I know, I know, this plot is way overdone, but someone with a ridiculously crazy sense of humor needs to make this story! And if you haven't figured it out yet, that's me. Yes, I write several angsty stories, a few romantic, a few tragic, and a few humorous. This is what people like to call MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES. This is going to be several episodes, all with a different cast. This is episode 1 and this story will (hopefully) keep going to over 200 chapters!

And by the way, SFAH is going to be long because I love it so much. This is my interpretation of Whose Line and in my opinion, SFAH should be longer.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Drew Carey, Who's Line, or DP. Sorry. But I do own Ellie.

Ellie is part of the cast in episode 1 and will eventually reappear. She is unlike Ellie of Say 'Braces Are A Menace' (actually, this one's taken from one of my stories that have been abandoned) and is actually just an elemental. Other than that, she looks just like Ellie in S'BAAM' without the witch/elemental form.

CLAIMER: Ellie. Yeah. And also S.O.S. It stands for Save Our Shiot. At camp, my friends and I grabbed some spare food, piled it on top of each other along with copious amounts of salt and pepper and even inedible things. One girl ate it as a dare and spent 5 minutes in the bathroom. Mwaha.

RATED: T because it's probably going to be on the same level as the real Whose Line and we all know that's like PG-13.

Pretype Start: September 11, 2005, 7:53

Chapter 1

"Episode 1"

Lights come on to a roaring, clapping crowd. As the camera turns, it faces toward the stage, at the very bottom of the room. There, on a raised two steps, were four chairs, holding four people. There was a desk holding a mug of coffee, several blue cards, and inhabited a short, chubby man with glasses.

"Hey, I'm Drew Carey and welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" where everything's made up and the points matter as much as the authoress does!" he said.

"YO! I can make you eat the S.O.S. if I felt like it, so WATCH IT!" yelled a voice from behind camera 3. Apparently, it was the authoress.

"Right. Here are our players!" said Drew, pointing to the four people sitting in the chairs. " 'What misplaced aggression?' Danny Fenton!" Danny sat in his chair, but both him and the chair's backs were turned to them so that Danny was staring in the same direction as the audience as he peered about the background.

" 'Leader of the K i l l Paulina Cult:' Samantha Manson!" This got Drew a very smug look from Sam, who sat cross-legged on her chair, arms folded.

" 'Death by snoring PDA's,' Tucker Foley!" Tucker sat in his chair normally, but his hand was raised to his face, balled in a fist, but his thumb poked from between his middle finger and ring finger. He turned it around and examined it as if it was something he had never seen before.

" 'G i r l with the screaming brain,' Ellie Tryanen!" Ellie bounced up and down in her chair, her hair bouncing as well, eyes wide. She giggled insanely.

"All right, everyone, first game is Let's Make A Date!" Danny turned his chair back around, Sam stopped her looks, Tucker ceased his examination, and Ellie sat regularly in her chair.

"Ellie is going to be playing the bachelorette! You other three have cards on your chairs and you have to act them out as Ellie asks you questions." Drew turned to the audience. "Remember, folks, they have NEVER seen these cards before."

The four grabbed stools from the side, three of which carried blue envelopes, holding cards. The three people opened their cards and gawked unusually at them.

"Alright, start," said Drew.

"Hello!" said Ellie in a sweet voice. "Bachelor number one," Danny looked at her, "if you would buy me a video, which would it be?"

On the screen that people watched to see who he was supposed to be said Drew Carey's and Sam Manson's offspring child.

"Barney!" said Danny playfully. "Barney says it's okay to be big…really big like Daddy! But Barney's at his best if he's g o ring on his twin brother who carries a sword!"

"All right, bachelor number one," said Ellie, an eyebrow raised. "Bachelor number two, where would we have our wedding?"

Sam looked appalled at the question, and on the screens in white, it said Self-Absorbed Soap Opera Actress.

"Well, that's an easy one, of course," said Sam, drawing out the last word. She stood up and circled the four stools, saying, "I'd take you where it is—" she stopped and struck a dramatic pose, after which she continued to move in front of the other three and stopped at Ellie, squishing her cheeks together, "freezing cold, because when you're as hot as I am, you don't need any coats. My passion will keep us warm, warmer," Sam struck another pose, legs apart, looking out to the far audience, her arm in a vertical line up to the point she was watching, "than a ray of light she's flying!" sang Sam from the popular Madonna song.

"Wonderful," said Ellie, eyes wide. "Bachelor number three?"

Text appeared under Tucker's body in the TV's. It said A boy harboring the evil spirit of the Box Ghost.

"Yes?" barked Tucker.

"What kind of CD would you buy me?"

"It's a little obvious, isn't it?" said Tucker as Sam tried to strike a pose in front of him and smile charmingly for the camera. He pushed her aside and said, "I'd buy you…a Sonnet of the BOXES! BEWARE!" Tucker held his arms out like a zombie and ran to Danny, practically overshadowing him. "And it has a MIND-CONTROL DEVICE!" Tucker broke out in maniacal laughter while Danny feigned crying.

"MOMMY!" said Danny, clawing at Sam's skirt. "The big possessed boy is making fun of my size! Can I borrow your gun to shoot him?" cried Danny.

"YOU CANNOT ENTRAP ME IN YOUR SPHERICAL WALL OF DOOM! BEWARE!" yelled Tucker, rushing back to his seat, grabbing a box by Drew's desk and placing it on his head, where he resumed his maniacal laughter.

"No Danny!" gasped Sam. "I can't lend you my gun—it's just—it's just too much!" Sam ran off-stage and used Drew as her tissue. "Oh, dear, thank you so much, dear man!" she cried into his jacket as he stared blankly at Ellie. "If you didn't wear such a large size, I don't know what I'd do!"

Drew, fed up with Sam, buzzed the buzzer several times. "Ellie, can you guess who they are?"

"Danny is your young son who has been heavily influenced by a Sam who's seen too many horror movies."

"Close enough!"

"Sam is a dramatic self-absorbed bi—"

"Also close enough!"

"And Tucker is the Box Ghost gone evil—or as evil as he can get."

"That's right!" said Drew. Sam went to pick up her chair and put it back, as did everyone else, sitting back in their chairs. Drew picked up another card and continued as if Sam's outburst never happened.

"1,000,000 points to Tucker for wearing a box on his head," said Drew.

"Now, believe it or not, we actually have a game called Whose Line here on Whose Line! This game is for Danny and Sam—" Drew was interrupted by loud cheers, whistles, and, by far, the loudest clapping he had ever heard. But above the noise, one soul was heard yelling, "TUCKER AND SAM NOW AND IN TEN YEARS!"

The person slid down the seat, realizing his mistake, but instead was awarded with several packages of milk and white chocolate from the loving authoress herself.

"Before the show we asked audience members to write down a comment on a slip of paper and put in the hat," Drew signaled to a ridiculously patriotic top hat, "and we picked out a few random ones. In this game, both people have to use the lines they were given.

"The scenario for now is Danny is Sam's aunt's cousin's uncle's son's grandson's daughter's offspring's niece's second-half-brother. They are both in a forest with several whackos armed with who-knows-what and can't get out. Go."

They shoved their lines in their pockets and started out hugging each other closely for their lives, as if petrified in fear.

"Danny?"

"Yes, Sam?"

"Is this the end?"

"I don't know, Sam, but I will tell you this:" he said, pulling out a slip of paper, "CHEESE FOR PRESIDENT!" Danny threw it to the side.

"How can you think about bacteria-altered milk running for the ruler of our country when we're stuck in the forest with escaped convicts from the mental institute?" cried Sam. She herself picked out a paper and said, "Yo' mama ate 'cho screaming brain!"

"Yeah, well….yeah? Well…" Danny said. "Yeah, well I'm one of those psychos!"

"WHAT?" squawked Sam.

"RAWR!" he yelled, chasing after her while pulling out another paper, several littering the floor. "I GET ALL GOOEY WHEN SOMEONE'S EATEN BY AN ALLIGATOR!" he screamed wildly. Sam screeched for her life, picking out another paper.

"Tuesday is apple sauce day!" she screamed.

Danny reached into his pocket but found nothing, so screamed, "DREW HAD BETTER GIVE ME MORE LINES NEXT TIME!"

The buzzer went off several times and they returned to their seats.

"Okay, we'll be right back, don't leave!" said Drew as the camera backed away.

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The camera zoomed back onto Drew as they resumed the show. He had placed the patriotic hat on his desk.

"Hey, welcome back, we're going to play Scenes From a Hat. Once again, we have the audience members write down funny things on papers and we pick out the funniest. Here we go, this is for all of you."

All four stood up and Tucker and Sam stood on one end, Danny and Ellie on the other.

"Great motivational phrases a swim coach should use."

Danny walked up.

"If you're not going to use them, amputate them!"

Tucker walked up as Danny left. "Try your hardest! Oh, but you're not going to get first. But try hard anyway!" He left.

Drew buzzed once. "Strange excuses for swim practice."

Danny walked up, holding his calf to his butt with his arm, hobbling to the stage center. "I amputated my leg!"

Ellie walked up calmly and said, "I d i ed in a fire."

Sam walked onstage and suddenly yelled, "IT'S THE APOCOLYPSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" She left the stage as calmly as she came on.

Drew buzzed again and said, "Really weird bureaucratic blather or plaque descriptions."

Tucker walked up. "This document did not concern you. Erase your initials and initial your erasure."

Sam walked up. "The increase in recent male unemployment can be explained by the almost continuous fall in male employment."

Ellie walked up. She leaned in and squinted, pretending to read a plaque. "Thank you James Earl Ray for keeping the dream alive. Isn't he Martin Luther King's assassin?"

Drew buzzed once more and said, "Weird things celebrities need backstage."

Sam literally jumped to the stage and said, "Clean Ice. NO FISH ICE! If it never happened, I wouldn't be saying it.—Janet Jackson."

Danny walked up. "Two boxes cornstarch.—Nine Inch Nails."

Tucker walked up. "One box bendy straws.—Mariah Carey."

Drew buzzed several times. They went back to their seats. "Okay, now let's play Party Quirks. Tucker will be the host and the rest of you will have strange quirks that he will have to guess. Start."

Tucker stood up and stood in the middle of the room. "Alright, imaginary music and food, ready? Ready!" Ding dong. "And there goes the imaginary doorbell!" He walked over to the door made of air to graciously welcome in Ellie.

On the screens under her was Klemper as Santa Claus.

"Can you be my FRIEND?" asked Ellie with open arms ridiculously. "I'll put you on the NICE LIST!" Tucker backed away cautiously and, relieved, went to answer the door when it rang again.

This time, it was Sam. Under her was Paulina if her hair got caught in her locker (Tucker). Sam appeared in pain, especially as Tucker moved.

"AY! Tu eres estupido!" she said angrily in a nasal tone. Tucker did a lap around the room, Sam shrieking as he moved. "Stand still!" she scoffed. Tucker did as he was told. Sam grabbed hold of his nipple and twisted it as if a locker lock.

"34…" she said, twisting it to an imaginary 34. "12…" she twisted it the other way, crippling Tucker in pain, "2!" said Sam, twisting it a final time. She grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him to the side and said, "Ay, my hair's still stuck, but there's my wonderful shrine!" she said, pretending to stare emptily into her locker, staring at an imaginary shrine of the ghost boy, doing a wonderful impression of drooling.

The door rang again and Tucker crawled with difficulty to the door and opened it for Danny, Sam trailing behind him.

Under Danny was the description: An overly obsessed Danny fangirl who thinks Ellie is Danny.

Danny stood excitedly at the door, shaking with happiness. His eyes darted from side to side until they laid view on Ellie, who was still trying to make Tucker his friend while Sam was trying to keep her "locker" still to drool.

"AH!" he squealed a worthy fangirl squeal. Several other girls in the crowd squealed themselves. "Is that—oh, my God, I don't believe it! IT'S HIM!" Danny leaped and clung to Ellie's leg. She looked down.

"FRIEND!" she said, and picked him up, hugging him. Danny blushed an extremely bright scarlet and began breathing raggedly.

"Oh—oh, my God! He's HUGGING me!" Danny nearly fainted in the hold she had him in—not because of the strength—, and then turned to all the girls in the audience. "See? He's mine, you came to late to the party!" Danny giggled maniacally and sweetly—not a good mix—before giving Ellie a return choke. Tucker turned around and began to calm down the party.

"Now, obsessive Danny fangirl," said Tucker, just barely able to keep himself from toppling on the floor in laughter. "Don't choke Danny and make sure there's enough Danny to go around for everyone!"

Tucker couldn't take it anymore. He fell to the ground in extreme laughter as Danny reluctantly let go of Ellie ("Not friend?" she asked curiously.). Sam fell over on top of Tucker, in pain, apparently, and stared at him in horror.

"Ay! It's nerd cooties, ohmigod, get the disinfectant!" Sam squealed, wiggling in fear. Tucker stopped laughing and continued speaking as best he could.

"Paulina, please, I'm not Dash, and I'm not the ghost boy shrine tattoo you've burned onto him!"

The audience broke out in laughter. Drew told him he was incorrect as he broke out in tears of laughter himself.

"Klemper, sorry, you're not Santa," said Tucker in laughter. She, too, like Danny, sat back down in her seat. Last one left was Sam.

"Paulina, geroff! I'm not—your locker and I don't have a ghost boy shrine in me neither!" he said nervously. Drew buzzed him correct and they all sat down.

"Okay, that's the end of today's show, tune in tomorrow for more sugar-impaired fun and make sure you don't get on Lisa's nerves!"

Credits came on when a light brunette girl in a blue halter top and faded blue glitter Capri's walked out angrily from behind camera 3 and began to pick a fight with Drew. She made several comments that sounded as if she were God when it occurred to all she was the authoress. Drew ran in fear.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2: soon, my dears…

Sorry that was so long, but that was hilarious! I was crying of laughter when I wrote Tucker's seat (with the thumb), and all of Party Quirks. I loved melodrama Sam, that was so funny! It was so great, and I'm sorry I didn't complete the episode. I think I already wrote enough (I'm pushing chapter 1 of CoTF as it is). That was so much fun to write! Off to reread and great laughter in next paragraph!