Chapter one

Olivia walked out of the bar, a little worse for wear, and headed down the street. Elliot had left a couple of hours earlier, wanting to get home at a reasonable hour for once, exhausted after a week of late nights, but Olivia had stayed for a couple more, not looking forward to going home to an empty apartment again.

She had accepted a couple of drinks from a guy in the bar, not wanting to sit alone after Elliot had left, and she was kind of glad of the company, even if the guy was a bit of a jerk. But she could only stand his attempt at picking her up for so long, even with the alcohol, and she had to be at work in the morning.

So she had given him a fake number, told him to call her, and had left. Despite the late hour she started walking home, it was only a few blocks, and although she had had a few she still felt capable of getting herself home.

She had been walking about ten minutes, lost in her thoughts, wondering why the only guys she seemed to meet lately were complete idiots, when she was grabbed from behind.

She was immediately clear headed as she put her training into use and she tried to hit him.

She landed a couple of blows but though she was thinking more clearly her body didn't seem to want to move as fast as her brain was ordering it to.

He soon overpowered her and hitting him only seemed to make him more angry, he started landing blows on her face and stomach, and as she felt herself getting woozy he dragged her down an alley. The last thing she remembered was hitting the ground.

As she slowly came to it took her a while to realise where she was, struggling to sit up, her head pounding, she wondered what to do next. She attempted to stand but her legs felt weak and she realised it wasn't only her head that was painful.

She thought she should go to a hospital but then a wave of panic overcame her as she realised they would want to call the police, and once the police knew she knew Elliot would find out.

She didn't know if she wanted Elliot to know. One part of her desperately wanted to ring him right now, to have him come and get her and make everything ok, but another part of her worried. She knew her partner, he would worry about her, and he would get angry, angry at whoever had done this, she didn't know if she could deal with his anger.

She didn't know what to do, she was torn. But the rational part of her came through and she realised she had to go to a hospital, the pain was bad, and she knew she was in no state to just get up and go home and hope it would go away.

She couldn't remember what had happened and that worried her. She hurt all over, her ribs, her stomach, her head, her thighs.

Her thighs, the realisation hit her like a truck, her thighs hurt. Her top was ripped and as she looked down she realised her pants were undone.

What the hell had happened?

She couldn't think about that right now, she had to get out of here, she suddenly wanted to be somewhere safe, she knew that despite her earlier fears there was only one person she could call.

Elliot was sleeping when his cellphone rang, not just resting his eyes or dozing, actually sleeping, for the first time in what felt like days. It took him a while to realise what the noise that had awoken him was. He reached for the phone and seeing the caller ID he groaned, calls from liv at 3am could only mean one thing, a new case and no chance of going back to sleep tonight.

"hey liv, what's up" he asked not really wanting to hear her response.

"Elliot….I….Elliot….", suddenly Elliot was wide awake, something was wrong.

"liv what's wrong?" he was starting to worry, he hadn't ever heard liv like this.

"Elliot…please can you come and get me"

"where are you?.. are you ok?…what happened" He was starting to panic now, this wasn't the liv he knew, she sounded scared, and the liv he was partnered with was fearless.

"I'm not sure….i was walking home, now I don't know, somewhere near 92nd and broadway… please Elliot…please" she sounded increasingly agitated.

He was out of bed now and he was hurriedly getting dressed, thankful that he now lived in the city and not all the way out in queens.

"O.K. liv, I'm on my way, I want you to stay on the phone, can you do that"

"yes..o.k."

Elliot rushed out of his apartment and into his car, not caring that he was probably still over the limit.

All he could think about was getting to liv, he had to see her, to make sure she was o.k.

She hadn't been clear about exactly where she was, and Elliot was now looking for her, calling her name and talking to her on the phone at the same time.

"El, I can hear you, I'm right here"

He ran down the alley searching for her, waiting for her to jump out and tell him this was all a horrible practical joke, but he knew it wasn't, he knew her, and he knew something awful had happened.

When he finally saw her his first feeling was relief, relief that he had found her, everything would be o.k now he had found her.

But then he really saw her. Saw her sitting there, in the dark, a few tears rolling down her bloody and bruised face.

All the scenarios that had run through his head hadn't prepared him for this, to actually see her here, to see her weak and vulnerable. That wasn't her, she just wasn't that kind of person.

He didn't know what had happened but he knew it was bad, and he was angry, angry that someone had dared to do this to liv, and angry that he had left her alone, he should have taken her home himself. Made sure she was o.k.

But now was not the time to get angry, there would be time for that later, now he had to be there for her, he had to help her now.

She was so relieved to see him, she wished she wasn't, she hated to think she needed someone to come and rescue her, but she couldn't help it, just seeing him made her feel better.

For once in her life she wanted someone else to take control, not just someone else, him. The one person she knew she could trust no matter what.

She was aware of him looking at her and she realised he was unsure of what to do. She knew he just wanted to help her but she realised he was waiting for her to say something.

"Elliot….I think I need to go to a hospital" she looked for his reaction, realising that he had been taking in her appearance. I must look a mess she thought. She couldn't see her face but she knew it was bloody and she knew her clothes were ripped and bloody too. She could see several bruises on her arms and knew there must be more on her face, and judging by the pain there was probably a lot more on the rest of her body.

"can you stand?" was the only thing he could manage to get out. Just get her to a hospital he thought, get her somewhere safe and worry about the rest later.

"I don't know, I tried but I felt dizzy so I just sat down again"

"o.k. don't worry I'm gonna help you", he reached his arms under hers and helped her get to her feet, the movement made her dizzy again, and she was feeling increasingly nauseaus. But she let him support her.

He half supported, half carried her to his car, and helped her into the passenger seat, noticing how much pain she was in, and praying he could just get her to the hospital fast where they could help her.

Ignoring most of new yorks traffic laws he rushed to the nearest E.R., he just wanted to get her somewhere more comfortable, he couldn't stand seeing her in pain.

They arrived at the E.R. and Elliot helped her inside, shouting for someone to help him, as Olivia became increasingly weak and unable to support herself.

Then Elliot watched as several nurses appeared and Olivia was taken away, he had tried to follow but someone had stopped him, and though he wanted to shout and scream to get them to let him be with her, he knew that getting angry now would not help, so he sat and waited.

He thought about calling cragen and telling him what happened, but he didn't really know what had happened and he wanted to talk to Olivia first, he didn't want to do anything without asking her first.

After what seemed like hours but was probably only 30 minutes a doctor came out to speak to elliot.

Elliot heard the details of her condition, the extensive bruising and broken ribs and the possible concussion, but all he wanted to know was if he could talk to her, if she had said anything about what had happened.

The detective in him needed to know, the friend in him didn't want to know, but he knew he had to ask.

"was she raped?"

How can one question hold so much power, mean so much, make your heart want to break.

"we don't know, we haven't done a rape kit yet, we wanted to give her a few minutes to think about it and she wanted to talk to you."

He knew he had to go in, he wanted to see her so badly, to see for himself that she was o.k. but he was afraid, afraid of hearing what had happened. So far he had avoided thinking about what might have gone on, thinking only about getting her somewhere safe, now he knew he would have to ask, and he wasn't sure he was prepared for the answer.

He pushed open the door to her room and he walked in, trying to prepare himself but realising that for the first time in a long while he was completely unprepared for what would happen when he entered the room. His cop instincts were screaming at him, you've dealt with victims before, you can deal with this, but the friend in him was telling him that nothing he knew would help, that this was different, because she wasn't a victim, she was his friend.

"hey, how are you feeling"

"better I guess, they gave me some painkillers"

awkward silence filled the air, all elliot could do was stand there, not knowing what to say, while he took in her appearance. The blood had been washed off, the bruises starting to form, but otherwise she looked so much better he could almost believe nothing had happened, that none of this was happening.

For her part she really did feel better, cleaned up and not in so much pain she no longer felt as vulnerable as she had when she had called elliot, now she was more ashamed that she hadn't been able to get here herself, she wasn't going to let any weakness show now.

" they want to do a rape kit"

she said it in such a matter of fact tone it shocked him. There was no question, just a statement.

"what do you want?"

he knew that this had to be her decision, whatever she chose to do it had to be her choice.

"I know they should do it, but I don't know if I want to know. I was knocked out, I can't remember, if I have it done and it confirms it then I have to face it."

" you said confirms it, that means you already think that that is what happened, doing the kit won't change anything, but it might help us catch whoever did this"

"that's assuming I report this"

"what, how could you not report this?"

She saw the look of shock on his face, the incredulity that she, a SVU detective, might decide not to report being attacked.

"it's not that easy elliot"

"you were attacked Olivia, I know you don't want to seem weak but this Is not something that will just go away if you ignore it"

"this isn't about seeming weak, I don't feel weak, I know he was stronger than me, that I was unarmed, that I couldn't have stopped him, I'm not weak elliot"

their voices were raised now but neither seemed to care.

"then what is this about Olivia, because I know you and you don't let a man like that get away with it"

"have you even considered the consequences for me if I report this, I'd lose my job elliot, is that what you want"

"what, all you're concerned about is your job, the job you have trying to catch guys like that"

"I love my job, but they would never let me stay, they can't have some unstable rape victim working sex crimes, if I don't have my job, what do I have elliot?"

"justice"

"if only it were that simple"

her voice lower now, he realised he had just being arguing with his friend, the woman he was supposed to be here for, looking out for, and he had just being arguing with her because, because of what, because of some misguided sense of justice. He fell quiet as he moved closer to her.

"I'll have the kit done, but that doesn't mean I'm automatically gonna report this, I need time to think about that, I just want to keep my options open, I don't want to regret not doing it later."

"ok, I'll get the nurse"

As he sat outside her room waiting for the nurse to finish, Olivia having insisted she wanted to do this on her own, he realised he was more confused than ever. He couldn't believe that she might not report this, that the woman who was so good at getting victims to come forward and see justice done might just let him get away with it. He couldn't understand it, she should be the one determined to catch the guy, to put him away, to see him punished for what he had done.

For what he had done. It was a realisation that hit elliot, this wasn't some guy who'd hurt his partner during an arrest or an interrogation, she wasn't just a bit bruised, she wouldn't just be okay in the morning. Nothing had prepared him for the realisation that things might never be the same, that his partner had been raped.

He had just been hoping that everything would be ok, he would get her to the hospital, they would patch her up, he'd take her home, maybe insist on staying to make sure she rally was ok, then she'd be back at work and everything would be normal again. Now he realised it would be a long time before things were normal again, if they ever were. She was right, they would probably transfer her if she reported it. They'd insist she take some time off, which would drive her crazy, then they'd want her to transfer to another department, he couldn't imagine not being partnered with her anymore. But what if they were right, what if she couldn't handle working svu anymore, sure she was the strongest woman he knew, but who knows how people handle things, what if it was for the best that she transferred. No that couldn't happen, she wasn't like other people, she wouldn't let this stop her from doing her job.

For once he really didn't know if reporting this was the right thing. He spent every day convincing victims that coming forward was the right thing to do, but what if it wasn't, what if you lost more by coming forward than you did by keeping quiet. That shouldn't happen, you shouldn't have to face losing your job because you want to do the right thing.

His thoughts were disturbed by the nurse emerging from Olivia's room.