Telling Grace

"Um, Grace? … I talk to God."

Author's Note: I own nothing related to Joan of Arcadia except a Season One DVD set.

You may recognize references to "Anonymous," "Silence," "Out of Sight," and "Common Thread," as well as many other episodes.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

I have to tell her. She deserves to know. She's my best friend. She was sitting vigil for me in the hospital hallway while I lay in my room and told Adam. I told Adam, and he didn't believe. But then he did. Adam believed for me when I could not, held me up when I wanted so badly to fall. Maybe it isn't such a bad thing if friends find out.

She didn't know she was doing it, but she saved me. Without realizing it, she stepped in, finished the assignment I closed my eyes to. In the midst of her own long crisis of faith, she did unknowingly what I refused to acknowledge needed doing, opened my eyes to the Truth I'd been hiding from for so long. She gave me back my purpose … doesn't she deserve to know she saved more than one life that night?

She waited with me, talked with me as we held that vigil for Adam in the rangers' cabin. She was honest with me where nobody else would be. She forced me to acknowledge the connections, see the ripples. All the ripples. Even my good ripples sent tiny disruptive ones, distancing ones, into my friendships, especially mine with her. Into my family's love for me. Into Adam's heart.

I can see the good I've done and don't regret it … but thanks to her I can also see the hurt I've caused. But I can mend it now, if I choose.

I have to choose, I have to do it.

I have to tell Grace about God.