Dear Charlie

Dear Charlie

Whoops! seems I accidently uploaded the wrong chapter! Blushes in horrified embarrasment here's the real thing.

Sorry to anyone dissapointed or confused.

Author's Note: This Chapter was so hard to write, mostly because I hate inflicting pain on my characters and Tonks is at this point what I would call clinically depressed. I had to watch Teddy/Victoire fan vids to cheer myseld up again! It does mean that this chapter unusually has a song – Regina Spektor's "Just Like the Movies" which I have on repeat right now.

In other news I am extremely happy to say that Lucy is currently making an appearance in Sevilla Baens fic "Gone and Never Gone"

Chapter 11: Darkness Visible

London, June 28th, 1996

Charlie,

She's alive, hurt and unconscious, but alive.

R.L.

888

London, July 1st, 1996

Dear Charlie,

Remus told me he's written to you to let you know I'm ok, but I thought you'd want a more detailed update. All the children are safe, none of them dangerously hurt, which was the most important thing, and I'm pretty much fully recovered now, out of St Mungo's and walking around and everything without trouble. I'm staying with Mum and Dad who are making a ridiculous fuss over me. So I'm physically fine.

Mentally though, not so much. Sirius is dead. God, writing it down makes it feel so much more real. I haven't really been able to take it in. He was maybe the most alive person I've ever met. I can't help blaming myself for what happened. If I hadn't been stupid enough to let dear sweet Auntie Bella take me out she might never… But it's pointless to think like that. Remus is devastated, obviously. I can't even imagine what it's like to get your best friend back after twelve years only to loose them again so soon. He won't talk to me about it though. He won't really talk to me about anything much at the moment actually. I know there's something badly wrong, something besides the awful thing that happened at the ministry, but I can't understand what.

At least one good thing has come out of this whole horrible mess though. The ministry is finally acknowledging that Voldemort has returned to full power. They can hardly deny it when he turns up at ministry head quarters now can they (though to be honest I wouldn't put anything past fudge). Latest rumour is they're planning to give Fudge the boot and put Scrimgeour in his place. It might even be an improvement; at least it'll mean they're taking the threat seriously.

There has been at least on happy event here. You must have heard by now, Bill and Fleur are getting married! Can you believe it? Your Mum's gone mad- I'm sure she thinks Fleur entirely unsuitable! I think it's wonderful, they clearly adore each other. Someone should be in a functional relationship at least!

How are you though? It mist have been driving you mad only getting the news in drips and drabs days after it happened. I know I couldn't stand it. How is Lucy? I hope things between you two are continuing to improve. You need to know how important what you're doing over there is. People need to be aware of what Voldemort is capable of. I understand you must feel so cut off there at the moment, but really it's the most useful thing you could be doing.

I miss you so much at the moment! God I think this is this most depressing letter I've written. I'm sorry to be so gloomy; maybe it's the Dementors everywhere.

I hope you're alright, much love to Lucy.

Hugs, Tonk xxxxx

888

Breen Dragon Reserve, August 10th, 1996

Dear Tonks,

Thank God you're ok, well not ok, but you know, unhurt. I was so scared when I heard what had happened over the wireless. I didn't know till days later that Ron and Ginny were there too. Merlin, when I think what might have happened to them, or to you. Well, I feel kind of physically sick. I'm so sorry about Sirius; I know you two were getting close. But you can't blame yourself. You weren't responsible. The only person responsible is that mad bitch Belltrix Lestrange, and you weren't stupid, this is Voldemort's best lieutenant we're talking about, anyone would have been lucky to escape with their life. And I don't want to here any more stupid worries about sending me gloomy letters. You're in a very gloomy place right now, and I want to able to help.

Thank goodness for some cheerful news from your end. I got a letter from Mum a couple of days before yours about Bill and Fleur, full of barely concealed resentment, made me laugh more than I have in a very long time. Good for Bill I say, never thought he'd manage to get such a stunner!

At least it's all out in the open now. Now we can concentrate on trying to fight him, and the whole Auror office will be on the case now, not just you and Kingsley and Mad-Eye. Maybe we'll finally be able to make some progress towards stopping him, or at least we'll be better able to protect ourselves.

We're certainly going to need it. I heard about Amelia Bones and Emmeline Vance. Those were two people you would have been sure could look after themselves, it was the biggest shock, and I couldn't take it in for ages. The most horrible thing.

On that note I'm not sure we're as entirely removed from things here as you'd like to think. I'm worried about the behaviour of one of my superiors, a wizard called Kurt Martinsson. He's become very vague and withdrawn lately, and last night I was looking out of my window around midnight and I'm sure I saw him walking towards the great gate. Is there as possibility he's under the imperious curse? And how would I found of for sure? Hang on, Lucy wants to write something

Do you think he could be right? I'd hate to believe it's true. I've always really liked Kurt, and he has a wife and two young children. Do you think it's just this horrible war making us all paranoid?

I wish I could hope for the best like Lucy does, but somehow I just know I'm right about this one. There's something fishy going on, and I'm determined to work out what it is. Lucy's trying to help as much as possible, I know she's worried too, which brings me to something else I want to tell you. Lucy and I have, well; we're sort of seeing each other again. I'm not sure exactly when or how it happened, I just realised that life is too short to be dancing around that issue, so, about a week ago when we were sitting beside the fire, I decided we'd wasted enough time, and so I kissed her. I've been so angry with her for so long, but when I thought something might have happened to you, well it kind of put everything in perspective. We're taking things very slowly, but so far it's going well.

I'm really sorry you and Remus are having problems at the moment; I know how much you care about him. I'm sure it will be alright though; you two are too in love not to make it work. I believe that absolutely.

Keep your chin up, it will get better. I miss you too.

Best wishes

Charlie xxxxx

888

Hogsmeade, September 15th, 1996

Dear Charlie,

Thanks for your last letter; it helped a lot to have you being so supportive.

I think you're right to be watchful for any possible Death Eater activity, Breen would be a prime target for anyone wanting to cause mayhem, but I don't think the evidence is conclusive as yet. Keep watching and, please please be very careful. I couldn't bare it if you or Lucy was hurt in anyway. If you're right that Martinsson is under an imperious curse then the most obvious signs of it are mechanical movements and speech and a glazed facial expression, it's very difficult to be sure.

I'm so glad you and Lucy finally saw sense and decided to give things another go. I think you two are really good together, and I saw how much being apart was hurting both of you. Well done you for being so mature.

I'm experiencing a fair amount of that at first hand at the moment. I found out what was troubling Remus. Dumbledore's given him a new mission. He wants Remus to join in Fenrir Greyback's werewolf pack, to try to convince some of them that they don't to join Voldemort to find acceptance and equality. I know, I know it's an important job, but I can't help being furious, the thought of Remus near to that, that Monster, makes feel faint. Worst of all Remus has got some stupid idea into his head that continuing to be with me would put me in danger, and he's broken things off between us. I've known for ages that he's always been worried about what his condition would mean for our relationship but I really really thought we'd got past it. He keeps telling be he's too dangerous, that he can't offer me anything. I'm so angry Charlie! It's like I'm going mad, I can't think straight anymore. You're Mum being amazing you know, I seem to find myself over at the burrow in tears a lot, being fed cups of tea. But I'm a complete mess, I can't change anymore. I don't think I even knew before what I looked like un-morphed, I barely recognise the person in the mirror. I hate being like this so much.

I'm trying to throw myself into work as much as possible. As you can see from the address line I've been relocated. I and a couple of colleagues have been posted here to help protect the school. A change of scene has been good, and being around so much magic is great. It's kind of comforting to know how close Dumbledore is in case anything does happen. I keep having flashbacks of being a kid here with you. I remember the snowball fight we had by the shrieking shack, and all the amazing stuff we bought from Zonko's, and the time we got kicked out of the three broomstick for trying to buy fire-whisky. I wish I could be a kid again. I've at least managed to help Harry out of some trouble. He got himself tied up by the Malfoy brat before he'd even reached Hogwarts. I had to escort him up to castle.

In terms of the war there hasn't really been any progress, the ministry is trying to make it seem like they're actually getting something done, they're putting about that they're made loads of arrests, but they're just spouting Rubbish. One of the arrests is Stan Shunpike, and if he's a Death Eater then I'm the giant Squid. It's ridiculous. I had hoped that once they got rid of Fudge things might be better. Turns out I was wrong.

I was as horrified as you were by the murders. I knew Emmeline, I worked with her. It doesn't seem real. Now more than ever, I want to stop him. He can't be allowed to hurt any more people, ever again.

Oh Charlie, why do I only have bad news to give you? I'm determined to be cheerful. Bill and Fleur are as loved up as ever, much to your Mum's annoyance.

Love Lucy

Hugs, Tonks xxxxx

888

Breen Dragon Reserve, October 23rd, 1996

Dear Tonks,

Your last letter really worried me. I hope you're ok. I'm so sorry about what's happened between you and Remus, and I really hope he's safe. Have you heard from him recently, I hope he's still writing to you at least? I really hope you two can still sort it out. It's obvious how much he means to you. I really wish I was there so I could help you with what you're going through. Reading your last letter made me just want to give you biggest bear hug. I know you're in a lot of pain at the moment but you are so strong, I know you'll be ok. I understand how angry you are, to be honest I'm pretty angry with him to for abandoning you and hurting you like this, but you can't let what's happened poison you, you're too amazing for that.

Hang on; Lucy wants to write something;

Tonks, I'm so sorry for what's happened with you and Remus, I hope you're alrgiht. I know what it's like- the most horrible thing in the world.

Are your problems with your magic just because of the way you're feeling? Maybe you never recovered properly from the battle at the department of mysteries, and you're still grieving for Sirius. With all that, and Dementors everywhere it's no wonder you feel the way you do at the moment. You're not going mad, and you're not falling apart, you're going to be ok.

What you said about being in Hogsmeade kept making me think of what it was like back then when we were kids. Things were so much simpler back when all we had to worry about was homework and who was snogging who? And then I thought about Ron and Ginny and Harry and Hermione and how, for them, it's never been that simple, it seems so unfair somehow. They've never really had the chance to be children, just children, without any of the really hard stuff.

I feel very grown up right now. Lucy and I, there's something very adult about it this time round, something very quiet. We don't shout and scream a lot anymore, which is good, but we don't laugh a lot any more either. We do hold hands a lot and we talk. It's all very, comfortable. I think we're closer than we've ever been. Is it alright for me to be telling you about this? It feels tactless when I think about what's going on in your life at the moment.

I've been following your advice on the Martinsson situation. I've been watching him, and his behaviour is definitely not normal. He barely seems to know where he is half the time. Definite glazed expression and mechanical movement. If, he is under the imperious curse though then I can't work out yet what he's being made to do. So far as I can tell he's just following usual his routine. I haven't seen him out at any unusual hours again recently.

What are things like over there at the moment? Mum told me that a girl got attacked Hogwarts, that someone sent her a cursed necklace- do you know anything about it? Did you see what happened? It terrifies me that they can get to kids in Hogwarts, I mean, that's our safe haven.

I don't see why Mum's so het up about Bill and Fleur, I mean, I know they haven't known each other all that long, but they care about each other, and they're both adults, so there's not much she can do about it is there? Does she hate Fleur that much? I hope not, or it's going to complete for poor Bill.

I miss you, I hope you're alright.

Hugs, because you need them.

Charlie, xxxxx

888

Hogsmead, November 12th, 1996

Dear Charlie,

Thanks for the last letter, it helped a lot, honestly. You made me feel a lot less batty! And say thanks to Lucy as well, what she wrote was so kind; it made me feel like I'm not the only person in the world feeling miserable. It's better than it was last time I wrote, I miss him, and I'm still angry, but I can get out of bed in the mornings, I can function. Mum's been visiting me a lot too, I wouldn't admit it, but I really appreciate her coddling me at the moment. I just wish I didn't worry her so much. I know she's convinced I'm going to be killed, getting involved with fighting Voldemort, especially with all the recent deaths.

I've been trying to concentrate on the things that are really important, like my job. I was nearby when Katie Bell got attacked, and saw what happened. Charlie, it was like nothing I've ever seen: she rose five feet of the ground! I feel so useless, because I was right there, but I couldn't do anything, I didn't stop her getting hurt. It's a complete miracle she wasn't killed, as it is it'll be months before she's back to normal. But it seems I can't even protect people anymore.

Harry was there, he always does seem to be doesn't he. Just a few minutes before I had to stop him murdering Mundungus Fletcher with his bare hands when he realised he'd been stealing stuff from Gimmauld place. I don't blame him for being furious, it must feel like such a violation, and everything there technically belongs to him now as well. It feels strange to think that I haven't seen the inside of that house for nearly half a year. There was a point when I might as well have lived there.

I feel very out of touch with the order at the moment, the only person I ever have any real communication with is Kingsley, and that's mostly on ministry business. I'm not sure exactly what anyone else is up to. I haven't seen Mad-Eye in Weeks, and Hestia and Sturgis are both in hiding as far as I know. As for Remus… Well, I don't know if anyone's heard much from him, certainly I haven't. I'm so worried about him, it's like this knot in the pit of my stomach, it's there all time, sometimes I can ignore it, but it never goes away completely.

How are things you're end? Is it still pretty much business as usual, or have their been any more developments as concerns Martinsson. Please please just stick to information gathering for now. If there are Death Eater's involve, and they have access to Dragon's, well I don't even want to consider the possibilites! I'm holding Lucy responsible for making sure you don't do anything stupid and reckless. Don't go all Gryffindor on me will you? Promise? I won't say I don't think you're onto something though.

You don't draw me cartoons anymore. Did you know that?

Love to you and Lucy, keep safe.

Tonks xxxxx

888

Breen Dragon Reserve, December 10th, 1996

Dear Tonks,

I have news for you about Martinsson- I saw him going out of the main building again last night, at about Midnight. So I followed him. I know what you're thinking, it was stupid, and dangerous I know. But I had to find out what he was doing didn't I, and I was careful, I used disillusionment charms, and silencing charms so I wouldn't be seen or heard, and I followed him. He was messing with defensive spells round the grounds at the point where they're weakest, by the main gate. It was small, so no one who hadn't seen it done would notice, but it was weakness in our defences. I think someone's planning an attack here. What do I do Tonks? Strengthen the wards? We're not ready to hold off a full on assault, even with all the preparations we've been making over the past year. Maybe we're not dealing with an operation on that scale though, not if they have to use Martinsson and he has to work so slowly. At least they won't have the element of surprise anymore.

Lucy doesn't know what happened, and I don't want her to, it would only frighten her. I wish I could make sure that none of this whole bloody mess could touch her. It's supposed to be my job to take care of her. She'd be furious at the very idea that she needed someone to take care of her, even though she really does, even though everyone does. This is just all too close to home. I don't know how long we're going to be safe even out of England. But I always knew that I couldn't get involved in the fight and expect it not to affect me directly, and I couldn't not fight, couldn't not try to stop You-Know-Who, that's something we have in common I think. That doesn't stop it being frightening though. The thing I'm most scared of is something happening to someone I care about- Mum and Dad and Bill are all in the Order and even the kids get involved at any point they can.

I hope you're still getting better, you can make progress. I know how worried you are about Remus, but he knows how to take care of himself, you've got to believe that. You can't help him, and so worrying is just to make you ill. I'm glad you've got your Mum looking out for you. It can be so easy to feel isolated, especially if you've not been having much contact with members of the Order lately. Someone needs to be looking out for you. What happened to that poor kid is scary, but I hope you know it wasn't at all your fault, you couldn't have foreseen what was going to happen. Katy is still alive and that's something to be thankful for at least.

I miss you.

Charlie. xxxxx