A/N: I'm going to keep this short and simple. Read. Enjoy. Review.

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As the afternoon wore on, Naruto was starting to get more and more nervous about his up coming battle. Even after changing his clothes into something more suited for battle, he still felt like he was gambling with fate. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap…that old lady's gonna kill me! I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die…

Kit…shut up. Your whining is really annoying me.

WHY SHOULD I! THAT OLD HAG'S GONNA SLAUGHTER ME!

Nah, maybe only rough you up a bit.

SHE'S EX-ANBU! I'M STILL GONNA GET MY ASS KICKED ROYALLY! AND THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID SEAL!

So? Just adjust it.

Huh? I can do that?

Uh…yeah. How else did you think I was gonna make your body heavier?

Oh yeah…

Uh huh…Anyway, just concentrate some of your chakra into one of your right fingers, doesn't matter which one, and I'll take over from there.

Uh, alright. Naruto did as he was asked, and was slightly surprised when red chakra surrounded his right hand. Hey, what're gonna do with my hand!

Shut up kit. Just watch the master at work. The Kyubbi moved his hand over the other, then used his finger to gently touch the 'hour' hand, and shifted his finger, and, to Naruto's surprise, dragged the hand along with it. Setting it back at normal, the Kyubbi's chakra faded away, leaving Naruto standing the middle of the street.

Immediately, he ran a short distance, and was gratified to find that his former speed had returned. Jumping as hard as he could, Naruto grinned as he soared into the air, landing on the wall, he started running up it, then started roof jumping just for the sheer joy of it.

HELL YEAH!

Kit, shut up before I kill you.

Ah, but you can't! HA!

Fine, I'll do cruel and unusual things to you.

Um, don't, please?

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Walking up to training field twenty-five, Ling and Kaori were slightly surprised to see Naruto already there, getting in a workout. Shrugging, Ling brushed aside his surprise and called out, "Yo, Naruto!"

"Hm?" Naruto turned and saw the couple entering the field. Stopping, he raised his arm and started waving, "Hey! Ling! Kaori! Where's the baa-chan?"

"The 'baa-chan' is currently behind you." Startled, Naruto tried to quickly turn around, but tripped and fell. Rubbing the back of his head, he looked up…and started sweating at the scary face that Tsubaki was making.

Cracking her knuckles, and wearing and ominous face, she intoned angrily, "What did you call me?"

"Heh heh…WAAAAGH!" Naruto suddenly took off at a dead run, with the old, but still sprightly, tailor quickly following in his footsteps.

After several laps, Tsubaki suddenly slowed down, gasping for breath, "Yo. Could you give me a while to rest before we start our match? My body isn't as young as it once was."

"Eh? Um…ok." He he! She's tired already? This is gonna be a snap!

He's dead…

Tsubaki sat down, still breathing quite heavily. Suddenly she stopped gasping and stood up straight, a small smile on her face, "Alright, I'm done. Let's begin shall we?" Without any warning she started charging towards the surprised Naruto, kunai drawn

"Whoa! Wait! Crap! Crap!" Naruto was having obvious difficulty trying to dodge the slashes the ex-ANBU made. Making a decision, and wincing at the sacrifice, he suddenly stopped jumping backwards and leaped through the slicing blades instead, towards the startled face of Tsubaki.

Landing about ten feet behind the old medic, he winced as cuts and rips from the kunai started appearing all over his body. Knowing that they would heal quickly though, did much to alleviate the worry he had. Looking back at his opponent, he saw the she had stopped moving and was watching him with a calculating stare.

Abruptly she grinned, and half-heartedly tossed both kunai at Naruto before performing a few quick seals and settling into the basic taijutsu stance they taught at the Academy. Grinning, she called out, "Well, look's like I better take this a bit more seriously, eh? Let's knock this up a notch or three."

Naruto just moved out of the way of the thrown kunai, condensation rising from the various cuts as they started to heal. Cautiously, he settled into his default brawler stance, sizing up his enigmatic opponent and trying for the life of him to remember where he had seen those seals before

Flashing a grin, Tsubaki rapidly closed the distance between the two shinobis, stopping Naruto's thought track as he scrambled to react to the attack. He settled for shifting his weight a little, settling into a defensive stance. His whole stance crumbled, however, when the older and much more experienced medic-nin merely hit a glancing blow to his left arm, causing it to suddenly fall limp. Stunned at the outcome of events, Naruto retreated again as he tried to find the problem. Shaking and flapping his arm, he cried out indignantly, "Oy! What did you do to me?"

Grinning in a manner that belied her age, she replied by holding up a hand and allowing the chakra that was being controlled to show, "Chakra Enjintou."

Nodding his head, Naruto grimaced, "…damn it. You used that jutsu last week to cut the cloth, right?"

Impressed that he had remembered such a small detail, Tsubaki replied, "Yep. Only I made sure to control my chakra so that it doesn't show." Staring at her hand, she turned it back and forth, admiring the sight as the chakra twisted this way and that to her command, "Funny. It's a medical ninjutsu, but there's really relatively very little control needed for this jutsu, unlike most other medical jutsu" she grinned as she looked at Naruto's captivated state, "I've heard that you have horrible chakra control, maybe you'll be able to pull it off…if you win that is."

Shaking himself out of the dreams of such a useful jutsu, Naruto grinned as he started to rush forward, then frowned as his arm flapped uselessly by his side. Trying to move it, he started smiling again as he felt his fingers twitch slightly. Accelerated healing factor, gotta love it. Looking up, he saw that the old shinobi had suddenly, and drastically decreased the distance between the two of them, chakra-empowered hands ready to do more damage. Surprised, and extremely annoyed, he tried to evade the hands, as even one touch would require time to repair it. Finally, after being hit several times, Naruto got tired and decided to try something else. Reaching into his pouch, he grabbed a handful of homemade explosive tags and bombs, waited until the other ninja was in the middle of a leap, and threw them on the ground in front of him before jumping to safety.

Looking at the small, smoking, and most important, rapidly approaching, pile of paper, her mind told her body to stop moving, but said body was currently flying through the air, and last time she checked, gravity still worked, "Aw damn…"

The explosion ripped forth with surprising consequences. A multi-colored explosion took place where the tags had once been, at once freezing, shocking, burning, blinding, and deafening the opponent. Hidden away in a tree and nursing his wounds, Naruto's eyes' widened at the sight. Grinning, he filed away the interesting reaction and resolved to test it some more later on. At the sight of a silhouette in the smoke though, his mind immediately went back to battle mode, analyzing and evaluating the enemy's condition, and trying to apply those potential weaknesses to possible attack strategies. Or at least, thinking whether throwing jutsu after jutsu would work on her.

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Dammit! Tsubaki groaned as she took a quick survey of her status. Her left arm and leg was slightly frozen, her right arm and leg were somewhat charred. She had lost a lot of her hearing and sight, and to top it off, her body still wasn't working properly. Blasted shock tags. Where did he get those anyway…

With much difficulty, she raised her arms to perform the seals for a medical jutsu. Chiyute no Jutsu. Raising the ball of green chakra, she applied quickly to both her arms, and then started on her legs. She would have finished too if it weren't for the sudden barrage of kunai. Most of them struck, and Naruto had a brief moment of glee before the impaled person was replaced with an impaled log…with a flash bomb attached.

This time, Tsubaki was the one grinning as she heard the explosion. With any luck, the blond shinobi would be too blinded to continue his assault for a while, and she could have time to recover. Sighing slightly, she leaned against the tree, and waited for her senses to clear, and the feeling to come back to her limbs.

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Damn, damn, damn. Naruto moaned as he rubbed his eyes frantically, trying, and failing, to get some of his sight back. Finding his efforts dismal and ineffective, he resigned himself to thinking. Alright, lemme see…the old lady is probably as blind as I am right now, and deaf to boot, so this would be the perfect time to attack! Now if only I weren't blind as well…dammit! A perfect chance to attack and its wasted cause I can't bloody see! Wait a minute…

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Unfortunately for Naruto, he forgot that Kage Bunshin replicated the user flawlessly, which meant that they were afflicted by the same things as him. As a result, the clone promptly took a step…and fell to its demise on the forest floor. Naruto cursed, then pulled out the items he needed and started working on his backup plan.

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Snapping open her eyes, Tsubaki pulled herself to her feet, then disappeared, a slightly shaking twig the only evidence that she was there at all.

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Elsewhere, Naruto was just done cleaning up after himself when he felt, rather than heard the shruiken that flew towards him, and grinned to himself. After the Kawarimi, he contented himself to run away, preferring a spot where he could use his new weapons more effectively.

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Tsubaki growled to herself. Blasted brat! All this running around and nothing to show for it. And I'm not as young as I once was. All of a sudden she gave a wicked grin, oh, he is going to HURT after this…

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Bounding from tree to tree, said orange-clad genin gave a slight shiver. Old hag must be cooking up something nasty for me. A small grin worked its way across his face as he contemplated what he was going to do in retaliation.

As the medic nin came into sight, he stopped short. She was standing in the middle of a clearing, with plenty of empty space around her. Naruto was slightly nonplussed as to attack her without revealing his position, until…

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu." A score of clones popped into existence, and the real Naruto was left panting on the branch he was standing on, silently cursing the training seal with all the profanity he knows…and some that he made up on the spot. In his place at the back of Naruto's mind, the Kyubbi took note of them. Hm, there's a good one…and that one…and, oh, isn't that physically impossible? He pauses for a moment to think, Well, for a human anyway…

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Tsubaki stood straight, eyes closed and muscles tense. A slight whistling in the air, and she was moving, dancing lightly as she dodged the flying pieces of metal. A crackling sound, and she calmly, methodically, performed the seals for a jutsu. Slamming her hands on the ground, she calmly stated, as if informing a curious watcher, "Doton: Doroku Gaeshi (Mud Wall)"

The earth rose up in answer to her summons, and the exploding tags did what they were meant to do: explode. However, when the wall crumbled back into dirt, she strode out, apparently unharmed, and eyes open, ready for combat.

Naruto sensed the change, and readied himself for one last fight. Slipping his hands into his pouch, he pulled out a brace of slightly glistening kunai, and leapt off his branch. The various bunshins hidden around the clearing followed suit, and started a barrage of steel.

Tsubaki silently cursed her aged and wizened body; even if countless battles worth of experience was on her side, if her body couldn't keep up, it was all wasted. And if she kept using Kawarimi, her stamina and chakra would eventually be depleted and he would catch up. She had to end this now! Gritting her teeth, she closed her eyes, and started to dance.

Naruto watched, entranced, as the old medic nin literally danced around the flying metal. If one looked closely, the sparkle of the sun on the edges of the metal gave her an entrancing aura, like a woman dancing among fireflies. It was magnificent, it was beautiful, and Naruto being Naruto, instantly fell in love with the technique. He engrained the scene into his mind forever. Then the moment was over.

Naruto landed lightly on his feet as Tsubaki came to a stop with a final whirl, and then slumped over in exhaustion. The young genin looked on impassively as the old jounin caught her breath. When she did, she smirked slightly and pulled out a familiar looking pill… She felt the energy course through her veins and settled into a familiar stance. The genin responded in kind, holding a kunai in either hand. There was a charge, a quick exchange of blows, and then…a stalemate.

Both opponents stared at each other. One of them was sprawled out on the ground, bruises on his arms and legs, denoting where a hand charged with a Chakra Enjintou had cut his muscles. The other was frozen where she stood, a cut cheek being the only new wound she sported, aside from the paralyzing venom coursing through her veins. Naruto gave a weak fox grin before passing out from exhaustion.

Seeing that the boy was out cold, Ling suddenly seemed to materialize from the forest shadows. Striding across the weapon-strewn clearing to his mother as if it were an everyday thing, he quietly stood a few feet away from the pair. "So…how was he?" Mirth leaked through his calm demeanor.

Tsubaki couldn't move a single muscle, even though, her eyes expressed her delight at such a fun fight. Ling cracked a small grin, "That good huh?" Using his chakra, he pulled up some of the earth into a small mound to sit on. At his mother's questioning glance, he chuckled and said, "Kaori's not as fast as she was a few months ago, and she knows the medic-nin stuff, unlike me. As you know, I was just a regular shinobi, so for now, you're stuck in that position."

Glare.

Ling chuckled some more as he started binding the various cuts and scrapes that both fighters sported. He was just finishing up when his beloved wife jumped into the clearing, slightly out of breath but still smiling. She walked over to her two supposed patients and immediately her medic-nin training took over as she assessed the pair. One was slightly snoring and sprawled out on the ground, the other was frozen into a half-crouched position. Seeing as the former was sleeping peaceably, the latter's condition seemed to hold more importance, but seeing as the latter was her indestructible, nastily sadistic mother-in-law...

Kaori turned to the sleeping genin. Inspecting the bandaged bruises, she scowled as she ran a diagnostic jutsu over those areas, and was immensely surprised when it revealed nothing but rapidly healing muscles.

Turning to her other patient, with a disapproving look on the face, Kaori ran a quick diagnostic jutsu over Tsubaki's body, and suddenly burst into bright, clear laughter. Looking up, she saw Tsubaki answering glare and Ling's questioning glance. Shaking her head, she double-checked the kunai blade Naruto still clutched in his hand and started laughing again. When Ling asked what was wrong, she answered, still chuckling, "The snicker substance that chuckle boy used was…" here she broke into a fit of giggles and had to take several deep breaths before she could recompose herself. When she did, she stated calmly, eyes mischievous, "The substance that is currently smeared on those kunai and coursing through your mother's bloodstream…" she turned to the old jounin with a grin on her face, "…was a paralysis salve developed by said mother."

Ling stared for a moment, just a moment, before breaking out into hearty laughter. Tsubaki however, even with her muscles frozen, still managed to flush a slightly red color. Seeing as Kaori wasn't going to be helping anytime soon, and now that she knew that the substance in her blood was one she knew, she concentrated, and started to relax as green healing chakra spread throughout her body, cleansing her blood. When she could move again, the first thing that she did was scowl, even if the effect was slightly ruined with a small uplifting of the corner of her mouth. At this, Ling and Kaori only laughed harder. And even as they moved home, carrying Naruto and following Tsubaki, both of them would still chuckle from time to time. Unknown to both, Tsubaki had a small half-grin on her face as well.

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"…mmm…" As the sunlight struck Naruto's eyes, he rolled over on the bed, only to be met with another beam of light to the eyes. Trying to cover himself with the blanket didn't work as it suddenly, mysteriously vanished from his hands. Ditto with the pillow. Finally, when Naruto tried to bury his face into the mattress, Tsubaki twitched and kicked the mattress, as well as all items currently on it, into the air. Yelling, Naruto flailed through the air before sticking to the wall like a spider and cursing furiously at his attacker. He only noticed at mid-curse that the bedroom wasn't his, and he wasn't wearing Gopher-chan. Staring around, his eyes settled on Tsubaki, and he started yelling again. "You old hag! What the hell was that for? Feeble-minded, wrinkled old goat! I was having a nice dream with lots of ramen too! Thanks for nothing you shrunken…"

Tsubaki noticed, amused, that Naruto was delivering these paltry curses from a ninety degrees perspective on the wall, though her eye did twitch somewhat at 'fat sloth of a hag'. When he stopped to take a breath, she moved quickly, punching him in the gut and relieving him of what little breath he had left. With a large THUMP, he hit the ground, and stayed there, wheezing for breath as he choked out, "What the hell was that for!"

Leaning over his prone and windless body, she calmly stated, "It's time to train, so clean up and get your ass downstairs." She only got up to the word 'train' before Naruto's jutsu-orientated mind responded and went into overdrive. Tsubaki got to the bottom of the stairs, thought a while, then pulled a pile of clothes over to where she just stood. Ling walked in as she was doing so and asked, "Mother, what are you doing?"

Tsubaki's lips were moving silently as she looked up, and noted where Ling was standing and his proximity to the blast zone. She said, "Son, sometimes you have to listen to your mother…so be a dear and open that door for me will you?"

Puzzled, Ling did as he was bid to, and watched his mother start chanting a quiet countdown. 5…4…3…2…1…NOW! An orange blur started running down the stairs, tripped, fell the rest of the way into a conveniently placed pile of cloth, and said random cloth/orange clothing/blond hair pileup skidded across the hall until it came to a stop in the middle of the street. For a moment everyone stared, then a hand popped out among the clothes and started waving. A muffled voice emerged, "Hey Ling-san! What's for breakfast?"

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A very astonished married pair stood before the bottomless pit that was Naruto's stomach. Hiccupping slightly, he moved his latest empty bowl out of the way, and frowned slightly when he couldn't stack it on top of the other…oh, fourteen hefty servings of Icharaku ramen. Shrugging, he turned on his stool with a fox grin to Tsubaki, leaving Ling to look mournfully at the very tall stack of bowls before him.

Naruto didn't even have time to ask the question when he was yanked off of his stool by a somewhat irate and impatient elderly woman. Said elderly woman then proceeded to drag him across town to a secluded training area, all the while ignoring the blond's protests and yelps of pain. Kaori turned her head, looking at her mother-in-law's receding back and her husband's financial dilemma. Eventually, she shrugged, and headed after the two figures, deciding to make sure that the sadistically brutal old lady that was her husband's mother wouldn't kill her latest student before she had a chance to do so. As for Ling…he looked up to the sound-or rather lack thereof- of ramen cooking in the back, and instantly regretted it. Both of the father-daughter pair that ran the ramen house had identical looks on their faces, both of them spelled doom for the nonpayer. Ling walked out of the Icharaku ramen stand five minutes later, slumping, penniless, and asking himself, 'How many deities did I piss off to have deserved the vile punishment named Uzumaki Naruto?' In the back of his head, his subconscious voice helpfully supplied the answer, 'Somewhere along the range of "all of them" to "every last one of them".' Ling could practically hear the evil grin that his subconscious had plastered on his face; it was almost as evil as the ones plastered on the faces of the pair behind him as they counted their latest earnings.

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Tsubaki smiled; it was a scary sight, it promised pain, lots and lots of pain. Naruto gulped. "Alright you little midget, during that entire fight, I noticed that your taijutsu was completely and utterly pathetic. Now, I absolutely refuse to teach my skills to such a weakling body as the example standing before me." Naruto's head hung.

Tsubaki continued, "As such…" Naruto's raised his head, and immediately regretted it; Tsubaki had a strange glint in her eyes, "…I have taken it upon myself to force that stringy cadaver of yours into shape, 'cause until it is, you my little friend, are a walking corpse. As a result, I have one day to cram about a week's worth of exercises into that stunted excuse you call a cranium, so let's get to it."

She immediately started taking him through a repertoire of torturous-no, warm-up, exercises designed to break-stretch the body for later punishment. Naruto gritted his teeth as he switched between trying to force his body from one contorting position into another, and a more brutal, bastardized version of the standard Academy warm-up-ANBU Cadet Academy that is. It was especially irritating to do so when both his wizened mentor and Kaori did the same position perfectly-the latter whistling a cheerful tune while she did so, the former with a wicked grin on her face, and a wicked mind for insults.

"C'mon you dim-brained baka! It's not that hard! Look at me! I have at least four times the number of years under my belt than you and I'm still as flexible as the day I was born!"

"Put your back into it you damn lazy, undersized excuse for a shinobi! Is this the best you have! Huh! It is? You horrible, scrawny, brainless, baka!"

"What? Are you worried about getting your lily-white paws dirty? By all that's sacred and holy…if you don't move those arms, I'll move you to bitter tears!"

Finally, after having to hold for five minutes a particular position usually designed for contortionists, Naruto was allowed to flop on his face and take stock his injuries. The result he came to wasn't exactly encouraging, especially since he felt that he had pulled muscles he didn't even knew he had. Trying to shift over, he wrenched no less than six separate muscles and two or three joints. He ended up grinding his face even more into the dirt, where only the ground heard his groan.

Feeling somewhat sorry and in a kind mood, Tsubaki not-so-kindly kicked Naruto over so he could breathe. Of course, in doing so, she knocked the breath out of him again, and caused various spikes of pain as his body protested the sudden movement. Blissfully, he slipped into a light sleep as Kaori placed a calming palm charged with green chakra on him. Standing up, she faced her mentor and asked quietly, "Don't you think that was a little much? Even with my pregnancy, I had a little trouble keeping up with you."

Tsubaki raised a shriveled eyebrow. Truth be told, she was very impressed that he had even made it through the whole exercise, of course it was one of her medium-easier ones and he was slightly infamous for his absurdly large amount of stamina…even so, better nins than him had failed to get through. Tsubaki grinned sadistically, and this time it was Kaori whom lifted an eyebrow in silent question. "Think of it like this, if he can go this far now, imagine how far he'll go next week."

Kaori's eyebrow lifted somewhat higher, and Tsubaki knew she had her. Hook…

Kaori did state, somewhat regretfully, "Yeah…but you know his body won't be able to take that kind of punishment day after day… It's medically unsafe. I think the limit is about one every two or three days."

Scornfully, "Who said anything about doing an exercise every two or three days?" The eyebrow went higher. …line…

Tsubaki said nothing, did nothing, except point to Naruto's body. Kaori looked around; both her eyebrows lifted this time, as a slight film of red chakra covered the sleeping boy's body. She turned around, the question obvious on her face. Tsubaki stated, "The Kyubbi's chakra will heal the damage as soon as we deal it. What we have here, daughter-in-law, is a somewhat mentally deficient twelve-year old student whom has a very good regenerative/healing ability, an incredibly large amount of stamina that will recharge mostly after a nap, and completely after a good night's sleep, and, in his quest to get stronger, will accept some of the more pitiful excuses that we offer to cover up for the more, shall we say, painful workouts." A wicked grin blossomed on Tsubaki's face, "My dear, what we have here is the almost perfect dream student. And I don't plan to take it slow with an exercise every few days either, I'm going more along the lines of two to three per day. You in?" The matching grin on Kaori's face was all the answer she needed. …and sinker…

When Naruto woke up half an hour later, The first thought that flew through his mind was mmm…the ground feels good, nice and firm and soft…. Then he opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was two matching sadistic grins. The second thing he thought went along the lines of, Shit…should have stayed asleep…I'm gonna die!

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When a worried Ling went to search for the two elusive female members of his family, he kind of wished he never bothered when he did find them. Both of them were standing over a quivering mass of orange clothing and blond hair, getting it to bend that way, and do the work out like this. Ling sweatdropped as he saw-in his mind's eye- the bullwhips and various torture equipment that both of them were holding. He groaned as he leaned against the trunk of the tree he was in; when the females of his family got roused, they were about as sadistic as the entire torture division, minus Morino Ibiki of course, no one was as sadistic as Morino Ibiki, though Kaori did come a close third, and Tsubaki an even closer second. Ignoring the moans of pain and the ANBU boot-camp orders emanating from the clearing, Ling placed his face in his hands as he mused over the viciousness of the females in his family. Why was I attracted to such a vicious, bloodthirsty harpy? Why do I love my mother with her pain-fetish? The answer came, and he sighed, …oh yeah, cause my mother's family, and Kaori…A lecherous grin spread across his face as he recalled their nightly 'playtime', Kaori looked so innocently beautiful in her daily kimono, and so sinfully delicious in all that gorgeous black-or lack thereof-underneath… Sometimes it paid to know how to tailor all sorts of materials into all sorts of clothing, including using some of the more…uncommon…mediums to make some more…material-economical…attires.

Ling grinned, then he choked as he remembered the results of said 'playtime', and devoutly hoped and wished and prayed against all odds to the Power(s) That Be that he wouldn't have a girl. Knowing his current relationship with the deities upstairs, though, he would have female twins, they'd both take after his beautiful, sadistic wife in every way, and when they were of age…he would go crazy between his aggressive paternal instincts towards boyfriends, and his masculine feelings of pity and sympathy towards said boyfriends. His moans of anguish towards the very possible future mingled with a particular blond's moan of pain towards the very concrete now.

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Naruto groaned and moaned as he dragged his body upstairs to his apartment. With every step, he cursed the fox's training seal, with every other step, he cursed his two new 'trainers' even more. When he finally managed to drag his beaten excuse for a corpse across the threshold, he fell flat on his face. Familiar mocking laughter echoed through the mindscape of his head and he gritted his teeth. A fierce desire to get well enough to shove it into both of his 'senseis' face tomorrow made him struggle to his feet. Pride got him across the room fairly steadily. Stubbornness got him to eat his daily dinner of ramen. Then, having exhausted the more useful emotions, his mind shutdown and he fell asleep, there on the counter, half a strand of a noodle still sticking to the side of his face. A pair of masculine hands wiped his face off, changed him, and stuck him in his bed. After tucking him in, a pair of eyes looked around and saw that everything was right in the world, before he closed the door, Ling murmured, "You better thank me for this Naruto-san." With a final click, the door closed, and Ling leapt away, towards his house and his wife's more-than-loving embrace.

Unnoticed by him, Naruto had a smile on his face as he whispered, "Thanks Ling-san." Giggling a bit, he snuggled into his bed to be more comfortable, and let sweet darkness embrace him.

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Hey kit.

Naruto looked around him. By now, the night visits to the fox's cell registered nothing more than mild surprise. Hey furball!

Don't call me furball baka!

Pleasantry rituals finished, Naruto settled down, calling in a sofa to lean back on, hey, it was his mind, his words, and his word was law there. So…

So?

So why did you call me here? You usually don't do so to say hi or anything.

Well…Sorry to burst you bubble kit, not sounding the least bit sorry at all, this is gonna be one of those times when I'm just bored so I toy around with your mind a bit.

…damn furball…

Yeaaaah… Let's begin shall we? If there were twenty nins surrounding you and three others, how many would you be able to kill if the conditions were unknown, the weather was unpredictable, and you, your teammates of three nins, and the twenty enemy nin were chakraless and weaponless?

Stupid furball…what the hell does that have to do with anything!

It's just me playing head games with you kitling. The Kyubbi's voice sounded way too cheerful for Naruto's liking.

…stupid furball…

Now, on to business. The once cheerful voice was now laced with sobriety and seriousness.

Taken somewhat aback, Naruto replied, cautiously, Alright…so, what is it? Then, attempting a joke, Who do you want me to kill and sacrifice on your altar?

The demon fox's eyes and face didn't even register the bit of black humor. Kit. Listen, and listen well. Everything that Tsubaki is teaching you…remember it. Not that much of a problem since you have a photographic memory.

Naruto snarled at the reminder of one of the greatest banes of his life. Even shinobi generally envied other nins with a photographic memory. Sure he had the ability to remember everything and anything that he saw. Sure he could go over past battles like he was watching a movie, could even use it like a pseudo-Sharingan, to memorize the seals that an enemy used for his jutsu, to memorize the taijutsu moves they used, so he could possibly learn them for himself. Others envied and feared that ability, just like they had envied and feared the Uchiha clan for their doujutsu.

Theydidn't understand, couldn't understand, the curse that came with such a 'gift'. That those with the 'Sharingan memory' memorized everything, from the smallest detail, such as how many keys did so and so have, to the most gruesome of scenes. What they saw, they remembered, what they heard, they remembered, they remembered everything, and they stayed there; at the surface of the mind, so any subconscious trigger would force them to remember it again. There was a reason why most of the registered nins with photographic memories had gone insane, or went to an early grave. They couldn't handle the memories; a shinobi's lifestyle was never bloodless, eventually, somewhere along the way, he or she would have to kill, and kill, and kill, and they would never forget the look on their targets' faces, never forget the number of people they had to kill. In the end, it was always the same, a choice, a proverbial junction in the mind, to live on, remembering everything, every last damn thing that you had ever done, or to try to forget them, to erase the memories as if they had never existed. In the end…Konoha's history spoke for itself. In the entirety of Konoha's history, there had existed only a dozen and a half nins, including him, with the photographic memory. When the average number of nins a generation came to be somewhere in the range of two hundred shinobi and kunoichi and there had been about five generations worth of shinobi since the first year of the rule of the Shodaime, well…not a very common curse, so not much was known about the mentality of the people whom possessed it. There was, however, in all the research books and ancient dossiers of Konoha nins that the Kyubbi forced him to read, a recurring factor that even he picked up.

Most of them went insane by the time they were twenty-five years of age, and all of them had died by age thirty-five. Usually suicide, mostly by just standing there as an enemy nin jutsu-ed them or barraged them with flying metal. Only three had ever kept their sanity or lived long enough to bear children, two of the three never showed traces of the curse, the third died too early to know whether she bore it or not.

In a twisted way, Naruto was lucky when he was born on the day of the Kyubbi attack. He received so much more ridicule to be sure, but since the majority of his life's memories were so bad, in the end, it was either his psyche or his sanity, and, with some subtle unconscious self-preservation instinct from the Kyubbi-or rather, the Kyubbi's chakra-his psyche bent first, and the result was a somewhat modified photographic memory. He still couldn't forget anything, only lock it away somewhere in his mind, he still knew about them, could bring them to the surface with a moment's notice, he just kept them at bay with willpower alone, so that seeing a familiar object wouldn't trigger them as they used to.

Flashback…

Kit, I have some good news and… He was interrupted before he even finished the sentence.

Bad news first.

The Kyubbi looked on with gloomy humor. How do you know that I don't have any bad news?

I don't, but when you start, 'I have some good news…', it usually means that there's something bad coming up. If you just have good news, you usually just act mysteriously stubborn and I usually have to promise you all sorts of things before I get to hear it. Fox grin.

The Kyubbi snarled half-heartedly at the cheek, he even sounded somewhat melancholy, Insolent kit. Don't mock the great Kyubbi… He trailed off into a whisper and stared somewhere long enough for Naruto to feel nervous.

Er…

Oh, oh yeah. The Kyubbi put on a forced happy expression, and affected a cheery voice, You know all those nins I've had you read about?

What? You mean the ones with the freakishly good brains? Yeah! It's kind of weird that they all died early and went insane and…

The Kyubbi's voice lanced through his words, You have one of them.

Naruto froze in mid rant. He asked cautiously, I have one of what?

In the voice of one knowing that what's going to come out of his mouth next would probably damn him forever in the eyes of the person he's saying it too, the Kyubbi said, A 'freakishly good brain', as you put it. You have one. You have a photographic memory.

That scared him, scared him good, so he reacted to it like he reacted to everything bad; with his mask on and that small mischievous spark in his eyes, said spark looked somewhat subdued and dead though, So…you're saying that I can remember all the times that you farted in mid-sentence and all the embarrassing slips that you've made and blackmail you with them?

The Kyubbi, the almighty nine-tailed demon fox, Lord of the Foxes, and pinnacle of the Fox summons, made a noise somewhere between a squawk and a growl. You do so kit, and we're gonna find out if these bars really are unbreakable. Both of them had a good laugh over that, and both of them knew it was black humor; gallows humor, the laughter of the living dead.

Eventually Naruto sobered up enough to ask, So I'll remember everything that has ever happened to me, and eventually I'm gonna go insane and try to kill my self in…about twenty-three years?

For the first time in this conversation, the Kyubbi relaxed somewhat, Well…yes and no. Yes you will remember everything that has ever happened to you, and everything that will happen, but you might not go insane and decide to kill your self.

…I don't really like the sound of 'might'.

Better than the one hundred percent absoluteness that precedent holders have.

The Kyubbi and Naruto continued chatting for a while, then the fox let Naruto go just as class was ending. The rest of the day was spent in silence, as he tried to contemplate what a lifespan of another twenty-five years was going to do for him. For one thing, he would have to get a great deal stronger, a great deal faster, if he wanted to become acknowledged as the Hokage. For another, he better not have any kids, even if history said that the trait didn't pass on, it was best to be sure. You never know when genetics would throw a wrench into someone's life, he was a walking reminder of that, son of the Yondaime, the greatest Hokage ever, and forced to keep it a secret because he was born at the right place at the wrong time, forced to keep it under wraps because of a damn nine tailed demon fox in his belly. It was the one time that he actually despised the fox; it lasted all of a split second, but still long enough for Naruto to regret it. He was having a really bad day.

Ironically, it was also the only sunny day for weeks after.

…End Flashback

…kit. Oy, kit. LISTEN UP! The Kyubbi's roar effectively shook him out of his daze. You know that twenty nin question? At the end of all that lovely sadistic training, I expect you to be able to answer 'all twenty' and actually be able to do it. I can help you with your ninjutsu by just telling you the hand seals, and helping you with what's wrong with your chakra. Genjutsu…well, you're helpless…that's the best you're ever going to get. You just don't have-and probably never will have-the intricate control needed for it, so just remind me to teach you the dispel techniques for it when you ever have the control for even that.Naruto winced at the brutal truth, but accepted it without comment.

The Kyubbi continued, Finally, taijutsu, a skill every nin should be at least adept at. Even summons have to be trained in it, since it's usually what they use to fight with, aside from their bulk and size. Human taijutsu, however, is something I don't know much about. Naruto replied with an expression that said, 'Huh?'

The Kyubbi sighed, Put it like this, in a battle, if worse comes to worse, I can simulate the effects of handseals with my chakra, to do certain jutsus. But nothing will help me in learning a skill that's not designed for my body shape. I can describe the moves, and tell you the basic principal and effects behind them, but taijutsu is best learned with someone helping you, correcting your stances, which means a physical partner. As such, taijutsu is something you're better off learning from another human.

Than why shouldn't I ask Kakashi-sensei or Iruka-sensei for help?

Never gonna help, already did help, in that order.

Huh?

Like I said, the silver-haired masked bastard isn't going to help, and the scar-faced one has already built you up to where you are today. You won't advance much farther with either of them as your teachers. Besides…The Kyubbi gave its own version of a fox grin: curled lips, fangs, flared whiskers, incisors, demonic intent, teeth, more teeth, even more teeth… I need to take notes on the lovely torture work-outs Tsubaki gives you. The pathetic little whimpering noises you make while doing so just adds seasoning.

BASTARD FURBALL! Naruto made two very succinct gestures with his hands before stomping away. The fox's raucous laughter followed him all way into the real world. As he kicked the covers off, Naruto gave a muttered, "…stupid furball…" before starting on some of the morning workouts Tsubaki showed him.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"NO, NO, AND HELL NO!"

Kakashi sighed before hiding his face behind his Icha Icha Paradise. Naruto could be really annoying at times.

"Naruto!" Iruka sighed as he closed his eyes and prepared to go into 'sensei-mode', "Newly formed genin teams can only take on low-level D-class missions. C-class and higher missions are given out to the more advanced teams and chuunins. Chuunins also take on the lower B-class missions, the higher B-class missions are usually taken on by jounins whom also take on the A-class missions. Get it Naruto? Naruto?"

Iruka's eyebrow twitched as he saw his speech had fallen on deaf ears, "…I had miso ramen yesterday, and beef ramen for breakfast, so...that means shrimp and chicken ramen for lunch. Now for dinner…OW!" Naruto rubbed the spot on his head where the scroll had hit, and reached over to pick up the offending object. Iruka sat down, a whole lot calmer now that he had vented his emotions. "Now, I'm afraid that you're stuck with D-class missions for now Naruto."

"Oh really…" Everybody within earshot shivered at the malevolently cheerful voice. Those whom had the misfortune to hear that particular tune personally dived for cover. The only ones not affected; the Hokage, Iruka, and Team 7, peered around the empty room. Sakura's jaw dropped at the result, Kakashi's single visible eyebrow was raised. Even Sasuke had trouble showing an impassive face. Within record time, the majority of the once semi-full room had departed, or only seemed to have. Multiple quivering knees exposed those trying to hide behind the plants, and toes could be seen protruding from the curtains. A few brave souls peeked from behind the door. Since both the Hokage and Iruka had been on the receiving end of that voice-and the multitude of vengeful pranks that came with it-for quite a number of times, they had developed quite the immunity to it. Even so, the Hokage was impressed against his will at the effect, a low whistle reverberated throughout the room. Note to self Sarutobi: Get Naruto to produce a recording of that voice, play to Morino Ibiki, document results.

Another low whistle brought all their attentions back to Naruto. He had opened the scroll, and was now eagerly pouring through the contents and muttering to himself occassionally, "Lemme see…elimination of a group rogue ninjas…capture the bandit king, elimination of bandit gangs optional, heheh…save the princess, escort across unknown territory, enemy status unknown…possibility of death: very high, payment…woah!" Naruto's voice had grown in excitement as he went on, Sasuke had wandered over in curiosity"…Rank: A-class! Yeah! I think we'll take this one Iruka-sensei!"

"Wha?" Iruka looked down, sure enough; he was missing an A-class mission scroll, "Baka Naruto! Give me back that mission scroll!"

"Nyah nyah! Catch me if you can Iruka-sensei!" Naruto rolled up the scroll with an expert flip of his wrist and was about to take off with it when he felt something grab his leg. "Huh?" Looking down, he saw that there was a thin wire wrapped around his ankle, the other end led to one Umino Iruka, he had a foot braced on the desk, and a strange look in his eyes.

Reaching out with one hand, he gave a sharp pull, and Naruto went down hard. Everybody winced at the sound. Conversationally, as he was reeling Naruto in, Iruka said, "Now now, it seems that I've caught something. Wonder what fish it's going to be…Hokage-sama, care to guess?" Iruka turned to the Hokage.

Caught somewhere between extreme amusement and extreme disapproval, his mind had a quick tussle, before a sense of revengeful satisfaction swamped both sides, "I don't know Iruka, why don't you reel it in?"

"Gladly." There was a slightly feral smile on his face as he pulled in a struggling, thrashing Naruto. Wrapping the wire around his wrist for a moment, he strung it through two kunai before throwing them in different directions; one straight up, one slightly back and down, then reeled in a good deal more of the wire. In the end, he was holding a coil of wire that ran from his hand, through a kunai imbedded in the floor behind the desk, up, through the kunai in the ceiling, and down to a now sullen, hanging, Naruto's foot. Most of the shinobi in the room had to stifle their laughter at the scene; it looked like Naruto was the 'catch of the day', Sasuke was currently rubbing the back of his hand against his mouth, it didn't quite remove his smile.

Iruka had a quiet smile on his face, "'Catch me if you can', huh? Well, you're caught Naruto, please give me back the scroll." He held out his hand.

"No." With that huff, he-somehow managing this without contact to anything-turned his back to Iruka, and tightened his grasp on the scroll and closed his eyes.

Iruka's voice became coaxing, "Naruto…ramen!" Naruto's eyes snapped wide open, Iruka continued, his voice getting deeper, somehow richer, "Icharaku ramen, Naruto…hot…steamy…long…" Within earshot, most of the grown kunoichis and quite a few of the men suddenly started to shift positions uneasily, Iruka's voice grew softer, "…imagine the taste…of the meat, imagine biting down into the flesh…" More shifting, a growing tension about hip-height, a few low moans. "…imagine drinking, from the bowl of desire…the nectar of the gods…the sweetness, the salt, the thick, liquid heat sliding down, down your throat…" Pressure was building up, more than a few red faces, Iruka continued, his voice husky now, "…remember the noodles Naruto…their length…how long they were…as your lips met their body, and let them pass into your mouth…the warmth pooling in your cheeks…" Under the desk, staring upwards at Iruka's legs and torso and everything in between, the poor kunoichi currently hiding there finally couldn't take it anymore, couldn't ignore the growing pressure in her lower belly, and finally broke down. With shaking hands, she completed the seals for the teleportation jutsu, and disappeared with a large poof of smoke, interrupting Iruka in mid-whisper. As if that was a signal, almost everybody else started leaving anyway they could, from teleportation jutsus to good old-fashioned running. Most of them had hands clutched to their groin; more than a few of them had dark spots spreading from where their hands were.

Iruka started as the sudden stampede emptied the room. Shrugging, he turned back to the remaining Team 7, and sweatdropped when he realized he was standing in a puddle of drool. Spinning Naruto around, he stared at the blissful face, the vice-grip on the mission scroll, and the drool running down-well, up from Naruto's point of view-Naruto's face, and dripping from his spiky blond hair. Tentatively, Iruka reached out to grab the scroll that had caused all this, only to find that, somehow, Naruto's fingers tightened even more at the first tug, and his eyes snapped open. "Icharaku's ramen was a cheap and underhanded thing to do Iruka-sensei…I might have actually accepted if you had kept going."

Iruka shrugged, only mildly dejected that it didn't work, "Fine, please, Naruto? I'll treat you after if you give me the scroll."

Naruto's face tightened, "I said no, and I mean no, Iruka-sensei."

Thinking wildly, Iruka blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "The first rule of the Shinobi Code deals with obedience to your superiors."

Naruto frowned slightly, then he dug into his supply pouch. What he pulled out surprised everyone; the latest copy of Konoha's Shinobi rules and guidelines. Still clutching the damn scroll, he licked his finger, and delicately turned page after page, scanning them rather quickly, after which, he chucked said delicate book over his shoulder, coincidently hitting Kakashi in the head with it. Naruto stared-upside down-Iruka in the eyes and stated, quite calmly, "Rule number one in the Shinobi Code is actually to honor Konoha's laws at all times. Rule number two is to protect and serve the inhabitants of Konoha. Rule number three is to obey your superiors."

Iruka blinked, and blinked, and blinked again. "Really?"

"Um…" this time Sakura spoke up, from the rulebook she had buried herself into after it bounced off Kakashi's springy hair, "Actually, Naruto's right, rule three is to obey your superiors."

"Also…" Iruka turned back to Naruto's trademark fox grin, "Rule number 87 states that once a mission has been given, no one but the Hokage or his proxy may give the retraction order necessary to scrap it."

"I didn't give you the mission!"

"Yeah you did Iruka-sensei!" Naruto chirped, "You gave it to me the moment the scroll left your hands and came into mine! So technically…" Naruto grinned, "This is Team 7's next mission, and we're obligated by Konoha law to complete it." That simple statement caused a few violent reactions; the Hokage choking on his pipe, Sakura dropping her precious book in shock, Sasuke's immediate spike of interest, Kakashi looking up from his book, and finally, last but not least, Iruka's face turning blue, whether it was rage or lack of breath, no one knew. Naruto just kept grinning as everyone stared at him in shock.

Sakura was the first one to break the silence, "Naruto no baka! We aren't ready for an A-rank mission yet!"

Naruto just kept grinning as he stared at Iruka's reaction, he didn't do anything that would have said that he acknowledged Sakura's comment, but he said, "We're obligated by Konoha law Sakura-chan. If we break the law, we're resigned to either jail or execution."

"Yes, but…" Sakura cast her eyes around for something to aid her argument, her eyes slid on to the Sandaime, "Hokage-sama, please give the retraction order!"

The Sandaime was about to say that he was just about to do that when Naruto treated him to a death glare and stated, "Old man, if you say anything before this is over…well, you know how I hate perverts?" Sarutobi nodded, and then choked as Naruto dropped the bombshell, "I know where your stash is!" Knowing Naruto, he had probably known where it was for a long time, having him telling you so with that malevolent, demonic voice implied a lot of things, very few of them left his precious, precious books untouched.

"But…" Sakura trailed off as she realized that Sasuke was staring at her.

"Sakura-chan, drop it." It was a simple statement, complete with complementary glare and high-level coolness factor, and if not for Sakura's undying love for the raven-haired heartthrob, completely and utterly useless. Sakura fell silent.

Naruto grinned, "Now that we all know where we stand…" Naruto relaxed his grip on the scroll and offered it to Iruka with one hand.

Iruka stared at the proffered scroll like it had just grown fangs, then stared down at Naruto. "What's the catch?"

Naruto grinned slightly wider, "The Code states that shinobi are not allowed to refuse missions, but we can put in for a transfer request.

"You had this planned the whole time," it wasn't a question.

"Yep! So?" Iruka silently took the scroll from Naruto's hands, and replaced it with another. Naruto just clasped his hand around the scroll before tossing it, "Hey Sasuke-teme, hold this for me will you?"

Sasuke scowled as he caught the scroll. How…he just outwitted both a chuunin and the Hokage! Worse, I'm actually glad for it, since now I can test my skills. Then his eyes shifted between the stoic Hokage, a chastising Iruka, and the struggling Naruto. He managed to look in Naruto's direction in time to see him pull the kunai out of the ceiling with his movements. "…dobe…" I can't believe he stopped! He had the advantage there and he just gave it away! Idiot…gave up the A-rank scroll for a C-rank one…

Naruto groaned as he propped himself up. Iruka sighed and shook his head before he bent down, unwound the wire around Naruto's leg and started winding it up. "I told you not to do that. You'll have to watch that blonde head of yours for tomorrow's mission."

At these words, Naruto immediately perked up. "Oh yeah…hey Sasuke…HEY WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING SASUKE! THAT'S MY MISSION SCROLL YOU"RE READING THERE!"

Sasuke just looked up from his reading with his trademark scowl. A scowl that quickly changed into a slight smirk when he saw Iruka-already haven forgotten Naruto's head injury, bop him one over the head. "BAKA! THAT'S A TEAM MISSION! SASUKE WOULD HAVE HAD TO READ IT EVENTUALLY!"

"Eh! I thought you only offered me that mission scroll!"

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT!"

"Well you threw the damn thing at me didn't you?"

"BAKA! EVEN A C-RANK MISSION IS TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO TAKE ON ALONE, LET ALONE AN A-RANK MISSION!"

"Aa…" Kakashi's interruption had both contestants staring at him he sweatdropped as he received a double dose of killing glares. "You might want to know the specifics of your next mission Naruto."

Those words were enough to stop the blonde in mid-retort. He closed his mouth and started looking surly and ready to start a fight. Iruka, with instincts borne from years in the classroom, treated Naruto's hair to a glance of his death-glare. Naruto shivered a bit but still sulked. Iruka stared directly at the back of Naruto's had and turned up the ferocity of the glare, giving Kakashi a hit of it as well. The experienced jounin, with years of war, violence, and bloodshed-laden killing intents, started shivering with no end in sight. Later on, witnesses would swear that there were wisps of smoke coming from Naruto's head, and that Kakashi had bundled himself up with blankets and a stack of his ever-growing Icha Icha Paradise collection. Even without looking at him, Naruto could feel the weight of Iruka-sensei's death-glare; he knew better to argue when Iruka-sensei was like this, so he just gave one final shiver and sulked over to where Sasuke and Sakura were reading the sparse contents of the scroll.

Both of them relinquished the scroll to him without comment, having already finished it while the festivities were going on. He read the mission contents first, it was fairly straightforward; protect client against bandits, thieves and the like until client finished his businesses. Mission time could last anywhere from a week to two months, with overtime pay if it took longer than that, of course. However…Naruto made a face at the payment plan, about five hundred ryo per week. Konoha automatically took off twenty percent for mission expenses, which left four hundred ryo for payment. Split evenly, it meant about a hundred ryo each, weekly, not counting expenses and the like. So basically, it meant that they made a little over fifteen ryo a day. A lot of D-rank missions paid better than that! Looking up, he noticed Sasuke and Sakura making faces of their own. He turned over to Kakashi, he shrugged lightly and said, "That's how the shinobi world works Naruto; it's still our mission, and we're obligated by Konoha law to take it…like you so kindly reminded us a few minutes ago." Naruto made another face at the reminder. Looking back down, he finished studying the scroll. It was only after he rolled it up that he realized something was missing. He quickly flipped the scroll open again and scanned the contents before looking up at Kakashi, face accusing, "Oy! Where's the description of the guy we're protecting?"

Kakashi's one visible eye blinked; evidently he had missed that also. He cursed himself for letting such an important thing slip his mind. Luckily for him, the Sandaime came to the rescue, "Oh don't worry Naruto. Come in please!" The last sentence was addressed to someone standing outside the large double doors, said doors opened. "Naruto, let me introduce you to Tazuna-san, a bridge-builder from Wave country. Tazuna-san, let me introduce you to Team Seven, the ninjas whom will be protecting you for the next two months."

Tazuna was about as average as the normal civilians, if Naruto had anything to say about it, though he did seem stronger than your regular off-the-street man. He had a slight ragged straw hat on, and well-made but well-worn clothing, as well as a sturdy backpack that looked like it had seen better days. A traveler's outfit, not flashy or brand new, but rather battered, used well and still usable. The bottle of sake in his hand however, said to Naruto, 'drunk'. The fact that this Tazuna had a flushed face and reeked of sake even from across the room only completed the picture.

Tazuna cast a slightly drunken eye across the room's inhabitants, and immediately focused on the four closest to him. An open pervert, a brooder, a fangirl, and…what is he wearing? Are shinobis even allowed to be wearing something that bright? "They look too much like small-fry for my liking Hokage-sama. Are you sure they can handle the job of protecting me?"

All three 'small-fry' twitched simultaneously, Tazuna continued as he had never saw the three glares aimed at him, "The smallest one looks especially weak."

"Haha! You're right! So who's the smallest one…" Sasuke and Sakura stood closer to Naruto as he finished. The revelation the he was looking up to both of them hit him like a ton of proverbial bricks. His revelation glare at nobody in general and life in particular scared the proverbial crap out of the person he just happened to be looking at, namely Tazuna.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Tazuna shivered at the sudden relapse, when the short blonde had just glared at him, he would have…well, he would have done something his mother had trained him out of doing a long time ago. He shivered again before taking a swig from his sake, and instantly felt much better. He let out a noise of approval as he stared at the Konoha-brewed sake with more respect. Guess ninja villages had their uses besides just shinobi after all, maybe he should stock up for the long journey ahead… Tazuna hurried off to the nearest bar to get pleasantly drunk.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Arrgh! Old bastard! I'll show him! Oh, Itaidaskumo!" Iruka looked on fondly as Naruto proceeded-once again-to clean out his wallet.

Taking a bite of his own ramen, Iruka admonished, "Now now Naruto, it's not nice to say such things about a guy you just met."

"Yeah, whatever…" Naruto proceeded to finish his bowl, "Seconds please. Hey Iruka-sensei?"

"Hm?"

"Where did you learn that wire trick?"

"Oh, chomp that?" Iruka swallowed, "Well…after you graduated I cleaned out my desk and coincidentally found a drawer full of prank items," he wagged his eyebrows conspiratorially at Naruto, whom just grinned, "and I had to do something with them. Wish I learned that earlier though, would have saved me a lot of grief every time you tried to run away from me."

"Ah well. Hey, Iruka-sensei?"

"Hm?"

"Could I get sevenths?" Iruka choked and swallowed as he stared at Naruto holding his empty ramen bowl out, five others stacked beside him, and his fearsome, infamous, Puppy Eyes no Jutsu. No…must resist…cuteness!

Iruka held out for a full three seconds before relenting. A deep sigh full of remorse accompanied Naruto's happy cheers. It was going to be a long-not to mention expensive-night for Iruka.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Omake

In one bedroom, "…mmm…yes…yes…"

In another, "…right there…yeah…"

And another, lots of heavy panting and several grunts permeated the air.

Needless to say, there were multiple cries of ecstasy that rang throughout the village that night.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The next morning, a confused Iruka was enthusiastically thanked by no less than five weary but incredibly happy shinobis enroute to work. During work, he excused himself for sickness after the seventh shinobi thanked him in less than half an hour. He decided to go for a walk instead. However, throughout the entire day, random male shinobis found him, popped up, thanked him whole-heartedly or said that they owed him favors, and leaving with that dammed teleportation jutsu before Iruka could ask what for. Of course the sudden rush of tired/happy shinobis completely blinded him from the hungry eyes of the majority of the kunoichi population.

If one decided to dig through the social layers of Konoha now, one would find that Iruka was, with a complete lack of knowledge from him, unofficially dubbed as having one of Konoha's sexiest voices. If one digs a bit deeper in the kunoichi gossip section, one would find that Iruka was also now one of Konoha's hottest bachelors, ranking up there with Genma, always chewing that senbon that first started attracting the ladies, and Kakashi, though no one had ever bragged to seeing his face, damn that mask! Iruka was a recent addition, previously unnoticed to many a kunoichi's chagrin, they decided to try and make up for lost time.

For the rest of the week, Iruka felt like he was being stalked. Iruka started taking the-shall we say-route less traveled between home and work. He didn't leave his house for more than essentials for the next week after, and even then he was jumpy, do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to flinch randomly in the middle of a sentence while talking to that beautiful college of yours? For months afterwards, Iruka was targeted by a few persistent kunoichis, though he was oblivious to the string of somewhat-obvious hints they gave him. Needless to say, he kept his virginity.

For the rest of the week, the majority of Konoha's kunoichi population stalked Iruka trying to get him into bed with them. Those that were at the 'Incident' apparently told others, and the word was out among kunoichis that Iruka would be the catch of the year, and seduction tactics came into play. They failed miserably, especially when Iruka began to hole himself up in his house, though a few felt they managed to make progress on the cute pony-tailed shinobi. They continued, though they never managed to get to even kissing, which was when they gave up…for now.

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A/N: Ah! 11,000 words! Not quite epic length, but getting there!

Sorry for the long hiatus, schoolwork sucks, and the dry period felt like a cold shower on my idea. Translation: short, sudden visits of inspiration and motivation with LONG bouts of writer's block in between. This is probably going to be my last update for a while, so don't expect anything until summer vacation. Sorry, being sixteen sucks academically. One thing though…I AM NOT ABANDONING THIS FIC, SHORT OF DYING, I WILL FINISH THIS, PROMISE. Though if I do die than I expect my soul to be reincarnated in another body and finish this fic then. Of course, the fact that this just a long proto-prologue to another fic is good motivation…oops, did I just type that? (laughs)

Alright, for those of you that don't know, I believe a generation is essentially the amount of time between the average child getting born, and that child growing up to have children of his own. I think its somewhere between twenty-two and thirty years.

Oh, and tell me how my omake was, it's my first, is it any good?