Chapter XVI
Writer's Block
HDM: I couldn't wait to write this, actually Faery Goddyss gave me an idea but I do believe this will take the take of plot twists. It was a way to get my views out on not only my fanfictions but this whole South Park section in general. Don't be mad, I'm just making poor jokes.
Objective POV
"Kenny that must be the worst story I have read in my entire life!!!!!"
"What, being hated by every person on the planet doesn't make you happy?"
"No the fact that all of that happened because Stan kissed me..."
The two were staring at the fifteenth chapter on titled 'Burning Butterflies'. They found the website accidentally while searching for librarian pornography. They found a whole section on their little town of South Park. They didn't know how many people lack a social life to write so many stories about them. They found many, however, were 'slash'.
"Why am I always with Stan?!"
"Why am I always a horny bastard?!"
"Kenny...that's not too far from the truth..."
"Dude, shut up..."
Then they read Burning Butterflies. The summary was confusing enough but it did intrigue the characters. Soon they found themselves in a story that someone who was bipolar and had no outline concocted. The first few chapters were light and somewhat funny. It was filled with pop culture references and 'emo' bashing. Then once the romance hit it turned a dark corner. Kyle became utterly insane and has delusions; but like someone going changes their mind halfway in the story 'starts over'. The writer again starts with some light romance but hints at more drama brewing. Then instead of going insane Kyle plays the two other characters and is left saying his vows on the alter.
The most astonishing thing about this fanfiction is the character of Kyle. He is the most destructive and out of character not only in the story but most of the fanfictions. Kenny and Stan stayed in their 'character' boundaries but Kyle was an enigma. At first he was a normal teenage prick but no one really hated his actions. At the end you just have to read these reviews! The readers want to draw blood! He must be the most hated main character so far.
"They really hate me, huh?"
"They don't hate you, Kyle, they hate the author's rendition of Kyle!"
"I mean what she wrote wasn't that extreme- hey wait why am I so infatuated with you!?"
"I don't know she must like me more..."
Kyle scowled out of jealousy. "I mean I am the main character and all..." he mumbled out of the corner of his mouth. Kenny chuckled to himself while closing out the window. "I read her Insanity Bleeds; that is fucked up my friend. But, I kind of liked it in a maniacally creative way. It's kinda cool that I killed my old man...but the ending could have stayed without the epilogue."
"You wanted me dead!?"
"You wanted Stan dead?"
"Better than me..."
The two laughed at the idea. "I couldn't imagine you going insane, Kenny...since you are already there..." Kyle sneered while scrolling through the rest of the fanfictions. There was many that were basically the same scenario. Most of the stories were slashes of Kyle and Stan, Kenny and Butters, and the list goes on. Nine out of ten the main character has romantic feelings of the same sex.
"These girls don't have much of an imagination..."
"I wonder why there are limited straight couples?"
"Maybe we should ask..."
They went on XxHDMxX's profile and found the link to message her. They made up the clever penname HotnSaucyJew (which was Kenny's idea obviously) so she can message back without there being any problems. Kenny took the liberty of writing the letter. Here was the message:
Dear HDM,
Why are all of you authoresses so hung up on gay couples?? Is it pure coincidence or do you guys get hot over the idea of two guys butt fucking? We decided to ask you because you seemed like you have a humorous side and you're doing it out of pure majority rules; it showed in Insanity Bleeds. We're asking you this because we are really concerned about how most of you are portraying these lovable characters! I'm not saying that some of it isn't far from the truth (Kyle is pretty gay...)
"Hey!"
"What?"
"Erase that asshole! I'm not gay!"
and we understand that you're unleashing your creative juices but it's really not so creative. Sure you're using South Park as a basic front but I notice that one could take your story, change the names of the characters, and it would go perfectly fine on its own.
Why are you girls haters on straight couples? I can't be straight!! Kyle can be gay though...that's okay.
"Cut it out Ken."
"What it's funny..."
"No it's not..."
Alright not Kyle...Cartman can because apparently no one likes him in these parts. All we want to know is why is everyone so gung-ho on imagining us stripped down and getting freaky?? I mean I am a sexy beast but who wants to see Kyle... never mind I'm not going to finish that. I hope you can answer this and not take it to heart like most of these bitches will probably...yes I said it bitches. God I saw a couple of reviews I mean you're not even allowed to make fun of a group of kids! Christ, that IS the whole storyline of South Park, isn't it? The crackpots Matt and Trey do it all the time but you're not!? What the fuck this isn't Passions people...
Snoogins
Kenny McCormick and Kyle Brofloski
Before Kyle could delete all the jokes about him Kenny clicked on the 'Send' button and it went right to her inbox.
"Well I hope you're happy." Kyle mumbled under his breath.
"Actually I am, glad you asked." Kenny grinned as an added bonus of sarcasm. Kyle rolled his eyes and started walking out of his room. Kenny followed suit like an obedient puppy dog.
Later that night the two checked Kyle's email to see that she responded to their message. It read:
Dear HotnSaucyJew,
First let me say our penname made me laugh.
"Told you it was a good name..."
"Shut up Kenny..."
I'm not sure if I'm understanding this but you guys are the real characters from South Park? Correct me if I'm wrong but I thought this was a cartoon. I'm going to play along because I'm in a good mood and humor you guys. To tell you the truth I really cannot say why in the world so many fanfictions are gay romances, predominently Stan and Kyle. Like you mentioned in your saucy way (had to throw 'saucy in there sorry), it is probably because of a secret fetish. I personally think that gay couples are very cute but I don't want to see any couple humping each other in pure public.
"I KNEW IT!"
"Knew what?"
"Girls love gay men! It's a catch 22 my friend..."
"Scroll down..."
True, I should just make up my own stories but how could I leave my adoring fans? Yes, I did give into my readers in Insanity Bleeds and I almost wish I didn't but it was too grim for even my liking. That is why I wrote Tale of Two Cynics, it's much lighter and it's actually a girl and a guy! Shock shock and all that jazz yes but I do enjoy it.
"Yeah and her favorite character is going to get some action!"
"Kenny, I read that and so far only Stan and that freaky Goth kid got it on..."
"..."
Lastly, to answer your last statement, I do get amused at the reviews telling me how MCR isn't emo and I shouldn't make fun of other groups. At first I put a disclaimer but I'm tempted to take it off. One shouldn't have to apologize for making a damn joke. It's also funny how people get 'offended' when it isn't directly making fun of them. If you're offended then that means you believe that the stereotypes are true, aren't I right? Thank you for reading my story, I hope that I can finish it not the way everyone wants but the way it should be finished.
P.S. love the Jay and Silent Bob quote.
Love the Always Glorious,
HDM
"Well she was nice..."
"Kenny, you think anyone who smiles at you is nice..." Kyle pointed out.
"But she was, and I bet some of her readers are too..." Kenny pouted.
"Whatever, I'm going to bed..."
"What? It's not even ten yet!" Kenny objected.
"I know but knowing a whole legion of people either think I'm a flamboyant homosexual or hate my guts is very taxing on a person. You can stay over if you want...pull out my extra crap and make yourself a bed"
The two switched on the TV and watched a couple of random episodes on HBO and some Superman porn. Kyle clicked off the TV and situated himself on the bed. He closed his eyes but he knew his friend would ask him something, delaying his long awaiting slumber.
"Kyle?" Kenny chimed as if on cue.
"What?" Kyle responded with a hint of annoyance.
"What if we are gay? I mean what if it's something that has been locked away in our brain that isn't tapped into unless it's a thought that provokes it?"
Kyle propped himself up with his elbow and looked down. He can barely make out his friend in the dark so he cannot tell if he's serious.
"How do you know? I mean do you experiment? I want to know if I'm gay...wouldn't you? Do you think that's how it is?" Kenny sounded sincerely concerned.
"Maybe? I don't really know..." Kyle awkwardly answered.
"You want to find out?" Kenny whispered.
'Is he really asking what I'm hearing??' Kyle thought frantically. There was a long and awkward pause broken by a familiar cackle. Once he heard his friends obnoxious laughter he become agitated with not only Kenny but almost believing him. "I can't believe you actually fell for the hock of shit!" he took in a breath between his laughing.
"You're a fucking asshole..."
"You know you love me buddy..."
"You wish...good night..."
End of Chapter XVI
HDM: technically not a chapter in Burning Butterflies main storyline but you know what I mean...I don't want to break it up and get confused. Kind of short...sorry?
Now is this the end? I wouldn't want to leave you guys like this but I really don't know how I want to...any ideas?