Title: No Man - Very Last Dance
Follows Last Dance
Author: MajinSakuko
E-Mail: MajinSakukoyahoo.de
Beta-Reader: hailiebu
Dedication: JosephineDracul
Disclaimer: I own nothing, JKR everything else
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing/Main-Chara: RL/SS, mentions of HP/DM
Rating: PG
Genre/s: Romance (Slash), Humour
Warning/s: cross-dressing
Summary: It's still the Leaving Ball, but this time from Remus' point of view. Why can't Severus be as romantic as Draco? Remus isn't sure – until he is asked to dance...
A/N: This fic has so many elements I don't like, I can't even begin to list them. Why do I write this then, you may ask. I blame JosephineDracul. You may, too.

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"Severus Snape is no man who would ever do something like that."

Something so sweet, so romantic and so uncaring for his own reputation. Well, Draco Malfoy most certainly did care for his reputation; otherwise he wouldn't have dressed up like a girl, dancing with his boyfriend, but nobody knew it was Draco – except for Harry and Remus, who had a better nose than most others.

Remus drowned the slight flare of jealousy with a large swig of butterbeer. What had gotten into him? Getting all envious because Harry and Draco were together and having fun at their Leaving Ball while his own beloved was stalking the castle, searching for indecent behaving couples. Severus had to have more fun than him, Remus reflected, emptying his glass and refilling it carelessly. Deducting points and embarrassing students were two of Severus' dearest hobbies, after all.

Remus sighed quietly, wishing that alcohol wouldn't neutralize his Wolfsbane Potion, and went back to supervising the Great Hall. There were many couples, and even some parents were present. Remus could make out the Weasleys, the Bones, the Greensnakes and more adults he didn't know the names of. It was such a pitiful task – watching the students have so much carefree fun and not being able to join in because his lover didn't want to switch off his evil Potions master mode.

'Nothing to change that,' Remus thought, a smile spreading despite himself. He did love Severus, after all, with all his quirks and his strange behavioural patterns.

"Remus, dear," a voice suddenly said, snapping the DADA professor out of his thoughts. "Care to dance?" Sprout had just appeared at his elbow.

"Huh?" said Remus intelligently, surprised that the plump Herbology teacher would want to dance with him. "I don't know... I should just-"

"Just one small dance?" Sprout wheedled. "I wouldn't want to stay a wallflower all evening."

Remus eyed the happy witch and her expecting gaze, and couldn't bring himself to refuse. Sighing, he held out his arms. Dancing with Sprout was odd; so different from dancing with Severus – the few times that Remus managed to bring him to do it. She was so small, yet she followed his lead without hesitation – not to forget that she babbled like a waterfall.

"Aren't the decorations great?" she gushed. "My second years grew those tulips! Did you notice that the Malfoy boy isn't even attending? Did you try the berry punch? No? That's good! I believe the Weasley twins have some ambitious successors!"

Remus nodded when he thought it might fit, but otherwise he kept silent. It wasn't that he disliked Sprout, it was just – he didn't even know how to put it.

Sprout sensed his mind absence and smiled gently. "I'm sorry for hogging you all to myself," she said. "I'm sure you'd be rather in someone else's company, hmm?"

"Pardon?" Remus fought a losing battle with the colouring of his cheeks.

"Oh, I can see that you aren't enjoying yourself. And I can even tell you why..." Sprout smiled again and beckoned Remus closer. "Severus Snape is no man of great words, is he?" Unlike herself.

At her words Remus' eyes grew wide. That was right! That was exactly the reason why he wasn't comfortable in Sprout's presence. Severus was so quiet, while Sprout could talk non-stop, reminding Remus painfully of the fact that he wasn't with his lover but someone else.

"Right," said Remus softly.

"It's all right, dear," said Sprout. "Let's just-"

Whatever she had wanted to say was cut short due to the arrival of another woman. "May I?" It could have been considered a question, were it not for the fact that the woman practically pried Sprout's hands off Remus and kicked her out of the way. "So..." she said, strangely familiar eyes glistering as she embraced Remus and swayed to the music.

"Uh, excuse me," Remus said hesitantly, thinking that this had to be some student's mother – maybe some student's drunken mother, even. A shock of frizzy red hair tickled his nose and Remus got more uncomfortable with each passing second the woman pressed against him.

"Oh, Remus!" she cried suddenly, clinging to the poor man like a leech. "I knew we were destined to be! From the moment I saw you standing all alone, just waiting for me!" The woman abruptly swirled Remus around, letting him choke on his reply that he hadn't been alone until she had practically tossed Sprout aside.

"I was just gazing into my crystal ball – it reminds me so much of your eyes, my love! – as my Inner Eye told me to finally seek you out!"

"Sybill?" Remus gasped incredulously. Without her glasses Trelawney was unrecognisable. Did she wear contacts? "Did you sleep in your classroom again? You know the fumes aren't good for you!"

"No, silly!" said Trelawney, rolling her strangely small eyes at Remus. "My mind is clearer than ever, my heart is light and full of love and I daresay you will feel the same way soon – or face a horrible, very painful death at the hand of a flubberworm."

Remus could only blink. Flubberworms didn't have hands. 'Never contradict a lunatic,' he reminded himself just in time, snapping his jaws shut. 'It could end pretty bad – for you and that handless flubberworm.'

Then Trelawney pulled out a heart-shaped box of pralines of her flowing robes and handed it to Remus with a flourish. "For you, sweet tooth," she said, giggling.

"Um, I don't think-" Remus tried to say, uncomfortably aware of the blush creeping up his neck. What was in that berry punch Sprout had mentioned earlier and how much did Trelawney have of it?

"You don't think what?" asked Trelawney, a slightly dangerous edge to her voice. "You'll like it, I promise."

"You don't have to give me presents," Remus said desperately, then added in a whisper, "You know that I'm not free anymore!"

Trelawney conveniently ignored that comment, fishing her wand out of her robes and conjuring a red rose for Remus. "You are sweet. You deserve it."

Remus set the pralines and the flower on a table beside them. The slight embarrassment had fully grown out, and now he was utterly uncomfortable in his skin. It wasn't even that he didn't like Trelawney at all, just not like she seemed to like him – if her strange behaviour really wasn't due to some fume intoxication.

"Whether or not I 'deserve' it is not important," Remus said quietly. "I do not want it. I don't need these things."

Trelawney frowned, and Remus prepared himself for another painful death prediction, but then she just glared. "You don't need chocolate? You don't need to be shown that you are cared for?" she asked shrewdly. "Then you can be glad. Severus Snape is no man of great deeds, is he?"

Remus watched as Trelawney tripled away, trying to keep as much of her dignity as she could. And she was right. Severus didn't give him heart-shaped pralines – he gave him a bar of chocolate after the full moon – nor flowers – but smelly potions ingredients that would make his transformation hurt less.

Remus didn't need those things Trelawney could offer him. She wasn't like Severus...

"Too popular for your own good, aren't we?"

Remus whirled around. The author would have liked to write that the woman appearing out of nowhere was like a vision – but that would have been a lie. She was the same height as Remus, clad in a long dressing gown, flowing gently to the ground. Her hair was dark, and as she spoke, her too large nose sniffed disdainfully.

"Won't you ask me to dance? Or are you so used to being asked yourself that you forgot how to phrase a proper offer?"

"Why would I-?" And then it hit Remus. He barely refrained from smacking his forehead, instead settling on ogling his lover in disguise in astonishment bordering on shock. "Oh my God! Severus!" he breathed. "What are you doing? And what are you wearing!" He gentled his words with a smile and took hold of Severus' hands as he had requested.

"I had thought that would be rather obvious," Severus said, letting himself be led by Remus. "I am merely taking a leaf out of Draco's book." He shuddered, remembering the horrible encounter in the hallway less than an hour ago.

Remus glanced around, noticing that Harry and Draco were indeed not here anymore. He hadn't even realised how much time had went by.

"I'm glad," Remus said softly, nuzzling his cheek against Severus'.

"I'd rather you were not," Severus said crankily. "It would make everything so much easier, really."

Remus laughed. "Aww. But you're such a pretty girl," he teased, pinching Severus' backside, which was answered with a startled yelp and several turned heads. Remus grinned, unapologetic, and Severus scowled heavily.

"You're going to pay for that," Severus said lowly, easing his features back into a tight smile.

"Is that a threat or a promise?"

"It'll be my good deed for the day," Severus said, causing Remus to laugh once more.

"Well, at least I'll have something to look forward to, right?"

Severus grunted noncommittally. They danced for a couple more minutes until Remus couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"What's it?" he asked, feeling the tension.

Severus' mouth tightened and he stayed mute for so long Remus was almost convinced Severus wouldn't answer him at all. When Severus did answer, though, Remus was surprised.

"What were you talking about?" he asked through clenched teeth, "with Trelawney?"

"You aren't jealous, are you?" Remus asked with a raised brow. So far, they hadn't had any concerns about fidelity, and he had thought it would stay that way. Even though he had to admit that a little bit of jealousy did suit his lover rather well.

"Not in this life," Severus hissed. "Now answer the bloody question!"

"My, don't get your underskirt in a twist," Remus began, but Severus' glare shut him up. "We were not planning to elope, if that's what you mean."

Severus sighed and stopped, forcing Remus to do the same. "No, that's not what I meant. And you know it."

"Sybill made a few comments, I told her off – end of the story," Remus said. "Come on, now. One more dance, please? You'll have to go back prowling the hallways soon, right?"

"I don't know why you're so fond of this dancing anyway."

"Well, it's romantic and I get to be close to you – which makes it all the better."

"Ah, well," sighed Severus, though he was secretly pleased with the answer. "Then I will have to indulge you, won't I?"

"You better," said Remus, smiling.

When the song ended, Severus gently prised Remus' hands off him. "I better go now lest anyone notice anything."

Remus was reluctant to let his lover go, but knew he could do nothing to stop him. "I'm glad you came," he whispered, embracing his lover once more.

Carefully making sure that no one was looking, Remus pecked Severus on the lips – he didn't want anyone to see him kissing some strange woman.

"Well, Severus Snape is no man..." Severus paused, giving Remus ample time to stifle his snicker, "who would ever do something like that – twice!"

"I see," Remus said, nodding. The silly grin on his face wouldn't be detached. "I won't expect you to."

"You better," were Severus' parting words. He didn't need to turn around to feel Remus' expectant gaze on his back. It was going to be an interesting night.

No man could say that Severus Snape was a man to break his word.

End-