Authors Note: All right, meet Dudley's girlfriend Suzie. A little humor fic with possibly six or seven chapters of fun. Have fun reading it, because I've deffinetaly had fun writing it. Suzie is a fun character to write, please leave a review. -Crouchingbunny.

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It was 6:31 p.m. in the dining room of number 4 Privet Drive, Petunia Dursley was waiting anxiously for her Darling Dudders to arrive. But this wasn't just Dudley coming home for the summer as usual. This time his girlfriend would be coming to spend a few weeks with them.

"Petunia. What did you say her name was again?" Vernon asked from his spot in the large burgundy arm chair.

"Suzannah dear, Suzannah Piper," Petunia said looking away from the window for the first time in ten minutes. "From what Dudders tells me she's a very nice girl from Little Elm, who goes to Virginia's School for Girls across the street. Her family owns a furniture store in London." Vernon who had gone back to reading the paper looked up at this new revelation.

"Furniture store in London, aye?" he asked.

"Yes. They even have their own catalogue, Pipers Pips and Tips for Home Decorating," said Petunia. "Dudley sent me a catalogue a few weeks past, it seems very fancy for just a 'regular' business."

"Well she seems pretty well endowed Petunia. Let's just hope that Dudley has found someone that's nice to look at as well as she is financially," he said before returning too his newspaper. Petunia heard a car coming down the road and immediately raced to the window. Too her disappointment it wasn't Dudley's car, but a well oiled street racer with orange stripes going down the sides with Skulls at the top of each light. It's music blared a rap song that echoed off the walls of the Dursley's home.

"Hooligans," Vernon said folding his newspaper in half. "The lot of them should be banned from the streets, if I had any say in it," he said squeezing his enormous bulk out of the burgundy arm chair and walking to the window to observe the scene. "We're just lucky our Dudley doesn't run with that crowd. Not like that… boy,… that creature that lives in our house all summer." Vernon's hands tensed around the folded newspaper and the blood started rushing to his face making his mustache stand out against the vivid violet red of his jowls. "Eating our food… walking up and down our stairs… waking us up in the middle of the night with his screaming…" each time he paused in his sentence he began to tear the paper.

"Now now Honey," Petunia began patting her husbands hand she took the ruined newspaper and put it in the large pocket of her apron, "Lets not get all worked up before Dudders gets home." She took his arm and led him too the couch. "Don't worry, he probably died this year at that school of his and we'll never have to see him again," she said.

"If only I could be sure Petunia," Vernon persisted wiping his forehead. "That boy has been a thorn in my side for fifteen years. FIFTEEN YEARS!" Vernon's face went from violet purple to red to almost white in a matter of seconds.

"Now Honey don't get so upset!" Petunia said frantically fluffing a pillow behind her husbands head.

"I just don't know if I can take it anymore Petunia," he said wiping his brow, "I liked to have had a heart attack last year when… you know," he said. As if recalling and talking about the tongue incident with Dudley and that ridiculous red haired buffoon was even more terrible than remembering it. Already his face became even whiter.

"Now now honey it's all going to be all better. He won't even be back until after Suzannah is gone and she won't even be any the wiser." At this particular moment a car drove into their driveway and Petunia torpedoed to the window. "It's Dudley! My ickle Duddy Dinkerkins is back!" She ran to the door, smoothed her apron down and unlocked the it.

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"I hope your parents are home Dudley," said Suzannah squinting at the house through her made-possible-by-mabelline lashes.

"Trust me, they're there. I saw my Mum peeking through the blinds when we drove up," said Dudley. Suzannah laughed and twirled a piece of her blonde hair around a French tipped finger.

"Your Mum sounds delightful," she said pulling down the mirror for last minute touch ups.

"You'll love her," Dudley said unlocking the doors and turning off the car.

"I know I will, just like you," she said putting a finger on his nose and lightly pressing it like a button. Dudley laughed and they locked lips for a brief second. Suzannah applied a fresh layer of light pink lip gloss. "Let's go," she said and opened the car door.

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"Dudley my boy your back!" Vernon Dursley said as he embraced his son. Dudley towered over his father a good foot as he slapped him on the back in welcome.

"Hello Mrs. Dursley," Suzannah said hugging Petunia, "Pleased to meet you!"

"Oh we're glad Dudley finally decided to let us meet you! I've heard so much about you Suzannah," said Petunia as she hugged her son's girlfriend.

"Like wise Mrs. Dursley, and call me Suzie, it's less of a mouthful," she said.

"Of course, and you call me Petunia," she said, "We have dinner waiting, Dudley and Vernon can unload your bags after we've had a spot to eat." Petunia lead Suzannah too the table and they all sat down to eat a medley of sea food and steak.

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"And then I gave him a solid uppercut to the jaw and it knocked him four feet in the air and into the ref," Dudley said demonstrating with a piece of shrimp in his hand.

"Ha ha! That's my boy!" Vernon said clapping his son on the back.

"Yes, Dudley's the Area Champion in Senior boxing," Suzie said squeezing Dudley's hand.

"Suzie, what's been happening at your school dear?" Petunia asked meeting the girls blue eyes.

"Well, I'm on the dance team. We made second in District and fourth in area, we've had a really good year," she continued sipping tea. HONK HONK HONK! The sound of someone honking in the driveway made Vernon choke on his tea and Petunia nearly drop the tea pot.

"Who on earth-" Petunia said peeking through the blinds. "Oh my word! Vernon!" She shouted forgetting that Dudley's girlfriend was sitting right beside her. But there was cause for her sudden shouting. Sitting right in their driveway…

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In the driveway of number four Privet Drive was a purple 59 Chevy Apollo with orange and red fire painted on the sides reading in blaring hot pink letters 'Hot Stuff'. The car was moving up and down on its hydraulics and the music blaring from it was so loud that it shook the very neighborhood's foundation. The Dursley's and Suzannah were crowded out on their front porch watching open mouthed at the car. But it wasn't just the car that had stopped, it was the people who were in the car that was making Vernon's face turn a deep shade of violet purple.

Inside the car were four red haired teenagers and a familiar black haired boy of fifteen. One of the red haired boys was hanging out the side of the hot rod yelling at another red haired boy who was helping Harry get his trunk out of the back of the car.

"Do not scratch the paint Ronald! If you do we might have to put something unpleasant in your bed, right George?" Said the red head at the drivers seat.

"Yeah ickle Ronnie-poo, be careful," said the other red haired twin.

"How many times do I have to tell you it was an accident? You fixed it in practically a second anyway," said the first red haired boy getting a caged owl out of the cars trunk.

"If you do it again, it'll take Madame Pomfrey more than a second to fix you, now hurry up we've got to get home or Mum'll have our head," said the one in the drivers seat.

"Yeah yeah I heard you," said the boy with the owl.

"Bye Harry!" said a red haired girl in the back seat waving. Harry waved back at her.

"Bye Ginny," he said pulling his trunk up the grassy yard.

"Yeah bye Harry," said George.

"Remember if you need anything," said Fred,

"Yeah, I'll write," Harry said smiling.

As Harry and Ron approached the porch Vernon's face was becoming steadily more purple, Suzannah seemingly attracted to the 59 Apollo smiled and turned to Dudley. "Who is that? I didn't know we were expecting more of your family!" Dudley put his arm around Suzannah and pulled her a little closer, out of the firing range of his father.

"What…are… you… doing… here?" Vernon said through clenched teeth as Harry stopped to stand in front of him. He wasn't as tall as Dudley but he was still a head and a half taller than his uncle.

"You're not going to welcome me home?" Harry asked sarcastically.

"Bye Harry," Ron said setting down the caged owl on the porch next to Suzannah's stilettoed sandals.

"Bye Ron," Harry said without turning around.

"Oh how cute!" said Suzannah kneeling down to examine the snowy white owl in the cage. "She's adorable!" Harry glanced down for a second at Hedwig before returning his gaze to his uncles.

"Get inside now," Vernon said jabbing his finger at the door. The 59 Apollo revved and flew down the street seemingly disappearing before it turned the curb.

"Here, I'll help," Suzannah said picking up Hedwig's cage from the knob at the top of her cage.

"We were just eating dinner… Harry," Vernon winced as Petunia said Harry's name. Harry took the cage from Suzannah without even looking at her.

"Thanks," he said and walked through the door into the Dursley's living room.

"Well he seems nice," said Suzannah to Dudley as they headed back into the house. "Why didn't you tell me you had a brother?"

"He's not my brother," he said a little too quickly.

"Then what is he?" she asked putting an arm around his waist.

"He's my cousin," he said.

"Well-"

"Dudley, Suzie the shrimp is getting cold," Mrs. Dursley's voice called from the dining room.

"We'll talk later about Harry, right now I'm starving."

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