Seeing double

Full Summary: "Don't judge a book by its cover… don't you know?" No. Because the purpose of the cover in the first place, is to show the world what they want you to see, and hide the real tale somewhere underneath. But no book is two dimensional. An old, ratty book could have the most beautiful story written inside, while a book that appears thin and shallow may have real depth in its contents. And while some books choose to mask reality with the promise of a happy ending, others may actually try to grasp the truth in a world full of lies. Every book has its good parts as well as its bad, right? So it can't hurt to just try pick up the book and read it… can it?

Chapter 1: Prologue – The beginning

XOXO

Dear Sakura,

I know you're upset with me, and you have every right to be, and I can't express how sorry I am for leaving you and Touya, but--

Sakura couldn't go on any further. She was tired of hearing his pointless excuses.

After letting out a cry of frustration and grief, she angrily tore the letter she was reading in half; and then in quarters; and then again in eighths. And continued doing so, until they were too small to rip up any further. She then threw them up into the air and watched as they floated all around her, some choosing to nestle themselves in her hair while the rest lay strewn all over the carpet floor.

A single tear unwillingly slipped out from under her eyelid.

It trailed down her unusually pale cheek, curving under her chin until it finally descended to the floor where it landed on a single piece of ripped up paper, on which a single word was written…

Dad

The teardrop smudged the word until it was unreadable…

And with that lone tear, the single word became utterly meaningless.

Sakura then, unable to take it, collapsed onto her knees and buried her face in her hands, finally releasing her anguish in sobs.

XOXO

Sakura was unable to sleep that night. Too many thoughts were on her mind. And she was afraid that if she slept she would have dreams, unwanted dreams… dreams of him.

She reluctantly got out of bed, and crept out of her room to seek comfort.

She tiptoed by her brother, Touya's room, and although she could hear rock music blasting out of his stereo speakers, she could see no light coming from the crack beneath his door. But even so, she knew he was awake, lying in the darkness and solitary of his room, trying and failing to drown out his thoughts and emotions.

After pausing at Touya's room, Sakura crept on to her mother, Nadeshiko's bedroom. She could hear nothing coming from it at first and was going to go inside and cuddle up with her mother just like she used to do when she was younger, where Nadeshiko would whisper reassuring words to comfort her.

But just as her hand was poised over the doorknob, Sakura heard a choked cry from inside.

Sakura pressed her ear up to the door and could hear more muffled sobbing.

At that point, Sakura felt her heart break.

It was obvious that her mother was weeping, crying endless tears which sounded stifled, as if she was trying to hide her pain from the outside world.

As tears started freely flowing down her own face, Sakura felt herself slide down the side of the door. Bringing her knees up to her chest, she once again found herself sobbing until she could barely take it.

XOXO

Sakura opened her eyes and found herself in a place that wasn't her bedroom.

She realized that she had cried herself to sleep last night and was still leant against her mother's bedroom door.

Feeling stiff because of the awkward position she had slept in, she stretched before quickly rushing back to her bedroom not wanting to be found outside.

She plopped herself on her bed, thinking about the previous night.

Her mother's pain seemed so deep. Her sobbing was heartbreaking.

And at that particular moment, Sakura vowed to herself that she would not end up like her mother. Not weeping into the depths of the night. Not heartbroken.

She turned to the full-length mirror that was opposite her bed, and gazed at her reflection.

'Some things are going to change around here.'

XOXO

-- Four years later --

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

Sakura groaned as she reluctantly freed her arm from under her sheets and blindly searched for her alarm clock. Finally finding it, she swiftly hit the 'snooze' button.

She was going to drift off back to sleep again like she usually did, when--

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Alright already." She grumbled to no one in particular. "I'm up."

She grudgingly sat up, and swung her legs over the side of her bed.

Hitting the 'snooze' button on her second alarm clock (which she recently bought due to coming late to school, one too many times), she dragged herself out of bed and to her closet where she picked out an ensemble of clothes with barely any thought.

Quickly changing into them, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror.

As usual, she wore her dull, sewer-like green, hooded sweater (underneath she wore a plain white tang-top), her baggy jeans that were too small in length –since it only reached her ankles- but were too big in width -which is why she had to wear a hideous belt buckle with it- complete with old brown trainers, which used to be white.

Though underneath the mountain of ill-tasted clothing was a slim and slender body, the body was for the eyes of no one, besides the owner, Sakura Kinomoto.

Her slightly wavy auburn tresses, which reached to just below her shoulders, was –as always- tied up in a tight ponytail, with only a few strays and her bangs left loose to cover up her pretty face, as best as possible.

Her skin was slightly tanned but could still be considered pale, and was so clear, that it seemed untouched by the tainted world.

But the most striking feature of Sakura was her emerald eyes, which, even though had dulled to the same colour as the sweater she was currently wearing, was still stunning. Unfortunately, her emerald gems were hidden under the biggest pair of glasses you could ever hope to see, which technically, Sakura only needed for reading, but which she chose to wear all the time.

And although she did not look, what you would call attractive, Sakura nodded at her reflection, satisfied.

She glanced at her alarm clock and realized for the first time, she was actually early! No need to rush or hurry, she could just take her time to get to school.

'And mum said that buying two alarm clocks were a waste of money. Pffft.' Sakura thought to herself, pleased.

She went downstairs and realized she was the first one awake.

'Well, this is a first.'

Grabbing an apple out of the fruit bowl, Sakura snatched up her school bag and began to walk to school.

Munching on the apple, she decided to bide her time and take a leisurely walk the long way to school -which happened to pass by the cherry blossom park- after all she was in no rush… for once.

And as Sakura turned the corner that led towards the park, she was left completely breathless… for the cherry blossoms were in full bloom!

And to Sakura, there was no sight more beautiful.

"Kawaii." She muttered under her breath.

Giggling, she started twirling around with her arms spread out, like a little girl. Falling cherry blossom petals whirled around her and seemed to follow her, as a result, getting tangled in her hair and caught on her clothes. But Sakura didn't care. She hadn't felt like this in what seemed like forever.

So carefree, so untroubled, so at ease…

So happy.

Isn't it odd, how the simplest of things can make you feel such happiness?

After a few more minutes of twirling and enjoying the atmosphere, Sakura stopped, contented.

'Glad I got here so early that no one was around… cause if anyone saw me, they would have thought I was some freak.' She thought to herself as she checked her surroundings. 'Not that most people don't already think that anyway.' She corrected sadly.

Little did she know, that someone was watching her the whole time.

XOXO

Sakura was the first one to get to school. She immediately headed straight for her locker where an expected surprise lay waiting for her.

She dialed the number on her locker combination but hesitated before opening it. Gathering herself, she flung it open before swiftly jumping back out of harms reach.

And it was good thing she did to, for as soon as the locker was released, tumbles of garbage burst out, ranging from hate letters to banana skin peels.

Sakura sighed sadly before gathering them all up and dumping them in the garbage where they belonged. It was almost like a routine for her. For if it wasn't garbage, she would find empty cans of hairspray or magazine cut outs on 'How to overcome obesity', stuffed inside her locker.

And even though Sakura knew who the main culprits were, she never ratted them out. One, because she had a bad enough reputation as it is without being known as a tattletale. And two, in fear of the bullying growing even worse.

And speak of the devil, one of the culprits were walking through the main doors straight towards her, right that minute.

Syaoran Li.

One of the most popular, handsomest, richest and MEANEST guy in the whole school. He had become an instant celebrity the moment he came to the school, three years ago, known for his dashing good looks, his dazzling smile, his vast wealth and his well-known status as heir to the Li clan… and he had been bullying Sakura ever since.

Sakura did her best to ignore him, which became increasingly hard as he slammed her locker shut to get her attention.

"Did you like our present?" He asked her with a smirk.

"I would've preferred just a card." Sakura retorted with a scowl.

"Well, you know what they say… it's the thought that counts." Syaoran reminded.

"Which you obviously put a lot into." Sakura shot back, sarcastically.

"Only the best for you, Kinomoto-san." Syaoran said, before walking away. "Only the best."

Sakura glared at his retreating back, before turning back to her locker and dumping her books inside, and then headed to her first class.

XOXO

"Long hair must be kept tied back, especially when lighting the Bunsen burner, and safety goggles must be worn at all times--" The science teacher droned on.

Sakura could feel her eyelids drooping. 'God, this is so boring.'

"--After completing the experiment, you will write out your evaluation with your assigned science partner for homework."

As soon as the words 'science partner' came up, everyone sat up, giving the teacher their full attention.

"I have already chosen the partners in alphabetical order." The teacher announced.

At this everyone groaned. Sakura let her head flop down to her desk as she started banging against it lightly with her forehead.

She already knew who her science partner was…

And she was dreading it.

As the teacher read out the names, Sakura's worst nightmare was confirmed.

"Kinomoto Sakura will be paired with Li Syaoran."

At that moment the bell rang for lunch, drowning out the string of curse words that Sakura had cared to utter.

She immediately grabbed her bag and started walking out, trying to avoid eye contact with Syaoran.

But out of the corner of her eye, she saw that he was too busy to notice her anyway, for the school skank, Yoko Yang, was clinging onto his arm as if her life depended on it, and was pouting up at him.

"Moi Li-kuh, why do you have to be stuck with that stupid nerd, anyway?" Yoko was saying.

"I know, I wish I wasn't baby, but I have no choice." Syaoran murmured quietly, his eyes fixed on the floor. At that moment, Yoko leaned in for a kiss.

Sakura quickly walked out before she was forced to see anymore and mimed gagging as soon as she was out of sight.

'Well, I've never seen two people deserve each other more.' She thought to herself as she headed to her locker to grab her lunch box.

Unlike everyone else, instead of departing to the cafeteria, she went outside onto the school grounds and sat beneath her favourite oak tree, which was the largest and oldest tree on the grounds. It was the only place in the whole of the school, where she felt a sense of calmness and serene.

She sat down on the grass and leant against the tree and then began to eat her lunch which consisted of sushi and sashimi. But for some reason, the feeling of contentment didn't wash over her like it normally did when she sat alone beneath this particular tree.

And that was when it hit her her.

It was too calm. Too serene. For she was alone. Totally and completely alone.

And instead of contentment, the feeling of loneliness washed over her. And she realized that she was alone in the world.

The only people she had was her mum and Touya. Tomoyo, Eriol and all her other friends from primary school had either moved to a different country or deserted her when she changed her image. At least she figured out who her real friends were… no one.

New students came and Sakura had made friends with one or two, but once again they had abandoned her, once they knew her status in the school as the biggest geek, in fear of also being considered a geek.

Not everyone was nasty to her, that was mainly the popular crew, but they didn't exactly invite her to sit with them either. Which was why she was sitting all by her lonesome self.

Ahhh the social status.

It has existed since the middle ages, but back then, it was Kings, nobles, knights and peasants. Sakura would definitely have been peasant, while Syaoran and Yoko would have been sitting on their thrones as King and Queen.

Sakura's thoughts were shattered and so was the tranquility, as she saw Syaoran, Yoko and the whole gang heading towards her.

'Wow, ain't this gonna be a load of fun.' Sakura thought, sarcastically. 'Hail the King and Queen! No seriously, hail them… maybe a big enough chunk of hail will damaged Yoko's pretty face and knock the balls of Li. That'll knock 'em off their thrones. Let's see how popular they will be then.'

Sakura chuckled lightly at her own joke.

'Oh god, I am going crazy from being alone so much! I have resorted to talking to myself!'

They finally reached her, after what seemed like an eternity, with Syaoran leading the group.

"Kinomoto-san." Syaoran spat out at her.

Sakura exaggeratedly wiped her face and in turn spat out "Li-san." with emphasis.

He just glared at her. And it was actually Yoko who came to his defense.

"Don't talk to him like that, you lowly nerd." She said, emphasizing the 'nerd', and taking a step forward towards Sakura.

Sakura just glared defiantly back at her.

"Cause that's what you are… a stupid… filthy… worthless… geek." Yoko continued, stressing out each insult by pausing in between, and getting closer and closer to Sakura's face.

"At least I'm not a whore." Sakura murmured just loud enough for Yoko to hear. She didn't know what came over her, she almost never talked back to Yoko, especially when she had her whole gang to back her up, but she said it in the heat of the moment.

Sakura could see Yoko's eyes flare up and she raised her hand, preparing to slap Sakura.

Sakura squeezed her eyes shut, preparing to feel Yoko's wrath. But it never came.

She opened one eye slowly and saw that Yoko was stopped… by Syaoran?

'What the hell…?'

Opening both eyes, she looked up at Syaoran giving him a questioning look.

'Is he actually… defending me?' She wondered, daring to believe it.

But when his eyes met hers, she could only see contempt and scorn in his eyes.

"She's not worth it." He snarled crudely, and although it seemed directed to Yoko, it was clearly said for Sakura's benefit.

Sakura felt her eyes water, just slightly. But she bravely held them back. She was determined not to give them the satisfaction of seeing her cry. The insults usually directed at her were all meaningless and old, like nerd or geek, or something stupid like that. But these words really hit home for Sakura. They were harsh and bluntly said. In fact, she would have preferred the slap. Cuts and bruises heal over time, but words can stay with you forever.

Yoko smirked when she saw that Syaoran had hit a nerve in Sakura.

"Look Kinomoto-san." Syaoran continued as if he hadn't said anything so cruel. "For some reason, God is against me today, and I'm stuck with you as a partner. So you will come to my house today, whether you like it or not, because I am definitely not going to your house, I mean who knows what you live in… a hole most likely."

Everyone began to snigger at that.

"You will work as fast as possible, that way you can leave as fast as possible. Because I refuse to spend any more seconds with you than absolutely necessary, you got that?"

Sakura nodded, too hurt to say anything disobedient.

Syaoran flicked a paper at her forehead.

"That's my address. My house should be easy to spot. Four o'clock. Don't be late."

And with that, he walked away, leaving the rest of the bunch to follow him like puppy dogs. Yoko gave one final smirk at Sakura before walking off.

Sakura breathed a sigh of relief as she leant back against the tree. She closed her eyes and found herself lost in memories.

--Flashback--

Touya and Sakura were huddled up together at the top of the stairs peeking through the banisters.

Touya, who had been comforting Sakura during the beginning, had suddenly gone rigid in the middle of the conversation between their mum and a man. But the conversation was now coming to an end, and Touya still hadn't moved from his position for almost forty minutes.

Sakura didn't really understand what was going on… I mean, she understood, but she was unable to accept it.

"Please." Nadeshiko was begging on her knees clutching onto the man's shirt with tears streaming down her face. "Please don't leave me."

"I'm sorry, Nadeshiko." The man said. "But you're just not worth it."

--End of Flashback--

Sakura's eyes shot open, and she tried to block out the painful memory.

She quickly wiped the tears that had started to fall onto her sleeve.

'I have got to be stronger. I am still so weak, crying over a stupid statement. I will not end up like my mum.' Sakura promised herself.

But two sentences just kept echoing in her ear, refusing to be quelled.

You're just not worth it…

She's not worth it…

XOXO

Authors Note: This is the third time I have changed this chapter. How did you like it? It is way more angst-y than it was before. Plz review! No flames plz, but you're welcome to suggest improvement!

Disclaimer: Yes, I do own all of Card Captor Sakura television series… on DVD. But other than that… it's not mine! It rightfully belongs to CLAMP.

XOXO