Death To Ms. Sue

Angel of the Eclipse

Disclaimer: I own my story and Miss Mary Sue.

Thank you, Chiharu-san, my uber editor -hugs- If it weren't for you, my readers would have to read the word breathe as breath, now as know, and relieve as relive. And everyone would know I'm horrid with punctuation! -smiles- -smiles-

"So, what exactly are your qualifications?" Tatsumi skeptically observed the girl sitting across from him at his desk. He safely maintained an impersonal business distance between himself and the seemingly beautiful, magnetic, talented and charming blonde.

"Well," her smile metaphorically oozed saccharine as she began in a perfectly harmonic voice, "I have teal colored eyes, which are far superior to green, and no faults, physical or otherwise. I have light brown hair that I call blonde, and I can feel people's emotions." She contently chirped out her two-dimensional, uncreative back-story, and a sudden happily surprised smile covered her face as she suddenly recalled a particularly juicy tidbit of her history. "Oh! And I come from a very strict family that was cursed by a snake god!"

"Really?" Tatsumi raised a skeptical, perfectly plucked eyebrow as he glanced suspiciously around his desk, making sure no one had carelessly left Hisoka's file out in the open.

Her fine features darkened solemnly as she leaned over the desk closer to Tatsumi and whispered gravely, "It could have been cursed."

Tatsumi uncharacteristically let slide the briefest of shocked expressions at how incredibly stupid the girl was. "Right… I'm sorry Ms. Sue-"

"Please, call me Mary." Her face brightened again as she sat back in her chair with perfect posture.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Sue, but we don't need a new Shinigami, and besides you're not interesting enough. We already have an Empath, and we already have someone with purple eyes. I just don't see what you could offer to our organization," Tatsumi finished nonchalantly as he began to shuffle several papers back inside a folder, indicating that their conversation was over. "Besides, there isn't even a position open. I don't know why you applied, or how you got past security, but we just don't have anyone you can work with at the moment."

"What about those two?" Mary pointed her long, delicate finger out Tatsumi's office door into the Shokan's main office, where Tsuzuki and Hisoka were currently engaged in a small-scale war over inappropriate touching in the workplace. Tsuzuki was presently winning as he had tricked his smaller partner into a physical fight, and therefore was copping as many feels as he could in between dodging punches, scratches, bites, and marker stabs.

Wrestling on the ground, the quarreling pair smashed into the side of their adjoined metal desks as Mary smiled happily, watching them from inside Tatsumi's office. "I'll work with them! Thank you so much, Seiichi-chan!"

Tatsumi shook his head violently, trying to dispel the shock-induced aneurysm that had just formed from witnessing Mary's ludicrous lack of respect for superiors and the ridiculous pet name she had bestowed upon the department secretary. "I just told you that you couldn't work here!" His face was tightened in shocked fury as his tone heightened on the same crescendo as his temper. "How did you even get here? You can't just-" Tatsumi started, but she had already taken off at a happy, idiotic trot toward the grey desks in the next room.

Prancing over to the couple locked in combat on the floor, Mary Sue struck a Victoria's Secret© model's pose in front of them. At her arrival in the room, a perfume that was a lovely mix of lavender, sandalwood, toothpaste, lilac, bubble gum, cucumber-melon, Sharpie© markers, nutmeg, apple pie, new car smell, freesia, sugar, rolled oats, aloe, the Irish country side, raisins, and peppermint wafted through the place.

Tsuzuki suddenly stopped groping the boy beneath him when he saw her standing in front of him in a beautifully coy, lordotic pose. In fact, he completely forgot about his canon infatuation with his partner and instantly fell in love with the rare beauty who had just walked in.

Mary was exactly one inch taller than Hisoka, and had exactly the same color hair, which flowed gracefully down to the small of her back. She didn't wear much make-up: Aside from a shiny pink coating of lip-gloss, she was a complete natural beauty. She had an earthy charm that was apparent in her purple tank top and the cropped denim jacket she wore over it. But the stylish Dolce and Gabbana© low rise jeans she donned showed that she was also sophisticated and--

'Why the heck does she smell like oatmeal?' Hisoka eyed her with a nervous scowl, still beneath the suddenly awe-struck Tsuzuki. The boy shivered at the unnaturally ominous vibe that had crowded the room at the girl's arrival. He looked up hopefully to his partner for a little Tsuzuki-like reassurance, but the man was still very much occupied with gawking at the gorgeous female before him.

Tsuzuki's jaw dropped in silent awe and wonder of the fair maiden warmly smiling down at him. Suddenly, birds began to sing, and then 'Loving you, is easy 'cause you're beautiful…' started playing in Tsuzuki's head. Along with the mysterious birds and music, a from-out-of-nowhere wind suddenly came through the office to gracefully whip across Mary's trim figure, accentuating and livening her rich, flaxen locks.

However, Hisoka scowled murderously at the girl since the aforementioned wind she had attracted was also doing a mean number on the files he had just completed and set aside neatly in a stack to be put away. He turned his menacing glare back to his partner.

Tsuzuki had the love-at-first-sight instantly knocked out of him as Hisoka gave him a hard whack to the side of his head. "Stop acting out of character, you idiot…" he yelled up at his partner, grabbing the collar of the man's suit. "You want to jump my bones, and mine alone… we'll talk about this later," Hisoka said in an irritable huff as he got to his feet, proudly dusted off and walked up to the girl. "Can I help you, Ma'am?" he asked curtly.

She cringed slightly at the elderly implications of the word "Ma'am" but forced her features into a sickeningly cheerful smile regardless. "Yes." she started through a tight, unnatural smile. "Hello. My name is Mary and I'm your new partner." she clasped her hands together over her 32 C sized breasts to show her excitement. She gave Tsuzuki, who was still on the floor nursing his wound, a charming wink.

Hisoka crossed his arms over his chest as he walked in between Mary Sue and his floor-bound partner. He watched the girl for a moment, assessing how insane she must be (careful not to use his empathy, lest his brain explode from moron overload) and said with malicious bluntness, "I already have a partner."

Mary Sue ignored the gruff tone and smiled brighter. "Don't worry. You're both going to be my partners!"

Hisoka rolled his eyes. "Um…" A smug smile was beginning to pull at Hisoka's damned-to-be-scowling-forever mouth. "You might want to square that away with EnmaDaiOh."

Mary just pursed her lips in an exaggeratedly sympathetic pout. "Silly boy," she said in a babying tone as she bent down exactly one inch to his eye level, "my name is Mary Sue, the rules of reality don't apply to me." She nodded in agreement with herself. "Besides, Enma-chan wouldn't mind. Didn't you know? I'm his niece."

Seething at the blatant lack of respect for his god and boss, Hisoka was about to retort and maybe throw some physical violence into the mix, but he suddenly stopped himself when he caught sight of a small green animal that stood cutely behind Mary Sue's perfectly shaped, feminine calves. Hisoka watched it curiously, since it was a heck of a lot more interesting than Mary Sue was, and for some reason, he couldn't be mad at it just because it belonged to Mary. "…What the heck is that?" Hisoka asked dubiously but softly, careful not to scare it. Although the creature looked so sickeningly cute, Hisoka couldn't help but feel an immense sense of pity for it.

"This is Gloria, my favorite Shikigami." Mary smiled joyfully at owning the current center of attention as she jabbered on. "Gloria has the special ability to stay summoned all the time, so she's always with me. And also, she knows every single attack ever made." Mary Sue said happily as she grabbed up the shy mint green fox and placed him proudly in front of her.

Its large black fox eyes fell on Hisoka and watched the boy imploringly. Making puppy dog eyes at him, Gloria gave the Empath a telepathic message that quite clearly and desperately stated, 'I'm just a regular fox! … She dyed my fur, and washed it with an enhancing shampoo and made me extra fluffy! … And I'm a guy, for crying out loud!'

Startled by the communication, Hisoka immediately looked around wide-eyed to see if anyone else had heard the fox talking before he calmed himself a bit and asked Mary suspiciously, "Are you sure your Shikigami is a girl?" Hisoka eyed the girl with one brow raised in scrutiny.

"Of course I am!" Her perfectly white and straight smile never wavered. "Why else do you think her name is Gloria?" The fox dolefully shook his disturbingly mint-colored head in defeat.

"Uh… Because you named it that." Hisoka stated the obvious with calm viciousness.

"Nonsense," She gave a charming giggle as though Hisoka's opinion was ridiculous. "Gloria told me her name. Didn't I mention that I could talk to all animals?" she said casually, as though it would be obvious that she could communicate with every member of the animal kingdom.

The little mint-puff of a fox looked up at Hisoka, his pitifully large black eyes desperate again as he mentally transmitted, 'Do you see what I have to deal with?'

Watching the pitiful animal, Hisoka's stomach cramped as an array of sorrowful feelings flew across his emotional sponge of a mind. Despair overload mixed with a longing to comfort the little fox slowly made Hisoka's stomach ache so badly he wanted to hurl, and his growing headache throb so badly that he wanted to do the equivalent of hurling, only with your brain. With a small whine Hisoka clutched his tummy as his legs quivered, threatening his balance.

However, Hisoka suddenly forgot about his weakened knees and his empathy-headache, though his stomach only became more upset, as the boy caught sight of Mary maternally nursing the wound on Tsuzuki's head that Hisoka had given his partner moments earlier. Growling under his breath and clenching his little fists, Hisoka released all the 'this is my territory, get away from my man' pheromones he could muster.

With a malevolent smile, Hisoka and his freshly acquired retch-inducing tummy ache walked over to the girl.

Gloria watched with his bushy green tail flailing in happy anticipation of the inevitable confrontation.

To Be Continued…

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