LOD: The Book of Rambles
Ramble 7: 'BODY SWITCH!!!'
Bishounen Switching!
Quickie and IMPORTANT fact:
when I have Albert or Lloyd talking like this:
Albert:
Lloyd:
Just be aware that (in the second portion of this fanfic) Albert may
be talking- but he's really in Lloyd's body. The same for Lloyd. Lloyd
will be talking- but he's really in Albert's body! Example:
Albert: *rolls eyes* An example? *points at his silver hair* IM IN LLOYDS
FRIGGIN BODY!! WHAT KIND OF EXAMPLE DO YOU NEED!??!?!?
Lloyd: Oh shut up!!! I have a ponytail now!! I look SO GAYYYYYY!!! *cries*
Rap's: yeah. umm.... now when I have Lloyd and Albert talking like THIS.....
Lloyd in Albert's Body:
Albert in Lloyd's body:
I'm simply being more specific. Whatever name comes first is the one
talking. The second name is the body!
****
Lloyd: RAP'S!!! Goddamnit!!! LET US GO YOU EVIL FREAK OF NATURE!
Albert: *sighs deeply* Stop trying, Lloyd.
Lloyd: RAP'S!!! I SWEAR TO GOD!!!
Albert: Lloyd- SHUT UP okay!? It won't work!
Lloyd: LIKE @(#&$(*@ HELL IT WON'T! EVIL WITCH!!! YOU LET US THE
HELL GO RIGHT NOW OR I'LL- MMMFfffffmm!! *sputter* Mmmffmmm!!! MFMFMFMFMMMM!!!
(Rap's, having already tied both Albert and Lloyd on two separate tables
some few hours ago, stuffs a gym sock in Lloyd's mouth.)
Lloyd: *looks ill*
Albert: *rolls eyes* Told you.
Rap's: SHHH!! The both of you!!! *dressed in a giant white labcoat*
I must CONCENTRATE!! *sips some Mountain Dew and begins working the
dials on a variety of odd looking machinery. Alone, with the exception
of her two beautiful bishounen, the room is small and plain.*
Lloyd: *fumes begin to overwhelm his tender nose* oommmffgg.... *blinks
in and out of consciousness*
Albert: *cough* Rap's- remove the sock from Lloyd's mouth, please.
Rap's: *blinks* NO!
Albert: You cant experiment on him if he's dead...
(Rap's quickly walks up, removes the sock, and continues her work. The
Wingly gets a somewhat drunken look on his face and starts to convulse.)
Rap's: *shoots a glance at Lloyd.* Oh come on! I only washed it eight
years ago!!!
Albert: *nervously watches Lloyd twitch* um- Rap's...
Rap's: I mean, sure, I work out alot so it got all sweaty, and then
I caught a rat in it once. It got all scared and crapped a couple of
times in the sock but otherwise...
Albert: *turns his face away as a very sickening sound plops over the
lab floor*
silence
Rap's: HEY!! *mad giggles* you eat pizza for breakfast too , Lloyd!?
All: .......
-- meanwhile, in another part of the fanfiction. --
Rose: Mace?
Emily: Check.
Rose: Large wooden bat?
Emily: Check.
Rose: Tear gas, wire, rope, and plastic explosives?
Emily: Check, check, check and CHECK! Are we ready, then!?
(( Haschel, Meru, Kongol, Miranda, Dart, Shana, Lavitz and Doel all
watch as the two girls gear up at the base of Raptor's evil castle.
Once a couple of sandwiches have been added to the list, the two strap
on telli-tubby backpacks and...))
Doel: *Guffaw* TELLI TUBBY BACKPACKS!!!?? BAHAHAHAH!!
Emily: *spins on heel* SHHH!!!! Do you want Rap's to hear us!?!?!?
Dart: yeah... we know.. but.. telli tubby backpacks?
Rose: No one EVER suspects the telli tubby backpacks!! So shut up!
Lavitz: Umm... but dude.. they are SO evil!
Rose: So is pokemon- but your dont see ME bitching now DO you!!!!
Lavitz: *sniff* That was cold, man. *thumbs through his pokemon cards.*
I hope you can rescue the guys... Lloyd has my mew 2 card!
Miranda: *backhands Lavitz* SHUT UP!! GOD!!!
Lavitz: *sulk* Why is everyone being so MEAn to me!!!! *cries*
All: ....
Doel: yeah.. well.. anyways... *walks up to Rose and Emily.* After you
two have found the guys, drop the rope from one of the castle towers-
and then we will climb up to join you. We'll need more then two people
to take down Rap's!
Meru: *raises a hand* Question. Why don't we just all go up at the same
time? Why drop a rope? Ya know?
All: ....
Doel: THANK you MERU for RUINING THE MISSION IMPOSSIBLE SCENARIO!!!
Emily; ... um- yeah. Look- we'll just drop the rope as initially planned
okay!? Come on Rose! *tugs her armored sleeve* Rap's won't mentally
destroy YOUR boyfriend! *mutters curses* That little wench is trying
to steal my alby!
Haschel: Alby?
Doel and Haschel: *SNORT* HAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Emily: *eye twitch* YOU SHALL SHUT THY MOUTHS OR BE EATEN!!!!
Shana: She can do it!! she eats rabid chipmunks!!!
All: *remembering, they back away from Emily*
Emily: Hehehe. *blinks innocently* What? Enough stalling!! lets be off!
*rips her dress to the thigh on either side, tosses her hair mel gibson
style, slaps war paint on either cheek, and points a dagger at the castle.
"FORWARD!!!!!!!!!!"
All: .....
Emily: WHAT!? *eats a nearby moose*
Dart: Holy @(#&.
---- meanwhile, back within Raptor's evil lab ----
((Lights are buzzing on and off as Rap's attaches a helmet on both lloyd
and Albert. She is singing and humming as she does so, going on about
elves and whatnot.))
LLoyd: *sighs* Now what?
Albert: As long it doesn't involve puke? i'll be okay.
Lloyd: Hey!! Shaddup! At least the moomba's cleaned it up!
Albert: Well if you hadn't INSISTED on being a LOUDMOUTHED LITTLE-!!!!
*Rap's takes two knifes, spins them in her hands, and then smacks both
down on either table.*
LLoyd: *sweatdrop* Um... wasn't that a little harsh? *blinks at the
knife- which was planted neatly just below his crotch.*
Rap's; Saw it in a movie once, and I just happened to have two knifes.
it's always good for shutting men up!
Albert: for OBVIOUS REASONS!!!!
Rap's; Hey. *points at Albert* I got a third dagger right here. The
first was close enough, but if ya wanna see if I can make it to your-
Albert: NO!! no no NO!!! GODS!! *squirms away from the knife and trys
to dislodge the helmet above his head* stupid little bitchy goddamned
illogical arrogant... *mutter mutter mutter*
Lloyd: *snicker* Don't be mean to yourself Albert! your not THAT bad!
Albert: *EYE TWITCH* If I EVER get out of this ALIVE and-!!!
RAp's: QUIET!!! THIS IS THE PART OF THE FANFIC WHERE I EXPLAIN MY EVIL
PLAN!!!
Lloyd and Albert: GO TO HELL!
Rap's: *runs to home depo and comes back with a chainsaw*
Lloyd and Albert: ...... *cower*
Rap's: ^_^ Damn Straight. Now.... *puts a road sign on her head and
raises her arms to the sky* It is time, my bishies... you shall finally
realize the folly of your ways and join me in my insanity!
Albert: Can I laugh?
Rap's: *revs the chainsaw*
Albert: shutting up....
Rap's: *pulls a helmet similar to the ones Lloyd and Albert wear from
a nearby closet. She then puts it on her head next to the road sign.*
With this demonic radio mind zapper 4000, I can take control of your
minds and make you my slaves! Anything i WANT to do with you.... *Maniac
laughter* I CANN!!!!!!!
Lloyd: *raises a nervous brow* uh- that would be?
Rap's: *seductive glance* Weeell..... hehehe...
Lloyd and Albert: *slowly look at one another, and just before they
can start screaming...*
Rap's: MWHAHAH!! WE CAN GO TO AMUSEMENT PARKS AND EAT ICE CREAM AND
WATCH MOVIES AND PLAY BOARD GAMES AND PLAN WORLD DOMINATION AND HANG
OUT ALL THE TIME!!!!!! *squeals with girlish delight*
Lloyd: ooooooohhssmmm..... *collapses back into the table* Thank god.
Rap's: *blinks* Well.. what did you expect?
Albert and Lloyd: *blink*
Rap's: EEWWW!!!!!!! you actually thought... I'd....
Albert and Lloyd: *blink*
Rap's: I WOULD NEVER WATCH BARNEY!!!
silence
Albert: Rap's?
Rap's: Yes, my precious?
Albert: .... you are such an idiot.
Rap's: *big grin* i know!!!
Albert and Lloyd: *groan in exassperation, and then watch as Rap's begins
to turn on the machine...*
((The lights once again begin to flicker))
Lloyd: Five bucks says she fries us to charcol...
Albert: We can't bet if I agree....
--- back with Rose and Emily ---
*mission impossible music is playing in the background, courtesy of
the pocket stereo they borrowed from Doel. The girls are sneaking around
giant black pillars and creeping down hallways in search of their men.*
Rose: *flattens herself against the floor for no real reason- right
in the middle of the hallway* Clear!
Emily: *leaps and flips into the hallway, then diving behind another
pillar.*
Please note that there is no one else in the hall. Or in the
castle, actually, save for Rap's and her two bishies- which are several
floors above
Rose and Emily: *load a shotgun each and carefully edge over into the
next hall.*
Emily: movement?
Rose: that's a Negative. *blinks* Wait.. WHATS THAT!? *points*
Emily: SMURF!
Rose: QUICK! GRENADE!!
Emily: *chucks a grenade*
insert very loud blast sequence here.
Rose: GO GO GO GO GO!!!
**Emily and Rose drop army style and crawl quickly along the floor**
--------
*fizz*
Rap's; MWHAHAHA!!!!!
*pop*
Rap's: GWAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!!
*bbbzzzzmmmmm.......* -click-
Rap's: YES!!! MWHAHAHAHH!!!! I HAVE DONE IT!! I AM A GENIOUS OF MAMMOTH
PROPORTION!! A GOD OF ALL GODDESSES!!! ALL MUST BOW AND WORSHIP ME!!!!!
*points at Lloyd and Albert in triumph, both of whom are twitching on
the lab tables*
Lloyd: oooo... ooo.... OH my head....
Albert: I hate that friggin Raptor queen, Albert. I hate her. I'll KILL
her!
Lloyd: Shut up, Lloyd. At least it's over. What she did can't have been
THAT bad.
Rap's: *nervously watching this exchange, Rap's taps her claws against
her thighs. They were supposed to get up after the experiment and declare
their love for roller coasters. Instead, Albert was addressing... himself.
and so was lloyd. The hell??? un... less...*
Lloyd and Albrt: *watch as Rap's begins to run away*
Albert: HEY!! UNTIE US AT THE LEAST!!! Jebus!!
Lloyd: This is SO inhumane!!
Rap's; *coughs curtly* um- guys...? i... uh... BYE!!!!! *continues to
flee*
Lloyd and Albert: *stare after her*
Albert: What the hell?
Lloyd: I don't know... but...
*For the first time since Rap's began the experiment, Albert and Lloyd
look at one another.*
Silence
Lloyd in Albert's body: Dude... she turned YOU into ME....
Albert in Lloyd's body: um.... no. She turned you into ME!
*both look at a mirror above*
Dearest reader, you guessed it. Raptor's fooling has switched the bodies
of her favorite bishounen. Albert's mind is in Lloyd body- and lloyd's
is in Albert's!
Albert and Lloyd: ......
Albert: OMG. I'm Lloyd. I'm stuck in a wingly body. I have Silver hair.
I am... I am GOING TO EVISCERATE THAT UNHOLY BITCH ASS RAPTOR!!!!
LLoyd: OH SHUT UP!! At least YOU got MY sexy self!! look at me!! I MIGHT
AS WELL BE A GIRL!!! *weeps* IM A WUUUSSSSSSS!!!!!
Albert: I resent that!!!! Now stop making my body cry!! i look ridiculous!
LLoyd: *cries anyways* NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Anything but this!! ANYTHING!!
ANY ANY AANNNYYYTHHIINNGGG!!!!!
Albert: OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!! .... *blinks as he realizes something*
Your voice is so annoying!!!
LLoyd: Hey- its YOUR voice...
Albert: NO YOU INGRADE! I mean YOUR voice... the one that im STUCK with
because we have SWITCHED bodies!!!
Lloyd: Stop complaining you pop tart! YOUR voice makes me sound like
a dandy! Look at this!? look!! im talking!! im talking and I sound gay!!
Holy mother of god!! im gay!! YOUR gay- arent you!? LISTEN to this!!!!
*talking just to complain about hearing himself talk* OMGGGG!!!! IM
AN ENGLISH DANDY!!!!
Albert: .... Look, I'll let the gay thing slide for now. *eye twitch*
HOWEVER we MUST find a way to reverse this! And for the love of
god- SHUT UP!!! Your embarrasing me!!!
Lloyd: MY ASS I AM!!! *silence* holy ****. My voice squeaked when I
said ass! YOUR VOICE BOX SUCKS!
Albert: *coughs* Lloyd? Look at me a moment.
Lloyd: WHAT!?
Albert: *insane grin* I AM A FUZZY WUZZY ELF AND I HAVE COME TO DESTROY
ALL CHIBI'S!!!! MWHAHAHAHHAHAHH!!!!!
LLoyd: .... DONT ... make me... LOOK.... like a FOOL...
Albert in lloyd's body: BWHAAHAHHA!!!!! I AM A FUZZY ELF!! AN ELF OF
FUZZINESS I AM!!!
Lloyd: ALBERT @#($&@(#*&$ STOP IT!!!
Albert: *coughs* Fine. but my POINT is that if YOU act like an ass-
your in MY body and therefore *I* look like an ass! Keep yourself royal
and I won't make you do the macerena!!!!!
Lloyd: ..... *shudders* okay!! okay!! *settles back against the table.*
So now what!? We are TIED down and... well- we're tied down! I dont
wanna go into the body switching part! (I can't BELEIVE im in Albert's
body... oh shit. What happens if Im stuck like this? What happens when
i feel like taking a shower!?)
Albert: *shudder* I READ THAT THOUGHT BUBBLE and it disturbs ME as much
as YOU!!! Just.. lets.... think!!
*very suddenly, they both hear a loud GO GO GO GO GO from outside the
door, and in a flash of Motion Rose has kicked in the entrance*
Emily: *runs in behind her* WOOOO!!!! WE ROCK!!!! *shooting assorted
smurfs* MWhAHAH!!! *blink* now... uh...
Rose and Emily: *look at Lloyd and Albert*
Rose: LLOYD!!!
Emily: ALBERT!!!
Rose and Emily: YOUR SAFE!!! Our Boyz are saaffffffeee!!!! *jump attack
their respectable partners*
Albert: GAHHHH!!! ROSE!!! NO NO NO!!! IM NOT-!!! *smothered with kisses*
Lloyd: NO!!!! EMILY- YOU DONT UNDERSTAND!! WE- *also smothered with
kisses*
Girls: MWHAHAHHA!!!!!
Boys: _ 0_o _ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
-----------
Lavitz: ....
All: .....
Meru: BORING!
Doel: Weren't they supposed to throw us a rope? *yawns*
((the characters not in Raptors castle are still waiting outside, lounging
about the area and looking generally miffed.))
Haschel: So.... *looks for a topic of converse* Miranda?
Miranda: )@#(*$( eh?
Haschel: Are you related to cid highwind, by any chance?
miranda: @(#*&$(*@& no. but for some reason @#*&$@(# people
are always @)(@#&*$@)( pairing me and @#*&$)(@ him. i really
dont know why the (@*#&$(@ that always happens! It's @)(#*$@#()*
anoying!
All: .....
Kongol: Me kongol hungry!
Shana: Me to. Lets have a BBQ!
Dart: With what?
Lavitz: I know!! Let's cook Doel!
Doel: try it and die, knight boy. *Coughs* .... god... this really IS
boring isn't it?
Meru: BORING!!!
Doel: BORING!!!
Meru: MEGA boring!
Doel: TRIPLE mega BORING!!!
Meru: *grins*
Doel: *laughs*
All: ......
((The group once again lapses into silence. Dart and Shana start chatting
on about nonsense. Haschel and Kongol attempt to make sense of what
Miranda begins talking about, Meru pretends she's a plane and flies
around, and Doel decides that staring at the ground is a good pass time.))
Lavitz: ... *sigh* Okay... lemme see here... *takes out his walkman
and puts the pokemon CD in it.* There we go! dun dun dun dun POK-E-MON!!!
gotta catch em aallllllllll!!! POKEMON!!!! oh yeah!! POKEMON!!!
all: SHUT UP LAVITZ!!!!
Lavitz: heeeyyyy!!!!! Come ON!!! it's a good SONG!!! Wanna hear me do
the pokerap!?
All: ..... *start to run away*
Lavitz: GGUUUYYYYSSSS!!!
((Just then, the giant castle doors open, and Rose, Emily, Albert and
Lloyd come walking through. or... er... more like rose and emily DRAGGED
Albert and Lloyd through. The men did NOT look happy... and unfortunetly,
as their girls did not give them a chance to speak, no one knows that.....))
Lavitz: DUDE!!!! ALRIGHT!!! *waves at LLoyd* NOW YOU CAN GIVE ME MY
MEW2 CARD!!!
Lloyd in Albert's body: DUDE!!! I SO won that CARD!
All: .....
Emily: .... Albert?
Albert in LLoyd's body: *pissed off* LLOYD!! GODDAMNIT!!
LLoyd in Albert's body: WHAT!? GGeeezz!!!
All: ...... *confused*
DOEL: WHOA!!! .... okay!? What the hell is going on here!? Rose!? Emily?
Girls: *shrug*
Rose: We found em up in Raptor's laboratory, but they don't look hurt
or anything! Then again.. we really didn't give them a chance to talk...
heheheh...
Lavitz: yeah... anyway... LLOYD!? MY MEW 2 CARD!? Come'on man!!
Lloyd in Albert's body: DUDE! SERIOUSLY!
Lavitz: ALBERT!? DUDE!?
Lloyd in Albert's body: DUDE!!!
Lavitz: ..... DUDE!?
All: WHAT THE HELL!??!?!?
Albert in LLoyd's body: AHHHH!!!! *smacks his original body* GODDAMNIT!!!
I DO NOT LIKE POKEMON!!!!
LLoyd in Albert's body: Touch me again, Albert, and your DEAD.
Albert in Lloyds body: ... oh ... you-!!!! DIE!!!!!!!
*Albert and Lloyd jump each otehr. Unfortunately- no one understand
that they've switched bodies. Doel begins to laugh like an idiot, and
everyone else just watches on horrified. Rose and Emily seem the most
shocked*
Lloyd: GAH!!! *is flattened to the ground as Albert pounces on him*
NO FAIR!!! MY BODY IS STRONGER THEN YOURS!!!
Albert: And so I shall use that to my advantage. DIE!
Lloyd: OOOWW!!!! OW OW OW!!!!! *growls- and then Albert grabs his ponytail...
god having a ponytail sucked....*
Albert: *snap and pull*
Lloyd: OOOWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!
Albert: *blink* yeah- I know. That really hurts! Rap's does it to me
all the time!
LLoyd: YOU EVIL LITTLE- RAGHH!!!! *brings his legs up and kicks his
poor beautiful body away * I SHALL DESTROY YOU!!! And believe me, hurting
my own face will be hard- but I can do it!!!
Albert: Hmph! TRY IT! *raises fists*
LLoyd: *blinks* Oh for the love of.... *points at himself* Albert- your
fighting stance makes me look like a dumbass!
Albert: Well EXCUSE me if im used to fighting in a THIN BODY!
Lloyd: ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT!?!!??!?
Albert: YES!
Lloyd: BRING IT ON BITCH BOY!!!!!!!
MIranda: @(#*&$(*@#&$(*&@(#&$(@*#& TTTTTTTIIIIIMMMMMMMMMEEEEEE
OOOOOUUUUUTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!
silence sweeps the landscape
Rose: *smacks Lloyd once in the arm- who is really Albert* What the
HELL is going on!!! your talking like.....
Albert: *nods* THATS RIGHT!!! I AM ALBERT- but i am IN LLOYDS' BODY!!
*points at his silver hair and black attire*
LLoyd: ..... my ponytail hurts.... *rubbing the back of his head*
Doel: you all DO know that only ONE person can be responsible for this...
Rose: *eyes glow red* RAPS SHALL PAY.... aaghhhh!! I really kissed albert
up there!! not Lloyd!!
Emily: yeah!! And I really kissed lloyd!! not my Alby!!
Both girls: *ponder this for a moment, and then get weird grins on their
faces*
lloyd and Albert: .....
Miranda: oh @#($(*&@# whatever. Lets find Rap's and kick her ass!!
All: YEAHH!!!!
( ... And this is where i shall end this ramble. Why? Because I don't
want to die. @_@ ^_^ *rides off on a mini tricycle*)
...... (*and gets attacked by flaming ferrets*)
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