Title: Nothing Like The Blues To Get You Down
Author: Sy Dedalus
Rating: T for language and drinking
Pairing: Gen
Spoilers: Acceptance
Summary: Scene fill-in based on the original script sides. House goes home after drinking with Clarence. House/Cam and House/Wilson overtones. One-shot…but a chaptered one-shot.
Notes: This picks up right before a commercial break, so the few lines you recognize from the show belong to Fox, David Shore, all those people, etc.
A/N: I couldn't resist. I'm thinking this will be three chapters – four at most. Should be done before the next ep airs. (My other fics have not been abandoned, I swear!)
Bad Day's Journey Into Night
"Man, you are drunk," Clarence said.
"Yes I am," House said proudly. "I also just saved your life." He laughed and drank the shot. "At least for now."
House laughed again and Clarence joined him. Clarence stopped after a while, but House kept laughing.
"It's not that funny," Clarence said in annoyance.
House slowly stopped laughing, ending with a sigh. "I guess not," he said, grin slipping off his face. He poured a shot into Clarence's specimen jar.
"Another?" House asked lifting it toward him.
Clarence eyed him, jaw clenched. "I don't like being tricked," he said stonily.
"You already had more than enough," House said drunkenly. "In fact, you don't need any more. This one's mine." He downed the shot.
"You keep doing that and I will kill you," Clarence said seriously.
House's shoulders shook with muted laughter. "Did you threaten your woman like that or go straight to bashing her head in?" he asked as he poured another.
He fed the shot to Clarence.
Clarence swallowed. "You're one messed up motherfucker," he said. "Coming in here like this." He paused. "You could've sent homeboy."
"Never send a boy to do a man's job," House said. He poured himself another shot and tossed it back.
"You drinking cause you didn't hit that fine piece of ass?" Clarence asked.
House shrugged. He was several shots over his usual limit but he felt good. Numb. Very, very drunk. Much too drunk to talk about Cameron with Death Row Guy. He shook his head slightly, not saying anything.
"I've been to doctors before," Clarence continued. "None of 'em ever drank with me."
"You weren't going to the right doctors," House said blearily with a sloppy grin. He downed another shot.
He should have stopped drinking once he told Clarence why they'd been drinking together, but honestly, he didn't want to stop. He didn't think he could stop at this point. One third of the bottle was left and even if he'd had more to drink than Clarence, he hadn't had enough yet. He wasn't finished.
Clarence considered him for a moment. "I've seen uglier brothers than you hook up with something that fine," he said.
"You come clean with me, I come clean with you?" House said tiredly. "That how it works on the inside?"
He poured another shot and fed it to Clarence.
"I'm just sayin'," Clarence said, "Man like you drinks for a reason or you wouldn't be where you are." He turned his head and shook it a little. "Who'm I gonna tell anyway?"
House sighed and gave a drunk giggle that could've been happy or sad.
"Not everything is about sex," he said. He offered Clarence another drink.
"Man, you don't make any sense," Clarence said after he swallowed. "I don't want no more of that," he said. "Hangover's a bitch."
"You don't have to worry about that," House said. He drank another shot. "That bag hanging over your head," he indicated drunkenly to it, "will take care of you." He squeezed his eyes shut; the room was starting to sway dangerously. "Just…relax and enjoy it."
He blinked heavily again. He hadn't been this drunk in a long time. "One more for the road," he said, more to himself than to Clarence, and poured two more shots.
He offered one to Clarence. Clarence glanced questioningly at him but took it.
"Cheers," House said and drank the other one.
He screwed the cap on the bottle and placed his left hand on the rail of the bed, gripping his cane with his right hand. He stood up and swayed unsteadily before he had his feet under him.
"Oh man," he said to himself and shook his head, trying to clear it. "This was a bad idea," he said and laughed.
"You're nuts," Clarence mumbled, starting to go down after all the alcohol he'd had.
"Yeah," House agreed and took a staggering step forward. He accidentally put weight on his leg before putting weight on the cane and collapsed with a grunt onto the floor.
"Ow," he said laughing, "that really hurt." He laughed again until he started coughing. He tried to pick his head up. He couldn't make it: too wasted to move. Suddenly lying on the floor looking at the space under Clarence's bed didn't seem so bad.
"Sounded like it hurt," he heard Clarence say from above. "Dude with a cane—maybe you shouldn't drink. Might fall on your ass."
There was a beat of silence before they both exploded into laughter.
"That's not—" House said, trying to stop laughing, "that's not very funny," he finished, but he couldn't stop laughing. "It really hurt." He laughed again.
"I know," Clarence said between guffaws, "it sounded like it."
"I can't believe," House said, sides aching with laugher, "I can't believe the guards haven't come in." He snickered.
"You shut the blinds," Clarence said laughing, "they didn't see you."
"Oh yeah," House said giggling, "I did."
"Yeah," Clarence laughed, "you're screwed."
"Nah," House said, settling down. He coughed a laugh and sighed. "I'm comfortable here. I can see your pee, though. That's weird." He paused. "Guess you've got a roommate now."
"I got a roommate," Clarence said, affronted but still half-laughing. "I want little missy back if I got to have a roommate."
"She'll be back," House said, starting to wallow. He sighed. "She always comes back."
"You better get her when she does," Clarence advised. "Let a fine piece like that go to waste, you're no kind of man."
"You're tellin' me," House said sleepily.
Too much liquor. He was really drunk. Really, really drunk. Tomorrow was gonna suck…but…that was tomorrow. Right now, he felt good and numb and sleepy. This wasn't so bad. A nap would be good. Or another drink. But he'd have to get up to get another drink. Nap it was, then.
"House!"
House made no attempt to get up. He didn't even turn his head. He knew what Cuddy's shoes looked like.
"I think that's my boss," House said from the floor to Clarence. "She look angry?"
"Yeah, man, she looks pissed," Clarence said. "Wouldn't want to be you right now."
"House!" Cuddy barked again. "You got drunk?"
"He's very drunk, ma'am," Clarence said to Cuddy. To House he said, "You're in trouble."
"I saved his life," House said to Cuddy. He couldn't help himself and started giggling stupidly. "He drank all this copier toner," House said. "Ask him. He did."
"I don't know 'bout no copier toner," Clarence said to Cuddy with a straight face.
"Oh, not cool," House said to Clarence. "Methanol level," he told Cuddy from the floor. "Check it."
Cuddy had knelt down by that point. "You're an idiot," she hissed.
"Say it, don't spray it," House mumbled with a laugh. He heard Cuddy sigh in exasperation and leave the room, then he heard her talking to the guards.
"You in bad trouble," he heard Clarence say.
He tried to say something witty and it came out garbled and nonsensical instead. He groaned to himself, realizing he was on the verge of a blackout. Perfect.
"If I pass out, you got my back?" he tried to say to Clarence, pushing himself up feebly. It came out as a jumbled mess and he fell back to the floor. "Oww uhhhnnnn."
He heard Clarence laugh and Cuddy's footsteps; both sounded distant.
"House! If you pass out—"
House missed the rest of the threat.
To be continued. Please review!