I ever read the story the title belongs to, so I have no idea what the original meaning to it actually is. Well, this is my 'short' take on it anyway…
Mute
Must Come a New Beginning
MereImage
I know why the caged bird sings…
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…Such silence is more deafening than the loudest song.
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Even when the song must die,
I can hear its sweet melody.
just as every bird must learn to fly,
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He turned his gaze from me to glance outside the window. I couldn't hear his sigh, but I knew he made one. Many things happen that can not be heard.
"..."
"……………"
I looked up from the pages of my book to look at the green elf situated in the corner. His body was hunched, as if his spirits could not pull him high enough, but I knew better than that. I looked at his mouth and found him in a simple smile. After a while, he turned his gaze to me. There was something in my stomach at that point that bubbled to the surface, almost as if a pot had been boiled for too long, but I shoved it back down as quickly as it had come. I calmed my breathing, sat up straighter.
"Nice day outside." He gave a happy sigh, something shimmering in his eyes I hadn't seen before, "Hehehe, Terra said she'd come back with pizza after they finished with Overload downtown.
"Great, now she's getting takeout. What can't she do?" Beast boy cleared his throat in the distance, almost as if he was irritated, "What?" why was he looking at me so strangely?
"Do you hate Terra, Raven?" My eyes narrowed. Something in his voice told me he wasn't joking anymore, that this was serious. I did what I needed to, I supplied a feedback whether he believed it or not.
"Of course not." I flipped a page from my seated position on the couch. He didn't take that as a good enough answer though, "You misunderstand me Beast Boy, stop acting so immature."
"I'm immature? What about you!" ok…this really wasn't heading in the direction I wanted it to.
"Let's just drop this. I wasn't trying to offend her."
"No! I'm not backing down this time!" it was the first time in all my experiences with this team that I had seen Beast boy look frightening. From the way his teeth bared, to the claws that extended from his fingertips, I could tell everything that had been building up was at the point of overflowing, "Why don't you trust her? What more does she have to do to prove herself to you?" Beast boy wasn't looking at me now, "I was talking to her last night about lots of stuff. I asked her what it was like before all this, before ever meeting us, before-"
"-she didn't have control."
"Exactly! She DIDN"T have control! But now she does. Maybe you might not believe in second chances Raven, but all she needed was a little support in her life. She's changed."
I stood up.
"This is not the time to get defensive Beast Boy. I don't hate her." I held up a finger when he tried to interrupt, "Trust me as a teammate and a friend Beast Boy, I'm trying my best to welcome her with open arms, but things like this take time."
"What are you saying Raven?"
"I know the rest of the team has already accepted her back, I know you've forgiven her, but she broke something inside me when she betrayed us, something that can only be mended with time." I sloughed just a bit.
"So don't try and pin this on me when I have every right to keep my distance. That was the mistake we made the first time. We accepted her too fast, her structure couldn't hold on to everything when it was coming in so fast. She had a responsibility, and it was too much for her. It may not seem like it Beast Boy, but I'm doing this as much for me and this city as for her."
Before I knew it, a hand was on my shoulder. It felt softer than before, and I could tell he had been taken by my words.
"She broke me too Raven; don't think you're the only one hurt. Robin's always saying the 'bigger you are, the harder you fall'." He let a small chuckle slide through, "Yeah, true, But this is so much bigger than that! My love for her was stronger than everyone," his smile was beginning to fade. "So strong, that it felt like my soul was being torn apart when she told me she had joined Slade. She destroyed herself, and in the process, it destroyed me too."
I exhaled deeply.
"But it was worth it. The pain, the suffering, everything. Because I was able to go the distance with her."
"I don't………………think you understand what I'm saying Beast Boy."
He nodded.
"I don't think you do either."
It took a long time for him to understand what I truly meant.
It took me even longer to understand his.
But through it all, a small canary sang outside the window, its song shielded from the ruthless world it had been given birth into.
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There was something….warm in my palm. I clutched tighter onto it, not wanting the warmth to flee when I felt so cold…
I opened my eyes.
The room hadn't changed much from the last time I had been there. Only, this time, I wasn't on the sidelines anymore.
I was in the medical room, monitors and blinkers chiming off around me as the world moved at its own pace. I tried to rack my brain for memories as to why I was here and it took a couple minutes of silence to truly comprehend.
Then, I felt it. The presence waiting to be known.
It was the white haired girl.
"Hello Raven." She held out a hand and I couldn't help but flinch away. It didn't seem threatening in the least, but her presence was beginning to wear away on my conscience. I couldn't help but asking her the question I had been forever wondering.
She gave a sad smile, almost shirking under her baggy clothes.
"I understand. The troubles you must go through with your father everyday. Everyone knows evil in the many forms it possesses. I too was born from a father such as yourself, but it has changed me overtime and showed me how we are our own persons not to be tied down with something we can not control." She paused for a bit before adding, "I know it was your father who killed Terra."
Something caught in the pit of my throat.
"But don't misunderstand me. Terra was killed by but evil itself, the side she could not control. Terra had been loosing at life, and therefore could not see the death that your father thrived upon."
"…….." I refused to meet her eyes.
"I know you believe you will be destined only to bring misery to this world. Your fate may be set in stone, but your destiny is the chisel which can break away the pieces."
She was already walking away.
"The future is your choice; it's time to get back on the playing board." She paused, back turned. "………-"
She never got to finish her sentence, with a small wink, she was gone.
Words are overrated.
Yet, as the thoughts crossed my mind, something stirred beside me.
I jumped in my seat, caught by surprise when a green elf rested at my bedside, hand clasped in mine, drool oozing from the corner of his mouth. I blinked, stunned, and then slowly began to stroke the hair softly on his head.
My fingers filtered through each time, and each time, it felt better than the first. And as the time past, I couldn't help but notice everything I had failed to notice before.
The smoke from the candle made me cough; my back snapped painfully ever time I tried to move and the bird outside my window wouldn't shut up.
But then again…
The light from the candle lit my hope, the pain gave a reminder that I would be able to move again and the bird outside my window gave proof this world was still capable of song.
I squeezed the green hand, and it squeezed back.
As lame as it may seem, Beast boy's eyes were a sight for sore eyes.
"Raven." It was only one word, but it dug so much deeper than any thousand.
"Beast Boy." It had been the first time in months he had heard my voice, but he didn't seem shocked when I said it. Instead there was more of an It's-about-time type of smirk. And I loved every inch of it.
"How ya feeling Rae?"
"I've seen better."
"You can say that again." he shifted in his chair, as if uncomfortable, "Look, Raven, about everything-"
"I have powers again Beast Boy."
"………………" I hated it when he stared off into space.
"The fight with my father, Terra gave me her powers." I stuttered, which was very unlike me, "She became part of me, her spirit, I could feel it. A trade for a trade."
He nodded in understanding.
"Do you think…she's happy Raven?"
"Truthfully Beast Boy, I don't think she was meant for this Earth. She was meant to do something much more."
"I don't understand why it had to be her though, why couldn't it have been me? Why couldn't she have stayed with us?"
Self-consciously, we clung tighter to each other.
"I don't know. I don't think we're meant to know such things. Terra…she helped me find myself."
Beast boy eyed every corner of my face, a relaxed expression to his whole body. He climbed closer to me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders from the behind.
"I'm glad you found your voice Rae." I nodded, "We would have waited forever if we had to."
"It just took me a while to find it."
We gazed out together, at the bay, towards the city, and at everything I had ever come to know.
I know my father is not gone, I know he lives inside me. Even without my original powers, he lies beneath, hidden beneath the stones that hold the strongest ties of my life together. He is as much part of my, as anything else. But the difference is I know how to control it.
It goes the same with Terra. She's part of us all. I consider her my sister, even due to all past histories, to no such blood relations.
But isn't that what a family is? A group of people that love each other?
I understand now what Beast Boy had been trying to tell me that long time ago.
It was all worth it, in the end, for now I have more than one voice guiding me.
I fingered the butterfly burette in my hair, wondering, remembering as I touched the token to the life of a girl who had already grown new wings and flown away. An angel that lent me her wings last night. She caught my words between a breathless kiss. She gave me a voice when I was silent, she gave me movement while I was still, and she gave me hope when despair thrived on. My angel could not be seen. In no terms have I been rendered from my turmoil, from my silence, for silence can be an endowment when placed in the correct state. The same goes for any emotion, any feeling.
And through our tears when I saw my friends, and with the coming months to pass, my silence became no more…
Only my goodbyes were left unvoiced.
….Because now,
I know why the caged bird sings.
Finish.
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