A/N: Hey! This is a cute little one-shot I thought of while I was daydreaming one day. I might continue it if I can think of anything else to write, but I'm kinda the Queen of One-Shots. Enjoy!

My name is Rachel.

And I am slowly, but surely, being driven insane.

I never thought I would grow to despise the mall. The mere idea of such an event was outrageous. Especially if I was in the mall with my friends. What could be more fun?

Yet it is true. I hate hanging in the mall with my friends. Why?

(In the mall, we are in the mall! In the mall, we are in the mall! We are going shopping! What on earth is Baby Gap? Next time I'm not going to stop Ax eating that crusty stuff on the top of the shelves, so I can watch to see what happens! Ooh! Diapers! Just my size!)

Tobias had been like this for an entire hour straight.

I couldn't help but feel that his... heightened state was a result of my activities. You see...

Flashback

Tobias was perched on my bedpost, ruffling his feathers indignantly.

(How was I supposed to know the window was closed?) He sounded pissed.

"Well, I assumed it was one of those things your amazing hawk vision would pick up." I feebly defended myself, but I knew I shouldn't have closed the window without telling him – after all, he had told me he would be visiting.

(I wasn't expecting it to be closed. You know I come and visit you. Why'd you close the window? I could have been seriously injured!)

"Robbers." Actually, I was cold, but I figured dangerous robbers were a better reason to bash his little skull in than the risk of a couple of sniffles.

He blinked.

"Hey, want to see what I got you?"

An obvious attempt at changing the subject, but he complied, cocking his head to the side in an inquisitive manner.

I rummaged around in my drawers, finally producing a large plastic packet of white Sugar Mice.

End Flashback

Tobias was a bit sceptical at first, but when I went to Cassie's with him the next day, we both finally convinced him to try a mouse – in his hawk form. One bite and he was hooked. We spent the morning tossing mice in the air, watching him swoop down and grab them in his powerful talons, sending pink sherbet flying as he ripped into it with his powerful beak. We didn't notice as he got more and more excited, and his aim got more and more sloppy. In fact, Cassie even went out and bought some more Sugar Mice, along with a handful of Chewy Bunnies (we told him they were rabbits, just to butch it up a bit – I mean, they were pink).

That afternoon we had finally convinced the guys to go shopping with us. There was no way we could postpone it. But by the time we got everyone together (with the exception of Ax, who was devoutly watching 'These Messages') Tobias had discovered that he could speak in though-speak in human morph, and was babbling away.

I mean, I like him and all, but really. Even I have my limits. Jake looked like he didn't know whether to be angry or laugh, Cassie was wincing at the pure, unrefined stupidity of it all, and Marco was doubled over in laughter, tears forming in his eyes, receiving odd looks from other shoppers.

And Tobias was walking along, looking completely normal, if a bit awkward, not giving a thing away. Stupid emotionless hawk face. And on top of that he was making normal, vocal conversation, while his thought-speak reverberated around our brains like a hyperactive gerbil.

"Should we stop by the food court now and get something to eat?"

(CINNAMON BUNS!)

He seemed to have developed a fetish for those. It was just like having a slyer, more annoying Ax.

Marco wiped a tear from his eye. "Yeah, let's get something to eat. We'll get Ax something too."

(NO! Cinnamon bun goodness belongs to meeeee! MINE! No-one else shall get their hands on the sticky sweet goodness that is the cinnamon covered bun!)

"Yeah, sure."

Jake made a sound that sounded a bit like he was choking on his own spit.

"You okay Jake?"

(DOCTOR! Somebody get a doctor! QUICKLY! He's choking! He's going to pass out! Get him some smelling salts! WHAT ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE FOR! GET THE MAN SOME SMELLING SALTS!)

"I'm fine."

Marco, however, wasn't going to let it go that easily. He was probably wondering why we hadn't thought of feeding the deranged hawk mouse-shaped sugar treats before. "We can stop for a minute if you're not feeling well – Rachel could duck into The Body Shop and get you some smelling salts."

"I said 'I'm fine'."

(Don't be fooled, Cassie. He's just trying to put on a brave face for you, you know, Macho-Macho Man, 'I am Jake-man, I hunt and gather food for Cassie-woman. Ooga ooga.')

I could have died.

Both Cassie and Jake went a bright red, and Cassie mumbled something.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

(SPEAK UP!)

"There's nothing wrong with him."

Their eyes connected for a minute and then they turned away, turning redder, if that was possible.

"Are you sure? He does look a bit flushed." I'm sorry. I'm supposed to be her friend, but I couldn't resist. It was too much fun.

Then Tobias stared, emotionless at the pair. Then he started to hum 'Love is in the Air'. In thought-speak. I didn't know you could even do that.

"I'm just a bit tired. I'm fine."

(Go to sleeeep. Go to sleeeep. Go to sleeeep lit-tle Jake-ie.)

It was at this point that Marco passed out.

"Great. Just what we need," groaned Jake. "Okay, Tobias, you take his left arm, I'll take his right. We'll carry him to the carpark."

"We're not getting picked up until 4," I pointed out. "We can't exactly dump him anywhere – as much as I'd like to."

"He's not the only one I'd like to dump," Jake muttered, glaring in Tobias' direction.

"What'd I do?"

(Sorry, Jake, but I so do not swing that way.)

"Okay, Tobias. Take a moment. Breathe. Cassie, call Marco's dad, get him to came early. Tell him Marco was tired from staying up late studying."

"You think he'll actually buy that?"

"No, but it's better than 'He passed out because he found the voices in his head too hilarious to resist.'"

(I am the Diaper King.)

"You will shut up."

"I repeat, what did I do?"

(You cannot make me 'shut up'! I am my own master!)

Cassie sighed as she pulled out her mobile phone and rang Marco's dad, leaving Jake and I to deal with 'Completely-Off-His-Face' Tobias and Marco's body. We looked at each other helplessly, trying to decide what to do. It ended up we didn't have to.

"I need to go to the bathroom. Cya!"

Tobias slipped from beneath Marco's arm, leaving Jake to struggle to keep him up, before finally resigning himself to defeat, laying Marco down on the floor of the mall.

I glanced up. Tobias was nowhere to be seen. And he had run in the opposite direction of the bathroom.

This was not good.

"Tobias? Tobias where are you?"

"Tobias, man, where'd you go?"

Jake and I called for him, ignoring the frustrated glances we received from passing shoppers, muttering about teenage pregnancy and irresponsibility.

Then, two words reverberated around our brains. It sounded far away, but not far enough that we didn't catch their meaning. Our eyes widened in fear. Cassie's head whipped around to stare at us in panic, the phone still pressed against her ear.

And, as we heard him call again, we took off running as one, leaving Marco to his fate, in search of the lost Animorph as he screamed in our heads.

(SUGAR MICE!)

Please Review, if you have the time!