Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive.

A/N : Sheriff Bart - "Mongo was easy, the bitch was inventing the Candygram. Probably won't even get credit for it." (Blazing Saddles)

Bayman uselessly struggles against his leather restraints that shackle him to Hitomi's weird smelling, four posted bed. His hands are tied above and his feet below and if his memory serves correctly, this isn't the first time. Unfortunately this time, the culprits are still in the room. Hitomi and Ayane, an odd partnership for sure, both stand above the lumpy bed with devious, crooked smiles. Ayane's devilish red eyes don't help the situation.

"Do you two expect me to talk?" Bayman spits the words and Ayane cackles and shakes her head, unsheathing a small blade,

"No, Mr. Bayman, we expect you to die." Ayane begins to lean forwards and Bayman forces his eyes to stay open, not to show his wet pants terror, but Hitomi quickly grabs Ayane's armed hand,

"But i thought we needed his live body." That shrill voice sends shivers across Bayman's body, like thousands of little rat feet pattering across his skin.

"So you guys do want me for your own...carnal pleasures." Bayman asks with a reproachful head shake and the girls look away from each other and down at Bayman with disgusted faces. Hitomi actually pretends to be retching, or perhaps it isn't feigned.

"You wish, Russian, we've seen what you're working with." Ayane deprecates and Bayman swivels uncomfortably, attempting to cross his legs.

"Oh c'mon, it's cold in here." He attempts to defend his shame and Ayane laughs at him mockingly,

"I meant your face." Bayman gasps at the terrible remark and a small yelp escapes his pained throat, "Now listen closely." Ayane continues, beginning to spin the small blade among her fingers, "You are going to be part of me and Hitomi's greatest experiment. We're going to transfer my daddy's mind into your body, and that's why you're not dead yet."

"Yea, that makes perfect sense...but why are you working with Hitomi?" Bayman asks, still spilling through the dark recesses of his mind, trying to think of an ingenious escape. Ayane turns around and Hitomi steps forwards to explain,

"When Genra is reborn, we are going to use him to kill Kasumi so I can have my Einy back. If you knew anything about love, you'd understand." Hitomi turns away in a huff, as if she's fighting tears and Bayman can understand her plight. To be sexually attractive to no living creature.

"Hey, I've been in love before! Ya know those new J-Lo big booty mannequins?" Bayman giggles to himself at the thought because those were some good times. The cleanup was a bit of a hassle though, "But please tell me, where are all the Frankensteiny gadgets and electrodes and such?" Bayman lifts his massive head off the pillow to look around the plain, empty room. Ayane scoffs and holds up a small rag doll which sort of looks like Bayman himself, but the arms aren't muscular enough. Next to her, Hitomi holds a very old looking syringe full of what appears to be maple syrup.

"Have you ever heard of Aunt Jemima Voodoo?" Ayane asks, stroking the the top of the doll's head and Bayman has the haunting urge to start wagging a tail that he doesn't have, "In the Shinto Religion, it's quite taboo. In fact, it doesn't exist and we just made it up."

"Okay, but give me one last request." Bayman pleads and Ayane tilts her head to one side and then nods,

"Sure, what is it? And if you say 'sex', I swear I'll--"

"Nothing like that," Bayman quickly answers and starts thinking of a backup request and luckily thinks of one, "When my poem/movie/greatest work ever, The Waltz of...uh, damn, I can't remember the title, but when it's created, I want the proceeds to go to the starving orphans of the Middle East. It's terrible that they can't eat their usual diet of oil because the Americans stole it all."

"I didn't know you cared." Ayane says both dismissively and sarcastically and snaps her fingers, sending Hitomi forwards with her deadly, rusty needle. Bayman winces as she climbs up onto the bed next to him, but he quickly changes his mind,

"Wait, no, screw the orphans," Bayman says and Hitomi pauses with the needle inches away from his neck, "Just trick my grave out with some rims."

It's just wonderful that the first time he infiltrates a woman's bed that he's not related to, he gets to die. If he's going to the underworld, he wants to be able to do it in style. And hopefully it's lite syrup because he can't stand to gain any more weight. He closes his eyes and cringes, awaiting the fatal pinch as Hitomi makes her move, but he quickly hears two deafening cracks, like gunshots and two different pitched shrieks. As he begins to open his eyes, his body is jerked backwards and he slams his head on the floor. In a confused blur, he sees the room spin as he travels, pulled by something attached to foot.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Bayman feels the brisk cold of the outside world as he collapses to a balcony and looks up, the drug induced stars above seeming to spin above him through nausea. Due to his expert training in whatever field he's in, he's able to right himself and as he looks up, he once again has the desire to wag the tail he doesn't have.

"Christie!" Bayman leaps forwards and wraps his massive arms around his companion's petite frame, causing a small groan to escape her mouth. He begins jumping up and down excitedly with Christie in tow, but she finally wriggles free, "Girl, you don't know how sprung I am to see you!" Christie looks at him awkwardly,

"Do you even know what that means?"

"Of course, it's when a guy is really happy!" Bayman begins and Christie waves her hand in a circular motion, motioning him to elaborate further, "Like in the morning."

"Oh okay, for a second I didn't think--" Christie is interrupted by Bayman's ramblings,

"Like Christmas morning especially, when you know there's thousands of presents under the cactus and you run down the stairs, well, actually...there weren't any stairs in the orphanage, and I never got any presents because no one loved me, more like an apple and a slap from the headmistress, but still...I knew you'd come back for me!

Bayman purses his lips together and leans forwards, but Christie holds her hand up and his lips connect with her vanilla perfumed palm. Not lips, but hell, what can you do?

"Don't get ahead of yourself, bellylicious, I only came back because I need your help off this Island." Christie explains, looking westwards towards the direction of the docks.

"Ah, you need my specialty in master-boating? It's what I do best you know, honey."

"Not precisely. I figure I could use that global gut of yours as a flotation device. I'll have to hollow you out of course, but it benefits you, because I'll be riding you."

"But I'll be dead." Bayman answers sadly and Christie inhales air in between her teeth, attempting to sound regretful,

"Yea, sorry, but that's the trade off. How about this, I'll wear my cute little black cat outfit." Bayman's legs almost give out at the thought of that outfit, with the ears and the tail and the little paws. This woman does love him.

"It's a deal! And to tell the truth, you can use my specially created tube to hollow me out..." Bayman reaches for his zipper, but he halts immediately as a seven pointed shuriken slams into the wooden balcony floor.

Christie leaps backwards startled, but immediately on guard as Bayman hugs the rail in tears. She looks upwards and isn't surprised to see Hayate standing arrogantly on the balcony of the level directly above them. She opens her mouth to taunt him and ask him if he wants a bullet in his ass like she gave to his annoying little sister, but Bayman speaks first.

"Holy shit, it's wingless." Bayman says, standing up without an ounce of trepidation apparent in his voice. Christie looks over mouth agape at his newfound courage. Hayate laughs derisively from above and points his long katana downwards,

"Come Derek, I invite you to impale yourself upon the end of my sword. Spying on my sisters is going to cost you more than you know." Bayman returns the derision with a scoff and Christie looks from one man to the other in confusion,

"Who the hell is Derek?"

"Quiet Holly, the men are talking." Both Bayman and Hayate say in unison and Christie readies her gun through the personal offense, but can't decide which one to shoot first. And Holly? Have these men gone absolutely crazy? Perhaps Hitomi was able to inject him with whatever that mixture was before Christie was able to lasso Bayman's foot and drag him out of the predicament. Either way, one of these bastards is going to get shot. She aims back and forth as Bayman and Hayate continue laughing and scoffing at each other, but she lowers as she picks up a hint of magnificent euphoria through her thin nostrils.

"Come down here and let me crush you with a big stone!" Bayman yells upwards, "I have the urge to do that for some reason." Hayate begins to leap, but stops and he looks behind him as a swift breeze slashes over the rooftop. Bayman and Christie feel it too and Christie realizes what the fragrance is. The perfect companion to her vanilla scent, almost a cinnamon, with a touch of nutmeg. The figure slashes through the sky, long beautiful hair flowing behind and an impressive weapon in front.

"No, it can't be!" Hayate yells and quickly and holds his blade at the ready as Ryu Hayabusa's face is unmasked by the moonlight and he lands gracefully on the tips of his toes behind Hayate.

"Are you prepared for another rooftop battle, Yatee-chan?" Ryu smiles and strikes forwards with his blade and Hayate barely dodges with a squeal. He recovers his footing and attempts an attack of his own, but Ryu easily blocks, locking their swords together.

"C'mon, Ryu, I told you to look after my sister, not let her play volleyball on some strange island where they're wigglin and jigglin all over and some black guy is the proprietor and...damnit, Ryu! Bayman was trying to take pictures of my sexually mature sisters! Especially Ayane, and you know she belongs to me!"

"I never tried to take pictures of that red eyed demon!" Bayman defends himself from the ledge below and Hayate scowls,

"You shut up!"

"Hey, don't yell at those two poor assassins," Ryu commands with a peremptory pointed finger, "Christie and what's-his-name are innocent."

"Woah, he said my name..." Christie sighs with passion behind her eyes and Bayman looks over, not able to discern why she doesn't look at him the same way.

"Yea, Ryu's a mystery entwined by a question mark, wrapped around an eggshell." Christie looks over with a scowl, furious that he ruined the mood,

"Enigma."

"Oh right. What did I say?" Bayman asks, hiding the frustration that his attempt at sounding brilliant burned to pieces.

"Bayman, I'm stupider just hearing it, I don't wanna know what'll happen if I repeat it." Christie returns her attention back to the man of her dreams and Bayman unwillingly joins her.

Ryu steps backwards, mercifully allowing Hayate to recover to his feet, but Hayate attempts a sneak attack. He strikes forwards with a thrust, but Ryu sidesteps him and slams the hilt of his blade down onto Hayate's hand, sending a shriek from his mouth and his sword falls to the level below. Bayman reaches out to catch it, attempting to impress Christie, but it falls too fast and he withdraws his hand with a feminine yelp.

"It appears I have disarmed you, Yatee-chan." Ryu says smoothly and Hayate sniffles, looking upwards at the much more skilled ninja. He refuses defeat.

"Then there's only one way to settle this, Ryu! And only I know the Rip Torn Sky Blast!" Hayate leaps backwards and thrusts his hand backwards, attempting to focus the mystical energy into his palm. Ryu only snickers.

"There are some trees down on the surface. Do you wanna throw yourself into one of them like last time, or I should use my Inazuma Ninpo and just blast you down there?"

Hayate quickly halts his attempt at gathering the fake, made up energy and shakes his hand at Ryu,

"Okay then, there's only one more way to settle this! Put your hand out on six!" Hayate thrusts his fist forwards, then withdraws it and Ryu joins in, both of them shooting their hands into the open space between them and pulling back. On the sixth thrust, they hold their hands out with the specified attacks.

Hayate holds his palm out flat, all of his fingers together and Ryu holds out his first finger.

"Is this the Taiwanese version of Rock, Paper, Scissors?" Bayman asks, absolutely befuddled and instead of answering, Christie just slaps him across the back of the head and continues watching.

"Well, well, it appears that you have decided to use the katana," Hayate says, looking at Ryu's outstretched finger and giggles, "But i have chosen the Tatami Mat! Which your katana stabs into, but gets stuck! I take it from you and strike you down!" Hayate begins to do a little dance, waving his Tatami Mat in Ryu's face, but Ryu shakes his head and brings his left hand out from behind his back, all the fingers separated and extended,

"Unfortunately you didn't see my hiogi, my personalized ribbed fan behind my back. A Ninja always has a back up," Ryu continues the verbal battle, bringing a halt to Hayate's dance, "You attempt to strike me down with my own katana, but I deflect it and then with a bunch of up and down motions, i fan you to death!"

Hayate's eyes begin to fill with water and he backs away in horror,

"No! That can't be! I refuse that fate!" He continues to back step, not seeing the edge of the balcony and Ryu holds out his hand, but Hayate slips and with an ululating cry, he plummets off the balcony.

"Yatee-chan!" Ryu leaps down to grab him, but misses and Christie covers her mouth in astonishment, amazed how silky Ryu's hair actually is. Hayate slashes passed Bayman who does nothing to catch him, but Hayate catches the rope that is still tied to Bayman's ankle.

"Wait, no!" The force brings Bayman crashing to the floor and he slides up against the metal railing, his roped leg hanging off as a desperate Hayate dangles in mid-air, "Mi Amor, save me!" Bayman pleads, his leg feeling as if it will be ripped off, surprisingly seeing how short Hayate is. Christie looks over towards Bayman and then up at Ryu who winks at her and she bites her lower lip and waves, "Christie!" Bayman calls and Christie scowls and turns around,

"Damnit, Bayman!" Christie pulls out her gun and fires and Bayman covers his face with his hands, but the bullet accidentally misses him and connect with the rope.

"NO!" Hayate falls backwards and hits the ground, his feet touching easily since he was only dangling about three feet above. He wipes tears from his eyes and turns around petulantly, "Screw you guys, I don't need friends!" Hayate picks up his sword and rushes away into the jungle, his hands covering his streaming face. A load crack emanates outwards only seconds after he enters, "Damnit! I hurt my back again!"

"Are you guys okay?" Ryu asks, landing beside Christie and she giggles nervously and nods, wiping her sweaty hands on her pants. She quickly pulls out a mirror and checks her hair and then snaps it closed and smiles wider. Bayman quickly stands up and rushes in between Christie and Ryu,

"Yea, yea, you saved us, thanks. I could grow my hair out long if I wanted too, but well, I'm balding so it's like...well..." Christie elbows Bayman in the gut, sending him backwards and she steps closer to Ryu,

"Could I do anything to um..." Christie licks her lips, looking downwards longingly, "Repay you?" Ryu shrugs his shoulders and then shakes his head,

"Nah, not really. Zack wants to see you two though. Care to follow me?" Bayman shakes his head with a scoff,

"Actually, we were just about--"

"Sure!" Christie leaps into Ryu's arms and begins circling his chest with her thin finger, "Can I ride on your back?"

Bayman growls as Ryu leans down and Christie joyously climbs up on his shoulders, resting her head on the top of his. Ryu leads the way back into the hotel and Bayman grumbles as he follows with his limp. They travel down the hallway and then ride the express elevator to the top story. Bayman keeps staring up at Christie's elation and knows he could never compete with a tall, sinewy, long haired Asian. Pretty much, he's the exact opposite. And that sucks.

"Here we are, Zack's Playahouse," Ryu says as the elevator stops and both Christie and Bayman look at him confused, "He doesn't like the so called Anglo-Saxon term 'Penthouse'." Ryu shrugs as he lets Christie off his shoulders and leads the way out. The delightful smell of fried catfish enters their noses as they turn a corner and the pimped out layout comes into view. An 1000 inch flat screen TV on the front wall, Klipsch speakers scattered everywhere and a black panther print sofa smack dab in the middle.

"Welcome back, Ryu." Brad Wong says, lounging on a beanbag in the corner and Ryu waves as Bayman looks around and to his surprise, sees not only Brad, but also Jann text messaging away on a cellphone and Genny sipping on malt liquor. Why the hell wasn't he invited to the Island? What were the requirements? He's as cool as these guys!

"About time you got back!" Zack yells, emerging from a side kitchenette with Tina behind him, wearing a pink mini skirt that doesn't cover anything at all and a white, mesh top that has nothing under it.

"Sorry bud, I got sidetracked." Ryu says, stepping to the side and allowing Bayman and Christie to be seen by the party within. Zack scowls at Bayman, but then smiles at Christie,

"Damn, girl, how long's it been!" Zack hugs Christie tightly and she shares his laughter and hugs him back and Bayman stands with his mouth wide,

"What the hell! You know Zack?"

"Know? Shiiiit. Christie did these braids!" Zack lowers his head, proudly displaying his silver dyed cornrows.

"Why won't you let me braid your hair, Zacky?" Tina asks from behind and Zack scoffs mockingly,

"Because you have the hand control of a retarded, palsy monkey with slight arthritis and probably tennis elbow."

"Oh." Tina nods and sits down and Zack turns back around to Bayman.

"Well, if you a friend of my girl, you a friend of mine. What up, Blood?" Bayman holds out his closed fist to receive his daps, but Zack looks down at his fist, and then at Bayman,

"Ngga, I don't know you." Zack turns around, leaving Bayman hanging and snaps his fingers,

"Tina, get Christie a straight Jack with some colorful ice cubes, and get Baytoven here some orange drink from the cabinet."

"I don't even get no juice?" Bayman asks insulted and Zack thinks about it and then shrugs,

"Nah, you can have some 7-Up in your drink though. Tina, order up, get to it!" Zack snaps and Tina leaps to her feet and rushes into the kitchen.

"That aint right, bro." Bayman answers and Zack peaks over his shoulder and then at Christie,

"Girl, where'd you find this wanker?"

"Zack, it's me, I'm from the Tournament," Bayman begins to explain, "I retired after one and then came back in three, kind of like Jordan." Zack scowls and has to hold his fist steady not to strike,

"You better come up with a better comparison!"

"Why, is that a Race thing?" Bayman asks and Zack scoffs,

"No, its a size thing, inkee-dink." Zack erupts into laughter and everyone else in the room joins in. Bayman frowns and moves off into a corner.

"Hey, Jann, you gonna have to turn that phone off when the movie starts." Brad says from the corner and Jann Lee looks up,

"Nah, son, this fine-ass mama is talkin mad durtay!" Jann says, slamming his response into the phone and laughs, "Don't be jealous because you don't have a Live-Links briz!"

"How do you know she's attractive?" Bayman asks and everyone looks over at him with lowered eyebrows. He steps back out of the room and closes his mouth and everyone resumes the conversation.

"Either way, she aint as hot as Tina." Zack says as Tina returns with the drinks and Brad nods his head as her rounded booty walks passed his grounded position,

"I drink to the moon! The mucho voluptuous moon..." Brad takes a drink and Gen Fu cackles,

"I'd give up my granny porn for her." Zack covers his mouth in disgust as Christie receives her drink and Bayman reaches for his, but Tina slaps his hand.

"Hey, Ryu, where's my munchy bag?" Zack asks curiously, "I need my treats while we watch this new Rumble Roses XXX."

"Oh damn, sorry man, I think I dropped it while saving Christie and Bay...the guy over there." Zack scowls and begins itching his shoulder in withdrawal,

"You toyin wit my emotions, Dawg!"

"I have something you can nibble on, Zack." Christie says as she takes a sip of her drink and everyone turns towards her. Christie places the drink down and reaches for the zipper of her pants and everyone leans forwards. Bayman's mouth widens, furious that he never even got go over the bra.

Christie unzips her pants and reaches down, all the guys gasp, and Gen Fu checks his pacemaker. She emerges holding something no one expected to find on her.

"They're just Bayman's peanuts from the plane, I didn't want them to go to waste."

"Girl! You don't toy with my emotions either!"

epiNOG :

Once again, big ups and Grande Thankz to all those that endured my twisted humor and took the time to read this. I had a hell of a time writing it and I hope you enjoyed it equally. I had originally meant to it to be shorter, but it seemed to pick up so I tried my best to elongate it without making it boring or feel like filler. Success?

Happy Holidays.

-To the Saviors-

Beastboy – Thanks for the compliments. Every review brings a smile, but the first brings that much needed confidence. I hope you enjoyed it to the end.

x-Red Eye-x – To tell the truth, your comments on me watching Christie's ending video was part of the catalyst that started the writing of my other story, Happy Ending. Hopefully I can do the same with the DOA4 endings. I'm gonna buy it soon, but then of course I have to buy a 360, which is a bit more troublesome...

Scrooge – You were the first to show a slight, I dunno, 'disappointment' when I said I was going to finish this earlier than I did, so thanks for encouraging me to make it longer. I think it worked out well. And sorry for making Christie shoot Ayane in the ass, but she's still alive, no worries.

Crimson Guard – I can honestly say I never saw Bayman like this before I started storming ideas of making this story. But I got this idea in my head that he wasn't just this cold, evil assassin that would do anything for the right price. He's a bumbling idiot that just wants a piece of ass that he'll never, ever, ever, attain.

James Hanson – Sorry, no Zack killing here, hehe. This ending sequence needed him for the needed affect I think. You don't think Christie would be merciful? Probably not, but its more pity she has on Bayman I think. Thanks for continuing to stop by.

Mother Svet – I could never kill off Bayman, I'd be sad because no one would attend his funeral. Maybe Leon, but that would probably just be to kick the coffin over or to steal the flowers.

fireinu – Short and to the point. I would've accepted, "Update, biatch!" I hope I updated in time to keep your eye and you enjoyed it to the end.

Kudos all Around – The pair is a match made in heaven aint it? Hehe. I don't know if anyone's explored it yet, but I know its not the most original of pairings. But in that cut scene in Doa3, they just seemed to have chemistry.

Thunderxtw – Thanks for stopping in and stickin in it to the end. Also, thanks for the push to add a bit more, same with Scrooge over there. Hopefully the ending was up to par with the previous chapters and I look forward to continuing your story.