Disclaimer:
I don't own Gravitation, this story is just "for fun".

Some strong language!

Chapter 1

I can not tell when exactly it began. I only know it had something to do with a fight Yuki and I had once.

And as usual after a fight, I decided to go to Hiros. I just wanted to let everything out. So Hiro listened to my story, like he always did, and he seemed to be a little bit worried, but also a little bit bored. And I know why. It's because I always tell him the same.

So we decided to go out, he wanted to free my mind from the thoughts I had about Yuki.

And so we headed into a club we knew in the near of his home. Although Hiro told me not to drink too much, I started to drink and could not stop it. Hiro drank alcohol, too, but he was used to it.

I started giggling and Hiro just stood there and smiled at me. I know he thinks I'm cute. I know that since we started being friends.

But soon Hiro was a little bit drunk, too, and we felt like dancing.

On the dance floor we met some other crazy guys like us. After being exhausted of dancing, we ordered another drink and started to chat with them. I think one of them was called Masami, but I won't swear that!

I'm not sure if they really did not know who we were, but if they knew, they did not show it. Hiro soon started his silly smoking and I noticed Masami smiling all the time. He seemed to be in a good mood! I don't really like the smell of smoke, but I ignored it, as I was used to do it with Yuki.

After a few more drinks I wanted a smoke, too. Hiro looked confused after I expressed my desire and he shook his head.

"I don't think you really want that, Shuichi" he stroked back my hair and chuckled. Sometimes I hate it when he thinks of me as an innocent dumb cutie. I'm not innocent anymore, thanks to Yuki, maybe I'm a dumb sometimes and the last thing I want to be is a cutie. I'm a 20-year-old guy, so nobody should call me a cutie!

Well, enough of that. One of the guys, I believe it was Masami, smiled at me and pulled me nearer to him.

I did not really feel comfortable with him, but I didn't complain.

"If you want to feel real good, I can show you something better than smoking normal cigarettes!"

Hiro raised an eyebrow and looked at me. I know he was certain I would say "no", but instead I asked the guy

"So what is it?"

I felt curios and wanted to now what he had meant by his words. He pulled me closer to him again, if this was possible and brushed my ear with his lips.

"Something really good, I will show you!"

I saw him lightening a normal looking cigarette; he inhaled deeply and smiled at me. I could smell tobacco, but there was something else in it. It smelled sweet and bitter at the same time. Masami looked so happy and I wanted to be happy like him, too.

My hand was moving automatically to Masami, I wanted to grip this damn cigarette, but Hiro stopped me.

"Don't do this, Shuichi. That would be stupid!" He sounded worried; although he was drunken he noticed I was going to inhale the smoke of a joint.

I don't really remember what was going on in my mind at this moment; I think I wanted to prove him that I was not that innocent he expected me to be.

I just shook my head and asked Masami to give me his cigarette. And he did.

Yes, I'm certain; this was the moment I gave myself up completely.

I can't really describe what I felt when the joint had an effect on me. I started to laugh hysterically. Hiro had a disgusted look, and I thought it was very funny. I hugged him and begged him to forgive me. But he just tried to calm me; I must have been very noisy, although inside the club it was noisy also.

I caught my breath and became silent. I watched Hiro, who had a worried look on me now. I don't know why, but I just wanted to hug him at that moment, and I did.

He was confused, but then took me into his tight embrace.

Hiro will always be by my side. I know this and I knew in that moment I was high. I did not want to let him go, but after a few minutes, he let me go.

"Promise me not to do something like this again!"

I started giggling again and nodded, although I really enjoyed the view of my new world. Everything was okay; there was nothing I had to worry about. I did not even think about Yuki and how angry he was when I left.

And I really don't know what it was we argued about.

Besides, I got on Hiros nerves, as I was just laughing and giggling all the time. I'm terribly childish when I'm drunk, but this was, in fact, a new side of Shindou Shuichi. I liked it, but Hiro preferred the other one.

I turned around, Masami and the other guys had already left, well, let's say I couldn't figure out where they were. But later, Hiro told me Masami had offered me a few more puffs from his join, so that was reason I became so irritated in my head.

But I really liked it.

As I said, everything was okay. I liked myself, I loved Hiro more than ever and I loved the world. Of course, I still loved Yuki, and I stopped being mad at him.

On our way home Hiro had to help me going. My legs started shaking and I became really tired.

I swear I still had a smile on my lips when I drifted into sleep.

Had the world been a wonderful place at night, everything turned into the opposite the next morning. I woke up with a terrible headache and my throat felt dry and ached, too. I was stilled dressed like the night before, which meant Hiro himself had been to drunk to change my clothes.

When I headed into the bathroom I thought my head would burst. But unfortunately it didn't. I had a long hot shower and when I left the bathroom I just felt a little better. Hiro was downstairs; he read the newspaper and sipped on his cup of tea.

I placed myself on the chair next to him, murmuring some words I didn't understand myself. Hiro was not smiling as usual, he just watched my with a suspicious look.

"So, good morning!" he greeted me and I looked up to meet his eyes. He looked tired, too, but he was used to drink.

I just nodded, which was my way to say "Hello" on that morning.

It was only when I started to dress myself that Hiro broke the silence.

"Now promise me, Shuichi, that you will never do such a stupid thing like yesterday again!"

I was confused, because I did not really understand what he meant.

"Not to do a stupid thing like what?" I asked him innocently. That's it, maybe I can still seem innocent.

I know Hiro wants to think of me as an innocent cutie.

"You can't even remember?" He shook his head and sighed.

"I thought that would happen. We met some silly guys and one of them offered you a joint. And you took it!"

I knew he would blame me for this. My cheeks turned a light colour of red and I turned around.

"Oh, that thing…" I stuttered and turned around again to meet Hiros look.

"I promise!" I whispered and smiled. And so was he.

I was about to leave when Hiro gripped me wrist and hugged me. I kissed his cheek and stared into his eyes.

"I promise, Hiro. You know me, don't you?"

And with these words I left him to go home. Home to Yuki. I thought he had probably even not noticed that I was gone over night.

He was sitting, of course, in his office, typing at his latest novel, which I knew was reaching the end. Maybe after that he would decide to share more time with me.

"Yuki, tadaima!" I said my voice huskily.

Yuki, oh my beautiful Yuki, appeared in the living room and he looked really bored.

"Home again, baka?" he growled and went over to the kitchen.

Everything had been so wonderful that night.

"Where have you been, over Hiroshis'?" he asked and I could hear that he had indeed been worried about me. I smiled.

"Yes…sort of…" I said and followed him into the kitchen. He raised an eyebrow.

"And that means?"

I opened the refrigerator and took out a Pepsi. Yuki stared at me and suddenly pulled me nearer to him. He sniffed at my clothes and I knew he would smell it.

"Where have you been? You smell like smoke, whiskey and some other things I don't want to name them. Go and change your clothes!" he murmured and went back into his office.

I took a sip from my soda and did what I was told.

I watched myself in the mirror and compared my look now with the one of yesterday. Well, the day before I knew I looked much better. Like everything.

I sighed and walked over to the wardrobe when I heard Yukis voice behind me.

"You're sighing and complaining too much, Shuichi."

He smiled and took a few steps into my direction. He ran his thumb over my lips, brushed my cheek with his lips and finally kissed me.

It was a sweet kiss and I was willed to open my mouth to him so that he could push his tongue inside of me.

I hoped this moment to last forever, but soon as I wished for it, Yukis hands slid down on my sides, over my back and stopped when they reached my buttocks.

He lifted me up, gripped my ass-cheeks and brought me to the bed – our bed.

I can tell you, he was horny. And me as well.

And he fucked me like an animal, wild and passionate. This is Yukis simple way to say "sorry". Never breaking the eye contact he slammed into me, pushing his tongue into my mouth until both of us needed air.
He can be gentle during sex, and I like that, too. But sometimes it's good to know he is still turned on by me.

After we had sex, Yuki smoked. He prefer to do this, I never understand why he does. But he says a cigarette after having fun is always the best. As I hate it when he smokes in our bedroom I stood up to open the window.
I did not believe that a simple cigarette could have the same effect as the joint I smoked at night. For my first time. I should be embarrassed because I did something stupid. I knew drugs were dangerous. But I did not think of the joint as something bad.
I shook my head and went to bed again.
"What?" Yuki asked, sounding tired.
But I said nothing and he didn't mind. Maybe he was glad about the fact I stayed silent. Short after that he went into the bathroom and had a shower.
My head was still aching and I drifted into sleep.
I was out of interest for Yuki when he started to work on his novel again.

A week was gone without Yuki and me fighting too heavy to break up for one night again. And I didn't even think about that shitty joint. I had it done once and I believed in me not to do it again.
But when I was on my way to NG I smelled a now known thing again and stopped. There were a few boys hanging around on the street. And I could smell they wore smoking this shit.
I don't know why, but my feet moved to there and soon I stood in front of the boys. They looked up and seemed to be confused.
"What do you want, guy?" one of them asked. I didn't even know by myself what I wanted from them.
I just grinned and held my hand out.
"Could you give me a smoke, too?"

Dear god, I don't know what was crossing my mind on those days!
I acted like a teenager, was bouncing around, and if I was not bouncing around, I was a little sunshine all the time at the studio.
Hiro thought Yuki was very kind to me and did not think about something bad could have happened.
Suguru was pissed of like always, but I was not interested in him or his thoughts.
I loved the feeling of walking on clouds, of being enveloped in something soft. I looked miserable when I came home.
But Yuki was busy with his damn novel. And each evening he sat in his office to finish his work, I went on the balcony and smoked.
Well, I was not that stupid to let Yuki know I was doing something like this. I always went to have a shower and never wore the same clothes twice.
Besides, I always pretend to sleep when he came in the bedroom.
It made me sick. It made me sick he did not have time for me and was still writing his novel. I knew his editor told him to be not too short with this novel and so he had to create new ideas.
And on these days Yuki was in a bad mood. So I started, again, to feel alone. And I could not always go to Hiro. I thought he would be pissed off soon. And he was never able to say something new, he was used to repeat the same things over and over again.

I hated the boy I saw in the mirror.
Yuki even did not want to have sex with me. I always thought sex was the thing he liked best on our relationship. Sometimes I felt I could only be near him while making love. Sometimes he was so far away from me.
I was afraid of Yuki lost his desire in me.

Hiro was getting suspicious, but I told him it had something to do with Yuki.
I told him he was not interested in me, because his editor and fans seemed more important to him.
"You know me, I cry all the time and Yuki don't even notice. I'm always asleep when he comes to bed and when I wake up, he had left earlier than me. Sometimes I'm not sure if he really slept beside me."
This was even not a lie. I cried and I did not really talk much with Yuki. I spent most of the time with my new friend. Although I was running out of pot, I still kept enough for that day.

"Why did you not come over to tell me like usual?"
Hiro had his worried look again and I felt sorry for him. I did not want to feel him bad just because of me.
"I don't want to get on your nerves all the time. You have to live your own life…"
I was sure he did not really take that as an excuse, but he stayed silent and concentrated on our song again.
I was awful, I knew that. I looked tired and my voice was tired, too.
I felt like shit when I came home.
"Yuki?" No answer. But that did not mean Yuki was not at home. Sometimes he simply didn't answer me. His office was left alone, he did not sleep in our bedroom and the kitchen was empty, too.
I became frightened and saw pictures of Yuki screwing a sexy women in a cheap hotel room on my mind. I choked, my heart racing. That could not be possible. I knew Yuki loved to flirt with girls and women, but he never had in mind to end up sleeping with them.
But what if his mind had changed or if he lied on me? What if he preferred to fuck bodies with tits and a clit?
"No, no, no…" I talked to myself while I was searching for my beloved pot. I bit my lip, because it seemed to be nearly the last one. But I didn't care now, I had to calm myself down.
I hoped Yuki would not cheat on me.

After the smoke went through my lungs and outside again, I felt the dizziness coming over me. I started to smile, threw the rest of the wanna-be-cigarette from the balcony and sank down on the bed.
That felt much better…I thought for the first moment but then suddenly one thought rushed again through my brain: Yuki is screwing a girl instead of you!
I raise up, rubbing my eyes and I started to shake.
"No, he's not, he is not" I spoke to myself again and began to sweat.
I could hear the blood running through my veins, my eyes jumped to twice the size and I had to catch my breath.

Far away I could hear the bell ring. I needed a few minutes to realise somebody was waiting at our door. I stumbled through the bedroom, crossing the living room and finally arrived the door.
"Yuki?" I blinked my eyes and could not realise why Yuki stood in front of me. Did he forget his keys?
"Why don't you use your keys?" I asked dumbly and started to laugh when I saw how confused Yuki was.
"Are you all right?" he asked and stepped in.
I answered him with a nod and curled my arms around his neck.
"I miiiiiiissssssssed you, Yuki!" I squeaked and kissed his lips hysterically. He did not seem too impressed by it and I started to use my tongue to open his mouth for me.
After a few moments of desperate trying to lock Yuki into a passionate and hot kiss he gave in and opened his mouth for me.
It felt odd, Yuki did not taste like Yuki usually tasted. But I was sure it was because of the pot that my taste had changed.
I led him into the bedroom and was a little bit confused when Yuki paused for a moment.
"You really want to do that?" He raised his eyebrow and gave me a confused look again.
I smiled devilishly and nodded, sank down into the pillows of the bed and purred
"Come here and take me!"
I began to unbutton my shirt and it made me even hotter to see Yuki stripping slowly from his clothes.
Suddenly he was above me, kissing my neck, licking down my chest with his tongue. That tickled and I started to giggle.

I kept my eyes closed while he was fucking my body, rough and raw, without being interested in if I enjoyed it, too. Maybe he thought of punishing me for being such a bad lover.
"That's a…" he panted "lovely view of you, Shuichi, seeing my cock slipping in and out of your…hot ass…" He gripped my hips and flipped me on my back again.
That was the moment I decided to open my eyes and stiffened in shock when I recognised the person who was screwing me into the mattress.
"Tatsuha!" I hissed and threw my head back into the pillow as he started to pound harder and faster into me.
I felt sore and I wanted to cry. How could I believe it was Yuki? I felt my cheeks getting wet and deep inside I was hoping it would be over soon.
Tatsuha suddenly gripped my chin and made me looking into his eyes when he came. He looked funny at that moment, but I had no reason and intention to laugh.
It was just the moment I sighed in relief when Tatsuha pulled out of me, I could hear the real Yuki entering the bedroom.