SUMMARY: The beatings were degrading, the rape was breathtakingly painful, but when he allowed himself to be loved: it nearly killed him. She did it to save him, only for him to hurt her in return. DMHG. WARNING! Darkfic: Rape, incest, self harm.
AN: This story only has about…five more chapters to it, I think. Four or five…I'm really sorry this story has not been updated like the rest. It's been about three weeks. This chapter was so hard for me to write. My version of Draco had such a dramatic turn in his life, it's almost like he's lost himself, or what he used to be. He's been on his way down for quite some time, and this is simply his breaking point. Anyways, I'm sorry; I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I won't tell you if there will be a happy ending. Just know that love is stronger than pain.
Chapter 14: Written in Blood
Don't want to let it lay me down this time.
Drown my will to fly.
Here in the darkness I know myself.
Can't break free until I let it go…
Let me go.
Darling, I forgive you after all.
Anything is better than to be alone.
And in the end I guess I had to fall.
Always find my place among the ashes.
I can't hold on to me
Wonder what's wrong with me.
-Evanescence, Lithium
-----
"Don't touch me," Ron hissed, spinning on spot. He glared down at the tearful Hermione, her face half hidden under her disheveled hair. Ron had struck her earlier with the back of his hand, and a glowing purple bruise was lighting up the side of her face.
"Please, Ron…" she choked out, reaching for him. He pushed her back, making her fall.
"You're bloody disgusting," he said nastily. He kneeled beside her sobbing form and grabbed her in his arms, gripping her hard. "Did he fuck you until you cried, Hermione? Did he pass along his sick, twisted thoughts and make you believe it was love? It's fucking disgusting," he barked in her face. "It might as well be a fucking sin."
They were outside the Great Hall, and Hermione had just been discharged from the hospital wing after spending a day in it. Harry and Ron had not been to see her, only Ginny stopped by, fearfully voicing her opinion of the situation, and vowing to stand beside her. Having entered the Great Hall that morning, she realized the whole school knew her secret. A sign, maybe, had been printed across her forehead, proclaiming that she had "fucked the faggot." Harry would not look at her; the Gryffindor table was so unkind to her. Ron had turned to look at her though, but pain had seeped into her veins. In his eyes, there was the coldest expression there. He quickly stood, pushing her out of the Great Hall roughly, which had suddenly become deadly quiet. Before she could even talk, he had slapped her. She had quickly backed away from him. He questioned her, swore at her, and she had tried to reach out for him, but failed to gain him back.
"Did you know?" he asked, with a small, taunting smile, "did you know your precious poof is dying from a muggle disease? You probably have it too, having fucked like bunnies." Hermione gasped in his arms. He shook her, his eyes intensely ripping her apart. "I hope you have it," he growled venomously. At his words, she shook again, tears streaming down her face. "It would be a punishment just for a typical whore."
"Stop!" she pleaded. "Stop, don't say this Ron…" she cried. "It's…it's me Ron…it's me…" she pleaded, not registering what was happening to her life.
"I don't give a flying fuck," he released her, standing, and she fell onto her back, only to crawl weakly onto her side, crying madly. Ron, in the mist of his anger, pulled his foot back, aiming to kick her, when he heard someone shout,
"Touch her, Weasley, and I'll personally cut your balls off and feed them to you." Standing in front of the doors of the Great Hall was Pansy—Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle standing behind her. Her wand was pointed directly at Ron's lower half. "Go ahead, do it…and see what I'll do to you."
Ron looked back down at the shattered Hermione curled up at his feet. He took a step back, panic taking hold of his chest as Hermione looked up into his face. He could see the swelling bruise that he had put on her face. The pain of realization took hold of him. Last year, he had promised on his life he would never hit her again, never, ever. He had seen the wild pain and anger in her eyes that afternoon on the Hogwarts Express. She had found refuge in the Slytherin compartment. He promised. He promised.
"Bitch," he whispered and walked away from her.
Pansy quickly ran to Hermione, kneeling beside the hurting girl. "Baby," she softly started. "It's okay."
"It can't be…my friends hate me."
"I don't hate you," Pansy said with a smile. "I love you Hermione, and right now, you need to not think about them, or what they think about you. You have to be strong. I know you can…damn it, you're a Gryffindor for Merlin's fucking sake." Hermione laughed weakly at this, sitting up all the way. She looked pass Pansy's shoulder to see Blaise staring at her. She shivered.
"Don't worry," Pansy muttered. "He won't do anything," she said, meaning Blaise.
"I've missed you so much Pansy, I don't know what to do with myself…I don't even know how everyone found out all this in such a short time."
"Who did you talk to about this?" Pansy asked. Hermione sighed, exhausted.
"The only person I've talked to in the last couple of days is…is…Ginny…" her face paled. "I…I told her about Draco and me…and…that Draco was sick…"
"That red-haired bitch probably told her brother everything."
"Is she okay?" shouted Blaise from behind Pansy. He was looking impatient, but also concerned. Pansy turned around to face him
"Why don't you ask her yourself? For fuck's sake…" Pansy swore, irritation etched on her face. Blaise kept quiet, and after a few seconds, walked pass the two girls, leaving the corridor. Crabbe and Goyle looked to Pansy for directions. Helping Hermione to her feet, she smiled weakly at the two boys.
"Why don't we go visit Draco, eh? I'm sure he needs the support…and he'd probably like to see his pretty girlfriend's face," Pansy said kindly, wrapping her arm around Hermione's shoulder. "Right?" the two boys nodded.
In the company of three Slytherins, Hermione made her way to the Hospital Wing.
Draco was shivering, his mind breaking in half as his body jerked with bone-splitting spasms. He was in the second stage of his healing process. The first one he had completed, bleeding out the illness. He had lost so much of that tainted blood; it felt like a gift from God that the burden was off of his heart. His second stage would be the scariest.
Draco was blinded with hallucinations.
Jon sat in the chair beside him, his legs crossed, and his hands resting on his knee. Draco couldn't help but cry as his dead lover moved to rest a hand on his arm. "Draco, love, don't cry."
"I'm sick," Draco whimpered. "I…I…feel like I'm dying Jon."
"You're not dying, sweetheart. You're getting better."
"Why did she leave, where is she?" Draco asked suddenly. Jon smiled weakly, his blue eyes shifted with the slightest bit of jealousy.
"She'll be here soon. I know you love her Draco…I'm happy for you," Jon whispered.
"You were my first Jon," Draco said, a smile touching his cracked lips. "You will always be my first." Jon stood now, leaning over Draco.
"I love you Draco, I love you so much it hurts. If I had to, I would die all over again for you sweetheart," he said with a chuckle. He pushed back Draco's sweaty blond locks. "Keep me in your heart, but please be happy Draco. You will get better, you will continue to love your Hermione, you'll marry her, and forget all the horrible things of the past," Jon whispered, kissing Draco's paste-colored cheek. "And you will remember how amazing your life is, how much you love your life." Jon fingered the dark, thick scars on Draco's wrists.
"Don't leave me Jon."
"I won't love, never." Jon brought his soft pink lips down to Draco's, and kissed him tenderly and slow, trying to draw out the kiss, savoring it. Jon pulled away. He pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket, unraveling it. "That night…when your father came…I wanted to show this to you." Jon held it up to Draco, it was a picture of the two, sitting in a field him and Jon had found one sunny day while searching for customers. Lucas had sent them away for the day, wanting to keep them away from his amateur wand shop during the mornings so not to scare off customers. They had played hooky, having just spent the day with each other, and not finding potential buyers. Jon had nicked Lucas's camera. In the picture, Draco was resting on Jon's stomach, using the boy's flat belly as a pillow. Jon had his fingers in Draco's tousled blonde hair. They were both smiling in this muggle picture. They were both in love. Draco wrapped his hands around the picture, and soon realized that he was once again alone in this pearly white-colored hell of a room.
"Jon…Jon! Jon!" Draco screamed. He clenched the picture in his hands. "JON! PLEASE COME BACK!"
"DRACO!"
"COME BACK!" he screamed so loud, his throat sounded as if it would rupture. "PLEASE! PLEASE!"
"DRACO! STOP!"
"Don't leave me…" Draco had lifted his hands to his face, covering it, wet with tears. Hands gently met his hands, and pulled them from his face. Draco looked up into Hermione's fearful eyes. She sighed. Draco looked around.
"Where's my picture?"
"What?" she asked in bewilderment. Draco brought his dilated eyes to Hermione's and realized that she was not alone.
"You stole my fucking picture," he accused harshly. Hermione gasped and took a step back.
"Draco, I don't know what you're talking about.
"YOU STOLE MY PICTURE!" he shouted. Pansy had decided to come to Hermione's rescue, pulling the girl away from the twisting figure that was Draco. He was thrashing about now, his body convulsing.
"Don't…" he whimpered.
"Crabbe, Goyle, go get Madame Pomfrey from the Great Hall and tell her something is wrong with Draco…" Pansy ordered. The two boys nodded and dashed out of the Infirmary. "Curse her for leaving," Pansy hissed.
"Don't…father…not any more…" Draco was staring across the room, as if someone was there. He had entered another hallucination.
In Draco's mind, Lucius was standing in front of him, a long, thin belt in his hands.
"You will become a man, Draco."
"Please…father…no…"
"I don't want to hear your crying Draco."
"I don't want this." Lucius brought the belt down hard on Draco's legs, making his jump in his bed, howling with pain. He pulled back the sheets to see a large welt appearing on both his legs where the belt had hit him. Lucius pulled the belt back again, and this time slammed it into Draco's shoulder, sending him sideways, nearly toppling off the bed. Draco cried, his body shaking horribly as Lucius approached him on the bed once again.
"Why is this happening to him?" Hermione asked weakly, watching Draco throw himself about the room. She had tried to touch him twice, but each time he would scream in pain.
"Do it," Lucius whispered. "This is how you become a man…" Lucius held out a razorblade, holding it up to show the sobbing Draco, who looked up at it in hope. "This is how you will become a man, and end your pain, my beautiful son." Draco took it from his father's hands. His father reached out for him again, but Draco swung the blade at him, threateningly.
"WHAT IS HE DOING?" Hermione roared. Draco had conjured a sharp knife wandlessly. Hermione jumped to take it from him but he had swung it at her. Pansy pulled her back before it could strike her. Frantically, she searched her robes for her wand.
"Do it."
"Draco, no!" Hermione shouted.
"Do it," Lucius taunted.
"Draco, please…"
Draco placed the knife on his wrist, and dragged it across his skin.
"NO!" Hermione screamed, her voice echoing about the room, filled with pain, and most of all, fear. Draco dropped the knife, falling back onto the bed. Pansy had fallen to her knees in pure shock, and Hermione ran over and was about to press her hands around his bleeding wrist, until Madame Pomfrey came in, her face pale.
"DO NOT TOUCH HIM!" she roared. Hermione jumped back before she could.
"He's dying!" she shouted.
Madame Pomfrey quickly pulled out her wand and healed his wound. She grimaced at the amount of blood that Draco had yet again lost. "He'll need a transfusion…I have to send word to St. Mungos." She turned on Hermione. "You insolent girl," she hissed. "This blood is tainted with disease…" with a flick of her wand, the sheets and floor was clean from Draco's blood. "If you would have touched it, and had any open cuts or sores, you would have surely caught it. Get up," she barked at Pansy, who was still sitting on the floor, shell-shocked. "GET OUT!" she roared.
Pansy and Hermione found themselves wandering the corridors that early, walking in silence. Hermione felt a bit of herself dying with every step. She felt Pansy reach out and take hold of her hand, squeezing it. She then broke out in tears. Hermione stopped walking, pulling the petite girl into her arms and holding her. She knew that Pansy had never seen such an act like that in her life. Pansy wrapped her arms around Hermione's neck, crying into the girl's shoulder. "Shh…" Hermione said reassuringly, "I know…it'll be okay." They stood like that for awhile, breathing hard against each other. Pansy lifted her head and softly kissed Hermione on the lips.
"Thank you," she whispered. She pulled away from Hermione, her eyes rimmed red, but their hands were still clasped. They continued down the hall, not going anywhere, but just needing to be in each other's company. They found themselves in familiar territory. The Gryffindor tower, and worse of all, Harry was coming their way, having turned the corner and seen them. Hermione tightened her hold on Pansy's hand, looking up at Harry as he approached the two girls. He looked down at Hermione's bruised face, his eyes softening, and then glanced down at her hand clasped in Pansy's.
"Are you shagging girls now?" Harry asked blankly. Hermione flinched.
"Have you ever heard of friendship Harry? I doubt you have, seeing how horrible you've botched ours up. I doubt you can tell," she responded softly. Harry's face contorted with anger. She waited. Instead of spitting back at her with an insult, or slapping her like Ron did, he brought his hand to her face, gently touching the bruise there.
"Did he do this to you?" Harry asked quietly.
"Yes, Ron did this to me." Harry sighed.
"Hermione," Harry started. He looked down at her, his best friend for seven years. He remembered when he thought he had feelings for her in the beginning of the year, and having quickly dismissed them simply because he could not lose that special bond with her. This was his Hermione, he was supposed to protect her, not hurt her. He knelt down in front of her, taking her free hand and clasping it in his. "I'm sorry."
Hermione looked to Pansy, who shrugged gracefully. Turning back to the pleading Harry, she nodded her head.
"I'll forgive you Harry, for hurting me. But I'll never forgive you for hurting Draco…you…you and Ron almost killed him," she said tearfully. "Half his ribs were broken and he was bruised all over…"
"I'm so sorry Hermione, I don't know what came over me…you just have to understand that I would never try to hurt you like this…and I…promise to learn to accept your decision to be with Malfoy. I mean, Draco." She smiled at him.
Pansy suddenly gasped. Looking around Harry's shoulder, was Professor Snape, running towards them. He was paler than usual and he was not wearing a robe.
"My Gods, Miss Granger, I've been looking everywhere for you," Snape gasped out. Hermione was a little taken aback from the Professor's behavior, but remained calm. Harry had stood up now, standing beside Hermione.
"What's happened Professor?" Pansy asked.
"Mr. Malfoy has slipped into a state of unconsciousness brought on by him self. Nothing can wake him, Madame Pomfrey has tried everything. But…he left a message."
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, her body shaking. Snape grew incredibly uncomfortable and queasy.
"In his blood, he wrote 'I'm sorry Hermione.' He wrote it on his bed sheets," Snape answered, his voice shaking.
"Oh God," she responded, her hand going up to cover her mouth, trying to fight the feeling of nausea. Her Draco was gone, so far gone in his mind he had brought on a coma.
"Madame Pomfrey believes you can wake him up by talking to him. Her most logical reason for this is purely due to Draco's psychological trauma. She believes that he has escaped to his mind as part of his healing process. However, the only problem is, is that the longer Draco stays in this coma, the faster the disease spreads because he is not concentrating on healing his body first, just his mind." Hermione nodded sadly, taking in Snape was saying. She would help Draco no matter what it cost her.
In the dark, Draco found himself sitting across from a small, blonde child. He was no more than eight; his silvery blue eyes were large with question and excitement. This boy was so pure, so fresh, and so untainted from the disease that Draco wanted to drink from this boy's fountain of purity.
"Who are you?" the little boy asked. Draco smiled.
"I'm your daddy."
"You are?" the little boy asked. He was dressed fit to be an aristocratic king, but Draco himself was still dressed in hospital pajamas. He saw this little boy often in his dreams.
"Yes I am, and I'm going to take care of you, because no one else will love you like I can." The little boy beamed up at Draco.
"Father…" the boy started, a smile touching his small lips. Draco grinned at the word coming from the boy's mouth. He felt so much pride; he thought his heart would explode.
"Do you love me, little Draco?" Draco asked.
"Of course I do, Father."
AN: OKAY—I hope you don't find the ending confusing. Just think about it this way…Draco is a mess psychologically because of his father. Now, all Draco ever wanted was for Lucius to love him, and instead of his Father doing that, he just raped and abused Draco. Now, in order for Draco to overcome what has happened to him, he had resorted to the back of his mind, he has found solace in his younger self. He has found a part of him that is fresh and untainted. This child IS Draco, and the boy is a metaphor for the need…the demand for Draco to love himself, and his life. There will be more hallucinations like these. It's a twist I hope will work out. Thank you for reading this chapter, please tell me what you thought about it, it would help me a lot. If you have questions, I will answer them in the next chapter. Thanks!
Also: If you are a DMHP fan, I have a new story called: Pour Vos Yeux Seulement: For Your Eyes. It's set in France and purely romantic.