Goodbye: A Story Of War Chapter 5: Coming Home, a csi fanfic

A/N -

Song – You're Like Coming Home – Lonestar

Thank you to everyone who reviewed this story! I know I'm not the most reliable writer in terms of posting updates, but I truly hope everyone enjoyed this!

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Ridin' restless under broken sky,
Weary traveler, somethin' missin' inside,
Always lookin' for a reason to turn around.
Desperate for a little peace of mind.
Just a little piece of what I left behind:
Well, I found it now: you're like coming home.

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Sara's breath caught in her throat as someone on the outside struggled with the lock. She couldn't believe it; she just couldn't.

Her shaky hand reached out and unlocked the door. She didn't know if she could do this; Nick couldn't be on the other side. He couldn't. There was no way. But she stopped, took a slow, deep, raggedy breath and opened it. Her bottom lip quivered as it swung open, to reveal a very stunned Nick. She gasped.

And just like that, time froze. Nick and Sara both stopped breathing, stopped thinking, stopped moving, stopped doing everything but staring. Neither could truly believe what they were seeing, and they just froze like that for a good minute and a half. They each just stopped and tried to decipher what toll the past year had taken on the other.

"Sar…" He said as he looked up at her. He was stooped over his bags, and he froze when he saw her, leaning against the door, her bottom lip quivering uncontrollably.

Nick stood up slowly, and each remained rooted to the spot, as if unsure of what to do.

Suddenly Sara let out a stifled sob, and Nick came to his senses. She stood there, all her body weight supported by the door frame, her hand over her mouth and silent tears coursing down her face, about to fall apart.

He stepped inside his apartment and enveloped her in a hug. He didn't ask questions or say anything, nothing. They both held each other close, just trying to grasp the idea that the other truly was there. Sara buried her face in Nick's neck and Nick squeezed her tight around the middle, holding her body right up against his own.

"Nicky…Oh Nicky what are you doing…where have you been…oh I've missed you…Nicky…" Sara managed between gasps and sobs, and Nick whispered sweet nothings into her hair, still trying to let the shock of Sara being inside his house sink in.

"Sara…it's alright now…you're okay…yes I know I'm home…I missed you too, more then you know…" he told her as she cried letting his own tears run silently down onto the top of her head and sometimes dripping off onto Sara's shoulder.

Ten solid minutes was spent between them just standing there, crying and holding each other.

Sara's sobs slowly tapered off, but she still let her head rest against Nick's chest; the feel of his heartbeat and the sound of his slow breathing calmed her and soothed her. She closed her eyes and rocked back and forth gently with Nick, she knew his eyes were closed too.

Slowly, Sara opened her eyes and lifted her head off of Nick's chest. He opened his eyes and focused in on her with a smile. His hand slid up her back before coming to cup her cheek, and she leaned into his touch before placing her own hand on his and intertwining their fingers.

"I missed you so much." Sara was the first to speak, and Nick smiled genuinely beneath his tears.

"Not nearly as much as I missed you, babe." Nick replied. Sara smiled slowly and unsurely at Nick's not-so-subtle use of a pet name. Though she couldn't see well through the constant stream running down her face, Sara managed to take the hand Nick was using to cup her cheek, lace his fingers with hers, and lead him back outside.

"We have to get your bags." She said as they opened the front door again. Nick couldn't keep the grin off his face as he followed her and grabbed his suitcase after she reached for his duffel. They walked back in and Nick shut the door, dropping his bag instantly as he came inside.

It wasn't important.

Sara had walked further into his apartment with the duffel bag, and had her back turned to Nick as she finally set it down. Nick came up silently behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He felt her tense up at first, but slowly she relaxed and let her head rest against Nick's chest.

"You're home." Sara whispered.

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You're like a Sunday mornin', pleasin' my eyes;
You're a midsummer's dream under a star-soaked sky.
That peaceful easy feelin' at the end of a long, long road.
You're like coming home;
You're like coming home, all right.

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Nick smiled to himself as he thought of how true that statement was; Sara was in his arms, and he was home. He nodded in response and Sara twisted her head in towards Nick so her forehead pressed against his neck. "I'm not sure I can believe it" she continued.

"I know. I've missed being here." Nick said, and in his heart, he knew being home wasn't the only place he missed being; he had missed being with Sara terribly. They were silent for a few moments before Sara spoke again.

"I've missed you." She said for the fiftieth time. Nick chuckled, and Sara took a baby step back, letting Nick engulf her even further. His arms tightened around her, and she let her arms rest on his.

"I missed you more." Nick whispered as he kissed Sara's forehead.

"I doubt it." Sara said with a shy smile, her tone of voice making it sound as though she had said that without thinking. Nick was slightly taken aback by her honesty for a moment, and squeezed her tight before he spoke.

"Don't." Said Nick, whose voice conveyed he was much surer of himself. They were silent for a few moments more before Sara turned herself around in Nick's arms and faced him with a look of uncertainty on her face. Nick frowned in questioning, and Sara slid her hands up his chest before speaking.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming home? I…I was starting to worry. I mean…I was really scared Nick." Sara's voice trailed off to a dead whisper, and Nick stroked her back soothingly. She avoided his eye, and Nick knew why.

It passed wordlessly between them that Sara had entertained the idea that Nick had possibly been killed in Iraq.

Nick wanted nothing more then to take Sara in his arms and push away all the pain she must have gone through. But he had to answer the question.

"I don't know Sara…" he felt stupid as he said that, "I just…I mean…I-"

"Nick…its ok." Sara interrupted, obviously feeling like she had pushed him into talking about something he didn't want to talk about, and now she felt bad.

"No…that wasn't what I wanted to say. I'm sorry I didn't tell you…I should have but…I couldn't…" Nick tried, attempting to say what he wanted to say without telling Sara flat out that he loved her and wanted to tell her without anyone else around. He closed his eyes for a second and took in a deep breath.

"Sara." He said, and opened his eyes, "I didn't tell you I was coming because I didn't want to come home to a party, or a get together, and I didn't want anyone to know so they wouldn't surprise me with anything like that. I wanted to come home and see you. Not everyone. Just…you."

Sara's eyes filled instantly as she looked at Nick and grasped what she hoped he was actually saying. He stared at her with a comforting smile and she bit her lip in a weak attempt to stop the tears of joy and love that threatened to fall.

Nick felt Sara's hand cup and caress his cheek, and he grinned. His hands slid through her hair, and he massaged her scalp. Sara could feel huge butterflies flying around in her stomach, and her nerves and self-doubts caught up to her before she gave Nick the chance to go any farther. She just wasn't ready to kiss him, or tell him how she truly felt.

"Nick I…" Sara faltered, and Nick smiled genuinely at her. She gave him an insecure half-smile, and Nick thought her facial expression resembled that of an uncertain child. He kissed her forehead slowly, as to not alarm her.

"It's ok." He whispered lovingly, and Sara pulled him into a tight hug. A single sob wracked her body, and Nick held her close. He bit his tongue hard as three little words threatened to escape his lips in an attempt to comfort Sara; this was neither the time nor the place.

Sara didn't sob again after that, and she slowly loosened her grip and backed away, yet refusing to meet Nick's eye. He didn't push her to; this whole situation was raw and exposing for both of them.

Suddenly he felt Sara's head back on his shoulder as she nestled into the crook of his neck.

"Nicky…aren't you tired?" she asked him. He chuckled at her – Apparently she was.

"Yeah…I am." He answered, stroking her hair softly.

"Me too. Let's go to sleep." Sara said simply, and Nick chuckled again.

"Okay. C'mon," he said, taking her by the hand, "you can have my bed."

Sara had started to follow him as he led her down the hallway, but she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks.

"Nick, I am not sleeping in your bed. You are. You just got home." She said, with an expression of obviousness on her face.

"Sar…" Nick insisted, tugging at her hand which was now fully laced in his, "Don't be like this. You look like you need a good nights sleep anyhow."

"I can get a perfectly good night's sleep on your couch."

"Sara, seriously –" Nick attempted to argue before being interrupted.

"You are sleeping in your bed. I am sleeping on the couch. That's final." She said, and Nick knew there was no arguing with her now. He smiled as he realized she was just looking out for him, but still, he wasn't keen on the idea. Sara looked positively exhausted and he wasn't sure how well she'd been taking care of herself lately.

He helped her ready the couch and brought her out a few pillows. He was unsure of how he should say goodnight to her; technically they weren't anything more then friends, but he felt something more. And even though he didn't know for sure, he could almost be certain she did as well. At least, he thought she did…Was he reading the signs correctly?

"Nick…" Sara smiled as she touched his arm. Nick blinked and shook his head a little. He must have zoned out for a moment.

"Sorry Sar…I was just thinking." He said, hoping she accepted his story. Sara looked at him with her head tilted to the side. She was trying desperately to fight back a smile, but was loosing. It was that pursed-lipped-Sara-face Nick had grown to miss so much, and he suddenly realized he was stroking her cheek.

Sara stepped towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Caught slightly by surprise, Nick faltered for a moment before letting his arms hug around her back tightly.

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Go head an' let your hair fall down.
This wanderlust: it's gone now.
I'm here in your arms; I'm safe from the world again.
These are the days that can't be erased:
Baby, there isn't a better place;
You're like heaven: you're like coming home.

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"I can't believe you're home Nicky. It hasn't really hit me yet." Sara murmured. She was telling the truth – after all the fantasies and visions and daydreams she had had about this moment, the fact that it was happening wasn't really registering in her brain.

She was using up all of her self-control as she bit back telling Nick how ecstatic she truly was about him being home, or skipping the talking all together and just leaning in and kissing him. She smiled as she envisioned what his reaction might be.

Maybe he would kiss her back.

She nestled her face into Nick's neck, breathing in the unique scent that only belonged to him. How she had missed it! She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, letting herself succumb to the sleep that was willing to take over her body as she stood.

"C'mon Sar…" Nick whispered. She could feel his hot breath swirling in her ear as his head rested on hers. She groaned and he chuckled.

Slowly, she lifted her head and stared at him. The content, happy look in his eyes sent a warm feeling throughout her body, and she smiled softly.

"I'm so glad you're home safe. Not knowing where you were…it was lonely." She said, but looked away as she admitted it. A moment later she could feel Nick taking her hand and intertwining their fingers. She finally looked up as she felt his lips on her knuckles, and he stared back at her as he kissed each one. She blushed at his romantic gesture, and he held their hands against his chest, directly above his heart.

"You were never alone." He said, and Sara bit her lip as her eyes filled slowly with tears, "I was always right here." And he moved their hands to Sara's heart. She smiled as two silent tears ran down her face and nodded.

"Yeah…you always were." She whispered, almost so Nick couldn't hear.

Almost.

"You should get some sleep, hon." Nick said, slowly moving his thumb over the back of her hand.

"Yeah, I guess."

Sara locked eyes with Nick and she slowly leaned in to kiss him cheek. She wasn't sure how she was feeling just yet, and truly kissing Nick for the first time was not something she wanted to do five minutes before going to bed and two hours after she had seen him for the first time in a year.

There was too much riding on that kiss, enough that Sara wasn't going to risk it. After their first kiss Sara knew there would be discussion on future plans and tears and smiles no matter what his reaction was, good or bad, and she was already on emotional overload. As she backed away, Nick smiled at her and she knew he understood.

"Goodnight Sar" he said as one hand came to cup her cheek. She smiled, put her had on top of his, pulled it to her lips and kissed it.

"Goodnight." She replied. Nick smiled at her kiss, gave her hand one last squeeze, and turned and walked away down the hall.

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You're like a Sunday mornin', pleasin' my eyes;
You're a midsummer's dream under a star-soaked sky.
That peaceful easy feelin' at the end of a long, long road.
You're like coming home;

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Sara flopped down on the couch as she heard Nick close the door behind him. She crawled under the blanket and pulled it tight against her body; she suddenly felt cold, as if Nick had taken all her strength and heat with him as he left. Nick…she smiled as she thought of him. What exactly was this thing developing between them? Sara didn't know how to ask or answer that question, but she was sure she would be doing both in the near future. She was so overwhelmed – Nick was home! She had tried, but Sara now realized she hadn't even come close in the prediction she made about how much she had missed Nick or how much she loved him.

She had guessed way too low.

Yes, she loved him. She wasn't ready to tell him, and she also wasn't ready to hear it from him, but she did love him. Probably more then she should. But one thing was for sure, she wasn't going to deny it. She felt like she had to give herself the chance to grasp the happiness that was being presented to her instead of letting it slip away like she had so many times before.

She closed her eyes, hoping the next day would come with the strength she needed in order to tell Nick what was on her mind.

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The first thing Nick became conscious of was a pair or arms wrapping around his torso. He didn't open his eyes, he didn't make any indication that he felt anything, he just waited. He tried to remember what happened before he went to bed.

He was lying on his back, and he could feel the comfy mattress underneath him and the soft sheets below his fingertips. He was home. A small, warm, and curvy body was sliding into the bed next to him – Sara.

He opened one eye slowly, then the other. Sara had crawled in bed with him, wrapped her arms around him, and laid her head on his chest. Muffled, slightly masked sobs were shaking her small frame and she pulled the covers back over both of them.

Nick's eyes flicked to the clock. He closed them in frustration –she'd only been asleep three hours. He knew Sara hadn't been taking anywhere near good care of herself; she had needed to stay in bed longer. He was worried about her.

His arms enveloped Sara and pulled her closer, their body's right up against each other. As Sara became aware of his awakening for the first time she picked her head up and looked at him. In the dim light, Nick could see her face was red and streaky; she'd been crying. His hand came to cup her cheek and she leaned into it fully.

"Oh Sar, what's wrong? It's okay…it's alright, just tell me baby…" his eyes pleaded with her as she remained quiet.

A few long silent moments passed as Sara closed her eyes and tears continually fell silently as Nick's fingers caressed her cheek.

"I was so afraid…" she finally said in a dead whisper. Two more silent tears slipped down and fell as she opened her eyes again.

"Afraid of what honey?" Nick whispered back soothingly. He hoped his voice sounded as strong and sure as he was trying to make it; she was starting to scare him a little.

"That it was a dream."

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You're that innocence, that serenity,
That long-lost part of me.

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"That what was a dream?" Nick asked, although he was pretty sure he had a fair idea.

"That you were home." She said. Nick was about to respond when she continued, "That I had actually seen you and hugged you and touched you…I was so scared I was dreaming and that you weren't really here."

Nick pulled Sara up closer to him and hugged her body tight against his. He held her for a long time, just soothing her, reassuring her that he was there. He stroked her damp hair and kissed the side of her head lovingly. She cried lightly for a time before becoming silent, and soon just the sounds of their breathing filled the room.

"I'm sorry Nick. I didn't mean to wake you…I just lost it. I always used to dream of your return, so I guess when I woke up I assumed it couldn't be true. I came in your room…you know…to check…and there you were. I guess I needed to be close to you…I feel complete when I'm close to you Ni-" Sara stopped as Nick turned her head and slowly connected their lips. She kissed him softly, feeling his lips pressed lightly against hers. She broke away and hovered near him without opening her eyes; the feel of his breath on her cheek was too intoxicating. He kissed her cheek, her forehead, her nose, then everywhere in between. Finally, she felt his breath radiating against her lips and she closed the gap without second thought. She let out a whimper as their lips slid sensuously over one another, not demanding or controlling, just full of emotion and unspoken love. When they finally broke apart, Sara lay on Nick's chest and her hands cupped his face.

"Sara I…" Nick started, wanting to explain. He hadn't been able to hold back his feelings anymore; after Sara had said she felt complete when she was close to him he lost it. That was the closest she'd ever been to telling him she loved him, and he couldn't hold back. She didn't look ecstatic about the kiss, and Nick was seriously worried. He knew neither of them could afford a heart break, and since he had initiated the kiss he felt he owed her at least something of an explanation.

"No Nick. Stop." Sara said, and Nick's vision started to get blurry with tears. Didn't she love him? Did she want to be with him, be more then just friends? Had he read everything wrong? He was starting to fear the answers to these questions and panic slowly crept up and settled into the pit of his stomach.

"Nick," Sara said slowly in an unreadable tone, "there's something I have to tell you." Now panic mode was quickly switching to full-fledged freak-out mode in Nick's stomach, and he bit his lip so hard it bled, but it didn't stop the tear from falling. Sara felt it moisten her hands as she continued to cup his face, and her lips softened into a smile. She leaned in and kissed his cheek where the tear had fallen before laying a tender kiss on his lips. Nick responded with fervor, trying desperately to convey his feelings through that kiss because his throat was completely dry. Sara pulled away and smiled shyly at him before her thumb sensuously traced his lips.

"Nicky, I love you."

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You're like a Sunday mornin', pleasin' my eyes;
A midsummer's dream under a star-soaked sky.
That peaceful easy feelin' at the end of a long, long road.

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Nick's face broke into a grin. He let out a small laugh of relief and the welled up tears fell with joy. Sara smiled back at him, and with one fluid sweeping motion he captured her lips once again. This time the passion was equal as Nick asked for entrance and Sara readily complied. They slowly explored each others mouths, flirting and loving and connecting with each other. They traded soft, deep, exploratory kisses for a long while before Nick pulled away. He threaded his fingers through Sara's hair and stroked her cheeks.

"I love you too Sara."

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Hours later, after kissing and talking for awhile before sleep finally overtook them, Nick woke up to the pleasant sensation of Sara in his arms. She was already awake, studying the contours of his face. He reached over and cupped her cheek, caressing it softly. She smiled and blushed, and Nick kissed her tenderly.

"I'm home." He said, beaming at Sara. She smiled and traced the deep lines and wrinkles in his face as he grinned, knowing he only smiled like that at her.

"So am I." she said, removing her hand from his face and snuggling back into his neck, "So am I.

A/n (x2) –

You know what's funny? Approximately 800 people have read this story, and only fifty of them review. If you've been one of those people who have read this entire thing and never reviewed once, will you please review for just this last chapter? It doesn't have to be long, and it would make me a happy girl!

Love you all (especially the reviewers!)

The Notorious Cat