A/N: First of all, I would like to dedicate this story to the most awesome roommate a girl could ask for! I miss you sooooooooo much.
Secondly, I would like to point out that this is actually a sequel to another story of mine, To Laugh Again. Go and read it if you want to know what Frodo's letter said. Otherwise, this story can probably stand alone.
Third, I would like to mention that there is absolutely NO SLASH in this story! Yes, there are multiple times when Sam mentions that he loves Frodo. This is portrayed as one friend loving another, absolutely nothing more. I believe they have a beautiful friedship!
And lastly, but of course not least (and you thought I would forget this part, didn't you?): Disclaimer. I do not own any Lord of the Rings characters, settings, etc…. (but you knew that already). They belong to Tolkien.
Finding Happiness
The only thing that Sam seemed to be aware of was that there was now an empty space in his heart. He paid no heed to the fact that it was growing dark, nor to the fact that it was also beginning to grow cold. He also didn't seem to care that he had rivers of tears running down his face. Merry and Pippin had urged him to leave, and he had reluctantly complied. He knew that if he hadn't, he would be here all night simply staring blankly at the horizon over which his truest friend had disappeared.
Consistent tears clouded his vision, which wasn't too much of a problem as he just let his pony follow the road, anyway. He was too broken, too torn to pay attention to what he was doing anyhow. Had he been steering, he may have just found himself back at the shore, willing that ship to sail back.
Upon finally reaching Bag End, he silently kissed his wife and tickled little Elanor's chin, before retreating into the study. Slowly, he pulled out the book which Frodo had given him. Frodo had entrusted him with the duty of keeping the story going, and keep it going he would. Sorrow creeped through him as he turned past every filled page, making his way to the end. But when he finally reached the end, a loose paper fell out.
"Now why can't you just stay how you're supposed to be?" Sam questioned, truly irritated. But when he bent down to pick it up, it was different than the rest of the pages. Oh yes, it was Frodo's handwriting, but it wasn't part of the book.
It was a letter. Addressed to him.
Sam quickly read it through. As he finished, a small sense of peace washed over him. Upon thinking back over the last few years, he now understood why Frodo had had to leave. He hadn't been truly happy.
Sam pulled open the desk drawer and took out a sheet of paper…..
Dear Mr. Frodo,
You know what's funny? The amount of times you've told me not to call you 'Mister' Frodo, yet I do anyway. I can't help it, but you know it's all just habit anyway, don't you.
I don't suppose you'll ever read this letter, but I felt as if I had to write it anyway. Seeing as how I can't talk to you now, the least I can do it write it all down to you.
I read you're letter to me, and I thank you deeply for writing it. I didn't understand, to be quite honest with you. I couldn't fathom a reason why you would want to leave. After all we had been through. We did it for the Shire. Or so I thought at the time. You told me just before you left that the Shire hadn't been saved for you, but I didn't understand. Now I think I do.
You had been planning to leave for a while. But you really wish you could have stayed, don't you? I can only imagine how hard leaving was on you. I realize now that it wasn't an easy decision for you. It somehow makes it better, knowing that you didn't just make this decision hastily. Although I do wish you would have come to me, because if you had, we could have talked it through. Why, Mr. Frodo? Why did you not bring your problems to your Sam?
Now that I know it was deep down that you were unhappy, I understand why you had to go with the elves. Now, you know how I love elves, but I still love the Shire even more, and I had wondered how you could prefer them over this land that we fought so hard for. I don't know what it feels like to be unhappy, even to the very core of your soul. But I can understand how you could feel that way. But if that's the problem, you had to have carried that feeling with you since we were in Mordor. Mr. Frodo, has it been that long? Or did it come recently? Please tell me it came recently and that you weren't suffering through that the whole time since we've been back.
I love you, Mr. Frodo, and I wish I could have gone with you. I still feel torn, and I'm right sure I'll feel that way for a long time still. But you were right when you said I was needed here. I don't know what I would do without my Rosie, my Elanor, and my child that is on his or her way. I wish you could have stayed, but I know you needed the elves to heal you. Both mentally and physically. But since you've been gone, I've wondered if I will ever see you again. You mentioned there might be a time when I can sail into the West, too. If there will be a time for me, I know it won't be for a long time.
So I still wonder if I will see you again. It breaks my heart to think I won't. But I'll try and hold on to the hope that someday I will.
I miss you.
Perhaps someday, I'll set sail. (Although you know how I am with boats!)
Forever your friend,
Samwise Gamgee
PS. Between now and then, I'll work on getting into the habit of calling you Frodo. That way you won't have to lecture me for still calling you 'mister.'
Sam set the pen down. Sure, his letter wasn't perfect. And it may not have gotten the point across as it jumped from one topic to the next. But he had at least put it on paper. And he almost felt as if Frodo could understand it all. Perhaps he did understand how Sam felt. Knowing Frodo, he understood long before he even wrote his letter. Sometimes Sam marvelled at how Frodo seemed to know what he was thinking.
Sam missed Frodo dearly, the way any two friends would miss one another. Only the two hobbits had a special bond. Together, they had been to the depths of evil, and had returned. Maimed in some senses, but virtually unscathed.
Sam had a feeling, deep in his heart, that it was true. Frodo was right. They would meet again. Until then, Sam would keep the story going as long as he was able to.
He turned his attention back to the first empty page in Frodo's book, and began to write the closing of that particular section. Had he not read the letter, he would have had too much trouble writing about Frodo leaving. But now, he felt like everything would be alright. Life would go on as usual, and he would have no bad thoughts about this particular day. After all, why should he be sad knowing that his best friend was now finding happiness...
The End