The One with the Chocolate Milk
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. They are the product of someone else's brilliance, and I am certainly not, I repeat NOT, making any money off of them.
Warnings: There is some droolage, boy-on-boy crushes, and eventually some kissage to be found here.
Rating: PG-13 for now . . .eventually (gasp!) R?
Pairings: SasuNaru, GaaraNaru crushage, NejiNaru crushage
Sasuke sorely regretted having taken that sip of chocolate milk just as Naruto walked into the cafeteria without any clothes on.
It's rather difficult to get chocolate stains out of white cotton. It's even more difficult to maintain a façade of indifference when chocolate milk is dripping down one's chin.
This was one of the many reasons why Sasuke hated Naruto. The idiot's complete lack of coolness seemed to spread around to those unfortunate enough to be within a half-mile radius of him.
With as much dignity as possible, Sasuke carefully wiped all the droplets of chocolate milk off of his chin, and his hands, and Sakura's cheek. He then carefully pushed the milk carton away from himself to ensure that the drool presently working its way onto the table did not land in the milk.
He granted himself exactly three seconds, then slowly wiped his lip, and then his chin, and then closed his mouth just as everyone else in the cafeteria began to stir from their nekkid-Naruto-induced trances.
All around him, Sasuke could hear girls heatedly whispering "Oh, my God, is that Naruto Uzumaki? Who knew he had such a hot body?" and "I'd like me some of that!", as well as a handful of very high-pitched "Squeee!"s.
And then he heard Neji behind him saying "Come to papa", which of course compelled Sasuke to engage in a bit of completely justifiable violence. Though he did not say it outright, Sasuke made it very clear to the now-bleeding Hyuuga that Naruto only had one "papa", and that was Sasuke Uchiha.
That Naruto did not know this was irrelevant.
Sasuke wiped his hands on his shirt (it was already irretrievably ruined anyway, what with the chocolate milk and drool stains) and turned back around to see a golden . . .tawny . . .taut . . .lick . .a . .ble . . . .
"Naruto. Uzumaki." Sasuke took a moment away from ogling—difficult as it was—to admire Gaara's stoicism and consistency. Good ol' Gaara. He put broken robots to shame. Hey, Gaara, what time is it? Naruto. Uzumaki. Gaara, please state the second law of thermodynamics. Naruto. Uzumaki. Gaara, my puppy just got run over by a car full of clowns tripping on LSD. Naruto. Uzumaki.
. . .Come to think of it, perhaps he needed to remind Gaara who Naruto's papa was.
Still, potential rivalry notwithstanding, Sasuke could appreciate the fact that Gaara had a ready answer/comment/question/repartee for any and all situations.
Even now, with smooth, warm, surprisingly well-toned Naruto flesh merely inches . . .a couple inches . . .an inch . . .
"Pervert!" Sasuke jerked back in panic, then realized that Sakura was talking to (read: screeching at) Naruto, scowling at him in disapproval as though she hadn't devolved to a state of mush-dom mere moments before. "What the hell are you doing?"
Sasuke kept his eyes fixed on the carton of milk. His eyes were completely focused on the carton of milk. Completely not straying at all from the sight of Naruto idly scratching his stomach.
"Streaking," Naruto replied, still scratching at his stomach. Sasuke gritted his teeth and tried to swallow. For the love of God, what was making the idiot so itchy and was it something for which sex was an antidote?
"Naruto. Uzumaki." Yes, Sasuke could definitely foresee a "Who's Naruto's papa?" pop-quiz on the horizon for Gaara.
Sakura 'tch'-ed impatiently. "Yes, yes, Gaara. That is Naruto Uzumaki." Gaara gave a solemn nod. Then he blinked and turned towards Sakura. "No, Gaara, your eyeliner isn't running. You look fine." Gaara cocked his head and blinked again. Sakura gave a long-suffering sigh. "Yes, Gaara, it does make your eyes look startling. You look very sexy." The red-haired boy gave her a satisfied grin and returned to eye-fucking Naruto.
Which was about as much fucking as would occur between those two, as long as Sasuke still had breath in his body.
Sakura turned back to Naruto. Sasuke noticed that her eyes glazed over for a few moments before she remembered herself enough to arrange her face into a scowl. "Doesn't streaking involve more running? I mean, doesn't the word 'streaking' just inherently suggest rapid motion, if taken in a physical sense?"
A slow smile made its way across Naruto's face. Sasuke blinked. Since when did the blond boy smirk like that?
"—want to look at it that way. What do you think, Sasuke?"
He meant to say "You're an idiot." And in fact, he delivered the "You're" portion of the sentence with flawless enunciation and intonation. But then things got confusing. His tongue forgot to produce the 'n' half of 'an', but figuring that very few people hear the difference between 'a' and 'an', decided to forge on valiantly anyway. But then Sasuke's throat was confused by the mixed commands it was receiving from the brain, and blundered in with a 'hah' at the same time his tongue was executing the 'idiot'. Justifiably miffed by the uncued entrance, his tongue threw up its figurative hands precisely 3/5 of the way through "idiot". Horrified by the lengue macabre, Sasuke could only hope that Naruto wasn't paying too close attention.
"You think I'm a hottie?" Naruto snickered. Sasuke twitched.
Maybe he would take lessons from Gaara first, and then give him that pop-quiz.
Author's Note: Please read and review! Feedbackchocolatelove.