Shikamaru's Dating Service
Summary: One question leads to Shikamaru giving out dating advice. Will his advice help the guys or just make it worse? ShikaIno SasuSaku NaruHina NejiTen ChoTema KibaOC ShinoOC LeeOC GaaraOC KakaAnko
Ages:
Nara Shikamaru- 17
Uchiha Sasuke- 18
Uzamaki Naruto- 17
Hatake Kakashi- 31
Hyuuga Neji- 19
Rock Lee- 18
Akimichi Chouji- 17
Inuzuka Kiba- 18
Aburame Shino- 17
Sabaki no Gaara- 18
Ramen Stand Guy- 45
Kaoru (ramen stand girl)- 23
TenTen- 18
Haruno Sakura- 17
Yamanaka Ino- 17
Hyuuga Hinata- 17
Temari- 20
Zing Gasha- 17
Tsunade- 56
Jiraiya- 56
Anko- 30
"Dobe, how do you be romantic?" Uchiha Sasuke questioned as he sat at the Ichiraku Stand with the other guys. Still a heartthrob, Sasuke's hair had grown two inches longer from his Genin days and he is just under six feet. He came (was dragged) back after the defeat of Orochimaru almost three years ago. He was now a Jounin.
"What did you just ask, teme?" Uzamaki Naruto asked. The boy who defeated the snake lord. His own hair had grown and he was just a mere inch shorter than Uchiha heir. He looked much like the forth Hokage, much to his own surprise. He was a Jounin.
"Never mind," Sasuke stated clasping his hands together on the counter.
"You wanted to know how to be a romantic," Hatake Kakashi commented, his eyes leaving Icha Icha Paradise Volume Nine. Still reading those books, he must be lonely. And still to reveal what was under the mask.
All the boys glanced at Sasuke in suspicion.
"Nani? To be romantic? I don't know," Naruto scratched his head.
"Why would you even ask such a question, Uchiha?" Hyuuga Neji asked. This Branch Family Hyuuga far exceeded the expectations his clan had expected. He was a Byakugan master, and damned proud of it. He still kept his hair long and was now a Jounin.
"Yeah, Sasuke-kun, that's not like you," Rock Lee stated. What to say about him? Same fuzzy eyebrows, goofy hairstyle, and toothy smile. He too was a Jounin.
"It was just a question," Sasuke muttered.
"Do you want to know how to be a romantic, Sasuke?" Inuzuka Kiba questioned the prodigy. He still spoils his doggy and he is a total cutie, as long as he keeps his hood off. Another Jounin, he went on missions with Akamaru.
"No, I have no need for such things," Sasuke answered irritably.
"Then why'd you ask?" Aburame Shino questioned. He wore the same jacket as he did when he was fifteen and, if possible, knew more about bugs than before. Again, he was Jounin.
"No reason," was the Uchiha's response.
"Is the ramen ready yet?" Akimichi Chouji asked the ramen stand owner. He nodded and gave them their bowls. Same hungry Chouji, and he was as fa—plump as ever. Even he was a Jounin.
"Well, for you Sasuke, dating seems impossible. Girls like guys who have the romantic touch, someone to sweep them off their feet," Nara Shikamaru implied. Still as smart as ever, he wore his hair in its usual ponytail and had the same adorable 'this is troublesome' look plastered on his face. As everyone knew, he'd been a Jounin for awhile, and maybe was considering ANBU exams.
Lee blinked. "Since when did you know about girls?" he questioned the lazy bum.
"He's hopelessly romantic, always has been," Chouji responded.
"You try watching chick flicks that your teammate dragged you to watch," Shikamaru remarked closing his eyes.
"So…if I needed dating advice, not saying that I do, what would you say?" Naruto asked looking at the Nara as he slurped his miso ramen.
"Depends on the person, if its for a certain someone who stutters too much, take it slow, very slow, otherwise she'll faint or turn into a tomato," Shikamaru responded.
Naruto took out paper and a pen and jotted something down. "Uh huh, and what if I took this person to the movies," he implied.
"Knowing you, stretch your arm out, pretending to yawn, not hitting her, and put your arm on the seat around her shoulders," Shikamaru advised.
"And if I were to like someone, how would I snag a date?" Lee questioned with a smile.
"Pluck those eyebrows for starters," Shikamaru replied.
Lee's mouth dropped agape. "No, these are what attract the ladies," he proclaimed.
"Then you're doomed," Shikamaru stated shrugging, "Otherwise, offer to carry something that looks too heavy for the lady to carry, then start a conversation that should lead you to the point to ask her out on a Friday or whatever day is available and the time when she isn't busy. Just don't be all teary eyed if she rejects you, try again another time."
Lee nodded. "Do you think Sakura-san will say yes?" he questioned hope gleaming in his eyes.
"No," Shikamaru answered plainly.
Lee's face fell. "Oh man."
"This is all balogna," Chouji commented eating his fifth bowl of chicken ramen.
"You, Chouji, would need to find a girl who likes to eat, and there's not too many out there or you can go on a diet," Shikamaru stated.
Chouji's eyes flickered. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked eyeing the Nara.
"Nothing," Shikamaru said quickly. He looked at Kiba and Akamaru. "Kiba, you need to find a dog lover, someone who loves Akamaru as much as you do and make sure she won't get jealous when you spoil him too much." He looked over at Shino. "Good luck finding a girl who likes bugs." He turned to Neji. "You Hyuuga, hm, someone who puts up with your rudeness…I don't see that happening, you won't find a girl any time soon." He looked at Sasuke. "And that's even more impossible for you. You may have fan girls but as you've stated, you have no need for such 'dumb' things."
"But I thought you wanted to resurrect your clan, teme," Naruto stated putting his hands behind his head.
"So? What does that have to do with sentimental shit?" Sasuke questioned with a raise of an eyebrow.
"You can't just expect to bed a woman without marrying her," Shikamaru remarked.
"Why not?" Sasuke questioned looking at him.
"I even knew that, Uchiha," Neji stated.
"Why not? Sasuke, I'm ashamed," Kakashi said.
"Because if you don't care for this person let alone respect her, she'll up and leave you, and she'll take the kid," Shikamaru implied. "That's how it works."
"Well, I don't like how it works," Sasuke commented dryly.
"Well then, why don't you ask the stork for a baby without having a mother for it," Naruto suggested.
"You're joking, right?" Kiba asked.
Naruto frowned. "Isn't that how you get babies? The stork brings them, right?" he questioned.
"How troublesome," Shikamaru muttered.
Next Time: Shikamaru's fine with giving date advice, but can he give naïve Naruto the sex talk? Find out!
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