Well, the story is now done, so I hope you've enjoyed it. If you have, please take a look at my other stories. :puppy-dog eyes:

Kittydemon18- Yes, it's sad but true. Seras, how could you?

Cheshire Anonymous- Glad you like.

Cheza's Despair- No need to fear, Alucard is here! He'll get rid o' dem nasty clowns. Yeah, clowns are creepy.

Animationwickedraven- A lot of books I read originate in England, so I get to see lot's of British and English terminology. Hopefully, this one won't sit in that inbox for so long. XD

Kilo- Hey look, here's more!

Elantil- Glad you think so.

Taraka Dasmascus- Well, it's finished now.

AttackingHentaiChibisLoveFluff- Well, this was a little faster……. Heh.

Denekrad- :sticks out tongue: Meh, I update when inspiration strikes and not a moment sooner.

Piperulz- Glad you like it. Hope you like this chapter.

Okay, final chapter!

Fair Play Chapter Four: Ferris Wheels and Fanatical Priests

"There's still one thing left to do…."

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"Come on, Master!" Seras cried excitedly as she tugged upon Alucard's sleeve, pulling him towards the largest ride in entire fair, the Ferris wheel. The ancient vampire noted how enthusiastic his fledgling was and immediately started walking as slowly as he possibly could. This, of course, aggravated Seras to no end.

"Master!" she made a small whining sound, pulling harder on his sleeve as she glanced worriedly between the ride and her vexing sire, as though the wheel would sprout legs and run off. Switching tactics, she quickly got behind him and pushed with all her vampiric strength.

"I'm sorry, Police girl…" Alucard whispered dramatically as he stopped moving altogether and instead began to lean backwards, causing Seras to stop trying to move him forward and focus instead on simply keeping him from falling atop her. "Gravity," the blonde's knees shook as her master's weight magically increased. "Is increasing it's pull on me!"

"Is not!" Seras gave a strained shout from behind-slash-below the tall vampire. At this point she was barely even visible underneath the figure of her master, who was now nearly horizontal, two feet off the ground.

"Is so." Alucard stated matter-of-factly. "The same thing happened yesterday." Seras finally collapsed, the weight too much for her, and her master landed on top of her. Only the tips of her shoes and the top of her strawberry-blonde locks poked out from beneath the folds of red cloth.

"Master." Seras' voice was muffled, but it was still easy to detect the annoyance in her tone.

"Yes, police girl?" Alucard replied smugly, a large grin on his face.

"I hate you." Alucard simply laughed at this, his deep chuckles reverberating through Seras' stomach.

"If that's the case, perhaps I should make you stay down there until your attitude improves." he smirked. Seras' face deadpanned.

"Master, there's a clown down here." she whispered. Alucard traveled about ten feet straight up, letting out a horrified shout. After reaching ten feet, he realized exactly what he had just done, as well as the ridiculousness of Seras' statement. Slowly, he floated back to the ground and crossed his arms in huff, staring at Seras, who was still in a mini-crater in the ground.

"You lied." he stated in a low voice, his eyes narrowed behind his glasses.

"Sorry, master." Seras sounded sincere. "I couldn't breathe with you on me like that." Alucard was unmoved by her apology.

"You don't breathe."

"Uh, well, I, um-" she was cut off by her Master.

"Forget it." he made a shooing motion. "Get up, let's go." Seras struggled for a moment, but didn't get up.

"Master, I can't move." her voice held a worried edge. The crater she was in fit her form so perfectly that she had no leverage, and was therefore unable to move. Alucard blinked.

"You can't?" the corner of his mouth twitched. Seras tried again to move, just as unsuccessful as the first time.

"No. I'm stuck." Alucard broke out into a full fledged grin upon hearing this.
"Are you now?" he kneeled next to her, a homicidal gleam in his eyes. Seras recognized the look immediately and renewed her efforts to free herself with double the fervor.

"No, Master! Please! I'm sorry!" she cried desperately as the maniac vampire pulled back his arm. He ignored her pleas for mercy. With lightning speed, his hand lashed out and silenced Seras cries, his index finger poking her stomach directly above her belly-button. The colour drained from Seras' face and she went perfectly still…. Then she burst out laughing.

"Take that!" Alucard cried as his finger relentlessly attacked her tickle-sensitive tummy again and again. "And that!" her armpits were assaulted next, causing her laughter to double. "And one of these!" He incorporated his other fingers now, making them scuttle across the nape of her neck. Seras could do little more than laugh and weakly cry for him to stop. After about thirty seconds, the master of torture relented.

"Have we learned our lesson?" he asked Seras as though she were a child who had broken a house rule. Seras nodded, still shaking with small bouts of laughter.

"Teasing master is bad." Alucard shook his head in an affirmative manner.

"Darn right." He grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled the petite woman from her concrete crater prison, setting her gently on her feet.

Seras opened her mouth to say her thanks, but was suddenly cut off as a certain, well-known cry filled the air.

"ABOMINATION!" came the shout of the ravenous, frenzied, and downright fanatically insane priest with a four dimensional jacket that holds an infinite amount of bayonets that have all been blessed by some bishop with far too much time on his hands when it comes to blessing weapons used by a secret order of Catholics, bent on eliminating the undead, who employ the priest who had given the accusatory shout, Alexander Anderson.

Alucard and Seras turned to see the fanatic pointing a rather threatening corndog in their direction, mustard and spittle alike flying from his mouth. In his other hand, he held a plastic baggie of water containing a fish and tied to that same wrist was a lovely purple string, with a brilliant yellow balloon attached to the end, which matched his t-shirt for his favorite band, Liquid Latin, a neo-Catholic rock group. Of course, this lovely ensemble of tourist fairgoer-wear was all brought together by the Bermuda shorts and knee-high socks. Needless to say, the two vampires were quickly incapacitated by their own laughter.

Of course, Anderson did not take kindly to being laughed at. After all, he hadn't asked for the abominations against God to come and crash his vacation. So, with a feral shout, the priest gently placed his fishy on the sidewalk, making sure it was out of the path of the throng of people marching along, and then charged headlong at Alucard, brandishing his corndog.

Alucard simply waited calmly as the priest approached. Then, as the crazed Catholic was mere inches from shoving the corndog up the vampire's nose, Alucard did something completely unexpected.

"Gah!" Alexander was forced to stop his charge as a small child was thrust into his face, the inertia causing him to fall on his face and skid several inches, his corndog flying from his hand and soaring through the air, before striking the Queen, who, thankfully, was not harmed. The corndog was taken in for questioning by the British Secret service. It is now living under the name Lorenzo Gabadichi as a part of the Breaded Protection Program (BPP).

"What in the name of-" Anderson was cut off as a small weight suddenly appeared upon his back, accompanied by the words "Yay! Piggyback ride!" Straining his neck around, Alexander found that the same child that the vampire had placed in his way was now sitting atop his back. Angrily, he stood up, the girl falling roughly on her bum.

"If you think you can use children as a shield," the priest pointed viciously at Alucard, the yellow balloon bouncing up and down with every movement. "The you're sadly-" he was cut off yet again, this time by a tug at the leg of his shorts. Looking down, he saw the same little girl he had just thrown off.

"Hey Mr. Tall-Guy, you help me find my mommy?" her freckled face was giving it's best puppy-dog pout.

"Ah, well, you see, child, the thing is," Alexander fidgeted under the gaze of the girl's green eyes. "I, um, can't. I just, just can't." A trickle a sweat worked it's way down his face as he face insurmountable guilt. The brown-haired child's eyes grew huge and wet.

"Why won't you help me?" she sniffled.

"I, but, I want- But see, I mean-" he was near hyperventilating at this point, his eyes darting between the girl and Alucard. "The Vampires!" he yelled suddenly. "Gotta stop vampires!"

"Tsk, tsk," Alucard slowly wagged his finger back and forth. "What kind of man of God are you? You won't even help a lost little girl find her mommy."

"Yeah." the girl added sadly, still clutching the leg of his shorts. "Why are you so mean to me?" Anderson nearly broke into tears from the pressure of his dual compulsions to kill vampires and help a little girl find her mother. Of course, in the end, the puppy-dog pout sealed Anderson's fate.

And, as the priest allowed himself to be slowly pulled away by a child of seven, he shook his fist at the amused vampires.

"Curse you! CUUUUUUURRRRRSSSEEEE YOOOOUUUUUUU!" his cries slowly faded into the night, leaving behind two laughing vampires and one giant Stuffed-kitty.

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Luckily for our heroes, the remainder of the trip to the Ferris wheel was rather uneventful. And, due to Alucard's imposing size and sheer freakiness factor, they were able to make it to the front of the line in mere seconds. As Seras sat down in the seat, however, they ran into a problem.

"Master!" Seras cried worriedly to the red-clad vampire, even though he was only about a foot away. "Lilith won't fit!" she held up the gigantic plushie kitten. Alucard raised an eyebrow.

"You named a stuffed kitten 'Lilith'?" his face held a smirk of disbelief.

"Well, yeah." Seras shrugged, as though the name were the most obvious choice in the world. "I mean, what else could you possibly name a soft, cuddly stuffed-kitty?"

"Jim?" Alucard offered.

"But she's a girl!" Seras sounded slightly offended that her master hadn't noticed this.

"Oh, in that case, you're right." Alucard nodded. "Lilith it is, then." Now, while it was good that they had come to an accord on the name, they still had the problem of what to do about Lilith's size. Alucard, of course, came up with a simple, yet slightly sadistic solution. Grabbing a random man from the crowd, he placed Lilith into his hands.

"If anything happens to this kitten," he growled dangerously. "Your life is forfeit. Understand?" the man simply nodded, too horrified to do much else.

"Good." Alucard grinned. "Just stay right there." with that, he turned and sat in the seat next to Seras.

"Master," Seras scolded him lightly. "It's not nice to threaten people's lives."

"Who says I'm nice?" Alucard let out one of his trademark laughs as the ride started up.

"Well, you're nice to me." Seras smiled her kitten smile at him. "Sometimes." she amended. Then, Seras' attention was suddenly grasped by the view from halfway up the wheel. For a few moments, she just sat there, a soft "wow" falling from her mouth. Their view overlooked the nearby river and a small patch of woodland. The stars shimmered brightly in the sky, their light reflecting off the water and bathing the trees in a soft, silvery glow. It was the view that had taken her breath away every year since she had been but a little girl; it never failed to leave her in awe.

From beside her, Alucard watched his fledgling's reaction to the scene with a smile on his face. That's right, a smile. Not a grin, not a smirk, not a sneer. A genuine smile. That smile quickly disappeared, however, when the overly-enthusiastic Seras leaned too far over…… and toppled straight over the security bar. Luckily for Seras, her master had not only incredible strength, he had incredible reflexes, as well. Almost before she realized she had fallen, she was being pulled back into the seat.

Then, something happened that shocked Seras even more than falling off the wheel. Alucard wrapped his arm tightly around her. She looked up to him to see his amused smirk and, surprisingly, his eyes. No glasses.

"We certainly can't have you falling out again, now can we?" he let out a short laugh. Seras smiled up at him and then scooted right up next to him, her own arms wrapping around his slender form and her head resting against his chest.

"No, we certainly wouldn't want that, master." she sighed contentedly, her gaze going back out to the water…..

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Sunrise, Hellsing Mansion, Walter's room.

"Ah, another day, another twelve hours without Alucard's antics." The Hellsing retainer stretched his arms out to the side as he sat on the edge of his bed, several loud cracks emitting from his back. Chuckling at his own little joke, Walter stood up and made his way over to his closet, as it wouldn't be proper to go about his duties in his pajamas.

Upon opening his closet, however, he let out a shrill, girly scream, fainting. As he lay on the ground, a large stuffed-kitten toppled out of his closet and landed on him with a small thud.

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Well, that's the end. I do hope you enjoyed it. Wow, things were way crazier in this chapter. Please review, Lilith commands it!