By Spectra16
A/N: This is a parody/satire on the Pokemon blue game. It's just to make fun of it to no end, because it's so easy.
Disclaimer: I don't own pokemon. Whoever does probably has a personal zoo, seven mansions, and the artistic license of a squirrel. I'm not jealous.
Summary: You "enter" the pokemon world (from the game boy version) and comments on everything that comes his way. (Somewhat similar to the perspectives in a Choose Your Own Adventure novel, except no sweet choices to turn to which ever page.)
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Chapter One: Who Are You, And Why Am I Here?
. . . . Hi! I'm Professor Oak! You're going to be a Pokeman trainer whether you like it or not! I will help you in your quest to waste you life on trying to catch 150+ Pokeman, but it won't get over 150 until the creators of Pokeman decided to make children cry and add like 250 more, which should be highly interesting, but I won't go there quite yet. Oh yeah, what was you name again?
Choose:
Red
Johnny
I suck
n FaCtOr
Ash (cuz I rip off the show)
Oh yes, now I remember! You're name is Ash (cuz I rip off the show). How ya' doin'? (No answer.) Right. This is my son. Oh, what was his name again?
Choose:
Blue
I suck
Ball face
Johnny
Gary (cuz I rip off the show)
Oh yes, now I remember! His name is Gary! Funny how I can't even remember my grandson's name! Maybe I'm developing Alzheimer's. Wow, this sucks.
You wake up in a strange bed, in a strange home. Somewhat ripping off of Zelda and the Ocarina of Time. But we won't speak of that. You look around and quickly venture downstairs to see where the hell you are. There's a middle aged woman sitting at the table, watching a TV that appears to be off. She has the most unrealistic smile. You go to talk to her.
"Good morning Ash (cuz I rip off the show)! Oh, I guess it's that time. All boys have to leave their homes someday," She says. You seriously question her sanity, but say nothing. (You never say anything except '. . .')
You walk to the grassy area by your house because you hate your town. Once you're barely in it, an old geezer comes running after you.
"No little boy! It's dangerous! Remember me? From that strange dream-like state you were in? I was the guy who forgot his own grand son's name! Remember me?" He yelled psychotically. You nod barely. He grabs you and pulls you into his lab.
"Here! Have a free pokeman! I feel gracious today! Pay me money!" He exclaims. You look at his dwindling selection. Three friggin' pokeman. You find it strange that your stereotypical Pikachu isn't there. You pick the Charmander, because Charizard kicks ass. Somehow, it magically turns into a Pikachu. You cry, until Gary (cuz I rip off the show) shows up and claims that he can kick you pansy-cake ass. You duel.
"Yay Yugioh!" Oak squeals.
Your are totally owned by Gary (cuz I rip off the show). Life moves on. You travel on for years, getting lost in Viridian forrest. You are mercilessly attacked by weedles and caterpillars until you break down and cry once again. A nice man carries your out of the forrest, seeing that you've been stuck there for three years. You run for freedom in Viridian city. You waddle into the Pokecenter and heal your pokeman. And if your life doesn't suck now, there's some man blocking the road, and he demands his coffee. So Pikachu pees on him and you get a parcel from the store to give to Oak. You hesitantly go back to the forrest, and get lost for years. Finally, you make your way back home and give Oak his stupid frickin' parcel. He gives you a pokedex in return. The deal would've been sweeter if he had given you a plane.
You then realize that you have to go through Viridian Forrest.
You break down in the middle of the road and cry.
(Back in Viridian)
"Yeah, I've had my coffee and I feel great. Except now my prostate swelled up. Life sucks," The man walked away as you eyes bulge out of your skull.
I think I'll go check out that gym over there even though I have a Pikachu at level 3 that got it's ass kicked by Gary (cuz I rip off the show) and it was supposed to be a Charmander, you say to yourself.
You get closer to the door to enter it as just as you are about to turn the nob, a dark, mobster looking man exit's the building and locks up.
"Hey, go home! I'm not doing anything suspicious!" He says.
"But I wanted to fight the gym leader here. Unless he's not man enough," You say snidely.
"Hey! I AM MAN ENOUGH YOU LITTLE PUNK KID! It's just that . . . My baby Mewtwo ran away and now I have to find him before he does something stupid, like gather a whole bunch of the best Pokeman trainers and recreates the island in which he was born, and tries to wipe out all of mankind while fighting his original agent only known as Mew, the rarest Pokeman in the world cuz she's the only friggin one. Until Lugia and whatever other stupid rare pokeman comes along and ruins the whole RAREST things. I mean, I had to friggin' forge her eyebrow in order to get the friggin' DNA. That put my savings to a dwindling 10 million dollars. Now I'm practically Michael-Jackson-broke. So go home, and pretend you didn't hear any of that stuff," The man ran off. The back of his coat had a large red R on it. Not inconspicuous at all. You shrug and travel to the next town.
(Diglett's cave)
"I'm so friggin' lost!" You cry. Digletts dance around you, as if making fun of your incompetence.