NEXT MORNING. THE PENTHOUSE.

Shuichi wakes up and notices Yuki's arm over his chest. Yuki was still fast asleep. Shuichi gently removes his arm and slowly gets off the bed. He nearly stumbles on his foot because the pajamas he was wearing covered his feet. It was Yuki's pajamas, alright. He proceeds to the bathroom and notices his items were still neatly kept. He brushes his teeth and washes his face. He finds an aspirin and pops one in his mouth.

His old room was adjacent to Yuki's. It has remained as neat as it used to be. All his stuff was still there. He did not bother getting them back anymore because he did not need them anymore. He also hated any remembrance lingering in his new house either. He paused and thought maybe he would need a shower but hesitated. He could take one in his own place. The bathroom would only remind him of something he didn't want to think about at a time like this. The clothes he wore last night from the bar reeked of alcohol and cigarette smoke, he thought. He pulled a fresh shirt and a pair of pants from the closet. It was a blue shirt with white collar and black denim pants. His Nittle Grasper collection was still displayed on the center table. He merely looks at it and smiles but he does not touch them.

He enters the kitchen and opens the fridge and finds a box of orange juice and pours it in a mug. Orange juice is good for hangovers. He remembered Hiro told him once. He notices his old mug on the counter but walks to the fridge again for food and only finds frozen dinners. He starts to cook rice and finishes the orange juice. The man seemed to have forgotten to cook already, he observed. The number of frozen dinners was a clear testament that his home-cooked meals had been nonexistent in this kitchen.

Gods, what time is it? The clock inside the kitchen was dead. He did not even bother to have them fixed anymore just like everything else.

He re-enters the bedroom and looks at the sleeping man on the bed. The man still looked beautifully vulnerable in sleep for as long as he recalled. He surely has lost a considerable amount of weight though. It felt different looking at him now from where he stood. It felt like he was looking at a stranger fast asleep. The urge to smooth his bangs away from his face did not exist now. He locates his watch on the bedside table and puts it on. For awhile he felt like how a man was looking at a prostitute on his bed. He quietly closes the door behind him.

7:15 A.M.

He checks the rice cooker, it was still cooking. He walks to the living room and sits on the plush red couch. The same couch where he spent countless of sleepless nights before. The many times he would be banished from the bedroom and ended up here. It felt like ages ago but sitting here again made the memories fresh again. What is new though is the number of Bad Luck items now displayed. Most of them were limited editions. The stacks of Bad Luck albums both audio and video are neatly arranged in an intricately designed wooden CD rack. The living room has definitely changed with an A/V system installed but the old couch remained. It was never like this. He remembered the man always insisted that he kept his Bad Luck stuff anywhere except the living room and the study. He also remembered the man reminding him that in his house, he was just Shuichi and he replied back that the blonde was just Yuki. Shuichi had no intention whatsoever in displaying Bad Luck in the house anyways. The limited editions displayed were stuff he never even collected. He always felt the fans deserved them more than he ever did. The ones he valued most were the little knick knacks his fans sent him. But looking at the way these Bad Luck stuff were proudly displayed now, he felt numb at the irony.

He notices the Hyper Pop Beat magazine with him as the image cover on top of the coffee table. He flips through the pages only to put it down. His eyes were still drowsy. He stretches himself on the couch and closes his eyes. This should take a while just enough for the rice to cook, he thought.

BEDROOM

The blonde begins to move on the bed. With his eyes still closed, he reaches beside him only to feel a pillow. A PILLOW?! He opens his eyes and finds out he is alone in the room. He jumps out of the bed and stumbles on his slippers and opens the door.

The sight that calmed him as he enters the living room is a sleeping Shuichi in a side-lying position facing the couch. Yuki approaches him and takes a seat beside him. A smile of utter relief escapes his lips. Oh how I miss you, baby. I thought you left me. He places his hand on Shuichi's shoulder but he stirs.

"Shuichi?" he quickly takes his hand away. The younger man turns on his back to face him.

"Hey, sorry did I wake you?" He rubs his eyes. He also noticed the close proximity of the blonde to him and he was sort of smiling at him too.

"No. It's only 8:00 in the morning. Why are you here on the couch?"

Shuichi chuckles softly, "Force of habit, I guess."

He suddenly felt a sudden ache in his heart when Shuichi said that but he tried to fight the surge of emotions overwhelming him again. "It's still early. Come back to bed." He gently coaxed him. He is about to scoop Shuichi in his arms but Shuichi quickly sits up instead.

"No. I have to get up anyway. The rice must be cooked now." He moves away from the couch. Shit! He's so close. I don't need this. He enters the kitchen with the blonde trailing him from behind.

"I'll make some coffee."

"You still remember." Yuki smiles at his offer. He missed the way the younger man made him coffee. No one made it like he did and just the way he liked it. He remembered being told once that he wanted to make the best coffee for the novelist so that way, he would never forget him. He was right after all. Shuichi nods and makes coffee. Then he pours him a cup.

"Arigato." Yuki nods. Shuichi takes out the frozen dinners from the fridge and pops them in the microwave oven. 15 minutes elapsed with singer paying more attention to his drinking than the smiling blonde across him. The microwave oven signals that the food was ready now.

"Do you want to eat now?" He looks at Yuki.

"Are you?" Yuki blinks still obviously happy just looking at him having the run of the kitchen and making food for both of them. Is he concerned about my well being now? It feels so good to at least hope that.

"If you're hungry."

"Maybe later after coffee." Yuki smiles as he sips his coffee. He wanted to relish the sight of the singer as he moved from the microwave and set the food on the table with ease. He must have been so used to doing things on his own now. This is their house no matter what Shuichi says otherwise. He wanted to offer some help but he knew it would speed up the process of this warm feeling of having the younger man attend to such a chore. He wanted to just sit here and watch him in satisfaction.

"Okay." Shuichi shrugs.

Yuki watches Shuichi as he pours himself another cup of coffee from the coffeemaker. Shuichi takes a seat opposite Yuki. He takes a sip then stares at his mug. He looks up and notices Yuki staring at him and smiling.

"What?" There must be something on my face. Whatever it is his thinking and smiling now, I do not want to know about.

"Nothing. I just like to look at you." Yuki gave him a small smile as he held his mug in both hands. Do I make him nervous? Is it working? Oh man, I hope not nervous enough to make him leave. Maybe I should stop smiling. This must look so weird to him.

"Well, if you're hungry, the food is ready. The rice is warm." Oh hell. Why am I even wasting my time here? Shuichi stands up and throws the leftover coffee in the sink and washes the mug. He dries his hand with the kitchen towel and leaves the kitchen. Yuki puts down his coffee and follows him.

"You're leaving?" Yuki's eyes were rounded and the confusion in his voice was audible. Shuichi merely nods in reply.

"I thought maybe after last night…." Yuki sounded hopeful. Holy shit. No. He can't leave yet. No. He can't just leave. He just made breakfast in there. Weren't they supposed to talk some more after this? He can't leave! NO!

Shuichi opens a closet near the door where the shoes are kept.

"Well, we did talk, Yuki."

"It's still early. How about breakfast?" He protested. He knew mentioning about breakfast was a lame excuse to keep him indoors. He has to come up with a better reason than that.

"I have to go now." Shuichi replied calmly. It was getting awkward already. He hated this feeling. He had to leave no matter what. No way was he falling for that sickening attempt of the blonde at delaying him. He was so wrong to assume would be bright and cheery in the morning. He must be deluded to assume something like that from happening.

"But…." Yuki was frowning now. He remembered the clothes in the laundry chute last night. He can't leave without those clothes, can he? But then obviously Shuichi was wearing his old clothes now. He could walk out of here in a heartbeat and not bother about claiming his clothes in someone's laundry chute.

"I want us to get along, Yuki." Shuichi begins to put on his shoes.

"You mean like this?" Yuki's voice nearly trembled. His mind raised for another reason to keep him from putting on his shoes. Shit! He looks so determined at leaving me alone here. This can't be. What about last night? Has he forgotten them? He just can't.

Shuichi stands up and stretches his shirt. He finally looks at Yuki and forces a smile. "At least we're talking now. Who knows we might see each other again someday. Ja!"

Shuichi gives him a small smile and closes the door behind him. Yuki remains stunned at the casual demeanor Shuichi displayed the whole time. He was at a loss for words. He was frozen from where he stood until he had the strength to drag himself on the couch and stared at the image of Shuichi on the HyperPopBeat magazine staring back at him. Was it all just a dream, Shu? I almost had you only to see you walk out the door again. Oh god…I'll never get to see you again, will I? Would you even allow me that? Are we totally over this time? You said we might see each other again but who knows? WHO KNOWS? There was not a thread of comfort in that. It sounded so random, like he was obligated to say it more than he actually meant it. This was definitely Shuichi's final farewell.

The living room suddenly echoed with a painful groan.

SHUICHI'S RESIDENCE

Shuichi arrives at his place. It is a high-rise condominium and he occupies the entire top floor. He walks to the living room and slumps on the big arm chair and closes his eyes. The silence was welcoming to him until he remembered giving everyone a day-off.

The scenes that transpired at Yuki's house were still fresh in his memory. He felt suffocated in that house. He thought moving around that house casually would rid him of that trapped feeling he had since he woke up to find the blonde sleeping beside him. Even went as far as preparing food for the both of them only to leave it untouched. Oh hell! It would have been worse if they shared breakfast. It felt like a tomb in there. He was grateful for the solace his cozy condominium provided him. Now, this is my sanctuary. I am at peace here. Here I can think clearly. There was also not a single reminder of the life he once shared with his former lover.

Since their separation, the trauma was so severe. He was a celibate for quite some time. Of course, he dated once in a while with men or women. He began to establish physical relations with them only recently. From then on the press always brought fresh news and pictures of him with a new person at his side.

A month ago, he was still recovering from a recent breakup with Reiji Matsumoto, a record producer and drummer for another J-rock band, Taste. It was not a painful breakup actually and they have remained good friends thereafter. Reiji was a wonderful lover and very generous but the similarity of their personality proved not to be a healthy balance in a romantic relationship. There was no drama. They made love that evening and by the next day, they simply called it a day and went their separate ways. He knew right there and then how much Reiji still wanted to remain a constant in Shuichi's life even if they would remain as friends. He decided he did not want to lose a friend either and considers Reiji as one of his closest friends now.

But these memories are quickly overshadowed with memories of the man he had lived with for five years.

I don't know what to say anymore, Yuki. I really don't. This is not what I had in mind, but I'm letting you. I'd lie if I said I didn't want us to get along at least. But I know I'll get hurt again for sure. But so be it. I'm not a stranger to this sort of treatment anymore. You've taught me that. I'm much stronger now. But this will be the very last time. I don't know if I still love you but one thing is certain, I forgive you, Yuki. That's all I can do for now. I'm confused with the way you are now to me. I am confused with the messages I am receiving with your gestures and the sound of your voice. It doesn't feel like you but then it still is you. Or maybe I just got so used with your coldness and all of these are so new to me now. Well, we haven't seen each other for a year, you must have changed somewhat, but I don't know if I can stay long enough to watch any of that.

Time had passed and Shuichi has been curled up on the large soft arm chair and when suddenly the sound of the telephone awakening him. He turns on the speaker.

"Yes?"

A filtered voice of a lady from the front desk greeted him. "Good morning, sir. I apologize for disturbing you but there is a gentleman here who wishes to see you right away.

"Who is it?"

"Mr. Glenn Fordham, sir. He says he is from Tokyo Times. He said he has a scheduled interview with you. Shall I have him proceed to the penthouse, sir?"

Glenn Fordham? Who the hell was that? Although he did remember obliging to an interview for Tokyo Times before but he did not expect he'd be interviewed so soon. He usually accommodated press people in the afternoons. Oh what the heck? Maybe talking to a stranger now would ease the tension he had at Yuki's place.

"Sir?"

"Okay, beam him up here then. Thank you, Rica-chan."

"No problem, sir." She had to keep her giggles to herself. She is still a big Bad Luck fan after all but this is a job she takes seriously and keep for as long as the vocalist still maintained residence here.

The door chime signaled for Shuichi to open the door partially.

"Shuichi?"

Shuichi looks at him. "Yuki, why are you here?"

"Can I come in?"

Shuichi looks down and hesitates but he opens the door.

"Thanks." Yuki nods and enters. He takes off his shoes.

"How did you know where I live?" Shuichi asked. But Yuki merely gives him a knowing glance. Shuichi shakes his head. He knew. Glen Fordham, nice move, Yuki. How sneaky of you.

"Never mind. Anyway, why are you here?"

"I came to return you this." Yuki hands him the cell phone from his pocket.

"Oh. Thanks. Have a seat." Shuichi gestures to the living room. Yuki takes a seat.

"You have any special plans today?" Yuki looks at him.

"Hai. I have an afternoon flight back to Seoul today."

"Seoul?" Yuki's eyes widened.

"It's like home to me." Shuichi shrugs.

Yuki looks at him longingly. Shuichi diverts his gaze.

"Do you want a drink?" Shuichi was about to go to the kitchen.

"Huh? Ah, no. Thanks." Yuki sounded distracted.

"Well, I need one." Shuichi goes to the kitchen.

As he poured his drink into a glass, he stared at the window.

Yuki, why did you come here? Why make it harder than it already is? You should not have come here. You cannot stay.

Shuichi takes his drink and finds that Yuki is no longer in the living room. He sees him looking out on the balcony. Shuichi slides the door open. Yuki turns to him and smiles.

"You have a lovely place here, Shuichi."

"Thanks." He leans beside the sliding door.

"Are you alone?"

"No. I'm usually out." Shuichi sips his drink and watches Yuki. He notices Yuki was still wearing the same shirt he wore from last night beneath the jacket. His hair was a bit unkempt. Yuki turns his back and is facing the balcony. The morning air was cool.

"I know you must think that I shouldn't have come here."

Shuichi looks down.

"I understand. I also know things are not the way as they used to be. You have your own life as I have mine. I'm supposed to be happy. I got what I deserved."

"Well, aren't you?" Shuichi looks at him inquisitively.

"I had no idea it would turn out this way.

Shuichi sips his drink and slides the door to close.

"There's something else you didn't know about."

"And what would that be?" Shuichi raises an eyebrow slightly.

Yuki turns around to face him. Shuichi looks at him unsure. Yuki smiles at him weakly.

"You were not the only one who fell in love, Shuichi."

Shuichi looks at him wide-eyed. His lips quivered. The grip on his glass became tight. Yuki turns to look at the balcony again.

"You were everything that was so wrong for me from the very start. Noisy. Bratty. Hyperactive. Crybaby. Relentless. You weren't supposed to last even a minute with me. But when you stopped traffic that day and jumped right in front of my car, I knew that nothing prepared me for someone like you."

Shuichi's mouth was slightly open. He could not believe what he was hearing. Those words were unexpected. He steadies his gaze on the glass he was holding.

Yuki continued, "I thought I had it all figured out. The idea was to give it a day or two. It stretched to a week then you suddenly moved in with me. I panicked and I wanted you out not because I didn't want you around but because I didn't know what to do about it. The whole reality that we were going to live together just scared the hell out of me. Was it a dream? It all came too soon for me."

Yuki pulls himself up to sit on the balcony as he watches the neighborhood from below.

"Remember that day I announced to the press about our relationship?"

"Hai." Shuichi nods.

Yuki smiles as he recalls that day. "It just felt so easy. Hell! I wanted the whole world to know what it felt like. The panic. The fear. The hesitation. All that just didn't exist. It was such a freedom that was so overwhelming and comforting."

Yuki chuckles softly at the thought. "And you looked so frightened that day. Man! What a switch we had!"

Yuki's voice becomes low. "And when we made love that night, I was just so happy. It was a huge step. The whole world didn't matter anymore. I had all I needed right there beside me."

Shuichi shifts his eyes to the bonsai tree at the end of the balcony corner. He remembered that night. Yuki looked so happy. He held and touched him so gently and sweetly. He realized it now.

"I thought it would never end. That happiness I felt but then I was still powerless to the old nightmare that haunted me for years. I knew what it felt to be happy. The happiness of having found someone I could be with but I was afraid I'd lose it again."

Shuichi frowns at Yuki. "I'm not Kitazawa. I'm not that man you killed, Yuki."

Yuki shakes his head. "No, Shuichi. You never were. You're nothing like him at all."

"Then what, Yuki?"

Yuki breathes deeply and swallows.

"I saw my former self in you. It was like looking at a reflection of who I was then. But you were much more than that and it frightened me so much that I wanted to keep it that way. The only way I thought would protect you was to keep you safe from me. I'm too destroyed, Shuichi. You're too beautiful for someone as wretched as me."

"Is that why you kept pushing me away?"

Yuki looks down. "What a fool I am. How desperate to go through such extremes. I drove you over the edge. Confident in the thought that I would always have you no matter what the cost but I was so dead wrong. That fated night you left on our fifth anniversary will remain in my mind forever. The moment I dreaded the most really did happen after all. I wanted so bad to protect you and keep you but I ended up dragging you down with me."

"We exchanged a lot of bitter words earlier, Yuki."

Yuki's voice broke. "I don't blame you at all. You had to say them and in a way I am really glad you did because I needed to hear them. It's a whole lot better than you being silent as you kept your distance all this year. You gave me your love, Shuichi. I wanted to feel your anger too. I've juggled with the thought that if you could just hate me then things would be a lot easier for both of us….and perhaps….."

Shuichi cuts in. "You have no idea how much that cost me, Yuki! It may be easy for you to believe but it was never for me!"

Yuki nods. "I know. I feared that you would hate one day, Shuichi. But I realized I'd just….I couldn't live with that."

Shuichi puts down his glass on the glass table and approaches him. "I don't hate you, Yuki. I'm hurt and it still plagues me but I never hated you."

Yuki gets off the balcony and turns to Shuichi. He takes Shuichi's face in between his hands and looks at him closely. Shuichi squeezes his eyes shut. He still could not look at Yuki so close.

I can't give in like this, but…..

Yuki lowered his face and planted a soft kiss on Shuichi's forehead. A tear rolls down Shuichi's cheek and he raises his hand to wipe it impatiently.

"Shit. This must annoy you like hell."

Yuki looks at him and shakes his head slowly. He pulls Shuichi closer to his chest. One hand cradling the back of his head while the other encircled his waist.

"Your tears don't really bother me, Shuichi, unless I am the cause of it."

"I'm still scared, Yuki." Shuichi could only clench his fists to his side. He still did not have the strength to hold onto Yuki.

"I'm scared too. I'm scared I might lose you again." Yuki hugs him even tighter.

"I must have meant something to you after all." Shuichi sniffed.

"More than you'll ever know, Shuichi." Yuki whispered.

"Yuki….?"

"Hmmm…..?"

"I feel something is different with you."

"What is it?"

"You were never like this to me."

"I'm trying to let go of all that. We can't live like we used to. It has to end sooner or later. It's exhausting."

"That's nice. I'd like that."

"As long as I'll always have you." Yuki embraces him tighter.

"Shuichi…"

"Yes?"

"Remember that I promised you something at the park last night?"

"What is it?"

"I lied."

"The choice is yours."

Yuki releases him but holds his shoulders and gazes at him then kisses him tenderly. They both close their eyes. Shuichi still could not bring himself to hug Yuki. Yuki senses this hesitance. He moves his lips to Shuichi's ear and whispers.

"I'm not letting you go. EVER."

Shuichi smiles as he looks at the determination in Yuki's eyes. Only then he found the strength to touch the older man and slowly slides his arms around Yuki's back and relaxed. They deepen the kiss.

Oh how he loves this man. Yuki made a silent prayer that the beautiful man in his arms and whose soft lips he craved for so long will never be apart from him again. This is how it should be. This is the right thing to do. Shuichi and him. No one else. Nothing else mattered. This is how it is supposed to be. I hope I die before hurting Shuichi again. I can't stand being away from him. Gods! Whatever possessed me to let you go?

BEDROOM.

Shuichi's eyes flutters open. He sees Yuki beside him and looking at him. Yuki is lying down on his side while his hand supported his head up. Shuichi smiles and playfully nudges his knee to Yuki's stomach.

"Hey, you." Yuki smiles back and touches Shuichi's bangs on his forehead.

"Kireii." Yuki murmured. (Kireii means Beautiful)

Shuichi blushes furiously and tries to pull the blanket to his chin. Yuki moves closer and slips his hand underneath the blanket to caress Shuichi's neck, shoulder, chest, stomach as it slowly goes down to his waist. He moves on top of him. His eyes defined his intentions and began to plant hungry and wild kisses on Shuichi's body.

"Gods! Shuichi…..one year…..one year……" Yuki murmured passionately.

Shuichi moans and rakes his fingers on Yuki's hair and they kiss deeply. Yuki presses his hand on Shuichi's cheek. Shuichi takes his hand and looks at the sterling silver wrist chain.

"I never got to give you this properly."

"It doesn't matter. I love it." Yuki captures Shuichi's lips again.

"You're so warm, Yuki." Shuichi gasps in between breaths.

"You cold, baby?" Yuki looks at him dazed. His eyes darkening with lust and desire.

"Keep me warm then." Shuichi closes his eyes and smiles as he embraces Yuki tenderly.

"Always." Yuki smiles.

OWARI. THE END. FIN.

WORDS FROM THE KITTY:

First I want to thank everyone who has faithfully kept track of this fic of mine when it was first published and to its republication and ultimately this much-awaited climax. It has been a pleasure to write it as well. Your reviews have inspired me a lot. Thank you so much again.

The change and hopefully a more lasting relationship for the two of Yuki and Shuichi. Kisses to all! Currently, I have an ongoing story of Yuki and Shuichi entitled, "PINK AND ICE." and a brand new FAKE story featuring my second favorite couple.

This "IN THE END" fic like all of my other works are close to my heart but I must say that I've infused a lot of personal experiences here. I cried, laughed and even screamed writing this not to mention getting distracted and standing aimlessly at the supermarket many times as I imagined how the next scene would unfold.

All in all it has been a labor of love on my part and I dedicate it to you and to all of us, who loves Gravitation and to readers and writers as myself who believes in true love despite its many forms and situations.

Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience with me.