I'm wondering when it happened…

When did the burning fire in his eyes that was his hatred for me slowly start to flicker away, smothered by a blanket of sorrow? When did he start to care?

I can see it; He only argues half-heartedly now. And though I want so badly to hate him, like it should be, I can't help but get caught under the waves of blatant sadness he's emitting.

Shigure says it's Tohru…that the cat is jealous of the rat for the attention he receives from her…but Shigure's never seen the way he looks at me. Oh, how I would love to hate him...It's easier that way. It's easier to hate. I love to hate him.

Today, he spots Tohru and me at my secret base. He says nothing, just turns and runs away. She offers to follow him, but I get up instead. When did it happen? When did I start to care?

Of course, he's on the roof. Stupid cat, you'd think he'd find a better place to hide. He turns, and I'm startled to find that there are tears in his eyes. I've never seen him cry…but then again, I'm sure he has. During those days when I never cared enough to look…

I lean over to wipe them away…but he backs off. Of course…of course he's scared. Fear and sadness in his scarlet eyes. I regret that I wasn't there. All those years I hated him…because it was easy. Easier to just forget there was a problem; that way I wouldn't have to worry about solving it. When did I start wishing I could turn back time?

"I'm sorry".

The words come out without me having to think about them. I touch his face, his hair…taking everything in. Feeling his pain. Next thing I know, I'm grabbing his shoulders and pulling him in close for a deep kiss. He smells like an assortment of my favorite spices. When did I start noticing? When did I start wanting him more than anything?

When did I start to love him?