A/N: So much for my schedule, huh? I guess real life has to get in the way of these things. Anyhow, this is the second to last chapter, the last being the epilogue and written in regular story format like the prologue. I honestly can't tell you when I will update that epilogue for you, so just wait diligently, and I'll do so eventually. I'd like to take this opportunity to ask you all to forgive me, because there has been so much rule-breaking and badness in this fic. I'd also like to thank my reviewers. I may not have gotten many for this fic, but I have not gotten a single bad one so far. You are all dear to me, and I hope you continue to read my work, because I really enjoy entertaining you.
Now, this chapter is a little bit more serious than the previous ones. I tried to make it funny, but my attempts might not have pulled through. I'll let you, as my readers, decide for me. I may very well up the rating for this fic because of the content for this chapter. I'm not sure though. I think it'll be fine. If it's not, say so in a review, and I'll fix it right away.
----
Spookiest Spots on the Planet
Chapter Four
INT. ENTRANCE HALL
The team enters the hall in what seems to be complete terror. Zim, Dib and Gaz run into the room with their arms thrown over their heads. Gaz reveals herself to be annoyed and angry rather than scared when she drops her arms and shows grinding teeth beneath a mop of blown astray hair. Minimoose, usually quite slow, zooms in at about sixty miles per hour, squeaking in absolute fright. None of them sit, but gather around the table, not daring to even speak as another ferocious laugh echoes through the entire castle. It's a few moments before GIR joins them, running with his mitten-like palms covering his saucer-eyes, which are streaming little robot tears. For a second, all anyone can do is stare. Finally, Minimoose squeaks reasuringly and Zim kneels next to GIR in an almost comforting pose.
ZIM
GIR! What did you see! What did they do to YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU!
GIR (SNIFFLING)
My friends ran away! They disappeareded into a wall and I ain't never gonna see 'em again!
ZIM (SLIGHTLY CONFUSED)
Eh?
DIB
What friends? There's nobody here but us, except for the ghosts...
Zim and Dib look at each other with concerned expressions, knowing exactly who GIR's friends were now. Gaz scoffs at their momentary lapse of reason.
GAZ (NONE TOO REASSURING)
They probably went to relive their deaths or something.
DIB (A LITTLE SHOCKED THAT SHE KNEW A PARANORMAL THEORY)
Gaz?
GAZ (SHRUGGING)
I watch TV.
DIB
It's probably that Count Larribon guy! I'll bet he's keeping them from going on! As defender against evil, I have to help them!
Dib strikes a heroic pose. Gaz glares at him irritably.
GAZ
You do that. I'll just cease to associate myself with you.
Gaz heads for the heavy oak and iron doors, ready to leave. Dib holds up his hand in protest of her actions, though she can't see it.
DIB
WAIT! If you leave, we all have to! What about your Bloaty's coupon?
Gaz freezes on the spot, shudders in intense thought, and resigns herself to turn back around against her better judgement. The MMHost reappears on his hover screen just as Gaz makes it back to the table, the first to sit down among the restless team.
MMHOST
Well, you have your proof. Now, you must perform one final act to make sure the hauntings do not follow you home. One final rite of blessing for the dead. This-
A sudden scream interrupts the MMHost's instructions and permeates the castle. Dib jumps up reflexively, ready for action.
MMHOST (TERRIFIED)
What was THAT?
DIB
The ghost woman I found in the master bedroom!
ZIM (GROWLING AT THE CEILING)
Why do the dead squeal so?
GAZ
Why does any human squeal, you moron?
DIB
She's in trouble!
ZIM (SCOFFING)
What nonsense are you spewing now, Dib-human? She's dead! How can she be in trouble if she's dead?
MMHOST (SLIGHTLY CONFUSED)
Uhm, am I missing something?
GIR (TO MMHOST)
SHHHHHHHHHH! This is the best part!
DIB
COME ON! We gotta help her!
Dib tears out of the hall as if his life depended on it. Gaz and Zim grumble, but follow the young paranormal investigator. GIR giggles mischieviously, and rolls out of the hall after his master and Gaz, and Minimoose, reluctant to leave the safety of the hall, lags behind.
MMHOST
Hello?
INT. DINING HALL
Dib runs into the room ready to fight whatever was hurting the ghost woman, but stops abruptly at the sight before him. This causes everyone who was following him to crash into his back. Dib doesn't seem to notice, his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide in a strange mixture of awe and horror.
GAZ (IRRITATED)
Dib, you idiot! I swear-
ZIM (GROWLING)
What is the meaning of this stink-
When Gaz and Zim work their way around the frozen Dib, they take on much the same expression he has as the ghost woman screams again, extending it with soft lamenting. GIR and Minimoose soon follow suit and the entire party is witnessing what appears to be the miracle of birth, ghost style. The ghost woman lets out another scream of pain and the spectators collectively lean away from the scene.
GAZ (TERRIFIED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HER LIFE)
I'm never having children...
DIB
That's... just not right.
ZIM (CONVULSING INVOLUNTARILY)
You humans are DISGUSTING! THIS is how you produce your offspring?
GIR (CLAPPING)
I see the HEAD!
Everybody glares at GIR and make individual faces of disapproval, but they seemingly prefer to turn their eyes back on the birth-giving process. A few hours pass to find the team in a state of boredom, dispite the screaming of the ghost woman, which has grown progressively more frequent. GIR is gazing avidly at the birthing, watching the ghost nurse's movements as she assists and producing popcorn from the top of his head. Gaz has taken on her usual anger shrouded expression, but with a sympathetic element as well. Dib sat on the floor with a notebook, actually taking notes. Minimoose is rolling on the floor, and Zim is sitting in a chair at the dining table, while banging his head on said table.
DIB (QUESTION SUDDENLY OCCURING TO HIM)
Hey Gaz? Has Dad given you "the talk(1)" yet?
GAZ (SHRUGGING)
Yeah. Why?
DIB
Why didn't he say anything about this?
GAZ
Because the talk would have been LONGER. Duh.
ZIM (GROANING FROM HIS MASSIVE, SELF-PRODUCED HEADACHE)
When will it END?
GIR
When the fat lady sings! WHOO!
Just then, a fat lady didn't sing, but the sound of a relieved sigh and echoing cries fills the room. Dib jumps to his feet and jogs toward the ghost nurse, but before he can see the end result, the ghost of a cruel-looking man with a goatee materializes before him. The man laughs maniacally.
DIB (LOOKING DEFIANT)
Count Larribon! You're behind this!
COUNT LARRIBON'S GHOST
Yes! And now... Uh, you wouldn't happen to have any of those new disposable wipe-things? This place is filthy, I mean, come on...
DIB
Yeah. Here ya go.
Dib pulls a wet-wipe out of his backpack and hands it to the ghost. The ghost scrubs his transluscent hands and face brutally and then throws the wipe back at Dib. It slaps into his face, sticking there.
DIB (IRRITATED)
HEY!
COUNT LARRIBON'S GHOST
Now! This hideous child shall be BURNED! Bwahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!
The Count turns to a stretch of wall that was at first believed to be empty, but now is revealed to have had a grate in it, shrouded in the darkness of the room. The grate roars and large flames appear in it. Zim, standing nearby, looks contemplative, narrowing his eyes at the ghost baby as it is picked up by its father, Larribon, and hurled at the new fire. Surprisingly, Zim leaps in front of the licking flames and intercepts the infant like a football. Larribon looks furious and terrified at the same time. Zim lifts the baby above his head triumphantly and it cries in horror.
ZIM (VICTORIOUS)
Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa! I have captured one of your number for testing! When I have finished that, I shall know the ghost's weaknesses! You deceased shall know the wrath of ZI- huh?
Zim finally realizes from the heat that his backside is alight with the flame from the fireplace. He shrieks, throwing the baby away in favor of running around in panic. Dib, seeing this, dives to the floor to save the infant, landing painfully on his belly, but succeeding in catching the baby. Larribon yells out in rage as his form seems to implode in ghostly flames.
Zim continues to yell out in agony, fanning behind him unwisely.
ZIM
WHY? WHY MUST THE EARTH ATMOSPHERE BE SO INFUSED WITH FLAMMABLE GASES? IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!
Dib carefully gets to his feet, holding the newborn ghost as if it were made of a rare and precious glass. He carries it to the ghost nurse, who stares at him with her mouth open as if HE'S the alien invader in the room. She holds out her arms, and Dib carefully sets the baby in her arms. Suddenly, the mother of the ghost, who had been playing her dead role very well, grows brighter than ever before and levitates high into the air. She opens her eyes and smiles down on the team. The nurse, infant, and the rest of the ghost children join the mother so that the ceiling is thick with transluscent people. Zim is oblivious, still on fire.
ZIM
GIR! THE EXTINGUISHER! QUICKLY!
GHOST WOMAN (GAZING DOWN AT ZIM HAPPILY)
I couldn't leave without my child. Now we shall rest in peace, all due to this strange, green boy.
She gestures to Zim, and Dib leaps foreward.
DIB
He's an alien from outer SPACE! He tried to take your baby to experiment on it! He wants to take over the Earth!
GHOST WOMAN
Silly boy. Aliens don't catch fire.
DIB
But-
GHOST WOMAN
It's time for us to go. Thank you! Farewell!
All of the ghosts fade away. Dib let's his shoulders slump in defeat and begins sulking. Zim is still running and screaming for an extinguisher. In compliance, GIR opens his head, points the cavernous opening at his master and a pressurized stream of water shoots at Zim. Zim's fire went out, but his shrieks increase. Gaz rolls her eyes and turns to Minimoose.
GAZ
Let's get outta here.
MINIMOOSE
Squeak.
DIB
Yeah.
Gaz waves her hand and leaves the dining hall, GIR, Minimoose and Dib following her complacently, forgetting Zim writhing in pain on the floor.
----
A/N: 1: A quick aside from the plot of this story; Professor Membrane has given Dib and Gaz "the talk" in my sick, messed up reality. For those of you who don't know what I mean: "The Talk" is code for "sitting down my children and talking to them about the biology of sexual activity." As you can probably guess, Membrane would be quite accomplished at "the talk", being a scientist.
I had a person argue to me that Dib and Gaz were born from tubes, and don't need the talk, but I was quick to point out that whether or not they were born from a tube, they still have the biological differences that make them a boy and a girl, and those are worth noting, even to a scientist who created his children with a needle and petri dish. Don't know if you agree or disagree, but I thought it was worth mentioning so some of you don't get confused.
So, we only have one chapter left, and I'm very excited to finish this fic, since it was my best yet, by far. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, though it may have strayed from completely humorous. Blessed Be!