The Very Secret Diary of Severus Snape

Chapter 1

September

Dear Fluffy,

Never thought I'd ever write in this disgusting thing. What kind of mother gives her teenage son a furry pink journal for his birthday? I think this thing has been gathering dust in the darkest cavern in my room for the past four years.

But then, I feel as if I have no choice but to write in here. Between notes and random scribblings, I have nothing suitable for the rold of journal. I just hope no one finds this. And I feel as if I don't write down what's going on in my head, I'll explode… or maybe implode. I'm still not sure which.

Lately I've been feeling rather… uneasy… around Potter. The thought of him sickens me, but at the same time, I can feel my stomach turn summersaults. It feels almost… nice.

On the train coming to Hogwarts, I passed him twice. Both times he was with that Mudblood girlfriend of his. Each time we passed each other, I glared at them as I tend to do. He glared back, but said and did nothing, not wanting to upset his girlfriend. The second time, his arm brushed against mine. My heart started pounding as a jolt of electricity ran through my arm.

What is going on with me?

-Severus

Dear Fluffy,

I've been at Hogwarts for a week now. We still haven't gotten our schedules, which is unusual, but we should get those Monday morning.

Word has been spreading about the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Dumbledore, being the old fool that his is, told us there'd be a new teacher (as if that were ever a question), but failed to mention who. Word is spreading that he'll be a werewolf or a vampire or, and this is my personal favorite, a loquacious dragon. The suspense of who it might be is killing me, truly it is. I'm fond of the loquacious dragon myself.

I haven't seen Potter around at all. My guess is he's planning something with those idiot friends of his. I despise them. Always strutting around as if they own the place. Potter and Black are the worst of all. Black, being so very popular with every female (and most males) in the school, is always flirting. I think his favorite pastime is making girls swoon. And Potter is no better. As soon as Evans is out of sight, he's back to his old self. He still pulls pranks on people he doesn't like, most specifically me. He still carries around a snitch and plays with it on the grounds. And most annoyingly, he still runs his hand through his hair in an attempt to mimic the windswept look he has when he just gets off the quidditch field. Though that feature does look good on him.

Wait

What did I just write?

Potter does not look good. Potter does not look good. Dammit, Potter does NOT look good.

-Severus

Dear Fluffy,

Classes finally started today. Lockhart, as before, is insisting on following me around like a lost puppy. How that spineless squib managed to get sorted into Slytherin house is beyond my understanding. He's not worthy of it. I don't believe he should even be at the school. He can't perform the simplest spells, nor can he produce the most elementary of potions. He's disgraceful. Somehow he managed to get into NEWTs level potions (Seriously, how?). Why do the gods torture me so?

But classes have started. My schedule for my final year: Potions, DADA, Transfiguration, Charms, Ancient Runes, Herbology, and Care of Magical Creatures. All NEWTs level. I'm not sure why I still take Care of Magical Creatures. Perhaps it may be useful someday, but most of it seems so trivial. Why should I care to know that a vampire, contrary to popular belief, is not allergic to garlic so much as it is to strawberries (This being directly quoted from the most recent edition of Monster Book of Monsters). So next time I'm in a dark alley or alone in a forest in the middle of the night, I'll be sure to have a pouch of freshly picked strawberries hanging around my bloody neck ready to be used at a moment's notice.

Interestingly enough, Potter and company are in all of my classes except Ancient Runes. Only the werewold is there. Lucius, on the other hand, is also in all of my classes. He'll make the year more tolerable.

-Severus

Dear Fluffy,

Quidditch tryouts were today. Being ridiculously bored, I watched all the teams tryouts. Potter appointed himself Seeker again. But I hate to admit that he is probably the most deserving of the position. I couldn't help but watch him, and Potter does have a lot of talent. Watching him fly was inspiring at the very least. The rest of his chosen warriors are dismal at best, but Potter is good, so I suppose they'll do well enough.

Ravenclaw has managed to put together a good team this year. Hufflepuff's team is horrid, but that's generally expected. My own team is fairly good. Lucius scored Seeker. I'm sure he'll give Potter a run for his money. I myself made Beater. I'll be up against Black.

Gryffindor team had their first practice today as well. They held it right after lunch. I snuck out to watch them (to scope out the competition, of course) and Lucius chose to join me that time around.

I watched Potter the whole time. All that practicing with his stolen snitch has paid off. He truly is amazing, and he looked so happy on his broom. I was entranced. Lucius may have tried to tell me something, but I never heard him. Watching Potter swoop and swerve, catching the snitch and letting it go, then catching it all over again within 5 minutes. It was breathtaking. My heart was racing. I think it still is. I think…

I think I'm not going to finish that thought.

-Severus

Dear Fluffy,

Does no one in this school have any decency? I was in the library trying to finish an essay. While I was on my way out, I heard something behind the bookshelf. Being my naturally curious self, I went to go see what had caused the noise. As I turned the corner, I caught a glimpse of Potter and Evans snogging. It was disgusting! It looked as if they had been melded together. They were all over each other. You would think they'd at least find somewhere more private.

I left the library as fast as I could. My blood was boiling and I wanted to go back there and tear them apart. I was sorely tempted to not only tear them apart, but place on Unforgivable Curse on that filthy Mudblood (for something illegal, they're really so easy to perform). But most of all, I wanted to be in her place….

Merlin's Beard… I think I'm in love with James Potter….

-Severus

A/N: So, a lot of people will be glad to know that I AM picking this story back up, as well as James's diary. I'm going to be rewriting the first six chapters that I have, then I'll be finishing it up. After I finish Severus, I'll be rewriting/finishing James. I'll have the stories posted both here and on my new blog: .com. Hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think.