They look to me to be strong, they have for some time now. It didn't matter, in the beginning. I even kind of liked it, the respect, the trust. That's all past tense now.

I see their faces, anxious, looking at me with complete faith, and I feel nauseous. More than that, I feel cold indifference. I can't seem to care about their lives. I know it sounds horrible, but I'm tired of it. They've never had an original idea in the entire time that I've known them. I wonder if they've ever tried to think for themselves. And I wonder what would have become of them if I had never known them. And I'm smiling at the thought of what fate would have befallen them.

They don't seem to have noticed the change in me, and maybe that's all for the better. How does one explain to those he is closest to that he no longer cares whether or not they're alive? I wonder if it would feel like breaking up with a person you've been dating for years, but I don't have the energy to care or to try to find out if the theory is true.

They haven't noticed that, either, I suppose the lack of energy. These days I end the fight as quickly as possible, without hardly any banter or bravado. Koenma should've noticed by now how much less I fight him when he gives me weakling assignments. Kuwabara should've figured out how little effort I put into beating him when he challenges me, but I suppose his relationship with Yukina keeps him from seeing anything more than six inches away from her face. Kurama or Hiei would've probably have noticed long before now if they hadn't left when this sickness was still forming in the back of my mind. From what I hear, they're very happy wherever they are. I never expected Botan or Keiko to notice my disease. They're both so caught up in themselves, their duties, their lovers, I don't think they even know I still exist. Keiko left me a few months before--it--for a more normal guy she met at the University. I already figured that her going to college would split us up, even before she confessed that she'd been cheating with what's-his-name. And it turns out that Koenma finally got the nerve to ask Botan for a date, they've been sappy and giggling ever since.

And here is me, left behind, forgotten, except when their perfect, pointless little lives are threatened. Then they notice my absence really quick, and cling to me, begging for me to help, never once considering the chance that I may refuse to help them, that I may be sick of coming to their rescue every time a low-level demon's on the loose. And you know what? I'm over it. I'm not doing it anymore. I'm not going to jump and run to rescue them anymore. I'm so tired of all this. All I want to do is sleep.