Disclaimer: If I owned Star Wars, I wouldn't need a disclaimer.
A/N: Feedback is definitely appreciated. This came in a moment of inspiration but I'm worried it might have lost its way. I hope you like it!
Sons and Lovers
They meet up in an alley. Her eyes show more worry than last time and her hair is going prematurely gray. A miniature portrait of a little boy hangs around her neck, and her dress is more cream colored than white. You kiss her because you know if you don't, she's going to say something to break the fantasy, and without the fantasy you might as well die.
With a pang, you remember when your relationship was about more than sex. That's why they're both here, isn't it?
Even so you're startled when the kiss ends and she takes your face in her hands. You bite back a gasp as she looks into your eyes for what must be the first time in nearly a decade. They haven't aged at least.
"Why do you still come here each year?" she asks inquiringly.
Sometimes-when it's the time between night and early morning-you ask yourself the same thing. You used to think that it would end somehow. You used to think that they were fated, and that they'd end up together no matter what ("or who," you whisper). Now you realize destiny's just a bunch of bullcrap, but it's too little too late.
Now you've come to the realization that you're holding on to someone you don't even know anymore, except that too is too little too late. She's become the only thing left that you're still hanging on to, and to let go now would mean certain death.
Both of you are too stubborn to die.
In an effort to console yourself, you wonder if maybe you wouldn't still be seeing each other if you'd ended up together. You're both so stubborn…eventually it might have gotten to be too much.
You'd still look at pretty women, and she'd still put her job and duties first. 'But you'd still love each other' the niggling voice always says in the back of your mind, "and it's not like you'd ever do anything with any of those women…not if you had Leia for everything you need."
Sometimes-on a particularly bad day-you wish you'd killed that little voice when you had the chance.
Because it reminds you, you can't love someone you haven't talked to in ten years.
Because it reminds you loving someone whose married only leads to trouble ("and heartache, says the voice, "prolonged pain," whispers another.)
Because it makes you effin' crazy.
Because it reminds you love DOES exist, just not for you.
She pushes back your hair for a second, and with a start you realize she's still waiting for an answer, so you just say "Because" and then you kiss her.
You end up at a seedy motel together, where no one would recognize her ("did you expect anything different, Solo?").
The next morning you wake-up late. She's putting on her shoes. Just as she's about to leave she turns back to see you and stops.
She starts to finger her necklace. You start to panic.
"This will have to be the last time Han-I want as ideal a family as I can have for our son."
You say, "Our son?" but you only say it to yourself. You figure you've known for a long time, because really- it's the only thing that makes sense.
She leaves and it takes a full minute for the panic to truly set in before you get dressed. By the time you finally get to the bottom of the stairs she's halfway across the corridor cursing.
"It's nice to see some things never change," you say in as calm a voice as you can, but you aren't lying. It's really, really absurdly nice to hear Leia curse again.
"And sometimes that's because people are just too goddamn stubborn to let go of the past."
She says it self-condemningly, but you still wince.
"If I'd have known…things would be different?" You say it as a question, aimed at her. She answers differently though, behind her back, as she starts to walk away again.
"I believe you."
You're panicking again as she hasn't stopped yet.
In an effort to get her to stop walking and come back and stay ("forever" whimpers your traitorous little voice) you say "Goddamn it Leia, I love you," packing as much meaning as you can in to your little 4 letter word. After all, it's the first time you've ever said it in that context and it's looking like it might be the last.
But she doesn't stop when she responds "I love you too."
You have to yell to be heard when you yell, "I loved you even then," but you figure you would have yelled even if she was standing 2 inches away from you leaning into your mouth. It's been bottling up inside you far too long to come out as a whimper.
You know you're biased, and you've lied to yourself before to get through things, but you could swear for the second before she responded everything in the world stopped…including her.
She yells back, "I know" before she glides out of your life forever.
You walk up behind her and kiss the back of her neck. You're holding behind you a bunch of flowers you plan on giving her, and, if she's good- a ring box in your right pocket (and a ring in your left). She's always more alluring when she's angry with you, and she's more likely to say yes if she's feeling sorry for it.
"Han, I told you we can't do this anymore." At the time you didn't even pause to wonder what she meant.
Now its meaninglessness harrows your days.
"I don't see why. You can't deny you enjoy me, sweetheart…not anymore."
That elicits a pause before she replies, "but that's just it…we're not sweethearts, Han."
And then she walks away before saying, "you've always made your position on women and sex more than abundantly clear." She doesn't even seem angry- just resigned-but you're still hurt. You think of all the things you've done for her, you've never done for another women, and you can't see how she could doubt you. You figure you'll give her a few days to cool off and think things through before finding her and asking her what the hell that was about.
Except the next day you see on the news she's eloped with Prince Isolder.
Less than 9 months later, you see she's given birth, but you turn off the television before they can tell you the name or the sex. The rest of the universe watches avidly as the little boy with the hazel eyes is named after the leader of the rebellion who disappeared nine months previously.
3 months later she finds you outside a bar in her new country and your tradition is started.