Chapter 14

He just left me here standing on the docks and I'm sitting here thinking and wondering what is going on… does he really want to break up with me? If he does why didn't he just say so? He had the perfect opportunity to do it…

I keep reliving all the events of the past six months. Everything was perfect, where did it all go wrong?

I can't even think properly, my mind has suddenly gone blank. Pacey has all the answers and he's not here right now…

I just sit up and go to his place. I ring the doorbell but no-one answers so I decide to just sit there and wait.

After two hours of waiting my mind has gone from ice-cream to my mother's warm voice, to Bessie's son, Alex, to my dad's baseball cap, to the time I fell off the bike in second grade… I don't know why I am thinking about those things, they have nothing to do with me and Pacey… and yet they do. They are part of my life, like he is. He knows just about everything that ever happened to me. Before we went to sleep at night we'd spend hours talking and I told him so many things I never told anyone…

This whole thing feels so right it can't be over. Not like this.

I hear his steps on the stairs and my heart starts beating wildly. I have no idea what I can say to him, what I can say or do to go back to that place we were before…

I can hear him slowing down but I'm not looking at him. I can feel his eyes on me.

"Potter", he says.

"Witter"

"You forgot something?"

I finally look at him and something in his eyes gives me hope. He looks like he's just as shaken up as I am. Maybe he's just as confused as I am. Maybe he loves me like I love him. Maybe he wants us back. Maybe this whole thing that's happening between us will go back to normal. Maybe this is just that lover's fight thing and tonight we'll be having some wild make-up sex.

Okay, thinking about sex is not a good idea right now.

"You still alive in there, Potter?"

Thank god, he's joking. That means things are not completely screwed.

"You mean have I survived the torture of sitting on these cold steps for two hours? Barely but yes."

I wanted to make some sort of joke, some funny joke to re-instate the banter. What I just said – that wasn't funny. But I rolled my eyes… maybe he'll get what I'm trying to do…

I look at him unsurely. There's a hint of a smile there.

"Well I told you had to announce your visit in advance. What if I was busy?"

He finally opens the door and lets me in.

"What could you possibly be doing?" I say although I pretty much can guess his answer.

"Well, I don't know… I'm a popular guy." He smirks.

"The town is pretty empty right now. Unless you count the dogs"

His smile is fading and I wonder what I said.

"I can't do this with you right now, Potter." He says gravely and my heart skips a beat. "I'm not even funny anymore."

"I hate to break this to you, Pace, but you never were all that funny."

He chuckles.

"You laughed at my jokes."

"I had ulterior motives."

"Like what?"

He dares me with his eyes. I just smirk and say nothing. I never could finish the joke out loud.

"Potter?"

"Witter…"

He sighs and bites his lips. I've always loved it when he did that. He has this way of holding on tight on his lip with his teeth that just… Oh well, I guess you already knew I loved the guy… And if you didn't, I just gave you the final proof.

I blush and stare at my feet. Not that there's much to stare at.

"Can I get you anything?"

My breathing stops for some reason. The words were barely whispered and I think he's talking about more than just a drink.

"I… uhm…"

My palms are sweating.

"I can't leave…"

I look at him unsurely. He seems confused.

"…I… I want my heart back…" I swallow.

He bites his lips again.

"I'll tell you what," he says and his voice is cracking. For some reason that makes me feel good. "I'll trade it for mine…"

My tears burst free and there's no stopping them. I hug him forcefully and I can feel him holding me back and I have gone back home.

I can't stop laughing and crying at the same time.

"That's not a fair trade. I'm rejecting it."

I can feel him smiling.

"I can keep it then?"

"Please… Please keep it…"

An hour ago I thought everything was lost. And now she's in my arms and I feel like I totally have her back.

And for the first time in my life I feel safe enough to talk about how I feel.

"I love you, Jo"

"I love you too, Pace" she says, holding me tighter. All is right in this world after all.

The End