Disclaimer: Not mine.

Falling to Pieces

It's amazing the power of words. Everyone claims it's actions that speak louder, but take it from someone who's lived thousands of years- that isn't true. Sometimes, words hurt more than any action could. Sometimes words stab you in the heart and pierce right through to your soul. They're callous, pointed, and deadly.

I might have said my fair share of barbs, but I hardly consider this my comeuppance. Is there a rule that something you say must return upon you a hundred times? That no matter what, you deserve the worst? I'm starting to think that it's not only a rule, it's a law in my case.

Everything started out like a fairy tale. Well, of course it would. We are fairies. Shouldn't every tale start out "once upon a time" and end with "happily ever after"? We are the creatures humans write about. That ought to make us feel hallowed. Right now, it makes me feel disgusted.

Not that I have anything against humans. To the contrary, some of them are kind, decent people. However, like my case in point, some of them turn nasty pretty quickly. It's like they've gotten new writers and a new personality while I stand here in the cold and huddle against the chill. They snap, gripe, and leave me wondering what on earth I ever did to them, other than try to protect them.

Am I getting ahead of myself? Silly me, I haven't explained anything at all. You really can't blame me considering the current circumstances. It's rare enough I get a moment of peace, much less one long enough to explain myself. I can't help jumping from point A to point C. However, I suppose I ought to calm down- fairies, unlike humans, possess more patience in their pinkies than humans do in their entire bodies. (Other than my husband).

Where did this all start? Time here drags on tediously, so it's hard to slap a date on the whole affair. Ha, affair. It's amusing in a dark way. Not the greatest word I might've chosen, but my brain and my emotions are on a trial separation. My head's sick of the pain Cosmo's put me through.

Lately, everything's been a joke to him. I know, I know, he's a comedian, but this is different. He at least took us seriously. After all, he ran away from home to marry me. I thought that might've meant something and once upon a time, it did. It meant the world. Now it's the cheap plastic ring you get for a quarter and throw away.

He's acting like I dragged, gagged, and bound him to the altar. As though I put him under a controlling spell and he's finally waking up after all these years. Were those years for naught? Was he pretending and this is his real self? Oh, I hope not…but I don't know what to expect anymore.

How can you lie to someone day in and day out? I never thought Cosmo was a good actor, but maybe he's better than I feared. Maybe this whole life was a joke and the yoke's on me. Good one, Big Daddy, I see my mistake. I should never have fallen in love in the first place.

It's funny when love fades. Funny in an ironic way, of course, nothing literal. Believe me, I'm closer to tears than chuckles right now. Thinking about all the things he's put me through, the nasty comments he's made, and the insinuations he'd rather be anywhere than by me. What happened to togetherness? What happened to "I love you"? It's been months since he's told me that. It's been months since we shared a kiss. I'm starting to think there's nothing left.

Maybe it's me. It must be, because he looks at everyone but me. As someone once said, at least Juandissimo can keep his eyes on me. I might be a pile of refuse for all the positive attention Cosmo gives me. No, I take that back. He'd probably find a rat he loved there. I'm not even as high up as a rat.

That would be the queen insult to many women and I understand…but I've dealt with worse. I'm dealing with it now. At least in the old days, he'd chase after one and then tackle me to the ground, all the while telling me how much he loved me. We'd be covered in garbage, but somehow, it was sweet. Love overpowered the stench.

Now he flings garbage instead. Timmy laughs and I stand there, wondering how I'll lie to myself this time. How will I reason this one out? How many times can I get away with it before the truth hits me like a TV dinner plate?

Who can I tell, anyway? I can't talk to Cosmo because he's shown time and time again he'd rather contemplate his navel than realize the anguish he's inadvertently causing. I can't tell Timmy because he's so spoiled now, he'd find a way to ignore me. Big Daddy would probably, well, never mind about him. I don't think I know my father anymore. When it comes to affairs of the heart, I seem to be dead last everywhere. My father's gotten with Mama Cosma, for heaven's sake.

I'm starting to think this is how it'll all go down. Cosmo will find some fangirl to settle down with, Timmy will be too self absorbed to notice we're apart as long as we grant him his selfish wishes, and in the middle of it, our parents will marry and forever drive a wedge between Cosmo and me. Siblings in law…that's another reason he'll give. Not that he needs anymore.

The fairy tale romance's fading into nothingness and I want to laugh. No, not because I'm delirious in joy but because I want to stop myself before I start crying. That's what's horrid about being the strong one- you can't break. No matter how badly I want to crumble, I can't. So I laugh and mock him while my heart bleeds and my eyes swim in unshed tears. Yes, I'm the rock.

What I'd give for a thank you from Timmy or a peck on the cheek uninhibited by a nasty remark from Cosmo. Yet the writers have moved on. Whatever force dictating their actions has shifted their focus to alienating the "nag", the one who sacrificed her happiness to stay here. I could have left…but they need me. They don't deserve me, but I don't have a choice. I have to stay.

Tears well in my eyes and I shove them away haphazardly. It's been a while since I had a good cry and I'm probably about due. But no matter what, the tears refuse to stream. It's like they know I shouldn't dare cry. I shouldn't be upset, despite the turmoil in my heart and the fact Cosmo insinuates we should divorce while I'm still in love with him, Timmy treats me like I'm his servant, and my father has joined Cosmo's mother against me. What's so horrible about the world out to get you?

Or the fairy you married wishes you were someone else…and you're still desperately in love with him. I can't break the bonds, no matter how much they chafe and strangle me. I can't throw away what we had. I can't throw away the best years of my life.

So I sit here and stare out the window. I sit, I stare, and I blink back the flood. What's the point of crying? There's no one to pick up the pieces.

But before I recognize it, a wet trail streaks my cheeks and my body shakes. I don't even comprehend why I'm crying, but I'm crying so hard I can barely breathe. I force myself to swallow and perhaps ebb their flow, but I can't. I can't breathe; this pain has enveloped me in its spider web. Every breath I weasel past is twisted and jagged, like inhaling glass shards.

Timmy walks in and watches me. I don't know what he's thinking, but I rather expected a hug, a pat on the back, or his hand on my shoulder. I receive none. He retrieves his paddleball and leaves me on my bed of misery. I yearn to chastise him for his cruelty, but the words can't breach the gap between my throat and mouth. Everything aches, almost beyond what I can bear.

Cosmo pops in…but I expect nothing from him. My expectations of him are so low, I barely anticipate a good morning, much less anything else. He stares and, then, incredibly, poofs out. He hasn't acknowledged my wails over him with so much as a blink. By now, I'm crying so hard I doubt I'll ever stop. It'll be like this the rest of my life- I only breathe when I'm not crying.

The instant I think that, the tears stop and I unsteadily levitate. I wipe my face in Timmy's blankets and force myself to live the role I've been thrust into.

…