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Automatic Flowers
…he loves me. he loves me not. he loves me…
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one petal falls
i'm waiting for this sky to fall i'm waiting for a sign and all we are is so far away
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From the angle I was sitting at, with my head propped on my hand as it was, I was just able to see him. He lay sprawled across his desk next to mine, the back of his shirt pulled taut enough for me to be able to see the outline of his spine and jutting shoulder blades. He had the funniest, dopiest look on his face – he was going cross-eyed as he stared at the fair strands of his fringe. He flicked at it impatiently.
I twirled my pen lazily.
He expelled a long breathe of air, his flicking hand falling down so that it looked like he was reaching for the back of the chair in front of him.
"…By building these sea walls, or spits, the flow of the sand along its natural current has been disrupted, instead forcing it to pile up in one area and thin out in another…"
Mrs. Kelp was drawling on at the front about some uninteresting topic or another. Had I scanned the room at that instant, I would've seen that no one was listening – everyone else was in their own little world, dreaming of things more interesting. Alan even had a line of drool creeping its way out of the corner of his open mouth.
But I didn't scan the room. I was too busy watching him.
Slowly, Steve lowered his head and began to softly hit it repeatedly against the desk. The teacher didn't notice. Nor did anyone else.
I did though.
It had been… How long? About a month, I think, since he had kissed me in his bedroom. A whole month.
And as much as I didn't want to say it…
I wanted him to kiss me again.
My mind recoiled at the thought. Here I was, a guy, wanting another guy to kiss me, to, to press his lips against mine? Again!
The answer was a simple yes.
I sighed.
Beside me, Steve leaned further forward in his seat, making it rock up onto the front two legs. It looked like it was about to slip forward any second.
Bang.
He had slammed his head into the desk again.
My stomach gave a funny little jump.
He leaned back.
My hand twitched.
Finally, I grabbed my notepad, discreetly ripped out a piece of paper, and scribbled something on to it. Then I folded it up and slipped it under his elbow.
He glanced at me funnily, his eyebrows going up in question. I shrugged, and pointedly looked at the note.
He glared.
I shrugged again.
Then, with a grumble that didn't disturb anyone around us, he picked up the piece of paper and read through it. I watched him closely through the corner of my eyes – watching the slight rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed, the movement of his eyes over the note, the way his eyebrows travelled further up into his hairline, and his quick glance towards me when he finished it. He was frowning.
I pretended I didn't notice him looking at me, and instead stared at the teacher. I tried my best to look as interested as possible, but somehow, I found that listening to a dreary teacher talk about sand wasn't interesting at all.
I was just starting to slip off into Sleep Land when the bell rang. Almost immediately, the class snapped out of their separate dazes, grabbed their bags, and bolted for the door, pushing and shoving in their urgency to get out into fresh air and freedom. The teacher didn't notice them leave, staring down at a piece of paper.
"…don't forget to do your homework, questions one to three of the worksheet…" She paused, and looked up to see that only two students remained in her classroom. "Oh. Well. Have a good weekend, boys."
And with that, she stood up, packed away her things, and left.
Leaving me alone in the room with Steve.
He had stood slowly, putting his near empty bag onto his desk, one hand loosing holding a strap. His other hand was on his hip, his foot tapping impatiently.
"Well?" Steve asked, obviously wanting to escape this hell known as school. I began to stand slowly as he continued. "What did you want, Darren?"
I faced him, my hands clenched together behind my back. They were shaking slightly, but I didn't want him to see that.
I didn't know how to say this.
I didn't know how to do this.
"I…" I started, then trailed off unsurely. My heart was racing. Was I really about to do what I thought I was going to do?
I glanced around quickly even though I knew no one else was in the room. And then, before I could stop and change my mind, I leaned forward, closed my eyes - and clumsily pressed my lips to his.
At first, he didn't move. He was completely still. It was as if he were too shocked to do anything. My heart beat faster, my mind racing even further ahead. What if he didn't want to kiss me? What if he didn't like me? What if this was all a mistake…? What if -?
My thoughts were suddenly jarred when Steve finally responded.
He reached up, grabbing my shoulders. For a second, I thought he was going to pull me closer in a tight embrace. But then his hands tightened painfully and he roughly shoved me into the desk behind us instead. Cringing in pain as the small of my back smacked against the sharp edge of the table, I looked up at him bewilderedly. His face was livid with anger, almost a strange dark red in colour.
"What the hell are you doing!" He yelled, taking a step back. I didn't reply. I couldn't reply. I just stood slowly, the pain in my back ebbing away. It was going somewhere else now. Somewhere, deep in the tightness of my chest, the pain was welling up, my stomach clenching tightly.
He didn't…"I…" I started again. Then, thinking better of it, I grabbed my bag, pushed past him and ran all the way home.
It was only when I was locked in my room did I start to cry.
He didn't…
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A.N My apologies to all my readers (wow – I can actually say that now! I can't believe it!) I've been away and instead of being a good little girl a writing Steve's diary, I've instead been writing this… as well as two original stories, one slash, one about Toby and Perri…If you would like to read the slash one - Five Dollar Bag -go to FictionPress and look up The Freaky Butt Mate. XD Me lub you long time if you read FDB! Hehe.
Anyway… I shall go on with this one while I have the inspiration, so… -scurries off-