"Pretty Girls Don't Cry"

A/N: Just a real quick note here. This is the beginning of my first real story in a long time. I decided enough with the short crap! I got back into the flow of things, and I've wanted to write a Spashley story with more than 2 chapters. It's about time!

Disclaimer: I don't own South of Nowhere.
Lyrics in this chapter owned by Chris Isaak.

Ashley's POV

I was in bed that morning, sick. I had a terrible case of the flu, an awful sore throat, and I could barely speak. It was nice not having to go to school though. My mom was off doing who knows what, and I had the house to myself. It was perfectly quiet, and left me time to think. And I thought about her.

She had deep sparkling eyes and charmingly golden hair. It fell to her shoulders delicately, and reminded me of honey. Every time I gazed at her, I could almost taste the sweetness of it. But that wasn't all. Everything about her seemed poetic almost. From her soft hands to her innocent lips, and it drove me crazy. It was practically destroying me not seeing her today. Spencer had the purest soul I'd ever known. She looked at the world in a different way than I did. She wasn't used to seeing the pain, only the laughter in things, and it was beautiful. She simply took in her surroundings, wide-eyed and hesitant. She spoke softly in this velvet whisper that I couldn't help but adore. She was the picture perfect example of everything I have ever ached for in my life.

Her beauty was hard for me to speak of, because it wasn't one that I fully understood. All I knew was that she embodied everything I used to be. Tragic with all hope lost, confused beyond all reason. I found that breathtaking. I saw myself in her eyes, and feared drowning in those deep blue pools if I looked too long. The day that I met her, I knew. I knew it all, and I knew it well. The story unfolded right before my eyes, and I was never surprised. I cared for her, and felt it in the core of my being. Those feelings were almost cutting, almost painful. In my heart, I craved for her attention, and needed nothing more. The moment our lips barely grazed each other, I was happier than I have ever felt in my life. It was maddening that the moment got ripped away so quickly, and I wanted more than anything to feel it again. Things were awkward now, because Spencer had to make them awkward, and it was terrible. I wanted things to be back to the way they were before. I wanted to know that things were going to work out well. I wanted her.

I didn't know if I deserved her, and I didn't know if I would ever have her in my life the way I wanted, but it was glorious to pretend. That day as I lay there in bed, I cried tears of frustration that tasted of salt and sadness. Everything needed to work itself out, and if she wasn't going to make any effort at all, then I had to.

Pretty girls don't cry, they know exactly what they want.
Pretty girls walk by, with eyes that smile, faces that haunt.
I watch them walk, I wonder, turn away,
I try but I can't find the words to say,
I know that you don't love me but I'm watching you.

Once I knew that school was over, I picked up my phone, ready to call Spencer. I gazed at my phone for a moment, mulling over my thoughts. Scrolling down to Spencer's name, I paused again. Seeing her name put a smile on my face. Sighing deeply, I clicked her name, desperately clenching my teeth as the phone rang.
She answered the phone on the second ring. ''Hello?" Spencer said sweetly. I broke out into a grin, very glad to hear her voice. I cleared my throat before I spoke.

"Hey," I choked out hoarsely. "How's my favorite girl?"
"Oh, wow. You don't sound so good. Are you sick?" Before I could answer, she went on. "I'm great, but uh, I missed you today." She said this last part a bit hesitantly.

"Yes, I happen to have the flu, and it happens to suck. A lot. But it makes me feel better that you missed me, " I let my voice drop lower before I continued. "I missed you too. "

"Aw, how sweet. I'm sorry to skip out on you, Ash, but I kinda have to go. I'll see you tomorrow, hopefully. " She hung up and I sighed, disappointed.

Little did I know Little Miss Adorable was on her way right now, forcing her brother Glen to drive her over. I had been dozing off to sleep when I suddenly felt something move. Someone was in my room. I opened my eyes and jumped up, screaming. Spencer burst into a fit of giggles, and laughed even harder when I squinted my eyes and took a moment to realize it was her. I felt a little stupid, and very embarrassed to say the least.
"Okay, how unfair was that? You lied to me, and you scared the CRAP out of me. Humph, I don't know if I like you anymore."

She pounced on top of me, knocking me back onto my bed. She wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug, and I relaxed against her.
"You liiike me. You know you do. " She flirted, running her finger along my cheek. Things were already getting back to the way they had been, and I loved every minute of it. I settled into her shoulder, before lifting my head up and looking at her carefully.

"Spence, you do realize that by being around me right now, you're most likely going to catch the flu." I reasoned, getting up and pulling her up with me.
"I don't care. I'm not sick often enough anyways. I have a great immune system. Mom feeds me lots of vegetables." She argued with a smile, putting her arms around my waist and forcing us to stand closer. I felt my face heating up as my eyes met hers.

"What do you want from me?" I asked, sounding angrier than I felt. "One minute you're afraid of me and the next, you can't keep your hands off of me. Make up your mind, Spencer. I can NOT deal with your curiosity right now, so if that is all this is, then don't waste your time on me."

"What are you talking about? I was just being friendly!" Spencer claimed, taken aback. I scoffed, shaking my head all too knowingly. "You're supposed to be here for me right now, Ashley, not yell at me for something you're imagining in your head. Yes, I am confused about my sexuality, and you know that, but that doesn't mean I want you. Even if I did, why would it matter?"

"I won't be that girl, the one you use to 'test' if you like girls or not. I can't and won't do that, because I know how that ends up. It always ends the same-- and I can't bear to put either one of us through that. I really care about you, I do. That's why I'm acting this way. I don't want us getting hurt. I don't want you getting hurt."

"I would NEVER use you like that. It's impossible for me to do that to you. I wouldn't hurt you for anything in the world. I thought you knew that. Please just understand where I'm coming from. I need someone to talk to. You just keep taking things the wrong way and you think I'm flirting with you when I'm not! So stop being so conceited. Not everything is about you."

I blinked back the tears forming in my eyes. No way would I let her see me cry. But the remark she made was really hurtful. Maybe she was right though, maybe I was reading too much into things, and there was nothing behind the things she said. I could be imagining things, even though the body language and everything she says seems to be pointing straight at GO!
"I think you're just a tease!" I shouted this out before I could stop myself. From the way she looked at me, I could tell that she didn't appreciate what I said. Spencer simply shook her head, clouds of disappointment forming in her eyes.

"I'm sorry I came here and bothered you. It was a stupid idea." Tears came streaming down her face and she ran out the door. I took off after her. I ran about 2 blocks behind her, but gave up, sinking to the ground. And I cried.

Pretty girls don't cry, they know exactly what to do.
Pretty girls walk by, but they won't ever smile at you.
I watch them walk, I wonder, turn away,
I try but I can't find the words to say
I know that you don't love me but I'm watching you.