Spoiler warning: Set after end of SEED
Summary: "If only I'd been there…If only I'd destroyed the Providence earlier!" Once again, he failed to protect someone important to him.
Senpai: upper-classman, someone with more experience, usually someone to look up to
AN: I usually don't like putting foreign words in the middle of the story (except for honourifics, but that's to get the mood and relationship), but I can't really find a good enough translation for "senpai" that would have the same impact, so I left it in as is.
ONCE AGAIN
by MapleRose
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"Damn it!" the young Coordinator boy slammed his fist into the locker. His shoulders shook with the effort of keeping in his anguish.
It was over. It was finally over, this long and terrible war. It hadn't been easy on the boy's psyche, for he was forced to kill many people in order to protect people who were important to him. But in the end, he wasn't able to protect everyone, not that little girl, not Fllay's father, not Fllay, and not even him.
After landing in the Eternal's hanger, he entered the bridge. Everyone was in there, congratulating each other and crying with relief. Lacus immediately came over to him, almost knocking the breath out of him as she laughed and cried with relief.
"You came back to me Kira! Thank you!"
He smiled and held her close. "Yes, yes I did."
He was relaxed, until he noticed that something was amiss. There was a noticeable absence here. The deep voice and loud laughter of Commander La Flaga that Kira had expected to hear was missing. He was sure that he would come and congratulate him.
Kira was about to ask Captain Ramius about it, but looked around and found that she was absent as well. He was sure that she'd be here, celebrating with everyone.
It wasn't until he got back to the Archangel that he had heard what happened from Sai and Miriallia. His first reaction was disbelief. It seemed impossible that the invincible Hawk of Endymion would be defeated, for he had always been there.
Still in disbelief, he went to the Archangel hanger. His heart sank as he saw the empty space that was reserved for the Strike. Then he saw the captain, standing there, staring at the void left by the Strike.
"Murrue-san..." he called softly. She turned around at his voice, and as if embarrassed, quickly wiped the tears away, but Kira could tell by her red eyes that she'd been crying for a while.
"Kira-kun. Are you alright?" she asked, smiling softly.
Kira was a bit shocked. Here she was, crying at her loss, and asking if he was all right. At a loss for words, he merely nodded.
"That's good to hear."
There was such sadness in her eyes, that Kira had to look away. He wracked his brain for something to say, something to console her.
"I, I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to…" he trailed off.
She seemed a bit surprised at his words. "You don't have to apologize Kira-kun. You did your job well." She smiled, a bit forced.
Kira couldn't stand to stay. "Excuse me." He ran off, wandering aimlessly through the halls of the Archangel. Before he knew it, he was in the locker room.
"So tell me, you a Coordinator, kid?"
Those were the Commander's first words to him. Kira knew that he didn't mean any harm, it was just the way he was, blunt, and sometimes downright rude. And in the months that they came to know each other, they formed a unique friendship. Kira had looked up to him for guidance, and he had always looked out for him. For even though he was Kira's superior, Mwu La Flaga had never made Kira feel intimidated.
"If you've got the ability to make a difference, why not put it to good use? "
Memories flooded back to the boy. He remembered how the Commander had motivated him to fight. And to this day, Kira thought back to those words whenever he went out there. He didn't want to fight, but he reminded himself that his abilities would make a difference, and that kept him going.
He remembered his first time putting on the pilot suit, and how his senpai instructed him in the strategy, and how he had calmed his anxiety with that confident grin of his. Kira remembered how nervous and worried he was as he saw his unit low on power during his first real battle, and how his senpai had bailed him out.
"It's all over now. You're in one piece and so am I. You did a great job out there kid. "
The boy remembered how frightened he was, after docking safely from that battle, clutching tightly to the Strike's controls, and how his senpai had calmed and encouraged him.
"Whatever you do, think only of protecting yourself, and this ship."
The two of them made a formidable team, the older man with his experience, and the boy with his exceptional abilities. Together, they protected the ship in its run from Heliopolis to Orb, despite relentless pursuits by ZAFT.
He remembered the incident in the Mendel Colony, and how Mwu had warned him to not let Le Creuset's works get to him.
"Why did you follow me kid?"
Kira had answered that he wasn't about to let him go inside alone.
"Besides, what would I tell Murrue-san if you didn't come back?"
He had called him a "nosy kid" then, chuckling slightly.
Kira clenched his fists at the memory, struggling to hold back his tears.
If only I'd been there…If only I'd destroyed the Providence earlier!
The boy's fist slammed into the locker again. Once again, he failed to protect someone important to him, his senpai.
He remembered the sad look in Murrue's eyes.
What would I tell Murrue-san…
Kira didn't know.
AN: Inspiration came from that little conversation between Mwu and Kira in the Mendel Colony. I've read lots of fics out there concerning Murrue's reactions to Mwu after SEED, but none about Kira's and he would deal. I just love the brotherly relationship between Mwu and Kira, they make a great team ne?