This is my first fic, please be gentle. Reviews, comments, even flames are welcome. In order to flame it you have to read it!

Disclaimer: I don't own it. I wish! (Whimper while eating pocky)

Chapter 1

It was dark. Hisoka wrapped his arms around himself and tried to see into the darkness. He could feel menace radiating around him in waves.

"Hello bouya."

Hisoka startled, looked around franticly for the source of the voice and the threat he knew accompanied it.

"Where are you? Come out where I can see you, you bastard!"

"I'm right here."

Hisoka turned and finally saw the doctor standing behind him. Muraki's white suit and silver hair seemed to glow in the darkness, and the cold smile that graced his lips sent a chill through Hisoka's frame.

"What do you want?" Hisoka tried to sound menacing, but he couldn't quite keep the tremor out of his voice, after all this man had…..

"Not happy to see me?" Muraki's lips turned down in a brief pout "How cruel bouya, you know I'm quite happy see you, my lovely doll." Muraki leaned forward and ran the tips of his fingers down Hisoka's jaw line.

Hisoka stumbled back away from the contact, slapping at Muraki's hand "don't touch me!"

"You are such a bad doll." Muraki looked at Hisoka coldly "Perhaps it's time that I give you the lesson you've been begging for."

Suddenly Hisoka's curse marks flared to life and he was crushed under waves of pain.

Muraki leaned in close to him "You are such an easy target bouya, and I can always find you…..and you are such fun to play with……."

Hisoka threw back his head in a silent scream.

XXX

Suddenly he bolted up in his bed choking back a cry, his partner was asleep across the hall and Hisoka didn't want to wake him.

He wrapped his arms around himself, feeling the lines of fire across his chest burn.

The dreams had become more frequent since Kyoto, almost every night now, not the nightmares he use to have, but stranger dreams where Muraki talked to him, hurt him.

The bedside clock read 1:43. Hisoka shuttered and threw his legs over the side of the bed. He needed to go back to sleep, but he felt too on edge. He quietly padded to the kitchen, maybe he would give warm milk a try.

XXX

Tsuzuki cracked open the door to his partner's bedroom and peeked through the crack. Hisoka was still asleep laying face down, his face buried in the pillow.

Tsuzuki frowned, normally Hisoka would have been up long before he got out of bed, but recently he'd been getting up first. He knew that Hisoka was regularly getting up in the darkest hours of the night, and the loss of sleep was draining him.

He really wanted to let Hisoka sleep, but if he didn't get him up now they would be late for work and Hisoka would probably rage at him. As it was now they wouldn't have time to stop for treats on their way into the office. Tsuzuki frowned again….no cinibuns or donuts or……the sacrifices he made in the name of love.

He crept to Hisoka's bedside and gave the boy's shoulder a little shake.

"Hisoka, you need to get up now."

"Uguh."

"C'mon Soka-chan, it's twenty to nine."

Hisoka's eyes flew open

"WHAT!"

Without waiting for a response Hisoka jumped up and flew into the bathroom. Tsuzuki went the kitchen to pour the boy a cup of coffee from the pot that he'd brewed earlier.

XXX

A quick shower, a 10 second coffee and a near jog had the pair arriving at Ju-Oh-Cho only ten minutes late. Tsuzuki immediately headed for the break room in search of pastries. Hisoka went to his desk and sat down. He sighed and rested his head on his arms, he still felt out of focus. A shadow fell over him and he looked up at the raised eyebrows of the shikon secretary Tatsumi Seiichero.

"Good morning Kurosaki-kun, it seems you and Tsuzuki-san are a bit late today."

Hisoka reddened slightly "Hai, I overslept."

"You did?"

"Aa"

"Maybe you should have slept a little bit longer Kurosaki-kun, you still look tired." Tatsumi's lip quirked, but there was real concern in his gaze as he looked at his co-worker.

"I'm fine." Hisoka sat up straighter and pulled his first file in front of him to make his point. "Besides, I can go to bed early tonight."

Before Tatsumi could reply Tsuzuki bounced into the room. He immediately struggled to hide almost a dozen pastries behind his back.

"Ohiyo Tatsumi-san!"

"Good morning Tsuzuki." With a nod at Hisoka, Tatsumi headed to his own office.

Tsuzuki went to his desk and thumped down in his chair, spreading his array of stolen goods out before him. Choosing an apple danish, he inhaled as he watched his partner filling out his paperwork. Hisoka would write diligently for a while, and then he would seem to space out for several minutes, his eyes fogging over. Then he would give his head a shake and return to his writing. Over the next several hours Tsuzuki watched Hisoka fight his loosing battle with consciousness. By lunch Hisoka had given up and was dozing lightly on his desk using a stack of papers as a pillow.

Feeling like a villain, Tsuzuki shook Hisoka awake for the second time that day.

XXX

Hisoka let himself into his apartment, leaning against the door, he let himself slide down to the floor. What a long day. He had managed not to fall asleep again, but exhaustion made his eyes burn and his head throb.

Forcing himself back to his feet, he stumbled to his bedroom. He only intended to grab some clean clothes to take with him to Tsuzuki's, but the bed proved to be too much a temptation and he collapsed onto it and into a deep slumber.

XXX

"It's your fault Bouya"

The voice surrounded him like the darkness.

'No" he thought, 'I can't be dreaming already' He felt formless, a part of the void 'Tsuzuki, I…….need…'

"He doesn't care."

'He does……..' The darkness was swallowing him.

"You never gave him a choice bouya. He wanted an end, but you denied him that through your own selfishness, do you think he would go if it meant taking you with him, another life lost for his sake? And you hold onto him in spite of his wants, your obsession is worse than mine.

'No, I……..' Guilt, shame,

"Yes……."

"Hisoka?"

Violet eyes looked into his, Hisoka blinked uncomprehendingly. "Tsuzuki?"

Tsuzuki smiled gently and brushed blond hair back from the boy's forehead.

"I was worried when you didn't show up for dinner and came looking for you, did you have a nice nap?"

Hisoka sat up, withdrawing slightly from his partner, the disembodied voice from his dream running through his mind. He reached out to Tsuzuki with his empathy, looking for anything that would deny the truth of those hated words, but all he felt was the strong mental shielding that Tsuzuki was so good at and faint wisps of concern. He sighed and got to his feet. He swayed for a moment, still sleep dazed.

"Are you alright?" The concern from Tsuzuki was becoming stronger.

"Baka, I'm fine" Hisoka muttered

"Ok then, do you want to come back to my place, or should I just stay here?"

Hisoka sighed again in vexation. He didn't want Tsuzuki to go, at least not without him. After Kyoto, the nightmares had been so bad for both him and Tsuzuki that they had started spending the nights at each others apartments, and had been doing so ever since, but so far neither one had suggested moving in together. He didn't want Tsuzuki to go, but he was afraid for him to stay……..

"Hisoka?"

"Stay, please…." He was more afraid of being alone.

TBC

OK. I actually managed to write a chapter! Yay me! Gomen for any bad spelling, grammar, etc. I actually have a whole plot thought out, but putting the story around it is hard! But I've already started ch.2 (Happy dance, Happy dance)!

Ja ne