Growing Pains

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans; they are property of DC Comics, Cartoon Network etc… I'm just a poor college bum anyways so DON'T SUE!

STOP!

Before you continue the story please take 5 minutes out of your life to read my Author's notes. It will make things a little clearer when you actually start reading the story.

With that said!

Kazu-kun's rants on the 3 Red Birds and a Bat:

All right guys, one of the biggest quirks about Teen Titan's at the moment is the eternal battle that's going on as to whether or not the Teen Titan's Robin isDick Grayson or Tim Drake. Just for future reference the fic that I'm writing about is written with the intent that Robin is Tim Drake. So for those who don't know the third Robin as well as the first, this is Kazu-kun's two second jaunt into the character that is Tim Drake.

What the New Batman/Superman Adventures left us regarding Tim is that our third Boy Wonder is a thirteen year-old kid from the street whose father was a small time hood named Stephen "Shifty" Drake. Once upon a time his pop ended up stealing money from Two-Face and then skipped town to escape the villain's wrath. Abandoned by his callous parent, Tim was forced to live on his own. A great admirer of Batman and Robin, Tim tried to act as brave and tough as his heroes as he roughed it on the harsh streets of Gotham, and successfully eluded Two-Face's year-long efforts to capture him and force him to reveal his father's whereabouts. Eventually Two-Face did catch Tim, only to later receive word through the underworld that Drake Sr. had fatally run afoul of gangsters in Central City. Furious, Two-Face ordered his men to kill Tim, but Batman caught up with the villain and rescued the boy. Admiring Tim's courage and fighting skills, Batman took him under his wing and an adopted him. I chose to write with Tim as Robin because of that out of all the Robins, Tim is probably the one that loves Batman most. Unlike Jason and Dick who were much more young men than boys when donning the Robin costume, Tim needed a father figure and growing up on the street for so long made him a lot more appreciative of what Bruce gave him.

And that's it for my history lesson. I hope I haven't bored you all to tears. I just wanted to write a disclaimer to state where I was coming from. So this is what I'm basing my story on. I plan on having some flashbacks from Tim's previous life with Batman in this story, so I wanted to let everyone know the timeline I was basing things on. Around this time, Dick Grayson has become Nightwing and patrols Gotham City for Batman, who has joined the Justice League and Tim Drake is leading the Titans as Robin. Yay. And also for anyone who's seen the new Batman/Superman Adventures I'm reintroducing the memory of Tim's one and only love interest Annie. ( Expect some angst when it involves her.) nod nod Ok? Ok. Thank you for your time and patience in reading my super long rant of nerdom! That's all from your friendly if not overly chatty Kazu-kun. And for all of you who stuck around to the end: Enjoy the story!

PS For anyone who's curious to know more about the headache inducing questions the Producers are giving us regarding the Tim/Dick debate, feel free to go to Wikipedia to learn more.

Chapter.One: Old Wounds

…

He almost had her. The girl in front of him couldn't escape him much longer. But for now he was content to let her think that she was winning. The girl laughed and evaded him, causing her hair to fly up in her face and her hands to clasp her chest. The sight of her, so careful and beautiful was something he wanted to hold on to. Robin felt his cheeks flush and butterflies erupt in his stomach. He never had gotten to tell how her how he really felt. But that seemed so far away right now. In this place, for this moment the only thing that existed was her. And he was happy.

They played tag like they were kids again. Just two dumb kids totally naïve to the horrors and tragedies of the real world. Taking a deep breath Tim jolted forward, using the last bit of adrenaline he had saved up to attack. Just a few more steps and he would catch her. Closing his eyes he darted forward to tackle her.

But his arms closed in around nothing but thin air.

Collapsing to the ground, Robin bit back pain and slight surprise as he hit the earth hard. "Where are you?" He asked rubbing his arm and glancing around for any sign of the girl. She had just been there. Worry gripped his chest when she didn't answer him. He didn't have time to pay the pain too much mind when suddenly he heard her scream his name. "!" He cried out her name but it was silent to his ears. Scrambling towards the sound of her voice he tried to call for her again.

"!"

Again, only silence filled his mouth when her name escaped his lips. It was as if sound itself wouldn't recognize her name. As if she didn't exist. He tripped in the dark and fell hard against the earth once more, the metallic taste of blood seeping into his mouth. His stomach was welling with fear as he picked himself up off the ground and started running again. She was calling for him, but he couldn't find her no matter how much he searched. It was getting dark; he was having a hard time seeing. So he screamed again. "WHERE ARE YOU!"

But it was too late.

All he could hear was laughing this time. But it wasn't his, and it certainly wasn't the little girl he was searching for. Clayface had won again.

He had failed her again.

…

"AAAAH!"

A scream brought Robin out of the darkness and back into cold reality. He didn't realize the voice screaming was his own at first until he let out a choke, his lungs desperate for air. Covered from head to toe in cold sweat he closed his eyes and clenched his fist. "Annie."

The word was real now. It rang across his bedroom filling his ears with its tragic sound.

That nightmare was haunting him again.

Taking a deep breath he was silent for a few minutes, praying no one had heard his outcry. Trying to stable himself he cringed half waiting for the patter of footsteps and worried voices of his comrades. Blushing he knew he had lost masculinity points with that one, that scream could have waken the dead. But no changeling burst through the door to check for space monkey sightings, nor did a half asleep Cyborg come to jive him about sleeping with his grappling hooks again. Thanks to the strong walls of the Titan Tower and the teenage ability to reach a comatose level when sleeping, no one was coming.

He let out a small choke of relief before pulling the sheets off his body. The impending fear was gone, but now Robin had to deal with the slightly sick feeling his stomach was giving him as it churned from the fresh memories still dancing around in his head. Letting out a soft moan he put a clammy hand to his head and knotted his fingers in his dark hair. Batman had always taught him that when you have no idea how to face a problem, taking a step forward is always better than doing nothing. A good bit of advice normally, but if he moved now he wasn't sure whether or not he wouldn't lose the contents of his dinner. So he stayed perfectly still and tried to fight down the mix of nausea and wretched feelings.

"Why are you haunting me like this?" He asked the wind.

Her name was Annie. And… yes, even though most people would have said he was too young at the time to know what it was he was feeling… he had loved her. But it had been three years since the last time he had seen her, being erased from existence by a cold blooded killer. But he thought he had put all that behind him. Why had she been tormenting him in his dreams lately? Sitting there, in the silence of his room all the bitter memories that he had tried for two years to bury came flooding back to him. Three years ago it had been chance that he had found her. Tim Drake had been born and raised in less than perfect living conditions, so suddenly finding yourself the adopted son of a billionaire took some getting used to. He had been walking the streets, trying to escape Wayne Manor for a afternoon when he had found her. Just like a cat that got stuck up in a tree, Annie was a magnet for trouble from the start. Smiling slightly Robin couldn't help but chuckle at how cool he had felt saving her from those thugs, knocking them stupid in front of her just like a real hero. Nowadays it would have been nothing, but three years ago he had still been so shattered. Being anyone's hero would have meant the world to him. And she had been so naive, so alone, without any memories or idea who she was. Yet she had trusted him off the bat, and put her fate in Tim's hand without even a second thought. "Just like a cat, huh Annie?" He thought despite himself. "I took you home with me, named you, and you know what they say… feed a cat for three days and you become attached." His eyes welling with pain Robin looked at the floorboard. "But in the end I couldn't keep you."

She hadn't been real. No, that was the wrong word for it. She always had been real; she just hadn't been allowed to exist. Clayface had created her along with several other children from his own body, and with them he had used them for his own evil purposes. They had been mindless puppets…just living extensions of himself but not her. She had been different. In the end, when Robin had thought he was going to die she stepped in and saved him. No one had ever sacrificed themselves like that for him. And he never got to tell her how much he really felt. How she had saved him just as much as he had ever saved her. So even though Clayface erased her and took her back into his body… as if she was nothing more than a rag doll… Robin knew better. Even if she hadn't existed, his Annie had been real.

"I'll never let that happen again." He whispered his eyes narrowing into slits. "I wasn't strong enough before but no matter what I'll protect the people I care about." With that he dropped his hand from his face and peered out from the good blue eye that wasn't blinded by his tousled mass of bangs.

It was barely 3 AM.

Too early to get up without a good reason, even for a superhero. But Robin knew he wasn't sleeping anymore tonight.

"Where's a nice bank heist when you need one?" He thought somewhat darkly hating how small he felt inside. It had been years since his mind had wandered back to that dark place that existed now only in his memories. And it was so frustrating to be just of afraid of it now as he was when he was just a kid. Even now, in his nightmares Robin didn't exist in that place, only Tim Drake did. And when he had lost Annie all those years ago he had realized that being Tim wasn't enough. So that place frightened him.

Lately, he had started to develop similar feelings towards another girl. Something he had never thought possibly. But the past still haunted him… and he knew as he was now it could happen again. If he tried to love someone again, they could end up dead. He still wasn't strong enough to protect the people he cared about from the burden his love did to people. So for now… all he could offer that other girl was his friendship.

For now, that would have to be enough for the both of them.

Staring up at the starless sky Robin took a deep breath.
He envied everyone else in the world that was asleep right now.
Because three o'clock can seem like the deadest hour on nights like these.
Lying awake, without the wind to drown out the sounds of other people's peaceful sleep... and only having the beating of your own heart and the emptiness inside it to keep you company.
Emptiness had been his only defense as Tim. Like Batman, if he tried to hone himself into the perfect leader, the stoic crime-fighter that didn't always have to be well liked as long as he was strong. If he was human, he'd fail. So he stopped trying to be human.

"I was so pathetic." He heard himself sneer. Shaking his head Robin laughed at himself. Geez… since when had he become such a wimp? He hadn't realized how much he had been running away from that part of himself as of late. "Is that why you're mad at me?" He asked the girl long since dead. "Are you wondering if Tim Drake even exists anymore?" Biting his lip the boy shrugged, "Honestly I don't know." He stopped and thought about it for awhile. He hadn't had much time to get to know Tim since he had taken on the job of being the Titan's leader. Most of the time Robin was too busy to give Tim a second thought. Did Bruce ever get like that? No. He decided a moment later. Bruce wasn't like him. To Bruce, Batman was his true identity and Bruce Wayne was the mask. As of late though, Robin had started to feel the same way.

He felt more comfortable as Robin than as Tim. With the Titans, he had found friendship that he had never knew existed but he honestly wasn't like the rest of them. He wasn't robotically enhanced, have the ability to shape shift, come from another planet nor did he have any mastery of the dark arts. His skill came from his head and from the back breaking training he made himself go through. But still as long as he was Robin, he was their leader, they trusted him and depended on him to see them through whatever peril lay before them. It wasn't that he didn't have confidence in himself or that he didn't feel he belonged with them, Robin just felt like there were two different versions of him. And lately it was getting harder and harder to tell which one was the mask. But he never realized it before, how much he truly was hiding from them. They showed them everything about themselves, but he still had a whole different identity. Despite the fact he was no longer Slade's Apprentice, or Red X, Robin was still wearing masks. He had never even stepped out the door to his room without his mask on.

Getting to his feet Robin moved to his desk in the far corner. It was covered in newspaper clippings and random test tubes which he shoved off as quietly as he could, since it was still a ungodly hour of the night. Flicking the light on, Robin reached up and brushed the hair out of his eyes. As usual his black hair looked like it had been stuck in a toaster, and that look was amplified by the fact he had been tossing and turning in his sleep. A little disgusted he tried to pat down the huge cowlick in the back but to no avail. Nothing short of a can of motor oil grease was going to bring this do down. Ignoring it, he took a good hard look at himself in the mirror. His blue eyes narrowing, Robin realized the person staring back at him was just who he feared.

A stranger.

So whatcha think? This is the first fanfic I've ever posted here on so I hope it was decent. Yes, yes, there is LOTS of self loathing and angst in the first chapter but there is a point to it all I promise! Please trust me on this one. And I hope to have chapter 2 up soon. Read, respond, I accept anything, including flames although try to word them constructively. If you're going to insult my work, do it better than with a streaming paragraph of four letter wonders. You can post a review here or mail me at thanks again for reading!

Kazu-kun