Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion since it's the property of Gainax. Let's just hope I don't get sued for writing this rubbish.
Most
of you NGE fans have probably heard about the game where you played a character
that becomes Rei's guardian and has the responsibility to raise her. Depending
on the various actions Rei would develop different personalities and quirks. To
be honest with you, readers, I have never played it, since I like most of you
have only seen a few screenshots of the game on the internet
Grey Wolf4 gave me a challenge: That I will write a self-insertion fanfic where I'm burdened with burden of raising Rei Ayanami. Witness the horror as a deranged cynical individual with disturbing habits (un)willingly takes the job to raise the First Child and pilot of Eva 00.
Raising Rei
CHAPTER ONE
Punishment: The Pit of Self-Insertion and the Undesirable Job
"I find you, Chris Oddland, guilty of writing so destructive stories that they threaten the very innocent souls of those reading them. And that you heavily criticize most Slayers fans who love Lina/Xel or Lina/Zel and say that they should be prohibited from bashing Gourry Gabriev and Amelia Wil Tesla Seyruun almost every time. And your remark that staunch 'rabid' Archangel/Psylocke fans should get a life since you are against the bashing of Neal Shaara." The subjective judge proclaimed throughout the vast hall.
A massive roar erupted from the mob gathered inside the hall.
"Death to the heathen!"
"Lina/Xel forever! Lina/Xel 4ever!"
"Lina/Zel forever! Lina/Zel 4ever!"
A massive clash of arms erupted between the camps supporting the Lina/Zelgadis pairing and those supporting the Lina/Xellos pairing.
Chris Oddland, the worst fic writer and most arrogant coward on the planet, who was bound like Anthony Hopkins in the film Silence of the Lambs when he played the role of the infamous Hannibal Lecter with a mask-like thingie on the lower part of his face while being bound in a straitjacket and being wheeled around by the guards, was being stressed by the amounts of people inside the building and that the air was getting heavy so that it was hard to concentrate.
"You are hereby sentenced to be thrown into the Pit of Self-Insertion - where you will be entrapped forever. Always being forced to be self-inserted in various realities and never finding peace! "
Chris Oddland shrieked out in horror as he began to shake and struggle to free himself. His eyes filled with unholy terror.
Everyone else cheered as the average-looking and madly struggling condemned was carted away by the guard. The mob followed gleefully on, forgetting their differences as they now would witness the absolute demise of the one they despised with every fibre of their being.
The fic-writer would probably have avoided this terrible doom if only he hadn't announced his new fanfiction idea: Nervtales. A Ducktales and Neon Genesis Evangelion fusion where the Geofront was besieged by the Angel Boys and other Angels were trying to steal Gendo's lucky Angel "Adam" which he kept stored on a pedestal with glass surrounding it while Rei wore blue clothes and a cap, and Asuka wore red clothes and a cap, while Shinji was dressed in purple clothes and a matching purple cap for good measure as well. And having Ryoji Kaji take over the role as Launchpad McQuack.
But he did in his arrogance and foolishness announce this. And this is what happened.
He was wheeled into a dark room with a vast pit in the centre of it. Inside the pit swirled a vast whirlpool of absolute darkness that raged on without meaning.
The judge made the signal. And Chris Oddland was hurled screaming into the darkness…..
Inside the seemingly bottomless pit time seemed to stand still. Chris Oddland began to titter and giggle in madness since his mind was suffering from the shock which burned his mind with the ferocity of a pig stuffed into a large cannon and fired into the wall of a mountain. Then he felt the tiredness and he slept.
When he opened his eyes he found himself in a bed inside a rather nice apartment. After shuffling through various things he found a calendar which read: The Year 2014. And through the window he saw a vast city with familiar skyscrapers that he knew could be lowered down into the ground.
"This can't be good!" Chris moaned to himself. Feeling very sorry for himself as usual when he realized where he was trapped. Namely in the Neon Genesis Evangelion universe.
He discovered that random plot device had at least given him an identity in this reality. He was himself as usual since he noted that his name was on his identification papers along with other information. He then picked up a newspaper and suddenly discovered that he through the help of the plot had suddenly learned to understand the writing system in Japan. Somehow the Kanji and Hiragana and some of the rest made sense to him for some odd reason so that the thought of it gave him a headache.
After drinking some ice tea from the fridge he felt much better and lay down on the bed in the bedroom.
He didn't have to be a genius to know that he was in Tokyo 3. A place he would rather stay very far, far away from since the Angel Attacks were quite frequent now and craters seemed to pop up everywhere after each battle, meaning that the maps around the vast city had to be revised many times.
The doorbell suddenly rang. It made him really hate plot devices that were meant to move the plot further. Swearing a bit, he walked over to the door and opened it.
He almost wet himself when he saw three Section 2 agents staring at him through their dark sunglasses.
"You're late for your appointment, Mr. Oddland," one of them said with coolly to him.
"Appointment? What appointment?" Chris Oddland looked at them confused.
"Your appointment with Commander Gendo Ikari of NERV, in case you have forgotten it." The agent bluntly told him. "And you are already three hours late." He added gravely.
Chris Oddland suddenly felt afraid. Very afraid.
Chris Oddland hesitatingly entered the office of Gendo Ikari slowly. He didn't really bother to look at the strange figures on the ceiling, choosing instead to warily look at the leader of the mysterious organization.
Gendo Ikari was seated by his desk. His hands were in the usual smug, pondering Gendo posture™, making it impossible to read his lips as he ordered him to be seated in an empty chair adjacent to the desk.
"Certain sources recommended your skills for this task I am about to appoint you to." Gendo said coolly, his eyes looking at him in a frightening way.
"Eh…. Wh-What sk-skills?" Chris stuttered in panic.
Gendo ignored him as he continued. "I am appointing you as the official guardian of the First Child and pilot of Evangelion 00: Rei Ayanami."
(This can't be good!) Chris thought in complete panic.
He was right.
The horror! The horror!
To be continued……
Witness how Chris Oddland tries to spite the plot and get out of this alive!
Shudder in horror as he influences and tutors the First Child in many idiotic ways!
See what happens when he is forced to raise an albino and vegetarian who, at the first impression, seems as emotionless as a machine!
And how will this affect the course of the world when Shinji arrives at the scene and when the Angels rise!