Author's Note: I LOVE Gaara. The only rival against Gaara for my love in Naruto is Kiba. Gaara's got style. He's got a twisted sense of attitude. He's sadistic. But underneath, he's really caring. Time to abuse that fact and incorporate into this twisted tale where a bluff leads to a career in being a Love Adviser/Guru. Also, I don't think you would want advice from a 12-14 year old, so in this, Gaara (and others) are 19. What a random age I chose...not 17, not 18, not 20, not 21. Nineteen. Damn straight. Also, go those born in January! (Like Gaara and I)

Brief Description on Current Universe: It's still in the world of Naruto, but this time, all characters who have died are alive (so I can have more female characters, dammit.) And the three Sand-nins (well, everyone, really) live in Konoha, for the sake of simplicity. World slightly more "modern", with more technology. (?)kage's are not a major issue here, and so our favourite redhead is not a Kazekage, in this story, that is (he is in Konoha, duh). Characters maybe somewhat out of character to suit their environment, otherwise I'll try to keep them as in character as possible.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, else this fanfic wouldn't be a fanfic HAHAHAHA...Ahem.

LOVE STYLED COLD STYLE

A Sabaku no Gaara Tale of Giving Love Advice

Prologue: Insomnia Equals Too Much Time in Your Hands...

Sabaku no Gaara Gaara of the Desert, known simply as Gaara, was a complete and extreme insomniac. His inability to sleep is due to the fact that Shukaku, some strange, one-tailed demon raccoon, was sealed inside him, and if he sleeps, that monster takes over his body. And Gaara's not going to let that happen. So he had no sleep ever since the demon came into his life, and it is noticed by the black circles around his eyes due to lack of sleep. Of course, his body system has spontaneously evolved to support this way of life, and now he doesn't require sleep to survive. Shukaku said it was his doing, Gaara didn't believe. As if he would, Shukaku's probably wishing that Gaara falls asleep as soon as possible to do some body hijacking. Gaara's dark circles remained, however, giving him the look of some stuck up Gothic punk, red hair and all. It doesn't help his image if he constantly wears black to boot. And that there was a blood red tattoo just above his left eye in the form of the kanji "Love", symbolising his lack of it, considering his lame life. And the abnormally large sand gourd filled with, well, sand, that he wears on his back and serves as his shinobi weapon of choice. Shukaku + Gothicism + Love Tattoo + Crazy Sized Gourd equals Gaara equals Most feared and avoided person. Not that he cared.

Of course, no sleep means having an extra eight hours to do nothing. That means twenty four hours of consciousness. Which means more time for Shukaku to vex Gaara. Which accumulates into Gaara's bad mood. Which results in Gaara being a ruthless prick.

"I need something to do..." Gaara muttered to himself, lying on his bed, the most redundant and useless piece of furniture in his room, except for lying on, since he has nothing better to do. He could here Kankurou snoring away in the next room.

"Noisy." Gaara muttered. Shukaku laughed evilly at him.

Well...why don't we "stop" it...?

Shut up, how about I stop you...you talk to too much. Peace again arose in the dark of night. It was too quiet.

You're getting bored.

Speak for yourself. Shukaku was right though. Gaara hated the fact that he couldn't hide anything from Shukaku, Shukaku does dwell in his mind, after all...

Gaara left his room and headed to the kitchen. Since he and his two siblings live alone in a average sized apartment, the noise from his footsteps are a growing concern for people downstairs. He's doing it on purpose, though. He can walk as silently as he wished...he was a shinobi, after all. He opened the fridge door and grabbed the carton of milk, drinking straight from it. If his sister, Temari, saw him, she'd kill him, no matter what type of apocalyptic monster was in him. Like that's going to stop him, though. He notice Temari's woman's gossip magazine on the bench. Best to avoid it.

Read it.

As if.

READ IT!

You want to read it. I don't.

JUST DO IT! I'M DYING FROM BOREDOM HERE!

Good.

So are you.

If you shut up, I'll open and read the goddamn magazine. Silence. Gaara opened the magazine. And he began to read. And cringe. And wondered why people paid money to read such trash.

"You can get the exact same things over the internet." Gaara muttered disapprovingly. What he found must frustrating were the requests for advice on love. He glared.

"This is bullshit. Look at the advice this stupid person is giving!" Gaara was actually getting quite heated over the subject. Sure, he didn't care if a woman was in the depths of despair over the fact that she got dumped. Or if someone's marriage is in turmoil. Or love triangles. But what he did know, was that he was reading some really, really bad advice.

"That's it! I'm writing a letter..."

You're getting pretty heated.

Quiet. Reading this trash was your idea.

Chapter 1: Breakthrough?

A week has passed. Temari slammed the door to Gaara's room opened and stormed in. Gaara was halfway through changing. He leapt under his bed in horror. So there is another purpose for his bed.

"GODDAMN, WOMAN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF PRIVACY!"

"SHUT UP! I'VE SEEN YOU NAKED INFINITE TIMES WHEN YOU WERE SMALL!"

"PUH-LEASE! I'VE GROWN AND FLOURISHED INTO A MATURE MAN'S BODY! A SISTER LOOKING AT SUCH IS AGAINST NATURE!"

"MATURE! IN YOUR DREAMS! NINETEEN IS NOT MATURE! NOW TELL ME, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" She threw a magazine hard onto the floor, next to Gaara's bed. He stretched out and grabbed it, pulling it under his bed.

"Well?" Gaara asked. He didn't know what was going on. He saw Temari's foot tap impatiently.

"Look at the "Ask Nina" section!" Silence. "The Love Advisor!" Temari finally heard the ruffling of paper. "And read it aloud!"

"'Nina has a special guest! Sabaku no Gaara has sent in some advice to letters send previously. His warm understanding and sensitivity has reached us at W4eva magazine, and we want to share with you his terrific advice...' Um..." Gaara paused. "When did I do this?"

"Like hell I'd know! I'm asking YOU to tell ME!"

You did it last week. You were bored. Shukaku reminded him.

Oh...I remember. Gaara cringed. What was he thinking?

I blame this on you entirely. Gaara thought to Shukaku as he threw the magazine out from under his bed.

"So?" he answered, calm, cold and cool as always. "It seemed they forgotten who I am. '...warm understanding and sensitive...' BAH! I was bluffing the advice the whole time..." Which he was. His bluff was better than that Nina hag any day. Temari stamped her foot, causing a slight tremor on the floor which also served as someone's ceiling.

"That's what I mean! People are going to flock over to you and ask for your advice now! How did you sent those letters!"

"By mail."

"Electronically or physically?"

"Physically...why?" Gaara looked at her suspiciously. Temari's eyes were wide with fear of what his next answer to her question may be.

"Did...you write the address to our unit at the back of the envelop like every good citizen should...?"

"Yes." Temari screamed in horror. Gaara was confused. Shukaku laughed.

Hah! What kind of idiot writes his full name and address to a letter to a magazine...now they can come straight to us. Gaara understood what was going on. He fumed.

You knew this and didn't remind me!

I like to see you suffer.

I'm going to make you suffer. Suddenly the door bell rang. Temari and Gaara froze in horror. As long as no one opens the door...

"I got it." Kankurou cried out, and they heard the door handle turning. Seemed like he didn't hear their little commotion.

"NO!" Temari and Gaara cried out at the same time, Temari running out of Gaara's room as fast as possible to stop Kankurou. As soon as she left, Gaara came from under the bed and slapped on some decent clothes lying around before following his sister. But it was too late. The door was wide opened, and there were strangers clad in straight black business suits and crisp white shirts at the door way. Temari and Gaara glared menacingly at Kankurou. He was confused by their death glares.

"What!" He asked, wondering where he went wrong. One of the black suited men looked at the three transferred Sand-nins.

"Who here is Sabaku no Gaara?" he asked. Gaara couldn't believe it. After all the things he's done, they've completely forgotten about him. What has the world come to!

"I'm Gaara." Gaara announced. Temari looked desperate to find a way out of this mess. Gaara decided that the only way to go is to act cool. Act cold. Be Gaara. The man was shocked.

"What! You mean a kid wrote this stuff!" He questioned rhetorically with a surpised tone. Gaara's eye almost twitched.

"I beg your pardon. I'm nineteen." Funny, since he was taller than this man, who was pretty tall himself. Sure, he was a midget most of his nineteen years of age...until sixteen...he was a late sprouter. The man cleared his throat, slightly embarrassed by the youth's manners.

"Well, are you employed?" He asked Gaara. Gaara frowned.

"I'm a Sand ninja, recently transferred to Konoha. Why do you ask?" Is this another one of them survey guys! Actually, Gaara hoped he was. That way, no love advice would need to be given.

"I'm a scout from W4eva magazine, who just recently sacked their love advise columnist after complaints from readers who said her advice made things worse. We'd like you to take her position." This was followed by dead silence.

"Excuse me? You want me, an insensitive, cold-hearted, unloved arsehole, and a male, to fill in a position that usually stereotypically wiser-in-that-topic women?"

"We sacked that woman last week. We've posted your material in this week's magazine, and so far, only good feedback has been received from all our readers. And now that we've met you, it's an added bonus, as you're young and..." The man did not want to say "handsome". Sure, Gaara had potential, he has dark red hair for godsake. But that death glare distorts his face into a monster. "...er...we'll work on the handsome. But as I was saying...maybe you'll fish in the younger population, and maybe some males." Gaara didn't look convinced.

"Not likely. If I recall, W4eva stands for "Women for ever", men won't read this stuff unless it interests them."

"You did." Damn, caught. Gaara paused.

Don't even think about it.

Huh?

I know you're considering the job.

Actually...I'm trying to avoid it.

Sure. Remember, you can never take this job. No one loves you, you're feared by all. You're a murderer. Gaara suddenly felt something. It was fear. Not from himself. From Shukaku. This job was a threat to Shukaku! If it was to get back and threat Shukaku, Gaara wouldn't mind taking the job. Well, for a brief period, anyway. The job was also a threat to his image.

"Well...I guess I can give the position a go. Doesn't hurt to try new things. I've got no missions anyway." Gaara answered. Temari and Kankurou's jaw literally dropped. Their younger brother, a love advisor! The scouts beamed with joy and excitement.

"You won't regret it! Come by the main office tomorrow at ten am. Here's the address." The man handed a card to Gaara. "Just go in, go to the reception and tell them you're Sabaku no Gaara, new Love Advisor columnist, and she'll tell you where to go."

"Right." Gaara clearly understood those extremely easy instructions.

"We'll be see you around!" And the scouts shook his hand, and left. Gaara turned to his older siblings. Their jaw was still touching the floor.

"What?" He questioned them. Kankurou was first to react.

"You have no idea what you just got yourself into."

To be continued...with Chapter 2.

AN: Nothing much yet, just wait till you see who's the boss. You wouldn't believe it. And in upcoming chapters, we'll witness Gaara actually writing a letter, in contrast to his true opinions on the matter. And then there's his love interest, one that keeps nagging him for advice.

AN v2: This was actually written to be posted up AFTER I finish one story. Mainly cos I got the idea AFTER I finished the first chapter to Bishounen no Jutsu. Too many crazy original ideas! -grabs head and screams- Now I just wanna keep writing this one. So I decided to halt another story, and go on with this one...it probably won't be so long anyway. You can only do so much for a story with Gaara as a love advice columnist...well, actually, you can do a lot. I'll try to make it a bang.