Disclaimer: Let's simplify matters and say I don't own anything. Everyone comes out happy and nobody argues.

Warm My Heart

Chapter Seven: "Morning After / Eye-Opening Experience / The Two and the One"

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Shinji felt something warm gently tracing patterns on his chest. To this, he awoke to find Asuka. She was facing him, arms drawn close, apparently preoccupied with the imaginary shapes she made. He smiled. For what seemed like the first time in weeks, Asuka looked relaxed, safe, and genuinely content. The boy couldn't help but chuckle as he watched her attempt to remove an unruly strand of hair from her face with breath alone. His hand rose from her waist to her cheek, gently moving the golden red strand before returning to its resting place.

'How on earth did she manage to turn around?'

"Guten Morgen… Shinji."

Asuka shifted slightly, pressing her chest to his and, whether she was aware of it or not, granting him a fairly revealing view of her assets from above. Out of habit, he quickly averted his eyes and tried to focus on something other than the proximity of her body to his. Doing so proved to be much more difficult than he anticipated, as she shifted once more, again pressing herself into him. Shinji could only guess what she was up to. Even if they had grown closer, this was far too much for him to be expected to handle so soon. It was something he both dreamt of and dreaded; this girl in his bed, her person against his own.

"Relax, stupid. It's not like I'm going to hit you for appreciating my body."

He was relieved, somewhat; as much as any other boy in his place would be, at least.

"But don't think I want you staring at me all the time though… pervert."

Instead of the usual venom that accompanied her final word, in her voice, he found amusement. Her lips curved into a smile as she looked up at him. Shinji could only smile in return.

"Hey, what time is it?"

He nodded dumbly, still trying to take in and process what was happening. Something he had done or said had changed the girl he found himself under the sheets with. Normally, Shinji would be bracing for another physical assault, but he instead found himself searching for the time. After what must have been several minutes, the boy concluded that the time was nowhere to be found on the girl or on the wall behind her.

She lifted her body from the bed slightly, tilting her head to one side in order to read the alarm clock at her bedside before allowing her body to plop down gracefully and smiling at him. Not speaking, just smiling. Shinji found this side of her interesting; the side that spoke more of her than words ever could. In fact, he couldn't think of any words that would properly represent what her mere presence meant to him, let alone her acceptance of his closeness. The more he thought about it, he came to realize that words weren't necessary at the moment. Any attempt to verbally communicate the deeper aspects of his realization seemed, to him, inadequate.

The silence between them continued as she shifted and rested her head on one arm, placing the other on his waist, holding him close to her. In return, he slid one arm under her and another around her waist.

Shinji settled into the embrace, allowing all of the tension in his limbs to ease. Feeling her do the same, he closed his eyes, sighing gently. The quiet was occasionally interrupted by noises from outside. Car horns blared every now and then, a gust of wind would whistle as it struck the frame of the window, and the sound of Misato's snoring came through loud and clear, but these were things they had both grown accustomed to hearing each morning. As it was, the only sound that Shinji found to be out of the ordinary was the sound of his companion's breathing. He was sure that she thought the same of his. After briefly contemplating what this meant, he came to the conclusion that Asuka's breathing was something he didn't mind hearing. In truth, other than good music, he found that the sound of her breathing was something he would never grow tired of listening to. The boy suddenly felt like sharing this with her, but hesitated when he realized how trivial such a thing would probably seem to Asuka.

Still, he had to say something.

"What time… is it?"

He immediately regretted speaking. Her smile became an inquisitive frown. She probably thought he was growing tired of her company, of being in this bed with her. In reality, Shinji couldn't think of any other place he would rather be at that moment.

'Idiot. She's hurt. You hurt her.'

"What's on your mind, Shinji?"

'You.'

'Would you actually say that?'

'Of course not.'

'You really are-'

'I am not.'

'Oh, but you are an-'

'Why am I talking to myself?'

"Er… the time?"

Not knowing what to do or say next, he smiled at her as she had smiled at him. Shinji wanted to tell her. He wanted to stop hiding from the fact that he loved this girl, at least, he was confident that he did. Shinji couldn't say for sure that this was love, but a part of him wanted to find out. A part of him wanted to find out exactly what love was, and it wanted to do so with Asuka at his side. Love was, to him, the most frightening concept he had known. At the same time, it was something he yearned so much for. He wanted to love Asuka, and he wanted to be in love with Asuka. Rejection of his love, however, frightened him even more.

He was afraid that she would see right through him. Asuka had the ability to either figure out what was bothering him or come up with a way to make him tell her. There were some things he just couldn't hide from her. There were other things, however, that he made sure to never share with the girl. As of late, there had been only one of the former, and Shinji felt like he was walking on thin ice. He cared about her, and she knew that. At least he hoped she knew. He took pity on her, of course, because he could sympathize on some level. They were both familiar with loss and loneliness.

"So idiot, are you going to say something to me or do I need to take matters into my own hands?"

The devilish grin that she displayed was warning enough. Regardless, she had to get her point across. A hand moved from Shinji's side down to the waistband of his shorts, pulling them lightly.

"A-Asuka!"

She laughed at his response to her teasing. While he knew it was nothing more than that, it was still rather awkward. He was still getting used to being in the same bed with her, after all. Such was to be expected from a spontaneous girl like Asuka. One surprise after another.

"Relax. We have two hours until we're needed."

"I am… relaxed."

"Liar."

She spoke softly, pulling him closer to her and pressing her head against his chest. This prompted him to react by embracing her. Once again, she didn't resist.

"Are you relaxed now, Shinji?"

He wasn't shaking. He wasn't tense. Somehow, the feeling of her against him didn't seem so unnatural.

"I think so."

"Good."

The moment, he felt, was right. Gathering all the courage he had, Shinji began.

"Asuka, I… I want to tell you s-something."

'That I love you.'

"I'm listening."

'That I want to be with you like this… more often.'

"Well, I don't know if… how I'm supposed to go about doing this…"

'I want to say those three words to you.'

"but Asuka, I…"

A gentle finger pressed to his lips silenced him. For a few seconds, neither moved or spoke. She was the first to break the silence.

"Shinji."

"A-Asuka?"

She paused again.

"Just stay here. Stay here with me."

He had no intention of doing otherwise unless she desired to.

"I'm here."

She looked up at him, fixing her eyes on his. He searched for something, anything to explain why she didn't allow him to say what he now so desperately needed to say.

"Shinji, just stay with me. For now, just don't leave me."

Again, he had no intention of doing so.

"I won't leave y-"

"Good."

-----------------------

'He was about to say it. Damn. He was so close too…'

Shinji had almost told her what she secretly wanted to hear, and it thrilled the girl, but at the same time, it scared her more than the prospect of him not telling her. Asuka had begun to question how she really felt about the boy, and recently, she threw caution to the wind and dove in head first. It was more of a spontaneous thing; asking him to sleep in her bed. The kiss had come out of nowhere, of course, and she still hadn't said anything about it. Asuka wasn't sure that it was an issue. It hadn't been their first kiss, but it was their first enjoyable one. Even though she hadn't intended to kiss him in reality, the dream had given her enough determination to follow through. It was probably too late to accuse him of perversion. He was still an idiot though.

An idiot, of course, that she happened to need, whether she wanted to admit it or not. In the back of her mind, she wanted to stay like this until she was damn well ready to let him leave her arms, but that wasn't reasonable. She would be happy with this for as long as possible, and then she would wait until they had a chance to do it again. It was worth waiting for. He was going to say those three words that she knew she wanted to hear, but she couldn't let him. Cruel, yes, but it would keep her safe. It would keep him safe. She hoped she was worth waiting for as well, because right now, this was enough.

"Shinji."

He tensed.

"A-Asuka?"

'What the hell am I supposed to say to him?'

'What do you want him to say?'

"Just stay here. Stay here with me."

It was all she could come up with. Right now, this was what she felt like doing. Not speaking, not thinking, not taking his hand and leading him into the kitchen so that he could cook her something, even if she was hungry.

"I'm here."

'I know you are, idiot…'

Asuka tilted her head upward. She didn't know what else to tell him. Perhaps that was why she hadn't allowed him to speak his mind just then. Shinji wouldn't be so cruel as to toy with her emotions, but she couldn't trust him completely. Not yet, at least. She didn't want to be suspicious of him and of his intentions, but the girl had taken enough chances.

Thinking about it, she knew Shinji wasn't the type of person who was often unsure of himself when he was determined. He was one to think things through and reason carefully. She, on the other hand, had been just the opposite. He hadn't resisted her advance, unintentional as it was, anyway. Maybe she was getting somewhere.

"Shinji, just stay with me. For now, just don't leave me."

He looked almost shocked.

"I won't leave y-"

She cut him off.

"Good."

'I know you won't leave me… Shinji. Just wait. Wait for me.'

'He won't wait for you. Shinji has Ayanami.'

'What could he see in her? That doll is nothing but his father's plaything.'

'So harsh, and you barely even know her. Jealous, aren't we?'

'Jealous of what? Wondergirl? What does she have that I don't have?'

'Self control.'

'I have self control.'

'You can't even keep your hands off of him now that he's in your bed.'

'I can.'

'Liar.'

Confusing as it was, Asuka took pleasure in resting cuddled against the boy. She was thankful that Shinji hadn't wimped out and returned to his room after she fell asleep. Further proof, she thought, that she was irresistible. Her pride had taken a big hit after she, in some way, admitted that she needed someone. Whether or not this is what being close to someone was like, she didn't know. It hadn't been like this with Kaji. Then again, he never invited her into his bed, and he never accepted her invitations to share hers. Still, she held some fascination with the man. He was everything she wanted in a mate, and perhaps, in a lover as well, although she hadn't gotten far enough to see what he had to offer.

Asuka found, as she remained there in Shinji's arms, that her roommate and fellow pilot was, despite his faults, quite desirable. She hated thinking of the men in her life like this, as possible options that would determine her future, but it was the only way she know of to avoid making the wrong choice.

Shinji hadn't been such a bad choice after all.

"Hey Shinji?"

"M-Mmm?"

"I'm hungry."

He nodded and lifted one of his arms before slipping the other out from under her before sitting up. Standing upright, he moved to leave the room, but was held in place when she quickly latched onto his arm.

"Erm… Asuka?"

"What is it now, Shinji?"

She did her best to make her voice sound playful, while retaining the annoyed tone she had learned to use whenever she wanted him to do something. It was frustrating, wanting something so much, while having to remind herself that neither of them were ready. The idea of spending the whole day in bed together didn't seem proper, after all.

"Hungry?"

'Oh god, am I ever…'

"Yes."

Asuka slid out from under the covers, not releasing his arm, and moved to the edge of the bed. She realized that a rather large t-shirt was the only thing that covered her, but made sure that he could only see so much. Looking up, she could see that he was trying his best to avert his eyes. Pleased at this, she stood up beside him and took his hand in hers.

"Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"Hungry."

The smile on his lips seemed new. It was something she had only seen once or twice before, this smile of his.

"Right."

Shinji nodded and walked into the kitchen, leading Asuka by the hand. She felt silly, being led like a child, and it took all the strength she had not to lash out at him for doing it. When they reached the table, she released his hand. It hadn't been unpleasant. She made it a point to remember to hold hands with him again sometime.

Asuka watched him prepare the meal. It was something she had seen often, but this time she noticed that he was being extraordinarily particular about the portions and measurements. As the girl continued to watch, she couldn't help but picture him doing the same in a kitchen in a house of their own. This kind of thinking was dangerous, she knew, for it could either be an image of the future or an arbitrary fantasy that would linger in her mind. Shinji as her husband, herself as his wife, the two a married couple. Definitely not the kind of thinking she wanted to entertain just yet.

Something about the way he moved while he was cooking seemed utterly graceful, as though he were an artist at work, and while the reasoning for this was lost, the fact remained that Shinji was going to make some lucky woman very happy in the future. Adding a final thought to this, Asuka hoped that the lucky woman would be her.

"Hey Shinji?"

"Hm?"

"You need a hand?"

On his lips, a smile formed.

'I could really get used to this.' She thought.

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Misato didn't know what to think. She wanted the children to get along, sure, and she had expected at least some sort of close relationship to develop, but with this sudden turn of events, the woman found herself unable to come to a conclusion as to what would happen next. Should they be punished? Most likely, if Ritsuko knew, the commander knew. That would be punishment enough. What she wanted most right now was a beer, followed by several more, to begin the day. The children were in the kitchen, however, and she didn't wish to disturb them. The situation was unsettling. What she needed to do before anything else was talk to them.

Talking to them was, however, the last thing she wanted to do. She didn't exactly approve of them sharing a bed, but she couldn't bring herself to tell either one as much. She wanted whatever had happened between them to remain between them until they were both ready to discuss their status with others. Misato was aware of the fact that, at the moment, both children were fragile, vulnerable, and neither wanted to be asked a battery of questions regarding what they themselves were probably still trying to understand.

Still, how in the hell did Ritsuko know? She wanted a beer. It was probably the only thing that would keep her from tearing the apartment apart in search of hidden cameras or microphones. The fact that every aspect of their lives were known to others than themselves was just plain creepy, and Misato found herself growing more and more uncomfortable. It wouldn't do her any good to remain in her room, curled up on the futon, although she had to admit, it was comfortable.

Searching for the wristwatch she was sure she had taken off somewhere in the room, Misato came upon an old report she had made after one of the angel attacks. Tossing that aside, she continued to feel around for the timepiece.

Turning on her side, she felt something against her wrist. The watch. She looked at the time.

Misato wondered how something so close could feel as though it were far away.

'I need a drink.'

With that, she stood, stretched, and made her way to the kitchen.

What she found didn't surprise her at all, and yet, she hadn't expected to see it. Shinji was preparing breakfast… or lunch, considering that it was close to midday. The most peculiar thing about the sight was that Asuka was at his side, and she appeared to be chopping the vegetables, every so often looking at him, as if seeking his approval.

Grabbing a beer from the fridge, she noted that neither had noticed her entrance into the kitchen. If they had, they weren't saying anything. She didn't know what to make of it. Did they not want her there? Were they simply ignoring her? Or were they too caught up in a moment of silent intimacy to even care? Misato gently shut the refrigerator and quietly walked back to the hallway. There, she paused for a moment, hearing them speak. Eavesdropping wasn't something she wanted to do, but out of curiosity, she listened.

"Do you think she noticed?"

"Dunno."

"Hey, really… did she?"

The redhead was certainly determined to get an answer. The boy could only sigh and respond.

"You know Asuka, we were sleeping in your bed together, so I think she has the right to be suspicious."

The girl didn't respond.

Misato grinned. One beer was enough. For now, at least. Sleep was what she needed, and the woman was determined to enjoy it.

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Shinji sat down at the table, looking over what he and the girl had created. It was a feast of epic proportions. In truth, they had probably cooked far too much for the both of them. He would have asked Misato to join them, but since he could hear the snoring down the hall, he decided to let her sleep. Turning to Asuka, he saw the hunger in her eyes.

He nodded, and she tore into the food, devouring it like a ravenous beast. Shinji found this to be strangely amusing, and he found himself trying his hardest not to laugh. She hadn't taken notice though, and he was glad. It had never been his intention to upset her all of those times before, when he simply watched her, and later found himself on the receiving end of a slap or verbal assault. He wasn't trying to stare at her so much as he was observing. She was an interesting person, he knew from the start, and Shinji wanted to get to know more interesting people. Asuka, though, turned out to be more interesting a person than he had originally thought. He fell in love with her for many reasons. While he couldn't explain it himself just yet, felt that they had developed somewhat of a friendship, which over time, became something deeper and more complex.

After they had both had their fill, Shinji proceeded to take the dishes to the sink. Asuka followed him.

Before he could react, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist, and he felt her head resting against his back. She said nothing, but stayed there behind him while he rinsed the dishes off. Even after he dried his hands, she clung to him. She had apparently become quite fond of keeping him in one place with her. Shinji didn't mind, but doing this in the kitchen made him feel slightly exposed.

"Hey, Asuka?"

"Hm?"

By the sound of her voice, Shinji could tell that she was ready to doze off. It wouldn't do either of them any good for her to fall asleep standing up against him in the kitchen, he decided.

The girl loosened her grip on his midsection and he turned to face her, finding that his assumption had been correct. Her eyelids were drooping and she was fighting to stay awake.

"Tired?"

She nodded in response. He noted that they had a good two hours left before it was time to leave, so there was no harm in catching up on lost sleep. As they lumbered back into her room, he realized that there was still a great deal of leftover food on the table. He lifted the sheets and allowed her to slide in, covering her. The expression on her face became one of confusion.

"Shinji?"

She was pleading with him. A mix of hurt and worry.

"Er… Sorry."

"… what?"

"The table… well, we left a lot…"

Asuka sighed and smiled, pushing him gently towards the door.

"Don't keep me waiting." She purred seductively.

"A-Asuka!"

Gentle laughter escaped her lips as he flushed a deep red and looked at the floor.

"You're so fun to tease, Shinji."

"Oh… well, I guess."

His heart was still racing as he stepped out of the room and into the hallway. Asuka knew how to get his attention, this he was aware of, and she wouldn't hesitate to make use of that ability.

Misato's snoring could be heard throughout the apartment now. Shinji decided to refrigerate what could be saved, seeing as their guardian wouldn't be awake to eat it any time soon. After he had deposited the last of the dishes in the sink, he began to consider his options upon returning to Asuka's room. He could talk to her about what had gone on between them, but that seemed much too forward. What he wanted to ask her about the most was the kiss. Why had she kissed him? What had made her kiss him? What brought about her near sudden change in attitude towards him? The more he thought about it, the more he wanted answers. She would most likely have questions for him at some point. After all, they had apparently shared a dream, something that he didn't believe happened often. He considered asking doctor Akagi, but immediately pushed that idea aside, for she would probably interrogate him as soon as he arrived, and then move on to Asuka as soon as she was done with him.

It wasn't the doctor's reaction that worried him the most. It was his father's reaction to the news that he dreaded. In all honesty, Shinji didn't know what to tell the man who called himself his father. Other than confirm that the encounter had been chaste, he couldn't think of anything else to say. The last thing he wanted to hear from his father was 'the talk'.

This sudden realization that he could possibly receive a lecture on sexual relations between a male and a female from his father caused a knot to form in his stomach, and he trudged back to the girl's room in order to share this thought with her.

-----------------------

"So you see, Asuka… my father, the commander, will probably want to speak with us."

"Go on."

"Concerning…"

"Shinji, just spit it out."

"Sex."

Asuka couldn't restrain her laughter. Her sudden outburst startled him and probably awoke Misato, but the idea of their commander giving them the sex talk was simply hilarious to her, absolutely preposterous. The images that went through her head ranged from Shinji's father explaining the process to him demonstrating various positions by himself. The idea itself was absurd.

After she managed to catch her breath and assure him that Misato hadn't woken up, she convinced him that it was nothing to worry about. The commander never really bothered with his son unless it had something to do with his piloting. Asuka despised the man, and she found it hard to believe that Shinji was his son.

"Shinji, I think he's more concerned about me as a pilot than me as a possible teenage mother."

"But we didn't…"

"I'm just saying…"

He was sitting on the floor, back to the bed and to her, lost in thought. Asuka wished he would join her in bed, as she liked the feeling of him under the sheets with her. It was both exciting and relaxing to have him only inches from her. When he leaned his head back and allowed it to rest on the bed, she couldn't help herself. Extending an arm to his hair, she proceeded to run her fingers through it. She knew that her actions had surprised him once again, but she was enjoying herself. Playing with his hair started out as a way to get his attention, but she found that losing sight of her fingers was more entertaining than one would think. She hoped he didn't mind.

"Hey Shinji."

"Yes?"

"I… The me in your dream, at least, told you that she loved you, didn't she?"

He gulped, lifting his head and leaning forward, drawing his legs up close to him. Asuka reached for him, but he was too far away.

"She did." He said softly.

'What's wrong with you all of a sudden?'

"Shinji?"

He didn't respond. She considered yelling at him like she would have before last night. Before she finally allowed him to get closer to her. Remembering this, she instead moved to the edge of the bed and placed a hand on his shoulder. Asuka felt him begin to pull away, but after remaining still for a few seconds, he leaned back once again, his head resting on the mattress next to her leg. His eyes were closed, and it looked to her like he was thinking about something, something quite serious and confusing.

The girl wanted to do something for him, anything for him. She wanted to embrace him, but most of all, she wanted to understand him. Asuka wanted to know exactly what it was that Shinji was thinking about, what was going through that head of his.

'You have no business prying into his thoughts.'

'I'm not prying, I just want to know what's bothering him.'

'What if he doesn't want you to know?'

'Why wouldn't he?'

'What if you're the one bothering him?'

'I'm not bothering him.'

"Shinji, you can go if you want. I'll be fine here."

Asuka tried to sound as confident as possible as she spoke with a false smile on her face. She didn't want him to leave. If he left, she would cry again, and this time, he might not come back to her. He was silent for a few seconds.

"I don't… want to leave, but if you want me to…"

He leaned forward, stood up, and stretched. Asuka began to panic. Shinji was actually going to leave her. She resolved to not cry until he had left, however, and bit her lip in hopes that he wouldn't turn and see that it was quivering.

'Damn it… Shinji, if you're going to go, do it. Just go…'

The girl's eyes screwed shut. She wasn't sure how long she could wait.

After about a minute of complete silence Asuka felt someone sit on the bed, and as she opened her eyes, Shinji took one of her hands in his.

"I can't leave."

She fought to control her voice, as the trembling wouldn't stop and he had probably picked up on it by now.

"W-Why not?"

"I… made a promise."

She gave him a puzzled look, the tears that had almost come now subsided.

"I won't leave… I won't leave you, Asuka. Even if you want me to leave. Even if you push me away. I won't leave you."

He turned and looked into her eyes.

"Because, Asuka…"

'He's going to say it. I know he's going to say it'

'He can't say it. Not to you.'

'Why can't he?'

'He's already broken you. You're weak, and he's taking advantage of that.'

'Shinji wouldn't… he wouldn't hurt me.'

'He will hurt you. Just like mama did.'

"Asuka, I… I c-care… about you."

"Damn it…"

This caught him off guard, evidenced by the abrupt change in his voice. He sounded almost afraid.

"Asuka?"

"I know, Shinji."

"I mean what I said… I really do."

She brought herself closer and leaned against him, whispering.

"I know Shinji, I know you do."

'He'll only hurt you.'

'He won't.'

"I'm glad."

Her arms wrapped around him, embracing him as she relaxed, allowing him to support her. Finding this position slightly uncomfortable, she pushed him down onto the bed, causing him to utter a surprised gasp before coming to rest on his back before she laid down next to him. After a moment, they realized how awkward it felt to occupy a bed with their legs dangling off the side. Neither said anything until Shinji started to squirm, and Asuka squirmed in return.

Five minutes later, the two were tangled in sheets and rather winded. Asuka spoke, trying to catch her breath.

"You… Idiot."

"S… Sorry."

"Don't apologize…" she gasped, "Just help me… ugh."

"Asuka?"

"Scoot over, would you? I'm… stuck."

He didn't move. Annoyed, she turned her head to see what was taking him so long. Shinji remained still as his gaze met hers.

"Shinji?"

"Y-Yes?"

"Move… damn it."

But he wouldn't move. He just lay there, looking at her. Asuka didn't know whether to be afraid or to surrender herself to him completely right then, but decided to simply go along with whatever was in store. Here was Shinji, on her bed next to her, grinning like an idiot while she was trapped in a mess of sheets. For once, she felt helpless, she felt that he was in control of the situation. For once, she didn't really mind. For the first minute, at least. She wanted him to do something, to take the chance given to him and be bold for once. Asuka was afraid, but if she wanted something bad enough, she wouldn't have hesitated in a situation like this.

"C'mon Shinji… move."

He turned to the side allowing her to free herself, and she did so reluctantly.

'What did you expect him to do?'

'Nothing.'

'Then why aren't you satisfied?'

'Because he should have done… something.'

'He did what you expected of him.'

'I guess he did.'

"Well, that was… childish."

"It was."

"Let's do it again sometime."

"Sure."

She couldn't help but notice how quickly he agreed. Asuka wanted it to happen again. She wanted to be trapped once more, because it felt like the only chance she had to let him say what she wanted him to tell her more than anything else.

-----------------------

Misato glanced at the watch on her wrist. Standing before the door to Asuka's room, she hesitantly lifted a hand to knock. While she didn't want to disturb the two, it was necessary to get them before Ritsuko and alleviate any doubts she may have as to what did and what didn't take place the night before. It had been a show of good faith on her part to allow him to return to her room after they had spoken, and she liked to think that she could trust them. In any event, Misato didn't suspect things would move along too quickly.

What greeted the woman when she slid the door startled her, and must have shocked the two figures on the bed.

"Misato!"

Shinji spoke from under a jumble of sheets, as well as what she suspected was a female concealed within those sheets. He poked his head out, straining to uncover himself but finding that a certain other resisted.

"Um… Asuka?"

"Mmph. Idiot. Let me sleep."

"Misato."

"Huh?"

A mass of red hair emerged from under the sheets after struggling for a few seconds to find an exit. Misato was thankful, for the girl was wearing a shirt. As Asuka slid out from under the sheets, Misato was relieved to see that she was, indeed, fully clothed.

"We have half an hour… just wanted to let you two know."

She smiled and slid the door shut, but remained there, eavesdropping. It was wrong of her, but in times like these, she preferred to be as well informed as possible, if only for their sake.

"Shinji, tell me…"

"Tell you wha-"

"How exactly it is that we ended up like… that?"

"Er… well, you kept tossing and turning, so I just kinda…"

"You just kinda… what?"

Silence.

"You better not have done anything perverted."

"Asuka!"

Misato, satisfied with what she heard, turned and made her way to the kitchen for a beer.

'One,' she thought, 'Just one… for now.'

-----------------------

It hadn't taken long for Asuka to change. In fact, Shinji had no idea how she managed to tidy her hair in such a timely fashion, but there it was, just as she had worn it almost every day since their first meeting. He was glad that she kept it like that, because he himself didn't see any reason for her to change it. Frankly, the familiar hairstyle she wore and the consistency with which she wore it was, in its own strange way, comforting to him. It was one part of Asuka that hadn't surprised him thus far.

The trio took their seats in Misato's car, Misato at the wheel with Shinji riding shotgun, and Asuka, as usual, in the backseat. Shinji noticed her frown when he opened the door for her, but didn't know exactly how to respond, so he continued to politely hold the door open for her as she stepped in. After he was seated, Shinji began to worry about what the girl's reaction meant. Turning around to look at her, he saw that she was staring out the window. Now was not the time to speak, so he decided to think instead.

'Asuka was… upset?'

'Just look at her.'

'What did I do wrong?'

'Did you do anything wrong?'

'If Asuka's upset, then I must have.'

'Then you've done something wrong.'

'I know that. What did I do wrong?'

'You've done something wrong.'

'What the hell did I do?'

'Shinji Ikari should be able to figure it out.'

Shinji closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind.

'I should really stop doing this.'

Only minutes ago, the girl had been smiling at him. Only hours ago, she had been resting against him in bed. Only yesterday, he hadn't known what exactly she wanted from him. Right now, he wasn't sure he knew, but he was sure that Asuka would tell him eventually. Then he'd be ready to tell her how he felt, and what he needed from her. That was his plan. While he was still sorting through what he felt, he knew that he could tell her that he cared. His heart told him it was love, while his head was unsure, and Shinji wasn't one to risk whatever he had secured with her by rushing into it.

'Slow and steady wins the race.'

'Unless she leaves you behind.'

He could only hope that she would wait for him.

None of them spoke a word until the car came to a halt. Misato exited first, Shinji second. Asuka waited until Shinji was within range and struck. Opening the door swiftly, she managed to hit him before stepping out and shutting it. She said nothing, but followed Misato.

Whatever he had done, it caused her a considerable amount of displeasure, every ounce of which he felt when the door impacted his knee. He didn't cry out though. Misato kept walking. Shinji shut his door and quickly hobbled in their direction, wincing every now and then as the pain slowly dulled. While the impulse to grab Asuka by the arm and apologize repeatedly for whatever he had done wrong was strong, it was overshadowed by the fear of angering her further.

As he approached the two females who were waiting for him at the entrance to the NERV facility, Shinji took notice of the grim look Asuka had on her face. Turning to Misato, he saw determination. She swiped her ID card through the reader and the door opened, granting them entrance. He suddenly dreaded having to talk to the doctor, knowing what she would probably ask. It was her job to probe, after all. The affair would do nothing but worsen Asuka's already bad mood. The journey to the scientist's office seemed but a blur to him, as he had spent the entire time considering his answers to some of the questions she would ask. He was torn from his thoughts by Misato, who placed an arm on his shoulder as though to reassure him. Shinji was amused by how seriously Misato was taking this. After all, they were guilty of nothing.

"Shinji?"

"Ah…"

"Get in there, idiot."

Her tone wasn't harsh, as he expected they would be. Instead, he couldn't help but notice that there was a slight awkwardness in her voice, in addition to what he presumed was her attempt to comfort him. While he was thankful for this, as well as for her almost sudden change of mood, he was confused. She had been angry at him only minutes earlier. Now she was encouraging him. It didn't make sense, but he would have time to think about that later.

He smiled at her, realizing that he himself had been taking this whole thing entirely too seriously.

Stepping into the office, it was hard not to notice the sterile atmosphere that pervaded the room. He had suspected as much.

"Good afternoon, Shinji."

"G-Good afternoon, Miss Ritsuko."

He grew nervous. She was scribbling away at a piece of paper, not saying anything for the first few moments.

"Sorry about that. Just make yourself comfortable."

'I'll be in and out. Just answer her questions and it'll be over with.'

"Well Shinji, I suppose you already know why you're here; why I'm speaking with you today."

He nodded.

"The commander expressed some concerns regarding the relationship between you and Asuka. He requested that I personally address his concerns with you. As you are well aware, both of you have been assigned a very important task. As the Children chosen to pilot Evangelion…"

Shinji's heart sank as his father was mentioned. He was sure that the commander was well-informed about the pilots, and would certainly receive word of what had taken place, but he had hoped that they would be given a chance to explain themselves before the news spread. With that hope dashed, he began to consider his options.

"… and I'm sure you're well aware of the possible consequences of a pregnancy. Not only would it render Asuka unable to pilot, but you would be responsible for both her and the child."

She looked at him, concerned. Not about him or Asuka, of course, but about how bad it would look if Asuka were to have a child under her supervision.

"It would benefit both of you to be honest with me. I'm here to help you, after all."

Shinji wasn't inclined to say anything and further incriminate himself, so he kept his mouth shut while staring idly at the floor. After a minute of silence, the doctor finally gave in.

"Shinji, I'm only asking this out of concern for the both of you."

He simply nodded.

"I'd like to know what took place last night. Don't worry about Misato, what you tell me in this room stays in this room."

The reassuring smile she gave him didn't make it any easier, as it was clearly false.

"Well… uh."

"Mmm?"

He didn't want to mention nightmares, as that would only lead to more questions; questions he didn't want to answer.

"Asuka… couldn't sleep."

"So you joined her in bed?"

"Er… I just… helped her fall asleep."

"How?"

Shinji grew frustrated.

"I slept… in her bed."

"With her."

"Y-yes."

"So you slept with her in her bed?"

He could almost feel his face burning.

"N-No!"

"Relax, Shinji. I was just asking if you fell asleep together."

"Oh… well, yes. We did."

"Would you mind describing the position the two of you slept in?"

"Er…"

"Visually, perhaps?"

"Well, I don't think… I can, er."

A quiet chuckle escaped the woman's lips.

"That's fine, Shinji. I don't expect you to answer that."

The boy obviously didn't find it as amusing as she had.

"So am I correct in my assumption that you two refrained from making intimate contact?"

"Yes…"

"Yes?"

"Y-you're correct."

"Are you positive?"

"Yes."

The woman scribbled a few notes on a piece of paper.

"Very well. I trust that you will keep in mind what I have told you."

A simple nod was his response.

"In any case, I'd prefer that you… remain prepared. The only way for me to be completely sure that no accidents will happen in the future is to have one of you relocated to another residence."

Shinji froze, suddenly afraid. He didn't want to be separated from Asuka. Not now. Not after last night. Never.

"However, doing so would involve a fair deal of paperwork. I'm sure that you would prefer to avoid that as much as I do, so…"

She rolled her chair over to a cabinet and opened it. After several moments of digging around for something, she withdrew her hand and closed the cabinet. As she rolled back toward him, he spotted several square-shaped packages, although he couldn't tell what they were. Placing them into his hand, she spoke.

"These are condoms. While I don't condone sexual activity between the two of you, I'd rather you be properly prepared and protected. The last thing we want is for Asuka to become pregnant with your child. At that point, your fate would be out of my hands."

While he wasn't exactly comfortable with the situation, he was thankful for her help. She had pretty much given him the benefit of the doubt, and he knew what she told him was all too true; if Asuka were to become pregnant, they would most likely be separated. Asuka would never forgive him.

He stared at the packages briefly.

"Do you know how to use them?" she asked.

"No… not really."

She glanced around the room until she apparently found what she was looking for and rising to retrieve it. Returning to her seat, she took one of the packages from his hand and opened it, revealing its contents. Holding up the metal cylinder, she spoke.

"For purposes of explanation, let's say that this is your penis."

He nearly dropped all of the packages onto the floor, looking away, feeling quite awkward and greatly embarrassed at the thought of her hand wrapped around him as she was doing to the cylinder.

"W-Wha!"

"Pay attention now, Shinji."

-----------------------

Misato didn't know what was going on in that room, and it bothered her.

'They've been talking for…' she glanced at her watch, 'almost twenty minutes now.'

She and Asuka had been standing in that corridor for the entire length of the discussion, and she either wanted something to sit on or someone to talk to. Asuka didn't say a word, seemingly absorbed in thought, her gaze focused on the wall opposite the one she was leaning against. It wasn't like her to be this quiet, Misato knew, but she didn't question the girl's reasons. She had a good idea of what was on the redhead's mind.

The door to Ritsuko's office opened. Shinji emerged, blushing and staring straight at the floor in front of him.

"Hey there." Misato called to him.

Shinji looked like he had seen a ghost when she spoke, apparently startling him.

"M-Misato!"

She couldn't help but find it slightly amusing that he was so on-edge.

"Send Asuka in, would you?" came a voice from behind him.

Shinji shakily moved toward the girl.

"Asuka?"

The two exchanged glances. Misato couldn't tell what was in these glances. It seemed like a mix of confidence, caring, and nervousness. She walked slowly toward him.

"You look… kinda pale." She noted.

"Well…"

"Is it THAT bad?"

"Y… Yes." He replied, nodding.

Asuka sighed as she grasped one of his clenched hands in hers, prying the fingers apart.

The condom fell from his hand to the floor beside Asuka as Shinji gasped and flushed once again, looking away. Asuka simply uttered a gentle laugh and held his hand between hers.

"You really are hopeless sometimes."

"Asuka?"

He looked at her, obviously surprised at her reaction.

"C'mon idiot, do you think this is the first time I've seen a condom?" she said almost proudly.

"Well, er… maybe?"

The girl issued a playful slap to the side of his head before speaking.

"It'll be fine, just calm down."

With that, he sighed and rolled his shoulders.

"Thanks."

She released his hand and made her way to the door, finding that the doctor blocked her entrance.

"Oh, Asuka. Just take a seat and I'll be right back."

Ritsuko stepped out of the office and allowed the girl to enter before addressing Misato.

"I have to go grab something, mind joining me, Misato?"

She nodded and turned to Shinji, speaking softly. "You can go in if you want, we'll be a few minutes. Might as well get some time alone with her."

With that, she winked and turned to join her friend and co-worker. As they walked, she couldn't help but wonder just how Ritsuko knew what was going on that night in her apartment. It was almost creepy.

"Something on your mind, Misato?"

"Well, yeah."

"What's that?"

"How on earth did you know that Shinji and Asuka were-"

"I didn't."

Misato stopped, stunned by what her friend had told her.

"What? You're the one that mentioned their names."

"Wait… So you didn't know that they slept together?"

"Actually, I assumed it was something more serious, such as sex, but it turns out that they did nothing more than sleep."

"They did kiss."

"As long as it doesn't escalate and it doesn't affect their ability to pilot, I see nothing wrong with the situation. In fact, a relationship might benefit both of them, what, with their pasts, I'm not surprised that they turned to one another."

Misato nodded in agreement.

"But why did you call so early?"

Ritsuko laughed.

"Well, I figured I'd wake you up so that you could discuss something with Asuka, but I figured I'd have something else to cover when you mentioned both her and Shinji."

"A report from Section Two?"

"Apparently, Asuka left school in quite a hurry yesterday. She appeared to be crying."

"Well, she's a teenage girl going through-"

"Asuka isn't one to cry in public."

As much as Misato wanted to defend the girl, she knew very well that this was true.

"I figured that the incident last night and Asuka's behavior earlier that day were related, anyway."

"You know, with what you've told me so far, I'm beginning to think that you can read minds."

"Hungry?" the scientist asked.

Thinking about it, Misato realized that she was.

"You're good. You're really good."

"I try."

With that, the two headed off to snag a quick meal. Misato wanted to give her charges some time alone, and since Ritsuko was paying, she could satisfy her hunger. Two birds with one stone indeed.

-----------------------

Shinji regretted not speaking with Asuka regarding the night before. As perfect as the chance was, he hadn't taken it as Misato had suggested. Instead, they spent close to half an hour discussing anything but their status, whether they were friends, a couple, or just desperate for someone else.

Before he could turn the conversation around, Misato and Ritsuko returned and the chance was lost. Misato assured him that he and Asuka would have plenty of chances to discuss whatever needed to be discussed. Still, he was ashamed of himself for avoiding what had to be said.

Asuka's behavior and mood ever since she left, or rather, stormed out of that office had worried him. The ride home was made in a manner similar to the ride there; in complete silence. Every now and again, Asuka could be heard mumbling something to herself, none of it loud enough for Shinji to hear or understand. He didn't know why she was acting this way, but the confidence that had driven him to be there for her the night before was beginning to come forth once again, and the boy decided to ask her as soon as they got home.

Shinji's plans were foiled.

Instead of allowing him to help her out, she flung the door open, hopped out, and slammed it shut behind her, shaking the vehicle and startling both occupants left inside.

"I wonder what's gotten into her…"

He simply shrugged.

When they reached the apartment, she had already entered. One of her shoes was lying in the hallway leading to the main room, the other was a few feet from the door to her own room, which was shut. As he picked up the shoes and placed them next to his, Misato spoke.

"Shinji, I know this almost contradicts what I told you this morning… but sometimes women need time alone. I think Asuka just needs a while to cool down. I don't want to pry, but if you want a little help, don't hesitate to come to me or talk to Ritsuko. Talking to Ritsuko seemed like a more useful option, seeing as Asuka had only been upset after she and the doctor were discussing whatever it was that angered the girl. However, Misato's willingness to offer him advice, to listen to him, made him feel that much more at ease. He wasn't alone, and he sure as hell wasn't going to let Asuka suffer alone, if she would let him be with her.

"T-Thank you… Misato."

Summoning all of the willpower he had, Shinji walked to the door of the girl's room. There he stood, before the barrier, with the girl he cared about so very much just beyond it, and he found it strangely difficult to knock. Three minutes later, he issued three soft taps to the door.

"A… Asuka?"

"Not now, Shinji."

Worry washed over him instantly.

"A-Asuka? Can I uh… can I come in?"

"No. Go away."

His stomach twisted into a knot as his heart pounded within his chest.

"I… can we talk?"

"I don't want to, stupid. Now go away."

This wasn't going anywhere, he decided. Instead of talking, he listened carefully. As he suspected, she was weeping softly, quietly, but steadily. He could hear her ragged breathing, although barely, and he figured she was trying to muffle the sound.

Without warning, he slid the door open and found exactly what he expected to find. Asuka was lying on the bed, stomach down, her face buried in a pillow. With his resolve strengthened, he moved slowly toward the bed.

"As… Asuka?"

"Get out. Get out of my room."

"Y-You're crying… again."

"Shut up and get the hell out."

Her voice became venomous, and he approached quietly and sat down gently next to her shaking form as his hand moved to her shoulder.

"Asuka, I'm h-here… for…"

"I don't want you here. I want you to get out!"

She began to sob into the pillow once more.

"Asuka, talk to me… whatever it is, just-"

"GET OUT!"

As she yelled, an arm came from under the pillow and pushed him off of the bed and onto the floor. A moment later, she spoke again, this time in between sobs. Her body trembled as she strained to speak.

"Get… out… Shinji, just… just go. Just leave."

"I won't-"

"Leave me the hell alone… Shinji… I don't want you here."

"But Asuka-"

"I don't need you. I don't… want you… worthless…"

"Asuka…"

Shinji himself was close to tears. He sat unmoving, wishing that this nightmare would end. Unfortunately for him, this was no nightmare.

"I don't want to see you. I won't want you here with me. I just want you to get the hell away from me… and stay… stay away… from me."

"I won't leave-"

"I hate you. I HATE you, Shinji..." a choked sob cut her off.

"Asu…ka?"

"Just get out, Shinji… Please."

He didn't want to believe he had heard, but he himself was about to break, and if he were to do so, her room would not be the placed he wished to do it in.

"O… Okay."

She continued to sniffle quietly until he had slid the door shut. Upon doing so, he heard the volume of her sorrow increase, and as much as he wanted to rush back in and hold her, he remembered what Misato had said earlier.

He heard her voice through the barrier, and leaned in closer to listen. What he heard surprised him. Asuka was quietly calling out to him, but before his hand reached the handle to slide the door open again, she muttered the words he dreaded the most.

"Shinji Ikari. Don't love… don't love me, Shinji."

He turned to rest his back against the wall, legs suddenly unwilling or unable to support him, he slid to the floor. Face instantly buried in his hands. His own muffled cry for help. Tears dotting the floor and increasing in number.

'I… I love you.'
'You can't love her.'

'Asuka…'

"I love you… Asuka" he whispered before resting his head on his knees and hoping to whatever power controlled his fate that Misato would leave him be, at least for now.

-----------------------

The apartment was mostly silent that night, the silence broken only temporarily by a fresh batch of tears from one of the two children who occupied the residence and by the sound of one beer can after another being opened and emptied by the one woman who wanted to do so much, but could do so little for them.

Continued…

-----------------------

A/N: I know, I know, I took WAY too long with this chapter. I've been rather busy with school and other things as of late, so blame me all you want. If you haven't noticed, this chapter is significantly longer than any one of the six chapters before it. I don't know why, but my fingers just kept hitting keys as my brain sent signals to them. Honestly, I had no plan for this fic when I first started writing, and it probably shows. Oddly enough. it's coming together, at least in my eyes. I don't know how long this one will be, but I'll try not to take over a month with the next chapter. The keyword there is 'try'.

If something doesn't make sense, either get used to it or ask me.

Many thanks to my pre-reader Draknal and the readers who managed to stick with me so far.

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