Hope
By samisweet
Chapter One
Even as a child, I had been considered a beauty. With my dark, mysterious blue eyes that shined with innocence and optimism, to my golden hair that soaked up the sun's rays, to my tanned, flawless skin, I was quite a sight to behold. As a young girl, no one had quite respected me, believing me to be the ditzy, klutzy girl everyone said I was. But I was smart and I knew how to get what I wanted and when I wanted it. Of course, with every story, comes a tragedy.
My tragedy was loss. I had had material gains throughout my life, believe me, but I wanted someone that would love me. As a girl of three, my mother had died in the hands of the Dark Lord and left me in the hands of my strict, shadowed father. He was barely there for me, leaving me in the care of cold and sometimes malicious servants that hated me for who I was. I lived my childhood years alone in my father's large mansion, spending just about all of my time studying and learning the wonders of the world.
I have always had the best in life in the physical sense. The best and latest toys found themselves into my room, but I had a blatant disregard for them. I thirsted for knowledge instead. The most fashionable clothes were a part of my entourage and were always of expensive materials. Everything I owned was expensive. And yet, even with so much, I had so little. I yearned for the emotional feelings in life. I wanted to feel the love that I had read so much about in fairytale stories and novels. I wanted to know what it felt to love and be loved. I wouldn't know anything about the feeling till later. Only Luna gave me the feeling, but only in small doses.
My father was a very influential person in the wizarding world. Since I was the only heir to his powers as well as his fortune, he taught me everything I needed to get what I want, through spiteful teachers and strict instructors. Deception, betrayal, and jealousy found themselves on my mind. By the age of five, I was able to slink my way from problems, scolding, and punishments with the grace of a well-formed woman. By the time I was thirteen, I had learned the art of seduction and how to get a man to obey me. I never used my darker skills unless I truly needed to.
I spoke three different languages fluently at five and was going to learn eight more by the time I was ten. Muggle math proved to be my strong point and I was already on the American 6th grade level at five. It would give me wit and logic, proving me to be far smarter than my peers. My vocabulary was quite extensive and I learned the history of Japan, where I lived, and England, where I would attend school. I learned both the muggle and magical history of the two countries by the time I was nine. I was perceptive of human emotions, and though I led a rather hard life, my kindness was one of my stronger traits. Unlike my cruel father, my eyes were a window to my soul, although I never revealed what they truly held. My story starts in the winter of my sixth year into the harsh world. It was a year I'll never forget.
0o0o0o0o0
"Usagi, pack your bags," my father's voice was icy cold and his lifeless blue eyes glared down on me. I merely nodded once and trotted off to my room, my short legs carrying me at a rather slow pace. I never questioned my father when he ordered to do something. I had done it once and it was lesson enough, ending in a Forbidden Curse and a bruised body. A servant with beady black eyes showed up to help me. He used quick magic to put all of my necessary belongings in a suitcase, along with expensive robes and dresses. I was surprised by the amount of clothing that was put in there, but I didn't question it. This was the first time that my father was taking me somewhere. I had been excited and wanted to please him.
"I have packed, father," I bowed my head in deep respect as my maid, Luna, had taught me. She was one of the kinder servants in the mansion and treated me with tenderness that I was never shown anywhere else in my childhood. Her silvery black hair was pulled back into a bun most of the time and her startlingly crimson eyes held warmth and affection. She was rather on the portly side and was the only maternal figure I have had in my entire life.
"Good," my father replied unemotionally. His dark brown hair was slicked back, not a single hair astray. His face was chiseled and handsome as I remember it but was always marred with a frown or a scowl. His smiles were very, very rare and tight, as if they were painful. When he smiled, though, it was never a smile of kindness or mirth. It was one of a predator or a smirk that showed that he was higher than everyone else. In this way, I was fearful of him.
"Father, if I may be so bold to ask, where are we to go?" my voice was soft and I tensed, expecting a blow for talking out of line. My father merely gave me a ghost of a knowing smile, chilling me down to my bones.
"You shall meet a friend of mine and stay with him for half a year, learning darker knowledge. Then you shall come back and continue with your studies. While you are there, you are to be obedient, observant, and quiet. One toe out of line and my friend shall punish you as he sees fit. Ah, and for talking when you were not asked a question, you will get a punishment," My father raised his wand, turning to look at my fear-filled eyes. I closed them, knowing that deep pain was about to come my way. Bracing myself, I tensed, and then it hit me. "Crucio." The simple whisper sent heaves of pain throughout my body, ripping it to shreds, killing me. My haunting shrieks had rung through the mansion, filling every crack with my intense pain. A few seconds later, the curse was broken, and I wiped my tears away quickly. My father hated the weakness shown when one was crying.
"Remember," my father said sternly. I could barely hear him and stubbornly tried to stop my trembling. Holding my head up high, I nodded, refusing to meet his scorning gaze. "Follow me, Usagi." I obediently followed, my suitcase floating behind me. Father led me to his library, chilly and dark because of the lack of a fire. Pointing his wand at the fireplace, he sparked an ember flame, throwing a small pinch of powder into it. Dancing green flames licked the ceiling of the fireplace. "Step into the fire and say Malfoy Mansion as clearly as possible."
I obeyed immediately, bracing myself for fear of burning. Surprisingly, a tickling sensation surrounded me, and I clearly spoke the two words I was ordered to. I was pulled by a force in the very pit of my stomach and found myself falling forward. Suddenly, as the pulling had begun, it had stopped, and I tumbled out. My silver embroidered black robes twisted around my body as I landed ungracefully. I quickly righted myself and brushed dust and dirt off of my robes, straightening my customary golden buns. I smoothed the front of my clothes and waited patiently for my father to arrive. He did, merely seconds later. It was then that I noticed the man standing in front of me.
He was a blond, his hair paler than mine but still golden. His eyes were icy and blue, but not as cold as father's, and held warmth, to some extent. He was taller than father and his chiseled face made him a handsome man. He was well-built; his muscularity showing through his expensive blue silk robe. He glanced at me before turning to my father.
"Ah yes, Tsukino. Wonderful to see you again," the man's voice was deep and reverberated through his chest.
"Malfoy, long time, no?" her father replied, a cold smile on his face. 'Malfoy' merely gave a vague smile back. Father motioned towards me, rather stiffly. "This is my daughter, Usagi. She is expected to listen to your every command. I permit you to punish her as you see fit. Beating her and using the Cruciatus Curse does well. If she disobeys you incessantly, you may call me and I will personally deal with her. Do not give in to her excessively and work her hard. She must learn to be obedient. It is for our greater good."
"I do know how to raise a child," 'Malfoy' laughed, but to me, it did not sound true. "I have one of my own."
"Do not shower her with love and presents, as you do with your own. She deserves nothing for what she has done," Father looked at me with his unnerving glare. It was then that I realized he held me accountable for my mother's death, my rather perceptive mind picking up his hatred for me. I was confused with this awareness, as I didn't even remember my mother. There were no pictures of her in our household and no one dared to speak of her. Going through all the novels that I had read, I remembered the way they described a parent's love for their child. I had never experienced something of the sort before, excluding Luna, but I knew I would get none of it from my father then. It was then that I learned to trust no one and to love no one. What little love I had for my cold, foreign father disappeared entirely at that moment. I depended on no one, something my father was trying to teach me.
"I understand," Malfoy replied coolly, his gaze never leaving my face which was now twisted in a mirror of sorrow and realization. I quickly put up my mask, the one that left me emotionless, and I looked back at him with an air of cockiness and blank eyes. He merely held my blue orbs and nodded once at my father, who set down my suitcase, bid me a detached farewell, and popped into thin air. His eyes then returned to me. "I am your new mentor, Lucius Malfoy. You heard what your father said. Follow me, girl." I gave a sweeping curtsey and followed, my suitcase trailing behind me once again. He led me through a mansion that wasn't as big as mine, but was more welcoming. Cheery torches lit everything up in a golden glow. House-elves scurried along the hallways, pausing to bow at their master. There were actually people here that talked to each other in normal voices, not hatred and contempt. It felt… nice to be here.
Along the way, Malfoy met with a tall woman. She was model-thin and beautiful, with her downy pretty blonde hair and big blue eyes. The only thing was her rather upturned nose that scrunched once she saw me.
"Lucius, who is this?" her voice was tinkling and soft. She glanced at me before looking into the man's eyes.
"Narcissa, this is Usagi. I'm her new mentor," Malfoy said mentor in such a way that I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with this picture. Narcissa, whom I assumed to be Lucius' wife, smiled down upon me in such a kind manner that my heart nearly stopped. No one, other than Luna, had dared to smile at me. They just regarded me with their frozen stares and attended to my needs. She was a woman that I would look up to at that period in my life, but later, when I looked back on it, I would know that she suffered hardships that were like mine, but not as painful in the physical sense. And yet, she had had enough kindness left in her broken heart to smile at me. That made her strong and I still admire her for that.
"Usagi, you are quite a pretty young child," I blushed at the first compliment that anyone had ever given to me. Suddenly, I was shy. I gave her a slow, small smile and looked at her through my lashes, my cheeks tinged with rose.
"Thank you," I replied bashfully. She laughed a little and told her husband that she'd take me to my room. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and left her with me. An apparent smile was on her face, though sorrowful, as she looked at me. I knew she could see the bruise my father had given me the night before, even though I had carefully applied concealer, with the help of Luna. She touched it lightly, running her elegant hand down the side of my face.
"I heard what your father said," she spoke simply and shook her head. "You won't understand now, at such a young age… not everyone is your friend."
"Perhaps I do know that, and though I may be young, I know much more than you think," I felt comfortable talking to her, and somewhere in the back of my head, I knew she wouldn't strike me for speaking when not asked to do so. Somehow, at that point in my life, I began to prepare myself for the future. Something was going to happen to me, and my six year old mind knew it. "I am not like other children, Mrs. Malfoy."
"I can see that."
"You should look past appearances. They are merely illusions. Love itself is an illusion and it can bring down the world. It can make the vilest of men beautiful and the ugliest of women attractive. And yet, without it, hope would be lost. As I have said before, I'm smarter than I look."
Her eyes widened at this statement and a single tear made its course down her pale cheeks. She understood what I meant. Her life was one in which she acted. Her actions, her speech, and even her thoughts were carefully monitored by her husband. He controlled her. She had fallen for a handsome, kind, wonderful young person. She had gotten something else in reality. I stiffened and tensed when she swept me into a hug and cried quietly on my small shoulders. I let her, and slowly, I relaxed. I was never hugged or kissed in my childhood years, so I didn't know what to do. I opted for patting her awkwardly on the back and giving her a discomfited hug. I actually felt loved for the first time.
Break
My stay with the Malfoys would prove to be quite an interesting one. Narcissa was kind and understanding, but only when her husband was not around. Lucius was almost as cruel as my father, and yet, he held a soft spot for his only son, Draco. Draco wasn't the nicest person on Earth and I suppose he disliked me because I was so close to his mother. I really couldn't help it; I never had one to begin with. Draco was pale and he inherited his father's icy blue-gray eyes. They held contempt for the world, and somehow, I knew that he discerned what his father did to Narcissa. My first lesson wasn't very pleasant, however. As smart as I was for my age, I understood nothing about evil and its power of destruction. I would understand soon enough.
0o0o0o0o0o0
Lucius was certainly a dark man. His pale appearance suggested otherwise, but his dark eyes held hatred in them so deep that it made me shiver. The way he regarded everything as if it was the most contemptible thing on the face of the planet unnerved others. He looked at me with shadowed eyes on our very first lesson, watching my posture, scrutinizing me.
"Someone of your blood does not slouch," he corrected in his quiet, mocking voice. I straightened my shoulders and my back. He slowly walked around me, inspecting me as he did so. His hands were behind his back and his pace even and wide. I hung my head, afraid. "Put your head up!" he barked at me, tugging my hair so that I uncurled my neck. I winced but said nothing. "When I talk, you will say yes or no sir. If you have a question, you will wait until I finish speaking. Is that clear?" I simply nodded my head and he struck my face. My head snapped to the side. "What do you say!"
"Sir, yes, sir!" My voice was shaking as I stared straight ahead. Any salvation I had hoped for ended right there, the moment I had been slapped. I blinked away my tears of disappointment, hoping he hadn't seen them. He didn't say anything if he had seen them, but he continued to walk around me.
"When my wife addresses you, you will reply with yes ma'am or no ma'am. Am I understood?"
"Sir, yes, sir!"
"We will begin this lesson by talking about the roots of dark history." Lucius led me to a desk and forced me into a chair. I sat quietly, listening as he explained the details of what was supposedly the 'right' side. I knew better. Lucius thought me to be a typical six year old, one whose mind could be easily molded. This information, however, would serve me a purpose later in life. Going into great depth, Lucius would get emotional about a couple of topics, and those were the ones I paid special attention to. "Dark history is not evil nor is it bad. It is merely something mudblood-lovers named us, the people who were trying to purify our race. They called us evil, dark, disgusting. They themselves are the evil ones. They are dirtying our blood; they are marring our race. These mudbloods are all traitors. They live to protect their precious muggles who have killed so much of the purebloods."
"The Dark Lord has a mission. It was sent to him by the Warlocks of Old. I assume you've read about it?" I nodded, remembering that they were supposedly God-like spirits that sent people revelations and premonitions, all of which came true. I myself didn't believe in them. "Yes, well, they instructed him on purifying the magic race and to stop muggles from taking over. He had a vision that they would destroy purebloods and declare mudbloods the ultimate race. His mission is not evil. It is to help us survive, us, the true wizards and witches. You are a pureblood and therefore, it is your duty to serve the Dark Lord…" He went on and on about Voldemort, about how great he was and what a hero he was. I listened interestedly and played along with his intentions. I was not so easily manipulated. He ended my first lesson soon after that and Narcissa came to pick me up. She started when she saw my swollen cheek.
"He hit you?" her voice was a whisper so that her husband wouldn't hear what she had to say. I nodded slowly and offered her a reassuring smile.
"It was nothing," I replied. "I've been through much, much worse."
"I wish you wouldn't have to do this," her voice was still a whisper as she led me to my room.
"Sometimes, we are forced to do what we don't want to. But we shouldn't wish ourselves out of it; wishing won't help anything. We should embrace what we have and make the most out of it. This knowledge that I'm learning, it's going to help me when I'm older. I just know it. And getting a little beaten will only give me strength for the future. It will teach me what not to become."
"You are so wise for someone your age," Narcissa said in amazement. She shook her head. "It's like talking to an adult." I merely smiled at her mysteriously. "You haven't met my son yet, have you?" I shook my head. "Well, he's back from his friend's house. He's only three months older than you. Would you like to go meet him?" I nodded and grabbed her hand. She squeezed mine and gave me a kind smile, not letting go as she led me to the dining room. A young boy, a little taller than me, was sitting in a chair. Baby fat padded his face, giving him an innocent look. His hair was a light, pale blond and slicked back like his father's. His eyes were what captivated me the most. They were blue-grey in color and swirled into lighter or darker shades depending on his moods. I could already tell that he was going to be good looking when he grew up. But what made me stop was the fact that he was glaring at me with all the contempt and hatred he could muster. Back then, I wouldn't understand why. But as I grew older, I realized that he was jealous of my relationship with his mother.
"Draco, meet Usagi," Narcissa smiled warmly at her son, giving him a hug as she set him down to the floor. He merely glared at me. Narcissa nudged him forward, giving him a little push with her hands. "Usagi is here to train with your father. She's a very nice person. Go on. She won't bite."
"Hi," I smiled brightly and extended my hand, trying to ignore his scorning gaze. He sneered at me as he accepted it. I just gave him a 100 watt grin.
"Hi," his voice was hesitant and filled with sarcasm. Narcissa smiled at me.
"He's shy," she explained. I nodded, accepting her explanation.
"I am not!" Draco protested.
"Sure, honey," Narcissa looked at her child, and her gaze was filled with a love that she would never be able to give me simply because of the fact that I was not hers. At that point, I knew I had looked to her as a mother of sorts and was hoping that she'd see me as her own child. I was filled with the immature notion that she was indeed my mother and that by some twisted, unexplainable means, she had ended up with Lucius. I had proved myself wrong once again. This realization almost brought me to tears. My childish mind couldn't take the fact that I would live out the rest of my life without having her declare that she was my true mother. I managed to hold in my tears for later.
"Usagi, would you like some ice cream?" Narcissa led me to the table and sat me next to Draco before I could respond. She set a bowl filled with chocolate ice cream. It was topped with chocolate chips, sprinkles, nuts, M&Ms, and a hot fudge sauce that changed colors. I thanked her quietly as she handed me a spoon. As I ate, I couldn't help but notice the way she would smile at Draco and send him looks of pure adoration. She would send a few looks my way as well, but her eyes were filled with pity. It was something I did not want and suddenly, I had lost my appetite. I excused myself and went to my room. I ended up crying myself to sleep.
0o0o0o0o0o0
The rest of my stay with the Malfoys passed in that fashion. Lucius would take me to my lessons and teach me darker spells and curses that I was to use in the future. He would also instruct me in the history and the doings of Dark Wizards and History. It was rather unnerving, but I followed through and passed. That did not mean that it was easy. Bruises were on my face and body nearly every day of my stay at the Mansion, as opposed to the few times a year my father was home, but it made me stronger. By the end of the period, his blows did not hurt nearly as much as it did in the beginning. The Cruciatus Curse did not hurt as much either. My father came at monthly intervals to see how I was doing. Those were the meetings that were the worst. I was beat twice as hard and the Curse was put upon me longer than usual. I still wonder how I managed to keep my sanity.
Narcissa would shower me with secretive gifts and affection. Although she would always love her son more, I knew she had a special place for me in her heart. That made me significantly happier, and as I grew up, I would meet her a few more times. Each time, we would grow closer, and she became my confidante. I left her home with many memories, both happy and sad. Back at my home, I would be lonelier than ever. I had become accustomed to the cheery quality at Narcissa's home. I returned to a darker and colder house than I remembered leaving. The servants held a blatant disregard for me and completely ignored me. Even Luna was more reserved and didn't touch me. I was left on my own, without human touch, comfort, or love, for the next year. I still remember it as a horrible ordeal.
My house was bigger than I remembered it as I stood in front of it. It was humungous, the biggest in the Eastern Hemisphere. My father prided himself in his illegal wealth, and though many knew that he was a liar and a cheat, they didn't say anything about it. My father was skilled at killing people without any traces of him left behind. All the windows at my house were darkened except for a few in the Eastern Servant's Wing. The giant doors I remembered opened to reveal a dark and rather chilly reception room. There were no cheery fires running in the room, and my heart fell. In the Malfoy's house, there were always fires. As I was lead to my room, I shivered because of the cool temperatures. I find that being cold is better than being unloved. That was the worst part. Luna refused to look me in the eyes and her movements were jerky as if she couldn't stand me. It was the first time I was ever truly alone.
I've decided to combine the first two chapters and the last two chapters since I base chapter length on previous chapters. This is a good thing :grins: Longer chapters for my fans! Big thanks to themoonmaiden for being my beta reader! And thanks to Jessica and SachiNyoko for inspiration.