Chapter 7: The Worst Laid Plans

Forden Row, London

Artemis knelt on the edge of the roof to adjust the tripod.

"What's taking so long?" Foaly demanded.

Artemis adjusted the knobs on the bottom of the dome shaped device. He checked one of the small monitors which hung from the bottom of the dome like the tentacles of a jelly fish, and like a jelly fish it was continually stinging his hands, though with sparks instead of Nematocysts. He hissed as another shock traveled up his arm.

"I'm still not getting any feed," Foaly whined.

"Then the problem is in the design," Artemis said crossly.

"The design is flawless," Foaly said.

Artemis lifted his binoculars, searching the other roofs in the area. The LEPrecon squad had brought up four of the recently patented scanning devices to track the progress of the break-in they had planned for that night. Artemis picked out a flicker of motion two buildings to the north. Two members of the squad were shaking angry fists at their domes. He flipped through the communicator channels, every line but Foaly's was filled with angry muttering. Though his understanding of gnomish was limited he was quite certain he was learning several new forms of profanity.

"Are any of the other scanners working?" Artemis asked, switching back.

After some inarticulate muttering, Foaly said "no."

"It's likely that the demons have developed a way to block your scanning equipment," Artemis said.

"Impossible," Foaly said.

Artemis only rolled his eyes. The fairies were continuously underestimating the potential danger of the situation.

He turned as the fire escape rattled. Butler hauled himself up over the edge of the roof. He was dressed from head to toe in black Kevlar body armor, and his face was blurred with grease paint. Goggles covered his eyes and the handles of assorted weapons stuck up from his back like porcupine quills.

"You should be in the car," Butler said for the hundredth time.

As he spoke his teeth flashed in the dim light. They were the only part of him not blending into the night around them.

"I will remain here. It is unlikely the security measures in that building," he nodded toward the Arbor Society, "will extend this far. If a situation should arise in which you need my help, the car is prohibitively far away."

"Ready?" interrupted Major Trouble.

They looked over at him, but he was shielded, and only visible as shimmer in the air.

"Foaly's scanners are not working," Artemis said. "But we must proceed."

"I'm leaving Corporal Grub with you to watch the perimeter," Trouble announced.

Another shimmer appeared next to him. Artemis was not exactly pleased, since Grub would probably end up shooting himself or Artemis in the foot if real danger did arrive. He suspected Trouble was assigning his younger brother this job to keep him out of danger, rather then because he thought he'd be a competent guard. He didn't say anything though. Other shimmers appeared as the LEPrecon squad assembled.

"Be careful," Artemis said needlessly as Butler was hooking cables to the wings of several of the squad members, so they could carry him to the roof across the street. Instead of speaking Butler pulled a knife as long as Artemis' arm from his boot, and put the hilt in Artemis' hand.

8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

The mission itself was simple; enter and search the building for evidence of demonic activity, without being detected. If they found this was indeed a demon stronghold, a bio-bomb would be called in. Yes, it was all very simple, except they didn't know if a bio-bomb would work against demons, or any of their other weapons for that matter, and since they were in the middle of London, they couldn't call in a warlock team to set a time field to contain the area, and their scanners couldn't tell them what was inside, and they couldn't expect back-up, and Artemis refused to wait in the car…

Butler's eyes whirled over the building as they approached. He'd already noted all the mundane security measures on the building. Those had been dealt with. Power to the alarm system had been cut. The building didn't have security camera's except right outside the front entrance, so there was nothing for the LEP to tap into. The cameras he had planted during his earlier visit to Forden Row had ceased to function as well. In his head he ran through the blue prints he had memorized, again recalling all the ingresses and egresses.

Butler had done everything humanly possible to prepare for this recon mission. The only problem, he thought as his feet touched down on the gravel roof and he released the cables, was that things were going to happen far outside the scope of human.

He moved toward the door. It stuck up from the roof amid vents and air-conditioning sheds. His lock picks had the door open in under three seconds. He checked the steps for pressure alarms before proceeding down the unlit well. The light from the doorway faded after a few steps. Butler flipped on his night vision goggles. His radio hissed.

"There's some kind of E.M interference," Trouble told him over the static pocked channel. "Our coms are going out."

Butler went through a series of hand signs. RETREAT?

"Not yet," Trouble said.

Butler scanned the hall at the bottom of the steps. It was empty, just like the next hall, and the next. They planted their own cameras, but those refused to function. Every office they checked was filled only with office supplies. They moved down to the next floor and found the same. The LEPrecon team, with the exception of Trouble, were starting to relax. Some were even chattering in low voices with their visors open, as the radios had given out completely.

They had worked their way down to the third floor when it happened. An office door opened and a short dark figure darted into the hallway ahead of them.

"I think it's an Imp," Trouble said.

Butler nodded. That information wasn't exactly useful.

The creature looked at first glance rather like a dwarf, a hairy, squat little being with a roughly human shape. But as it came towards them its head sunk down into its body, like a turtle going into its shell. Its chest split open exposing its face again. Three new arms sprouted from the neck. Butler's laser sight put a little dot in the center of its forehead, which was also the center of its chest.

It made a strange clicking sound that set Butler's teeth on edge. Trouble groaned.

"It's saying something but I can't translate it. Feels like my head's going to implode," the elf said.

As he spoke another office opened, and another creature darted out. It started clicking as well.

"Do you speak English?" Butler asked.

The clicking got louder and more of the creatures came out, some from the rooms their team had already swept and declared clear.

"This is starting to look bad," Trouble said, a moment before the Imps charged.

888888888888888888888888888888888

Artemis looked up from the scanning-pod again. He was certain he heard wings flapping, rather loudly and closely. He'd been trying to raise Butler, but now even his radio equipment was dying out.

"I heard it again," Artemis said to Grub.

"It's just pigeons, Mud boy," the elf replied, boredly pushing a pebble with his foot.

Artemis looked across the roof tops once more. He saw nothing. He tried to use some rapid meditation techniques to slow his heart, but he was having little success. He swallowed and got to his feet, settling the pod back in its useless upright position. He went to the far corner of the roof and looked over into the alley. It was empty. He crept along the edge, searching.

The flapping came again. He turned, intending to command Grub to pay attention. He saw that Grub already was.

The elf was looking up at the five huge creatures flapping above their roof. At first Artemis saw nothing but birds, monstrously large birds, with thick talons stretching out and flexing as they circled. Some part of his brain demanded that he focus on a detail that had been pushed aside as he darted behind an air conditioner to hide.

The birds had human heads. Matted filthy hair covered their scalps instead of feathers. The faces were twisted in snarls and crusty black slime ran from their noses, the corners of their eyes, and their mouths. A foul smell filled the air and it made his head spin. Harpies, Artemis thought as he heard Grub fire his gun. There was a lot of flapping and several thuds, as large bodies hit the roof.

Grub shouted and there was a clatter as something metal and plastic bounced across the roof towards him. Artemis peaked out around the air conditioner and saw Grub's gun halfway between himself and the dark flapping creatures that now surrounded the elf. Artemis crept towards the gun. The creatures didn't turn as he picked it up. He aimed and pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened.

He flipped the weapon over, and saw tinny gnomish script scrolling across the display screen.

SAFETY LOCK OUT. HUMAN IN POSSESSION OF LEP TECHNOLOGY. COUNTER MEASURES IN 5…4…

He dropped the gun. They'd put devices in it to keep him from stealing it. It was their own fault he couldn't help. The Harpies had not noticed him. It was a good a time as any to run. His hand went to the knife Butler had given him. He'd probably end up doing more damage to himself if he tried to use it.

Artemis' mind whirled as he watched the creatures knock Grub around. The elf had pulled his buzz baton, but the electric shocks were hardly keeping the Harpies at bay. They hissed and seemed to be laughing as the smaller creature swung at them. They moved like birds, implying similar musculature. Wing spans of approximately twenty feet implied the mass of the creatures couldn't have been more then fifty kilograms if they were depending solely on physical forces for lift. From that he inferred they probably had the same light, fragile, honey comb bone structure a bird would. His eyes drifted to the scanning-pod. He did the calculations.

Grub howled as the creatures tumbled him around, knocking away the buzz baton, his last weapon. He cried out again as they managed to work his helmet loose, exposing his face to their claws. Grub shouted something in Gnomish. Artemis hadn't picked up every nucence of the language, but it sounded suspiciously like he was calling for his mommy.

Artemis lifted the pod and charged.

8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Butler was running out of bullets. He had gone through all thirty six back up clips, and all his hold out weapons. He still had one emergency clip for his Sig Saoer, with ten rounds, but in the face of hundreds of howling hissing demons, it wouldn't have made much of a difference. He braced his feet and swung at the charging Imps with a fifty caliber rifle which was now a club. The LEPrecons were spraying the Imps with laser fire but there were so many of the creatures it didn't seem to matter.

"I think…a retreat…is in order," Trouble said between shots.

Butler grabbed one of the Imps and tossed it back into the group. To get out they would have to get to an exterior wall. He didn't foresee that happening any time soon. The demons didn't spring their trap until the team was almost in the exact center of the building. Butler pulled a tiny C4 charge from his belt and tossed it to Trouble. He pointed to the wall.

The elf planted the charge and they backed up even further.

The blast knocked the Imps off their feet and knocked most of the elves out of the air. Shrapnel flew everywhere. Butler covered his face just in time. He felt other things bouncing off his body armor. Butler pulled another charge from his belt as he backed up. The LEPrecon team scrambled through the hole.

"That wall," he ordered Trouble, handing off another explosive.

He clubbed an Imp and kicked another. Their claws scrabbled across his armor whenever he was in contact with them, but they had yet to pierce it.

The C4 went off.

This time he didn't bring up his hands fast enough. Splintered wood jammed itself into his cheek just under his eye. He was too close to the blast this time. He could hear nothing but ringing as he watched the creatures charging again. He held out another lump of explosives to Trouble and pointed at the wall behind the one they had just knocked down.

He hoped they'd find the exterior wall soon. He only had five charges left.

8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Artemis wasn't sure how it had happened. It was something of a tilting, jarring blur to be honest. He remembered clearly the first blow, the scanning-pod cracking against one of the creature's heads, but after that it was just red flashes, sickening crunches and black feathers. He swung the pod like a sledge hammer until he got to Grub, curled up in a ball and trying to protect his face. It was probably more surprise then anything else that allowed him to chase the Harpies away for those few vital moments. He dropped the pod, grabbed Grub's arm and ran.

The fire escape was too far away and too exposed. He skidded to a stop in front of an air vent and pulled the grill off. There wasn't much room. The vent went down about four feet before branching off into narrow ducts that not even Grub could have fit through, but it was their only option. He shoved Grub into the cramped space and crawled in after him. He pulled the cover back in to place, but there was no way to lock it down. He was forced to hold it there to keep the creatures from pulling them out.

The Harpies tugged at the vent with their talons, but they couldn't get a strong enough grip to pull it out of Artemis' hands. Unfortunately they could still get the ends of their talons through the grill. They clawed at his fingers as he struggled to hold the cover between them.

Grub was crushed against him, getting bounced off the metal walls every time Artemis had to pull on the vent cover. Artemis glance over his shoulder and saw the elf was sparking faintly, obviously running low on healing magic after his run in with the creatures. Artemis hissed as one of the Harpies claws caught the knuckles of his right hand. He looked at the bleeding scratch. In the dim light it didn't appear to have any venom in it. He supposed he was rather lucky that the Harpies were not as poisonous as the demons that had attacked Holly at Tara.

Artemis couldn't see his watch but it felt like he had been crouched in the air conditioner for hours when help finally arrived. There was a scuffling sound and a few shrieks. He heard flapping as the Harpies scattered. The talons were withdrawn and a single shadow took their place.

"The area is secure. You can come out," Butler said.

Artemis sighed and scooted forward lowering the vent cover that he had been using as a shield. "It certainly took you-"

A single Harpy stood less then two feet away, it's wings spread out and up to make it appear larger. The others had backed to the edge of the roof to get out of his field of view.

"Pretty eyes," the Harpy said with Butler's voice.

Artemis started to bring the vent cover up but he wasn't fast enough. He saw the talons coming for his face and then the world vanished. He could still feel the vent cover in his hands and he crawled backwards, blind and desperate. He heard wings flapping around him, and he banged his head on the vent as he cowered further in. He bumped the semi-conscience Grub, and could not go further. They started pulling on the vent cover again, their claws digging into his fingers. Butler isn't coming.

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

On the third floor of the Arbor Society, a wall exploded outward, peppering the street below with bits of brick, glass and wood. The LEPrecon squad took to the air, except for Trouble, who crouched by the hole they'd punched, covering Butler with laser fire until the large human could get cables out to the squad for a lift. As soon as he was up, Trouble leapt out of the building. The Imps rushed forward to the hole, clacking and hissing. The horrible creatures jumped up and down, but none came out after them.

The squad lowered Butler to the street and took off again. Some hovered and fired into the building they had just left. Trouble frowned, and tried to raise Foaly on his comm. A sort of garbled shout came through. He saw Butler waving up at him, and dropped a ten yards to hover at eye level.

"Anything on the radio yet?" Butler asked.

Trouble shook his head. "It doesn't look like we're going to get in there any time soon. Are we calling this off before the mud-police get here to check out the explosions?" the elf asked.

Butler frowned. "I'm going to check with Artemis first," he said, heading for the fire-escape in the alley across the street.

Trouble nodded and gained some altitude so he could yell at the elves who continued to hover in front of the hole in the target building, taking pot shots at the Imps. As Butler pulled himself up the rickety iron steps a thought occurred to him. It seemed almost as if the Imps were trying to keep his attention. It was also strange that Artemis hadn't come to the edge of the roof to see what was going on. Butler climbed faster.

He was having difficulty breathing as he reached the roof, but he remained silent as he peered over the edge. He heard voices from across the building, but saw no sign of his charge, or the elf who was supposed to be watching him. He saw motion and inched his way across the building towards five dark shapes that were hopping around an air vent. Butler considered launching a flare to bring the rest of the LEPrecon squad to assist, but decided against it.

"Come out little boy!" a female voice called.

One of the shadowy things threw itself against the vent with a resounding clang.

"It won't hurt for long!" she insisted.

"We've got your eyes, come and get them back," another called.

Butler loaded his last clip, adjusted the silencer, and aimed carefully. The bullets made the barest of whispering hisses as they found their targets. The creatures shrieked and turned. Three took to the air, but his shots found them and they plummeted back to the roof or over the side to the ground eight stories below. He heard startled shouts from the elves.

He went to inspect the fallen demons. They were probably Harpies, based on their combined bird and human morphologies. One was flapping weakly. The others lay still and as he watched they turned to ash and vanished in the wind. Butler aimed at the remaining one, and squeezed the trigger again, but there was an empty click. The last Harpy looked at him, and smiled.

"Butler! Please help me please, there's so much blood please! Butler!" it said in Artemis' voice.

The bodyguard couldn't tell if it was repeating things or just trying to distract him. He kicked it in the head and it went still. Keeping the creature in his line of sight, he approached the vent. There was blood leaking through the grate and he could just barely see Artemis' slashed and bloodied fingers holding the cover in place. His charge was alive at least. He knelt down by the vent.

"They're dead, Artemis. You can come out," Butler said.

If Artemis didn't respond soon he would have to tear the vent out of his hands.

"Artemis, come out," he repeated.

"You aren't you," Artemis said weakly. "Go 'way."

Two contractions in less then a minute, things were definitely wrong.

"It's Domovoi, Artemis," the huge bodyguard said.

There was a long pause, and then he heard shifting in the vent. The LEPrecon squad was just catching up. As Trouble landed on the edge of the roof, the vent cover dropped with a resounding clang.

"Where's Grub?" Trouble demanded, stumbling over his younger brother's smashed helmet. "The mud boy better not have-"

Butler glared at him, but Trouble's threat had already died in his throat. Artemis' hands were stretching out of the vent. The skin on both of them was raggedly torn and bleeding freely. Artemis' hands waved about, but he came no further. Butler leaned down and peered into the shadows of the vent. His face hardened. Here was failure again. He caught one of Artemis' hands.

"Butler?" Artemis asked hoarsely.

"Yes," he said.

Artemis crawled out, pulling the dazed corporal Grub behind him. The LEPrecon officers couldn't do much besides stare. Trouble escorted his brother away from the injured human teenager. Artemis Fowl's face was covered in blood, but his bearing was strangely calm.

"Next time, I will wait in the car," he announced.

888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Author's Note: Hey everyone who is still reading this fic! It's gone a bit AU, since I started it before the Lost Colony came out. I was kind of bummed. Those demons weren't very demonic.