Title: Tips For A Sucessful Mission
AKA: Why Chouji Is The Smartest Memember Of Team 10
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto and other people that aren't me. No money made, spent, or rolled in naked.

Notes: Secret Santa gift fic for gabbieisuke, as organized by angelsrequiem.

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The door to the small, book lined study opened, allowing a narrow little man in layered silk robes to enter. He carried a steaming mug in one hand and golden glass ball sealed with wax on one end in the other. Lowering himself into a chair, he put the mug to the side and carefully arranged the ball and the room's one candle near the corner of the table. A strange awareness glimmered in the man's eyes, dissimilar from his drawn down mouth and the long lines of stress etched across his forehead.

With causal, easy motions he drew out a twisted paper packet from a pillowing sleeve and emptied the contents into his mug. He sniffed the resulting combination, grimaced in exaggerated distaste, and delicately held his nose as he lifted the mug and downed it in a few swallows.

Seconds after the last drop of liquid went down his throat, the strange light left his eyes. It was as though a puppeteer's strings were cut; he sagged limp and unmoving in his chair, mug tumbling from nerveless fingers and rolling into one of the table legs. Several long moments passed and then the unconscious man's body began to jerk and spasm. Meanwhile, the shadows cast by the candle began to stretch and lengthen; moving like living flesh as they stretched across the cluttered table.

When the body finally went still, the shadows coiled their way up his frame and pulled it forward, head coming to rest on the table. One shadow twined arm swept out, knocking candle and glass ball to the floor. The fragile glass shattered, spraying the floor, bookshelves, and body in clear amber fluid. The disturbed candle flame set it ablaze with a small roar, swiftly devouring scattered papers and crawling hungrily up thin robes. It wouldn't be long before everything was engulfed.

On a garden wall, several hundred yards from the room steadily being eaten in fire, Shikamaru released the seal he'd formed and sagged back with a sigh. While he certainly appreciated the money assassinations brought the village, he couldn't find any satisfaction in completing the task.

A shout rose from the manor as the household was alerted to the flames. He counted his seconds, reviewed his main plan, and slid quietly down from the wall. It was easy enough to weave through the carefully tended and sculpted garden to the small, artistically concealed side exit. The little door was normally locked, but a copy of the key had been simple enough to acquire with Chouji hired on as temporary help for the past couple days.

Speaking of Chouji—-closing the door behind him, Shikamaru scanned the surrounding streets, spotting the Akimichi's huge frame further down the way. The advantage—though in some cases, disadvantage—of a teammate as large as Chouji was that he formed his own landmark. Ino would be with him; prolonged used of the Mind-Body Switch jutsu wore her down too much, making it more practical for Chouji to pick her up at a designated spot and carry her out.

Shikamaru kept to the concealing darkness cast by the walls and neighboring buildings, trailing his teammates unseen. Chouji walked along at a moderate pace, whistling tunelessly and supporting Ino with one arm so that she slouched sloppily on his chest. He appeared than an ordinary worker heading home from some late night drinks with his intoxicated girlfriend, oblivious to the rising shouts behind them.

This made him the oddity. Servants and attendants from the neighboring manors, as well as folk from the commercial district a few streets over, were being drawn to the commotion. A few questioned him, rightly marking him as coming from the source of the trouble. He responded to each the same way; with a causal shrug and a surprisingly sweet smile that turned up his round cheeks. "Dunno, just taking my girl home."

The second time he said this, he jumped as if pinched and Shikamaru smirked from his hidden alleyway; obviously, Ino was alert enough to protest. Another block down and they reached an area crowded enough that Shikamaru felt secure in leaving the shadows to stagger with false drunkenness to Chouji's side.

"There you are!" his teammate declared cheerfully, catching him by the back of his shirt and holding him steady when he swayed, "I was wondering where you wandered off too to when the drinking got heavy."

Shikamaru just grunted and sagged unhelpfully, playing it up in hopes Chouji would carry him the rest of the way, too. With an affectionate chuckle that was entirely unfeigned, Chouji wrapped his free arm around Shikamaru's narrow waist and effortlessly hoisted him up to drape belly down over a broad shoulder. Shikamaru shamelessly took the chance to doze the remaining half mile to their hotel.

It was a bit of a hole the wall; squashed in between two big apartment structures, but very clean and comfortable despite this. Up in their room, Chouji lowered his teammates to the bare floor and settled himself cross-legged across from them. He had to sit at the back of the room, almost in the closet that held the futons and their supplies, to keep from blocking the door.

"Well?" he asked, rummaging in a thigh pocket of his pants. His expression brightened when he discovered a somewhat squashed bag of chips.

Ino, seated next to Shikamaru with her legs folded to one side, rubbed blurrily at her eyes and swept aside the length of blonde bang that draped across her face. "That poison was strong," she said with a slight shiver, "I swear I can still feel the burn of it going down. Ugh, ugh."

"It did what it was supposed to," Shikamaru said, pausing in the middle for a yawn. "Receipts will show the target ordered the poison and kerosene bombs a few weeks ago and they'll only find his fingerprints on them. Regardless, we need to get going as early as possible tomorrow. Even if they rule it as suicide from the start, the guards will still ask questions."

The other two nodded in agreement and silence fell. Chouji tore open his bag and looked reflexively over his teammates. A small line of tension ran between Ino's brows and her washout blue eyes had a faintly haunted look in them. Beneath the scowl of bored annoyance, Shikamaru's face held the same dark glimmer.

Chouji drew free from the bag a single golden brown chip and took a deep breath to fortify himself with. "Ino," he said to get her attention, popping the chip into his mouth.

"Hm?" she murmured, releasing her hair from its ponytail to tumble like a gold waterfall over her slim shoulders.

"Has your father had a chance to meet your new boyfriend yet?" he asked, grabbing and stuffing a proper handful into his mouth.

Ino went stiff, a red blush flaring to life on her cheeks. Shikamaru roused from the half-stupor he'd fallen into. "Aaah? You got another new one? What happened to the last one you were bringing home?" He paused and his mouth stretched into a leer. "Or are there two at once?"

"Don't suggest something so indecent, you jerk!" Ino said furiously, blushing even brighter and slugging Shikamaru in the shoulder. He grunted sourly in pain. "And it isn't like that!"

"Is that a 'no'?" Chouji asked, confused and oddly disappointed. He remembered a couple weeks ago how excited she'd been that her current lover wanted to be introduced to her father. She said his willingness was a good sign of him being 'the one'.

"That's probably because she's got a couple dozen at once—ow." This time, Shikamaru was granted a solid swat to the head.

"How could you suggest that! What kind of person do you think I am?" she said, her voice growing in volume with each word. She hit Shikamaru again and pointed an enraged finger at Chouji, who instinctively lifted his hands in self-defense. "Chouji, you traitor!"

Now it was Chouji's turn to flush; had that been a secret? What sort of ninja was he, letting out someone else's secrets like that! He scrunched down against the closet, trying to make himself look as small as possible. "I am? I'm sorry, I thought – it's just, you mentioned it in front of Shikamaru too, a little while ago…"

Ino's fury wavered. "Eh…oh. Oh." A sheepish look crossed her features and she suddenly seemed very interested in the spots on the wall.

"Ah, you were talking about that last new one," Shikamaru said to Chouji, still rubbing the side of his head. He slanted a sideways look at Ino. "Who were you thinking of?"

Still not looking at them, Ino airily waved off the question. "Nothing, nothing."

The other two shared a look; Chouji baffled and Shikamaru exasperated.

"Troublesome woman," Shikamaru said, falling back onto the floor and rolling over onto his side.

"Hey! Look, I said it's not what you're thinking—-"

"Whatever. I don't care how many men you're with."

"Shikamaru!"

"...ow."

The arguing continued on in earnest, dissipating the heavy atmosphere that always lingered in the wake of a hard mission. Chouji, satisfied, leaned back against the closet shelves and smiled.

END