Disclaimer: I do not own Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones and I am not in any way profiting from this fanfic.

In Which Things Break Beyond Repair

That particular summer was one that Megan would never forget. It was the summer she had her first real boyfriend, the summer Grandmother had a stroke, and the summer that she realized that she had lost Howell as her baby brother.

It was a minor stroke the Doctors told her. Though she did not understand how the blood flow in her grandmother's brain stopping and necessitating a weeklong hospital stay could possibly be described as "minor."

She seemed all right though. She was sitting up in bed when Megan took Howell to visit, though her speech and movements were painfully slow.

"May I have your pudding grandmother?" Howell asked, sitting on the bed with her as the old woman painstakingly managed each bite from the hospital food tray.

"Howell." Megan admonished him.

Grandmother chuckled. "Go ahead dear."

Howell happily dug into the Jello brand chocolate pudding.

Megan frowned and checked her watch. She was supposed to meet Gareth in an hour. "We're going to have to leave shortly Gran. Is there anything I can bring you from home?"

"Oh…I think I'm fine dear. I'll be back up and around before you know it." She winked at Howell who swallowed his mouthful of pudding and nodded up at her. "But while I'm gone, Megan, you make sure that boy and his motorbike stay away from the house." Grandmother gave her a severe look. She didn't like Gareth at all.

"Yes Gran." Megan lied sincerely. Howell looked at her and wrinkled his nose.

"As for you…" She poked Howell teasingly. "Keep up with your reading. But while I'm away...you can visit your room to keep yourself occupied."

Howell jumped on the bed. "Oh can I really? Oh thank you Gran!" He hugged her.

"Howell!" Megan admonished him again as he tackled the old woman.

"It's alright." Grandmother reassured her. "Be good children. I'll see you later."

"You have to come see Megan! The books! They have all of these interesting titles…and I bet if I followed some of the directions…" Howell chattered happily in the backseat as Megan drove them home.

"Mmm-hmm." Megan agreed without really listening. She wondered if she would have time to change before Gareth picked her up.

He was the kind of boy that Megan never thought she would date. The kind of boy who always look right past her to the busty blonde over her shoulder. But one day she had stopped off at the coffee shop in town and Gareth had smiled at her and made some vague remark about the weather and forgetting his umbrella. He offered to buy her coffee if he could get a ride home and Megan had nodded, too dumbstruck to speak.

"Megan." Howell broke in on her thoughts. "Why is he here again?"

Gareth was leaning against his motorbike in their driveway. He smiled when he saw her and pulled off his sunglasses.

Megan nearly blushed. Howell scowled.

"Hey babe." He greeted her, planting a kiss on her cheek.

"Hi Gareth." She answered.

Howell slammed the car door harder than was strictly necessary.

"Hey pipsqueak." Gareth greeted Howell, leaning over to mess up his hair. Howell glared up at him in response.

"So you ready to go babe?" Gareth asked.

"Megan." Howell nearly shouted before she could answer.

She tore her eyes away from Gareth to look at him. "What is it Howell?"

"You said that you would come see my gift from Grandmother." Howell insisted. "And you said you'd make me lunch."

Megan did blush then and hoped fiercely that Gareth didn't think of her as some kind of nanny. "Howell, you can make your own lunch. And I will come see your gift later."

Howell was not satisfied by this answer at all. "But--"

"Aww come on squirt. Let your sister go and have some big-girl fun for a while." Gareth smiled at her as he addressed Howell, putting an arm around her waist.

Howell frowned. "I'm twelve you idiot, not two."

"Howell!" Megan interrupted him. "Go in the house. Now."

"But!"

"Now!"

Howell stomped his way into the house to the sounds of Megan apologizing behind him. He leaned up again the door until he heard the roar of the motorbike fade into the distance.

Hours later, Howell's anger hadn't subsided.

"I hate him!" He hugged his knees to his chest as he lectured the spiders. "I hate him and his motorbike and the way Megan turns into an idiot every time he comes over." He seethed. The spiders scurried about as if in agreement.

"You would think that with Gran in the hospital she would be around. You think that after four years of being away she would want to talk to me. But no…" He made an emphatic gesture. "She just wants to hang out with her stupid boyfriend!"

He curled his arms around himself again, making himself into a smaller ball. "I don't understand. He's so stupid."

His gaze landed on one of the spiders that is sitting warily a foot or so from the others. It was a fairly large spider, about the size of one of the copper pennies Gran had showed him from America. It was all black and reminded Howell for some reason of Gareth with his stupid leather jacket and his stupid black sunglasses and his stupid motorbike and his stupid smile that made his sister laugh stupidly! He concentrated all of his hate for Gareth on the one little spider, trying to force the emotions on the spider as if doing so would remove the crushing pressure he felt in his chest.

Abruptly the spider stopped its stirrings and fell over, frozen.

Howell nearly jumped. Did he--? He couldn't have. How could he--? He unwound himself and cautiously leaned over to look at the unmoving spider. "Hey." He addressed it.

It doesn't move. It simply lies there like it's broken, it's legs curled in slightly. Howell prodded it gently with one finger.

"Hey." He tried again, though he didn't know if the spider could even hear him. Did spiders have ears? Probably not. He would guess they could sense something from the vibrations in the air though.

"Hey." He repeated, almost desperately. "Come on, get up." It was more a desperate request than a command. "Please." He tried. "Please get up."

The spider remains unmoving on the floor.

"Howell!"

He jumped at the sound, expecting some kind of divine vengeance. Instead Megan stood over him, frowning.

"What are you doing on the dirty floor with those bugs? Get up."

"But Megan…It won't get up." He tried to explain to her. "It won't get up and it's all my fault."

She sighed and leaned over him. "Eww. Howell, it's just a dead spider. We'll sweep it up tomorrow okay? It's late. You should be getting to bed."

Howell swallowed. "But Megan…I did it. I killed it!" He could feel tears forming, warm and heavy behind his eyes.

"Oh Howell. It's just a spider. Don't worry about it. Come on." She offered him her hand. "It's time to go to bed."

"But Megan!"

" God! Howell it's just a spider! I thought you had outgrown this kind of nonsense!" She sighed, calming herself. "Come on." She said then, calmly but with a great deal of self-control evident in her tone. "It's been a long day for all of us. Let's just—go to bed."

Howell looked up at her, frowning at him, hair still windblown from her ride of the motorbike, offering him her hand so she could lead him away and not be bothered by his childishness any longer.

He ignored her offered hand and stood up on his own.

"Fine." He answered her in his most adult tone. "See you in the morning."

He brushed past her and she looked after him. "Howell…" She offered too late.

The next morning he woke up early and snuck back into the room and picked up the tiny spider corpse and wrapped it in a tissue and buried it out in the garden. He marked the spot with a small stone and offered a promise instead of a prayer.

"I'll never do it again. I won't hurt anyone with magic. Not even Gareth. I won't. I won't…"