Diary of a Mad Asian Man

Ooga ooga. Athrun's disturbed/homo-erotic diary. I typed this at my friend's house for her amusement, because she's a total Gundam SEED fan (to be honest, I'm not really a fan of the show). I'm not sure whether it should be one-shot, but if the reviews are good, I'll surely continue.

I had too much fun typing this fic. xD

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED.
Rated T for: Hints of Athrun x Kira, language, Cagalli-bashing, and OOC-ness. Serious OOC-ness. Which it why I bring it up a lot, and which is why you should freaking know. I mention it a lot in my fics, but people just DON'T take the bloody hint.

Friday, June 10th 20XX

Hello. My name is Athrun. Shiny things and monkeys amuse me. I tell girls I like them because that's my job as a Gundam person-ish-ness. "NO QUEERS ALLOWED" my boss always says. It gets me heartbroken, because that makes my public displays of affection with Kira-chan illegal,
which totally BLOWS.

So to make the illusion, I pretended to hook up with his twin sister, what's-her-face. She's OKAY looking (the Fab 5 seriously need to make her over, though, which I can arrange), but not something to break into song about. But that's just me, I suppose.

A lot of my friends are just like me! Like Dearka and Yzak. They pretend to be best friends, but HAH. I know what's hiding in their closets, and it ain't a pretty picture.

Anywho, they got married last month, and it was totally beautiful. A Vegas wedding, unfortunately, so nothing permenant. But one of them (Dearka) had to pose as a female, breasts and all. Disturbing picture.

The only good thing about it all was that, well, I, Athrun, got to design the wedding dress and I want to be a famous fashion designer now! I totally aDORE the feel of silk and fabric on my smooth, delicious skin. It really reminds my tortured soul of my Kira-chan.

Let's chat about my love bunny, shall we? He's my age, and absolutely GORGEOUS and yummy-tastic. Kira-chan has such pretty hair, that I enjoy running my hungry fingers through, and eyes that are to DIE for. I like his thighs, too. Probably his best feature, amoung other things.

Cagalli. Oh, that was her name. Really slipped my mind. You're probably wondering why I kissed her. I KNEW the bloody camera was there, and remember. Illusion. I was just keeping it up, for the sake of you pervs. And my fanmail box was getting crowded, with the questions about my re-
lationship with Kira-chan and what not. I just wanted to disappoint you a little bit, that's all. Nothing too bad. It's called taking drastic (DRASTIC) measures.

Back to Dearka and Yzak. Well. They had a Star Trek wedding. Freaking awesome, I tell you. Kira-chan looked adorable in his UFO costume, and I got to add some tin foil to Dearka's wedding dress. It was a BLAST, and I totally cannot wait until Kira-chan and I get married, move in together, and have kids (which may seem impossible, but, dude, this is ANIME; if some cross-dresser can turn straight for a fugly girl with the name 'MIAKA', Kira-chan can definitely become pregnant). That'll be when my life REALLY starts. No more giant robos for me, yes sirree. I'll be livin' the easy-life with my adorable Kira-chan.

But I really need to get rid of the Cagalli problem. She keeps on calling me, man. You'd think she'd take the hint when she noticed your cellphone was pink and covered with Hello Kitty and Rainbow Brite stickers. But NO. She just has to. Sure I'm the best looking guy on the series, but can't she settle for less? Like that girl whoused to do Dearka. Apparently, chicks dig wannabe super Saiyans.

How can I, though? I'm unfaithful. Maybe I can set an appointment with that Jerry Springer fellow. His show's hilarious; nearly made me piss my pants last time I had the grace of viewing it. But I don't want to look like some dirty homo (not that I'm not), so maybe I can pose as a girl, and make Cagalli embarrass herself. That may work out, and I'm willing to take the risk.

It's settled then. Jerry Springer-san, pack an extra pair of underwear, 'cause here I come!

I keep on adding Jerry Springer into my fan fiction! Urggh. Well, I guess that's what happens when you wake up early on weekdays, JUST to watch it.

Oh, and concerning the dates for Athrun's entries. I'll just post whatever date I happen to write the part, if this fic doesn't turn into a one-shot. Yup.