Back to the Basics

Chapter 10

Finn walked into an all too familiar waiting room, nodded an unenthusiastic greeting to the receptionist and plopped himself down unceremoniously in one of the chairs. He picked up an out-dated magazine and began idly slipping through its glossy pages completely uninterested.

He hadn't waited more than three minutes before the door behind the receptionist's desk opened revealing a beautiful woman in her thirties. "Finn," she said tightly, "its your turn."

On any other occasion Finn knew he would have launched out an innuendo at Dr. Rebecca Elliot's greeting but he simply walked in with his head down and threw himself haphazardly on the couch.

"I'm surprised you remembered your session this week, Finn," she commented dryly as she grabbed a pad and pen before sitting in the chair across from the couch. "Where have you been? Haïti? Prague? Milan?"

Finn didn't answer. He hadn't spoken much since the funeral and he didn't think now would be the best time to start.

When it was clear that Finn wasn't about to talk Dr Elliot continued, "I've never been entirely sure why you feel the need to be in therapy. You don't show any psychotic tendencies nor do you display any need to cause a person bodily harm. The only diagnosis I could give you is you have a slight obsession with the female body. That isn't exactly shocking as you are a twenty-two year old male. So I have to ask myself 'why do you feel you need therapy?' But then I think back to our past sessions. I've listened to you rattle on and on about pranks you have pulled with your best friends, about all the girls you've bedded and I've even listened to you hit on me on more than one occasion. So, I'm thinking you are either bored, a liar or you feel you have no one to talk to. That last point makes me wonder though. You told me all about your two best friends and from I gathered you would tell them almost anything. Which brings us back to my original question: 'why are you in therapy?'"

Finn knew the reason why he was in therapy. It wasn't because he was bored. He definitely was not a liar. Her last point was closer to home than she could ever guess. It had been his parents' idea for him to go to therapy. It started when his mother was first diagnosed. Finn had been away at school at that point and his parents – mom – feared he might have trouble coping with the news so she had him see the school psychiatrist once a week. It helped. So even after his mom had gone into remission he continued to go to session and when he went off to Yale he started to see Dr. Elliot. It became a routine. He liked it.

But once again Finn did not voice this aloud.

"You know, Finn," Dr. Elliot said. "Maybe it would be best for these sessions to stop."

A look of fleeting panic crossed Finn's face.

Rebecca Elliot smirked. "I do believe it will be for the best Finn. It would enable me to offer my services to someone who actually needs it.

"My mom died!" he blurted unceremoniously out.

She looked completely taken aback, like a fish out of water even.

With replenished energy Finn jumped to his feet shaking his head frantically. "No! No!" he cried. "That is not how it is supposed to be. This isn't right! You are not supposed to look surprised at exclamations! No. No, not at all. You're supposed to act like you knew I was going to say that all along. Like your all knowing, clairvoyant you know? Then you are supposed to say things like, 'and how does that make you feel?' and 'what do you think about that?' But under no circumstances are you to look stunned." He shook his head, almost as though to calm him self. "No," he repeated, as he sunk back into the couch, "No."

"How does that make you feel?" she asked.

"Angry," Finn admitted, there was still malice evident through his thick Australian accent, "frustrated and thoroughly pissed off!"

"Good," she said, smiling in satisfaction.

"She was supposed to stay. She promised she would leave me alone. She lied," he whispered. "She lied."

Dr. Elliot sat forward. "Your mother?" she asked.

"Rory."

There was a pause. "Your best friend's ex girlfriend?"

He nodded.

"She promised she wouldn't leave me and she did!" Finn said. "Right after it happened."

"Your mother's death?"

"No!" Finn said. "It!"

Realization dawned on Dr. Elliot's face as he said, "oh that it."

"I woke up," Finn said, speaking as though he hadn't heard the therapist, "and she was gone. I remember falling asleep with her right next to me. I was safe. She was there so I was safe. Then I open my eyes expecting to see the sleeping goddess and she was gone! She wasn't there anymore."

Finn had woken up naked in his bed alone. He had expected to wake up next to her only to have the weight of reality crash down upon him. He was alone.

"She won't even look me in the eye."

He knew it was inevitable. It always was. She was off limits after all with her being Logan's ex and all. She was like an exquisite piece of art: meant for him to look at but not to touch.

The morning after their passionate night together Rory had glued herself to Colin's side. She made sure she was never alone with him. All he had gotten from her since then was one quiet, "hi." That was it.

"Why did she regret it? I didn't," he said.

"You know, Finn, even I can answer that."

He looked up at her expectancy in his eyes. "You can?"

"It isn't rocket science, Finn," she said. "Rory, from what I remember of what you told me is different from most girls you've dated. She wouldn't give up anything just to spend the night with a rich bachelor like yourself. Over the years you have told me stories of your conquests, now not only am I sure that she has not only heard these stories but has also born witness to many of them, am I wrong?"

"No."

"Tell me, when did this little affair happen?" she asked suddenly.

"In Australia after the funeral."

"Ah," she said wisely. "You, Finn, can be a real idiot."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, obviously as it was after the funeral during which I am going to assume you were completely devastated she presumed all you wanted was comfort that night and only comfort. You wanted to feel loved or at least better than you had been feeling, as this wasn't a comfort you could seek from your two male best friends you went to her or at least that is what she is most likely figuring. Additionally she is most probably convinced that it meant nothing to you."

"Oh."

"Yes," she said, "oh. Now, I think we should go back to the topic of your mother."

"My mother?"

"Yes," she hesitated. "How have you been handling all this drama?"

He looked at her, his expression blank, unfeeling.

"I've always found that speaking with a friend or a relative who has gone through a similar experience helps with the healing process," Dr. Elliot explained.

Finn nodded thoughtfully. He would take her advice and he knew exactly who to speak with.

-

"Finn, what is this about?" Colin asked as he took the seat opposite Finn.

Finn took a deep breath. He was nervous. He was going to spill his heart to his best friend. "I need to speak to you about something. Something important," Finn said quietly and slowly, sounding out each syllable.

Colin furrowed his brow. "Is something wrong?"

"No. No." Finn looked around and motioned a waiter over. "Lets order, shall we?"

"Ok," Colin said uncertainly.

When the waiter had taken their orders and left them Colin continued, "is this about Rory?"

"What? No," Finn said. "Why would this be about Rory?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" Colin retorted. "I heard you, you know?"

"Heard me what?" Finn asked quickly.

Finn's mind was in a panic. Colin couldn't actually know what went on. He couldn't. Everything was already shot to Hell but if Colin heard then Logan of course must have heard as well.

"Finn," Colin admonished. "I know. I mean you two weren't exactly quiet."

Finn's eyes widen in fear. He didn't think they had been that loud.

"Logan doesn't know," Colin said.

"Right," Finn said. "How did you know though?"

Colin chuckled. "Rory has avoided you ever since. She glued herself to my side that morning. The moment we landed from Australia she ran straight to Stars Hollow. She was a dear caught in the headlights actually. She's scared."

"Scared? Of what?"

Colin shrugged. "She was recently beaten by her boyfriend, for one. You're a known womanizer. What more explanation do you need?"

Finn cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Anyway, the reason I called you here was not that."

"It wasn't?"

"No actually," he paused as the waiter deposited their food in front of them and left. "I wanted to ask you about something."

"Shoot."

"It is a rather awkward topic, actually."

Colin rolled his eyes. "Just spit it out Finn!"

"How did you handle your mother dying?" Finn quickly spilled looking anywhere but at his friend.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well."

"Like, how long did it take you to get over it?"

"Oh, um, I don't know," Colin, stammered. "A while, I guess."

"How long is 'a while?'" Finn asked, curious.

"I don't know," he said. "Um, more than a week?"

"Be vaguer, Colin. This is serious."

"I don't know Finn. Honestly I don't know how long it took me to get over her death."

"Well, why not?"

He had to know. He had to know how long it would hurt. He had to make it hurt less. He had to.

"Why do you need to know this?"

Finn looked at him desperately. "I need to know when the pain will stop."

Colin looked at him between pity and sympathy. "I don't when I got over her death because I don't know if I ever did," Colin finally said.

Finn looked at him with a scared expression on his face. "I can't feel this pain forever Colin. I can't. I can't live with this hovering over me for eternity. Tell me it will go away!"

"Finn, I don't know what to tell you," Colin answered. "I really don't know. All I can say is the situations are very different."

"How are they different?" Finn cried. "You lost your mom now I lost mine. It's the same thing."

Colin shook his head. "No it isn't. Finn, when my mom died I was sent away to boarding school. I was never allowed to miss her, to grieve for her. I never got to say goodbye. You are allowed and you did."

Finn looked at Colin helplessly. "I miss my mom."

Colin shot him a small smile. "Me too."

-

A/N: Wow, another chapter done! Yay!