Candy

By: Ishtar Maliku

Summary: ..One Shot, SlightShounen Ai.. Candy is evil. Candy is misleading. Candy brings annoying trick or treaters to the Ishtars' doorstep. MxM

Disclaimer: I don't own Yuugiou, but I DO own Malik's pants.

Author's Note: This is like…a year old XD Anyway, hope you enjoy!

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Ding-Dong!

"Malik! The door's making funny noises again!"

Ding-Dong!

"Malik!"

Ding-Dong!

"MALIK!"

"ANSWER IT YOURSELF!"

Sighing, Marik rolled off his perfect spot on the couch and proceeded to sulk towards the door, opening it with a slam.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, WE DON'T WANT ANY STINKIN' GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!"

"Trick or Treat!"

"What?"

"We said trick or treat Mister! That means you have to give us some candy?"

"Really? Well let's see… have you been good this year?"

"Yup!"

"Have you pissed off your parents lately?"

"Nope!"

"Do you cuss?"

"Nope!"

"Do you respect your elders?"

"Of course!"

"I see! Well then…"

The group of costumed kids looked up expectantly.

"YOU DISGUST ME!"

And with that, Marik shut the door on two Teletubbies, Elmo, and a Pikachu.

"Marik!"

Standing by the kitchen door, holding a giant bowl of candy was Malik; beautiful, sexy, blonde, and pissed.

"Aww, hikari looks super kawaii when his veins are throbbing!"

"Don't start with me! That' the fifteenth group of kids you turned away! We need to get rid of this candy!"

"Why? We paid for it, we should be able to enjoy its stimulating sugary effects!"

"First off, 'Neesan paid for it. Second, WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DO WITH FIFTY BAGS OF HERSHEY BARS!"

"Uh…make a thousand smore's?"

"Uh, no? Look, we'll save four bags of chocolate for ourselves, but the rest have to go!"

Ding-Dong!

"I'll get it. You just go back on the couch and watch One Piece."

"YES! ONE PIECE, ONE PIECE, ONE PIECE!"

Shaking his head, Malik put on his best, 'I'm Not an Irritable Psychopath Who Can Cut You Into Tiny Little Pieces and Feed You to Homeless People' smile and opened the door, revealing a little girl dressed as a ballerina.

"Trick or Treat!"

"Aww, aren't you cute! Here, take two bags of chocolate! Hell, why not five?"

"Gee, thanks Miss!"

Twitch.

"M-Miss?"

Sensing a hikari meltdown, Marik slapped on a military helmet and dived under the couch, grabbing a box of Pocky, just in case he'd have to stay there for several days.

"Yeah, oh, and your costume is really pretty. Although, I don't think I've ever seen a Barbie wearing that exact shade of lavender. Oh, and your eyeliner is really cool, it totally matches with all your bracelets and necklaces! Could you tell me where the earrings are from? I'm gonna ask my mommy if I could have some as party favors for my next birthday! They look cheap enough!"

Marik checked his watch, five seconds 'til the blond bombshell exploded. Three… two… one…

"THESE EARRINGS AREN'T CHEAP! THEY'VE BEEN PASSED DOWN IN MY FAMILY FOR THREE THOUSAND YEARS! AND I'M NOT DRESSED AS BARBIE, IT'S NOT EYELINER, AND I'M A BOY! I'D SHOW YOU PROOF, BUT I'M AGAINST CHILD MOLESTATION BECAUSE I WAS RAPED WHEN I WAS NINE! NINE! WITH A BROOMSTICK! AND-"

"Uh oh! Hikari pretty forgot to take his special medicine! Let's go take it now before I convince you to blow up another homeless shelter! Bye stupid little girl!"

Marik forced Malik onto the couch and shoved popcorn into his mouth.

"Now let's all stop yelling at little girls and watch One Piece, 'kay?"

Malik took several deep breaths and nodded slowly, turning to his yami with giant lavender eyes.

"Yami-sama, you don't think I look like a girl, do you?"

Marik raised an eyebrow and thought hard of what to say, considering that at the moment, Malik was sitting cross-legged on the couch fluttering his eyelashes innocently.

"Uh…NO! Of course not!"

"Yay! Thank you yami-sama!"

Marik's dishonestly was rewarded with yummy yummy sloppy sloppy kisses.

Ding-Dong!

"Ra damn it! We really need to get a guard dog or something."

"Yes! Tomorrow we shall search the pet stores for the elusive Chihuahua!"

"Yami, I want a dog, not a rat."

Standing up regally, Malik strode to the door and cracked it open.

"MALIK! THERE ARE GHOSTS AND ZOMBIES AND VAMPIRES EVERYWHERE! THEY ALL WANT MY CANDY! HELP ME! HELP MEEEEE!"

Shutting the door swiftly on a drunk (and even more stupid) Honda, Malik plopped back down on the couch and began filing his nails.

"Who was that?"

"I dunno."

Ding-Dong!

"Stay here Hikari Pretty, I'll get it, for I am MARIK! MWAHAHAHA!"

"My hero," Malik said dully while filing his other hand.

Marik opened the door wide and looked down to see Mokuba in a ridiculous looking Seto Mask.

"Trick or Treat! Gimme candy or you're FIRED!"

"I don't work for you."

"…Not yet."

"MARIK JUST GIVE HIM THE CANDY!"

"Yes Hikari queen, for you are wise, and caring, and beautiful, and you smell like lotus blossoms, floating gently on a lavender scented lake-"

Three bags of chocolate hit the eccentric yami's head before plopping harmlessly into Mokuba's hands.

"Thanks, losers! HAHAHA!"

"What a nice little boy," Marik said dreamily, closing the door.

"I have an idea," the smaller blonde sighed, taking the remaining bags of chocolate in his arms.

"You're going to melt down the chocolate and cover yourself in it so I can lick it off you and eat the yummy candy goodness that is chocolate filled with precious hikari!"

"…WHAT!"

"Nothing. I said nothing."

"I was going to put these bags out on the lawn so the trick or treaters would just take them by themselves. We're not really concerned about thieves, because we want to get rid of the candy anyway, right?"

"Hikari is so cute when he's being logical!"

Sighing, (he'd be doing that a lot lately) Malik walked outside and dropped the candy on their nicely mowed lawn. Pleased with himself, the young Egyptian walked back inside and cuddled closer to his yami.

"There, now no more disturbances!"

Ding-Dong!

"It's on the lawn!"

Ding-Dong!

"ON THE LAWN!"

Ding-Dong!

"…" Malik stood up again and opened the door roughly.

"I said the candy is out on the lawn, go get some from there you stupid kid!"

"But it's on the ground!"

"IT'S WRAPPED IN PLASTIC AND FOIL!"

"I like foil," came a random musing from Marik, "it's so shiny and pretty. Malik, your name is now Foil. HI FOIL!"

"Eh…"

"Gimme candy!"

"No."

"Gimme candy!"

"No."

"Gimme candy!"

"No."

"Gimme candy!"

"No."

"GIMME CANDY!"

"NO!"

Marik, deciding this was a good moment to step in, stepped in. Yay!

Holding his precious lightly by the shoulders, he looked down at the puny tiny insignificant Power Ranger in front of him. Then he lowered his voice to a menacing growl.

"Hikari pretty reads gay porn online."

"YAMI-SAMAAA!"

"He gets turned on by dirty manga."

"SHUT UP!"

"And…he reads YAOI FANFICTION."

The poor, unsuspecting child ran away in a zigzag pattern (to confuse the blondes) and sadly, got hit by a 18-wheeler that just happened to be passing at the time.

"Great, now I'm going to have to clean that up before Isis gets home. I hate intestines!"

"Which is why we never eat hot dogs," Marik whispered solemnly.

"Why don't we just…DROWN OUT the doorbell," Malik suggested, his left eye twitching like it was 1999. …Dear Ra, we went back in time!

Marik lifted his currently spastic hikari and marched up the stairs.

"Why don't you just scare them off with your loud obnoxious whining?"

"I DON'T WHINE!"

"Sure you don't…"

"Marik?"

"Yes my sweet, sweet, in denial hikari?"

"…Where are you carrying me?"

"To our bedroom, DUH."

"…Why?"

Marik smirked. It was a twisted, scary, oh so disturbing smirk that reminded Malik of DEATH, and HELL, and REALITY TV.

"You said you wanted to drown out the doorbell. What better way than with sexual screams of love and pain?"

The smaller blonde opened his mouth to object, but decided against it. If his screams didn't drown out the noise, it would surely scare people away.

"Alright," he sighed ruefully, "But you're doing all the work. I'm tired."

Marik paused before dropping Malik onto the bed.

"How is that different from every other night?"

"Oh shut UP!"

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END

I plan to have a more…scary oneshot up by the end of today. This was just random blah. Oh well XD